Author's Note: Among the millions of people around the world, what are the chances you would meet the one person whose heart is destined to be yours? Is there really such a thing as love? What are the chances you would make a believer out of someone who sells false love? Gravitation is not mine nor are the characters, this is an original fiction with characters borrowed from the manga by Murakami sempai. If you don't like the fiction or BL or Boy's Love please don't read this nor condemn me to eternal misery with your woes about not liking my fiction. That's just it, fiction and I said, it's mine not the characters nor Gravitation.
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It was done after five minutes, he pounded on me and released his seed inside my body, I fake a groan as he rolled over and stood up. He is seventy years old and I'm his favorite toy. I pretended to be tired and feigned sleep. I watched him through slit eyes. He just put on his clothes and took money out of his pocket and dumped it on the table. I automatically put the pillow on my face as I knew systematically what was coming, he leaned over and planted a kiss on my hair since the pillow is on my face. He didn't even bother to wash the semen off his body. I held my breathe till I knew he will straighten up.
"I love you, Yuki. See you next week. " he said and went out of the door.
I waited a few more minutes and ran to the bathroom and heaved. No matter what I do, I really can't stand the smell of him. He reeks of strong after shave cologne to disguise that he never showers, even the chewing gum that he chew constantly cannot hide his foul smelling mouth. My knees grew weak, turned on the shower until it runs scalding water. And I stood there to wash away everything he touched, bite and branded. I don't mind the sex, it's my job. I just wish there would be someone better than him, you know, one who showers and brush his teeth before we do it? But Don was the best customer I have, he is an Irish Norwegian, bad temper and stubborn as a mule. But right now, he is the only one that makes me survive each day and live somehow. I'm an orphan and the street is my school, it taught me about life and how to survive. This is were I met Tohma, my pimp, he was the one who introduced me to this kind of job at the age of 13, he raped me. He taught me every technique there is to know to please and satisfy a person, where to leave a mark, where to kiss, how to groan, how to lick, how to make eye contact, how to touch and where to touch.
At the age of 15, I'm the best there is, clients are always asking for Eiri Yuki, Tohma's golden boy. I give the best blow jobs. My tongue is my best asset. But some says its my eyes. I'm a Japanese bastard, borne out of lust, my father hated me and tried to kill me five times before the neighbors took pity of me and took me away and put me in an orphanage. He said, I am the reason why mother left, my light hair and golden eyes was mistook me for being sired by another man, so they fought constantly until my mother couldn't stand it anymore and left. I escaped the orphanage, even at a young age, I was often teased for my different look, they always ask me if I'm really Japanese. I beg for food, raided trash bins, steal from the market, anything to survive, and the least person I should have stolen from was Tohma Seguchi, he became my lover at first, after torturing me from trying to mug him, he would beat me everyday with a whip and would just feed me water and a piece of stale bread, even the dogs at his house had a square meal. I grew weak, and that broke my spirit, I have always considered myself strong but with this kind of torture, Tohma won and he's got his prize, a slave for life.
I was meeting a client in one of the buildings, I waited outside, smoking. I met him outside, "Why don't you go in with me for a bit, Yuki san?" he asked, he is another regular of mine, 40 something male who's got the lust for young men. But the funny thing about this guy, we always meet in church before we drive to a motel and do it. He lights a candle for his wife who is under a coma in a hospital, and then he goes with a young man to a motel and smacking do it with them.
"No, I will just wait for you here." Fishing for my cigarette in my pocket. He shook his head and went inside.
Tsk…I said under my breathe and dragged on my smoke.
"Don't you know that second hand smoke is more dangerous to people around you than the smoker?" A voice said, behind me.
Another one of those robed guys in white, he's probably a priest but he looks so young to be one. And pink hair, is that for real?
"It's a free country, the last time I heard. And you're the one standing beside me, I'm just here at the corner." I replied, dragging on my smoke to piss him off.
The priest looked at me, smiled, so it was just his ploy to get me to talk to him. I often see him either in church or playing the piano organ (I put piano, so it won't be too misleading. pun intended though. lol!) during one of their practices.
He sucks. Zero talent. He should just sing. I observed.
"Is that your father inside?" he asked.
I chortled, almost choked on my cigarette fumes.
"Hell, he ain't mine." I replied.
"Don't you know it's bad to curse?" he said, reprimanding me, shaking a finger at me.
"I don't believe in religion, priest so go preach it to someone else." I said, with a smirk.
I'm getting exasperated with this priest who thinks he knows it all, what is he taking so long. "Can you call the guy I'm with, I got another client in an hour." I told the priest.
