Prologue
A/N: This is set after season 3. Elements of season 4 involved.
Murderer.
That word. So full of emotion when said by the right person.
Especially when it's your child's first word.
How can something with so few brain cells and the incapacity to say "mummy" turn round and say a word as complex as 'murderer'.
Rita was horrified. So naturally I was too. Only on the surface you understand.
Deep down I almost felt proud.
Maybe it's a sign of what's to come? Years of teaching Harrison how to hide fingerprints, how to handle a blade, how to be normal...
Maybe it's wrong I should even think of teaching him the Harry Code. He's going to be a child in a perfect family unit. No bloodbath murders in front of him. Not even bath murders. Or his mother falling to death. Or his father being bludgeoned. Do I really need to connect with my son in such an extreme way?
Yes.
"Astor."
Uh-oh. Rita vs. Astor Round 1 of the day.
"What?"
Imaginative comeback.
"Haven't I told you to watch what you say around your brother? He could pick up anything you say."
I never took that so seriously. It could have been worse. At least Harrison didn't put 'Daddy' in front of 'Murderer'. That would have been...awkward.
"I havent' said anything like that around him mom."
Nice. 'Mom'. She's appealing to the heart.
"Then where do you expect me to believe he learnt it from? Cody?"
Possibly.
"Dexter."
Ouch.
"Dexter? Astor don't say such things, Dexter wouldn't say things like that around a baby."
Of course not...
"Really?"
Astor knows too much.
"Astor. Go to your room."
Parents.
"UGH. FINE. Why do parents never listen?!"
Children.
"Dexter. You haven't...have you?"
I love how Rita always makes it clear what she means. I've never known a human to use an ellipsis so many times during speech. Rita deserves a trophy.
"Have what?"
Insert innocent angel Dexter face here.
"Now's not the time for jokes Dexter. This is serious."
Oh yes. Deadly serious.
"Of course not. He's probably just picked it up from a TV show or a movie, you know what TV's like these days. They'll be showing guys as forensic experts by day and murderers by night soon probably."
Ha.
"That's not funny."
Well I thought it was.
"Oh."
Rita pulls one of her exasperated "please grow up" looks. With an essence of death glare...Am I meant to be finding that attractive? Maybe I do have feelings after all.
"Dexter I have to go pick up Cody from Jasper's party. Can I trust you with Harrison for a while?"
Change of subject. Good idea.
"Of course you can." Insert innocent angel Dexter face again.
"Right. Ignore Astor if she comes whining. And Dexter?" Ah. There goes the look again. But the death glare is replaced "I'm counting on you don't let me down" looks. Now that's worrying.
"Yes?"
"Watch what you say around Harrison."
Is that it? Never mind keep your chainsaws away. Keep your blades away. Make sure he doesn't tie you up to a table with plastic covering...
"Will do."
I display my best "you can depend on me" look.
Rita doesn- wait did she just twitch?
She's really getting to know my character...
I should be more careful when I lie.
Rita's left.
Time for male bonding.