AN: Last week, I left my place and my iPod shuffled a certain song. Instantly I knew, knew that this was one of the most fitting songs for Lizzington and a fic started to form in my head. This is new territory for me, let's see how it goes. Special thanks to wonderful redisthenewblackington for being the most amazing beta ever!
Disclaimer: I do not own TBL. Credits for the song go to Lenny Kravitz.
I'll Be Waiting
"You look tired, sweetheart," he said. "Why don't you get some sleep?"
Liz stretched and shot him a small smile. "If I go to sleep now, I'll be up all night."
"Then just relax. Listen to some music, rest your eyes."
"Are you trying to get rid of me?"
He gave her a pointed look. "Right. That must be the reason."
"Well, you could've just said so, then," she told him with a wink, showing him that it was all just fun. She walked past him and then turned, touching his arm to get his attention. "Get me in an hour? And wake me if I fall asleep."
"Of course."
"I mean it, Red. I will be so mad if I can't sleep tonight, and you will be the one on the receiving end of my wrath."
The Concierge of Crime chuckled, his eyes sparkling with humor. "Can't have that. Have a good rest, Lizzie."
She squeezed his arm and continued walking towards the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. They had been sharing a bed for some time now, since they didn't always have the luxury of separate ones, let alone separate rooms. At first, Red had insisted on sleeping on the couch, but then one time there hadn't been a couch, and so he'd made his bed on the floor. Liz stepped in. It was bad enough knowing that his back was hurting from sleeping on the couch. She didn't want to know what sleeping on the floor would do.
They'd had a small argument when Liz wanted to sleep on the floor herself, after seeing the internal struggle that Red seemed to have. He would absolutely not let her take the floor, he had said. Several minutes into a heated discussion, Liz had gotten back into the bed and flung a pillow at him, ordering to get in as well and leaving no room for argument.
He had taken his time getting under the covers and had then turned onto his side, looking at her.
"What?" She asked after a while of uncomfortable silence.
"Nothing," he replied.
She turned, mirroring him. "Spill it." Red couldn't help but smile. The longer they were together, the more inclined she seemed to get to know him, to know what he was thinking. The smile slowly slipped off his face. "What is it, Red?"
He sighed, knowing that she wouldn't let him retreat from this. "I'm sorry. I never wanted this for you. Any of this."
"Don't say that."
"It's true, Lizzie."
"No," she replied vehemently. "The way I see it, I would be dead if not for you." He opened his mouth, but she stopped him, covering his hand that was lying on the covers between them. "Don't. I really don't want to get into this right now." He nodded, keeping his mouth shut. "Goodnight, Red," she said, not letting go of his hand.
Feeling emboldened he used his free hand to gently stroke her arm. "Goodnight, Lizzie."
She shook her head, smiling at the memory, and settled onto the bed, taking her book and iPod with her. Putting in the ear buds, she pressed shuffle and let the music soothe her as she started looking for the passage she had left off.
Twenty minutes into reading, she was pulled out of her thoughts upon hearing familiar lyrics.
He broke your heart
He took your soul
You're hurt inside
'Cause there's a hole
She had always been a sucker for songs she could relate to. And she could. Tom had hurt her so badly. He had lied to her, cheated on her, held a gun to her head. The pain of betrayal had cut her deeply.
You need some time
To be alone
Then you will find
What you've always known
Liz didn't know if she would ever truly recover. How did one deal with the realization of having lived a lie for so long?
I'm the one who really loves you, baby
I've been knocking at your door
Her breath hitched at the words. Here was Lenny Kravitz, singing to his love about how she had been hurt so badly by the man who had pretended to love her, while the one who truly did was practically in front of her. The scene was more than familiar.
As long as I'm living
I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing
I'll be there
Whenever you call me
I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me
I'll be there
I've seen you cry
Into the night
I feel your pain
Can I make it right?
I realize there's no end in sight
Yet, still I wait
For you to see the light
What were the chances of her iPod shuffling this exact song, out of the 6,000 others she had on there, at this time in her life? It felt like he was singing about the triangle between Tom or Jacob or whatever name he was going by now, herself, and Red. If Tom was the guy that had hurt her, had broken her heart and shattered her soul, then Red was the one that…
She was reading too much into this, she was sure of it, but she couldn't stop herself from going down that path. Her thoughts drifted to how she had come to him after finding out Tom had lied to her, how he had sat her down on his couch and played her the Anniversary Waltz, after having worked countless hours on repairing the music box. How he had taken her in his arms; she had felt so safe against his broad chest.
He had always been there when she needed him, had talked to her on the phone in the very least.
I'm the one who really loves you, baby
I can't take it anymore
Before she knew what was happening, fat, hot tears were running down her cheeks as she tried her hardest not to let any sound escape her throat. Her book was long forgotten, lying face down on the blankets, as she wrapped her arms around herself. He did love her, everything he did was for her, wherever she went, whatever he said, she was always on his mind. She knew that. She knew what he was risking for her, how he didn't care if he died, as long as she was safe. It had taken a stupid love song for her to realize how real his feelings for her were.
You are the only one
I've ever known
That makes me feel this way
Girl, you are my own
Did she make him feel the same way that he made her feel? Did butterflies go crazy inside his tummy whenever he saw her? Did he lie awake at night, staring into darkness, content to listen to her even breathing? Was she the only one for him just as he was the only one for her?