He blushed, "I'm not a priest, I'm still studying to be one." He said, bowing his head. "Why don't you go inside and get him, maybe join him in a prayer." He said.
"People like me are condemn to go in places like this, I'm just asking a favor, its not such a hard task." I said, irritated now.
"God doesn't judge you nor condemn you, he welcomes everyone in his house and he forgives everything, just as long as you atone for them, he forgives and gives second chances." He said.
"Well, you're doing a good job, I bet they are going to make you a priest soon, just don't play the organ anymore, you suck." I said, crushing the butt of my cigarette just in time my client walked out of the church. "Later." I said, and gave him an absent-minded wave.
What nerve! The boy seethed, and then he realized what he was doing, he crossed himself and said a prayer before going inside the church.
I couldn't forget the boy in the church I talked to, as I do my thing with this church-going client, he was on my mind, and it's making it difficult for me to concentrate on my work. His pink hair and face kept popping in my head, he's got the sweetest face I have ever seen, so kind and gentle looking, like an angel.
Later when I was sharing a smoke with my client, I asked him about religion. Why he's got the nerve to go inside the church before going to bed with me. And he told me his life story, he loves his dying wife, and his wife had already asked him to move on and find another wife even before she dies, and he didn't have the heart to find another woman, he felt guilty once when he went with another woman although it was his wife who was urging him to find his happiness, to find someone who will fill the gap that she will leave behind. He end up with a man before, and he didn't feel as guilty as he were before, for him he is still faithful to his dying wife, and still finding release for his tension that is building up. That's why he goes to church every time before meeting me, he prays constantly that his wife will live another day, another hour with him. Because he can't bear to live without her. Before we parted ways, he introduced himself to me, we've known each other for a year now, ever since his wife was diagnosed with cancer. Ram.
His name is Ram.
After that day with the boy and Ram, my life changed. I began turning down clients and it got Tohma curious. When I'm not giving him enough of his cut.
"Are you sick or something, Eiri?" he asked.
I feigned fatigue, "I don't feel too well, Tohma sama, I was wondering if I could get some time off and go to a doctor and have a rest." I replied.
He felt my forehead, good thing I just been outside and I was still a little warm. He wasn't convince but he did let me go and gave me some money to get medication.
The next day, I went with Ram and met his wife, and listened as they have their prayer vigil for the wife. His wife was a lovely woman even though she is pale looking. She is already in a coma but Ram still talk to her as if she is still awake and listening to him. I almost cried, especially when they prayed over me, to get rid of the burden I'm carrying in my chest.
I wanted to see the boy, the next day I saw him pruning some flowers at the
garden.
"You're not smoking, how come?" he said, looking up when he saw me walk up to him.
"I'm trying to quit." I said, simply and blushed. He just smiled, as if he knew it took effort for me to say that.
He stood up from his position and invited me over to sit with him by the shade. He had a pitcher of juice and two glasses, as if he was expecting company.
"I was hoping I would see you again." The boy said, his pink hair, glistening under the afternoon sun, when he leaned over and handed me my glass, I smelled strawberries.
"Why?" I asked, curiously. "You miss me, huh?" I teased, with a smirk, reaching for a lollipop. He smiled at my cigarette substitute. I was embarrassed to take it out but I'm itching for a smoke so I suck on a sucker to pacify my need.
"What did you mean by people like you are not welcomed inside the church?" he asked.
"Do you know what I do? Do you know what I am?" I asked, peering at his face. He shook his head.
"I'm an escort, priest." I said. For some reasons he wasn't shock.
He smiled gently, "I'm not a priest yet, you can call me Shuichi, or Brother Shuichi." He said, reaching for my hand.
Shuichi. I like the sound of his name, it rolls on my lips like chocolate. Shuichi.
I looked at it for awhile and shook it. "Yuki. My name is Yuki." I said. How come I find it so easy to talk to him?
Days followed after that, I would drop in on him when I got off with my regulars, I decided to get back to my routine, Tohma said he's gonna kill me if I don't give him enough money. Shuichi didn't say anything, we don't talk about my work when we were together, we talk about a lot of things except that. He must have known I got no choice.
I learned so much about my new friend, and appreciate having him. He is my comfort, my solace. That I still have something worth saving even though I know I'm the one finding it hard to forgive myself.
I was with a client when Shuichi called, I wasn't gonna answer it, but it lifted my mood. When I saw it was him.
"Hey." Out of breathe, jumping in the bathroom quickly and locking the door.
"Are you busy?" he asked shyly.
I blushed, if you only knew what I just finished doing. "Nawww….I'm about to get home. Where you at?" I asked.
"I-I was gonna invite you tomorrow, I got the week off." He said, I could almost picture him getting red in the face.
I chortled, "Stay there, give me an hour, I'm gonna pick you up." I said.
So tomorrow is his birthday, and he's spending it with me. I need to get him something special before picking him up.
I walked in the bedroom, spread the man's legs, "I got something extra for you, but it comes with a special price." I said, looking at my client seductively as I give him a daring lick, he moaned. I got my answer.
He said they have a vow of poverty, not get used to anything material, I was contemplating what I could give that it won't be too much for him. I was cruising by the stores when I spotted some cute bunny sleepers with a matching coffee mug. Yes, that's it. Something practical and it won't be too much. I added a nice shirt with it.
My phone rang just as I parked behind the church, it's Tohma. I turned it off. Better swing by the money before going somewhere with Shuichi.
I felt a lump in my throat when I saw him. It's not the first time I saw him in his street clothes, but maybe because we're not strangers anymore. He's got a duffel bag with him, I wondered where he is staying.
"Hi, Yuki kun." He greeted, shyly, with that cute smile.
I grinned which is rare for me. "Hi, Shui chan. Ready to go?" I asked, reaching for his bag. He nodded.
When he got his seat belt on, I told him I need to drop off something first before we go out for dinner. I left him in the car.
Tohma was so happy to see me, "Eiri! Good that you're here, I got a party of two waiting for you at the Old Inn." He greeted.
"I can't tonight, Tohma, I got someone with me, he's waiting in the car." I said, panicking, hoping that my pimp is in a good mood to give these clients to Hiro or Suguru.
"Oh, a client?" he asked, curiously, peering at the window, trying to see who is in my car.
"N-No…a friend. H-He just got in town and spending a few days with me." I lied, I don't know what Shuichi's plans are.
"A boyfriend?" he asked, anger burning in his eyes as he gripped my arm. I yelped on the pain. Fear sets in.
"N-No! He's—He's a holy man, a would-be priest, a child hood friend of mine." I said, trying to convince him.
"Are you trying to be religious, Yuki? You don't think they are burning your soul in hell now for what you do?" he asked with a sarcastic laugh. "Get rid of him and do what I ask, remember I am your god and no one else. You listen only to me." He said.
I was still trying to talk my way out of going out tonight, that even though I gave him extra, he wouldn't let me. I said I will drop off my friend at the house and then go back. I just needed to get Shuichi out of here before Tohma decided he wanted to meet my childhood friend. I sprawled on the floor when he punched me in the gut and started hitting me with his cane.
"You liar! Liar! You think you're so indispensable now so it got to your head!" he shouted at me while hitting with a cane. He only stopped when I passed out.
Suguru and Hiro carried me to the car when Tohma had a visitor, slipping me through the kitchen.
"You drive Niichan home, I will distract Tohma." Suguru said, in a whisper as they lay down the still unconscious Yuki at the back of the car. Shuichi was watching wide-eyed.
"Wh-What happened to Yuki kun?" he asked. The two boys looked at the passenger and blinked. They didn't know that Yuki had someone with him.
"Umm…it's nothing, just let Yuki explain it to you when he wakes up. I'm Hiro and this is Suguru, we're friends of Yuki. I will drive you to Yuki's place, can you stay with him?" Both boys looking at the younger one. Shuichi nodded.
Suguru rushed back to the house when he heard Tohma screaming.
Hiro kept looking at the boy sitting next to him in front of the car. Shuichi was saying his rosary while they were driving. Hiro shook his head in disbelief, Yuki has some weird clientele. But Yuki had been a big brother to the both of them and had defended them every time Tohma would get mad at them and start hitting them like what happened just now. So this is their way of showing their gratitude.
Shuichi helped Hiro carried Yuki in the house, Yuki has another house that Tohma didn't know about, this is where he took him. Tohma would be furious and would be looking for his golden boy at the old apartment he got him but he would cool down, he doesn't stay angry at Yuki, he is his favorite toy after all. Because Yuki was the first and the son that he never had.
Hiro handed Shuichi the keys to the car, "Stay with him and please take care of him. He's a good guy." Hiro said.
Shuichi smiled, "I know, I will take care of him, don't worry."
For some reasons, Hiro knew that Shuichi is not one of Yuki's client, Yuki wouldn't be crazy enough to bring his clients over to his pimp's house, he knew that this boy is special to Yuki, that's why he knew he will take care of the older man.