She reached over and snatched his pillow, holding it close to her chest and burying her nose into it. His scent hit her nostrils and her eyelids fluttered closed as warmth spread through her body. It always happened like that; he just had to walk by, to let her take in a whiff of something that could only be described with one word: Red.
I want to be with you
Until we're old
You've got the love you need
Right in front of you
Please, come home
He was. He was right in front of her, but all she did was push him away. He didn't deserve that, not in the least. She had been so awful to him and he would reply with nothing but love and affection for her. A loud sob broke from her and suddenly the mattress dipped and she found herself enveloped in a pair of strong arms. She didn't open her eyes, didn't want to see the pity in his eyes. Ever so gently, he pulled the ear buds from her ears, before tucking her head under his chin.
"It's alright, sweetheart, it's alright," he soothed, running his arms up and down her back as he pressed a kiss on top of her head.
They sat in silence for a moment, an occasional hiccup leaving her now and then as she tried to keep any more potential tears at bay. She could still hear the music playing, and it made a shiver run through her.
"What's wrong, Lizzie?"
She shook her head, choosing not to answer, and wrapped her own arms around him, hugging tight enough to make it hard to breathe.
"I know this must be extremely hard on you. I'm sorry. I should've been there for you and I wasn't. I was so busy trying to take care of our situation that I didn't take a moment to ask if you were alright. Of course this is getting to you, but I promise that it will get better and I promise you I'm here if you need me."
She shook her head. "That's not it," she managed to say.
He pulled back his head and cupped her face in large hands, wiping at her tear streaked cheeks. "What then, mhm?"
"I… you… I just… I don't… but then you… And I…" She knew she was rambling, but somehow she couldn't string two coherent sentences together.
"Shhh, sweetheart. It's alright. I promise you, I won't leave you alone. As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there," he finished, not knowing what that last line would do to her. Another sob ripped from her and she flung herself against his chest again. He was at a loss. He had never seen her like that and he didn't know what to say to make it better, because whatever he did say, only seemed to make her cry more.
"I'm so sorry, Red," she sobbed into his chest, her tears soaking through the fabric of his shirt. "I've been so bad…"
He pressed a kiss to her head. "You're just trying to survive. You're not bad, sweetheart, you never could be."
"No… not… not that," she hiccupped. "To you."
"To me?" He asked, slightly puzzled.
She nodded, her breath hitching. "And then… that song… and I… oh god, Red."
Tightening his arms around her form, he thought for a moment. "You're scaring me, Lizzie. What are you talking about? What song?"
She turned her head slightly, so that her forehead was resting against his neck, her breath ghosting over the little scar there. Wiping the back of her hand over her eyes, she grabbed the iPod, offering him the ear buds. He was confused, she could see, but he took the offered item without question, putting only one of them in. A shiver ran through her and so he nuzzled her hair with his nose, stroking over her back, as he waited for whatever she was going to show him now.
No one could say that Raymond Reddington didn't catch on quickly. Closing his eyes, he sighed, letting the lyrics wash over him.
I'm the one who really loves you, baby
He swallowed hard, trying to get the big lump out of his throat. Turning his head slightly, he pressed his cheek against hers, feeling her hot tears against his skin. "I didn't mean to make you cry," he said, his voice sounding off, somewhat strained and lower than usual.
Leave it to him to blame himself for yet another thing he wasn't to blame for. "No," she croaked. "You're great… and I'm such a bitch."
He made a displeased noise in the back of his throat and she could feel the vibration from where she was resting against his chest. "Don't ever call yourself that again."
She tightened the hand that had a death grip on his shirt, telling him without words that she appreciated what he said. "Am I right though?" She asked softly. "Are you?"
Red tensed slightly. He didn't want to shed the last piece of armor, but he knew that he would never lie to her and that she deserved an answer. "Yes."
Another shiver ran through her and he wasn't sure whether it was because of shock or something else entirely. He couldn't suppress a shiver of his own when he suddenly felt her lips against the round pinkish scar and his eyelids fluttered closed.
"Am I the only one you've ever known that makes you feel this way?" She asked as if she knew that these exact lyrics were being sung right now. "Am I your own?"
"Yes," he breathed.
The fingers of her free hand were now gently caressing the back of his head and Red had to refrain from moaning at the feeling. That, combined with the fact that when she spoke, the corners of both their mouths were slightly touching, almost made his heart jump out of his chest.
"Do you want to be with me?"
He turned his head then, catching her lips with his, trying to show her just how much he wanted that. She kissed him back immediately, her fingers tugging on his short hair as she moaned into his mouth. Somehow she had managed to move them, so that her back was resting on the mattress, with him covering her smaller form, while never breaking their connection. After long moments they parted slowly, and Liz opened her eyes to see him looking intently at her. His lids were half-mast, the partially hidden pupils blown, making his eyes look almost black. They were both panting and she enjoyed the feel of his body on top of hers, so she arched her back to press her chest against his, hoping he would catch the drift. He did, of course he did, and so he carefully lowered more of his weight onto her.
Red gently nudged her nose with his, a smile tugging at his lips. "Yes, Lizzie, yes. Until we're old."
She grinned up at him, her eyes sparkling with happiness. Wrapping her legs around him, she crossed them at her ankles and pulled him even closer against her, moaning at the way a certain part of him was twitching against her. "Mine."
"Yours," he replied, before taking her mouth in another passionate kiss, showing her that she was just as much his as he was hers.