When Hiro left. Shuichi locked the door and walked over to Yuki. He saw the bruise on his arm and the cut on his forehead. He went to find the bathroom and got some towels and bandages.
Who would do such a thing? Shuichi asked himself as he washed and bandaged the sleeping man. He tried every drawer in the room until he found some clean shirt for Yuki. He gasped and almost cried when he saw scars and bruises, some old and some new ones, little ones, unnoticeable but you would know that they are bruises.
Yuki groaned and moaned when the towel bathe his face. He must have touched a bruised. Shuichi left him to fix something to eat when he wakes up. He went to the kitchen and started rummaging through the pantry.
Yuki woke up with the aroma of something cooking, he tried to get up but he stopped short when he felt the bruise where Tohma kicked him. He laid back down. After a few minutes, he saw Shuichi walk in the room with a tray of food.
"Oh, you're awake." He said, and smiled. "I hope you don't mind if I took over your kitchen, I figured you'd be hungry when you wake up." He said.
That's when I realized I'm home, how did I get here. As if the boy knew what I was thinking, "Your friend Hiro drove us here and asked me to stay and take care of you."
Shuichi replied.
"Y-You don't have to stay, if you've got plans." I said, I was happy he stayed.
Shuichi smiled as he sat down beside me, "No, I would like to spend my birthday with you." Shuichi said. I ruffled his hair.
"Get us a couple of beers in the fridge and join me for dinner, let's celebrate it now, it's morning anyway." I said, glancing at the clock, it's midnight. "Happy Birthday, Shu chan." I said.
Shuichi bowed and smiled. "Thank you, Yuki kun." He said, and blushed.
He got up and went back to the kitchen. When he went out I reached in my drawer got some uppers, I know I'm trying to redeem myself from all the sins I have done in my life, and taking drugs is not one of them, but just for these moments with Shuichi I want to be able to enjoy it to the fullest.
After a few minutes, after we had our dinner and beer, we played some video games, I was feeling better, the drugs were numbing the pain. I left him sprawled on the floor, beating aliens and robots.
"Be right back." I said, ruffling his hair, after a couple of beers, it loosened both of us, we acted now as if we've known each other all our lives, gone are the awkwardness and the shyness that's barricading us from getting really close.
I got the gifts from the trunk of the car and the birthday cake which miraculously survived Hiro's manic driving.
I lighted the candle and began singing Happy Birthday with the lighted cake in one hand and my gifts in the other.
We were having so much fun, it was almost 1:30am when Shuichi laid sleepily beside me in the bed, I reached for the remote and turned off the TV, clapped my hands and lights went out, he moaned in his sleep and snuggled closer to me, I smelled strawberries again. I gathered him in my arms and closed my eyes, basking in his warmth.
I was having a bad dream when I felt Shuichi shaking me, "Yuki kun, Yuki Kun, wake up." He soothe. I dreamt that Tohma found us and he was gonna kill Shuichi, I was drenched in sweat and was shaking, I found Shuichi sleepily shaking me awake still in my arms.
I didn't know what I was thinking, I was so relieved that it was a dream, when he reached out to put a sleepy hand on my chest, I knew he could tell that my heart was pounding, "You're soaked," he said, sleepily and got up, pulling me up and removed my shirt.
That's when I leaned closer and captured his lips. He resisted at first. They all do, but I grabbed him, and he fell weakened in my arms, as I felt him grew hard under my expert hand. And after some heavy kissing, he was groaning under me. When we lay spent and satisfied, the boy sleeping in my arms, that's when I cried. How could I do that to him? After all he had done for me, I did this to him, took advantage of his weakness and raped him. I cried myself to sleep, holding on to his warmth, thinking it would be the last time I would hold him like this.
When I woke up, I was alone. I groaned, feeling the bad hangover and yes, my body muscles aching now that the drug wore off. I wasn't surprise to find myself alone in bed. Last night was probably the last night I would have something so wonderful happen again, that last night, I made love with an angel.
I gave out a frightened squeaked when the angel of my dreams materialized by the door with a tray of food, "Ohayo Yuki kun!" he greeted with a blush. He already showered and changed his clothes, while I was a bit embarrassed that I was still naked under the sheets.
"I-I thought you already left." I said shyly, when he sat down next to me and placing the tray of food on his lap.
"W-Why would I do that?" he asked, spooning some congee and blowing on it to make it a little cold for me to eat.
"B-Because I forced you last night." I said, in a small voice, my face downcast from the shame. "I would understand if you hate me, Shu chan, I am the lowest of the low." I said.
He put down the spoon and placed the tray on the table and faced me, he cupped my face in his hand gently, our eyes meet, "Yuki kun. I could stop you if I wanted to, I could have fought you harder, but I didn't because I wanted it, too." He said, softly.
It took me a couple of minutes before I comprehended what he said, "B-But, I violated you, the creed you believe in?" I said.
He leaned closer and kissed me gently, soft as a feather, I could have swooned. My heart fluttering in my chest.
"That's one of the reasons why I am here with you, Yuki Kun. I talked to my Father Superior, and told him the dilemma I am going through, my mixed feelings for you. And instead of condemning me, he told me to follow where my heart leads me, if life of the church is not for me, I can serve God in other ways." Shuichi said, touching my hand.
"W-Why me? Why of all people why did you choose me, Shu? I'm dirt, I'm unworthy of anything regarding you, I'm filthy, not pure and not even worthy being this close next to you." I said, as a tear threatened to fall down my face.
"Didn't I tell you about God, Yuki kun? That God does not judge you for what you are and what you've become, I know your job, I know what you are, and I don't judge you, I know you did all these things to survive. You didn't harm other people, you didn't kill but you risk yourself sometimes for your friends. And that's enough reason for me to look at you and know the real you." Shuichi said.
And he took the tray again, and started to serve me the congee. "Now you need to get well, you promised me last night you will take me places." He said, with a smile.
My face lit up, "You mean you're staying with me?" I asked, couldn't believe that he had accepted my offer of living here for awhile when he's finish with his studies. He nodded. I hugged him excitedly I almost knock down the tray of food.
I thought if I disappear Tohma would move on and forget about me, either train Suguru or Hiro in my place. It was months that Shuichi and I are living together, he had finished his vocation but instead of entering priesthood, he got a job in a school, teaching Theology. I had enough money saved and started a small retail store downtown. I threw away the mobile phone that Tohma gave me, and started a new life with Shuichi. And I thought this is it, this is the real life, you spend it with someone you love with every fiber of your being, that's how Shuichi is to me.
But I guess, I need to atone for my sins. And fate brought me back to meet the face of my past that sometimes even haunt me in sleep.
Shuichi was getting some of the shirts and new stocks in the trunk when I came face to face with Tohma.
I was frozen in place, I just stood there, looking at him. "Eiri, it's so nice to see you. I see that married life suits you." He said, sarcastically eyeing Shuichi whose back turned towards us. Out of instinct I shielded him with my body.
I was gonna reason out with him, Shuichi turned and looked at the man I was talking to, "Yuki han, let's…" his sentence broke off when he saw Tohma, he was about to say something when Tohma took out his gun and aimed for my heart, Shuichi jumped in front of me, "Yuki watch out!" he shouted…his last words before the air was broken with a loud bang.
Shuichi's lifeless body slumped in my arms.
Tohma smiled coldly, "I told you I was gonna kill you if you leave me, Yuki. But I guess, killing your lover is a lot better to make you suffer the same way you did to me, when you left without any word." He said, casually put the gun in his pocket and walk away.
"Shuichi! Shuichi! Why did you do that, baka!" I cried, holding him tighter to me.
"Yuki…" he called to me in a weak and small voice.
"Hold on, darling, hold on, I will take you to the hospital." I said, gathering his light body in my arms, but he stopped me.
"It's okay, Yuki. It's okay. I'm glad that I saved you." He said. I cried harder.
" Saved me for what? To live without you? Tell me how am I gonna live now, Shui? I can't live without you. You're all I ever live for." I said, kissing his cold lips.
"Live for me, my love. Live for me. That's all I want from you. Live each day as if I'm there sharing them with you." He said. I held him tight, feeling and absorbing his last warmth.
He touched my face, touched my lips, "Promise me, you will move on and live for me." He said. "Promise me."
"I-I promised, Shui han, I will live each other day for you, I would dedicate every waking moments thinking its all for you, until we see each other again." I replied.
He smiled. "I'm glad." He said, tugging at my shirt, I leaned closer and kissed him passionately for the last time, "I love you, Eiri Yuki, until my last breathe and until my next life." He said.
"I love you Shu han, from now and until the rest of my life, I will keep on finding you in everything I do, and everything I see. I would live until I see you again." I said, kissing his lips for the last time.
The emptiness lifted, somehow, I didn't feel sad anymore. But whatever that had happened from the moment I met him until now, I do believe that he is the one person destined to love me, and I, him. He is the person that my heart is beating for, living for. There's nothing in this world I would want more, than this angel in my arms. I love you Shui han, see you in the next life.
Owari