Obsession
Prologue
I have a confession to make.
Now sense I can't in my right mind talk to any one about this, writing it in this journal is the next best thing. Okay so here we go...
My name is Hermione Granger top healer at st Mungo's hospital and I have an obsession with a bloke. Before I continue, this isn't just some new obsession that just started. No, this goes way back.
It was second year, and I remember trying to make my way to the library to try and figure out what kind of creature was in the chamber of secrets. Just as I was about to round another corner I heard whispering, curious I slowed down to take a peek. It was then I saw them. They were slightly hidden behind one of the statues off to the side, but I had a perfect view of them. Her back was leaning up agents a wall and she was staring up at him smiling shyly. Before I new what I was doing I hexed her just as his face was getting closer to hers. I still remember vividly her screaming and yelling because of the boils I created all over her body. Panicking, I didn't want them to notice me so I ran as fast as my little legs could carry me in the opposite direction.
Now at first I rationalized that I just did it because I didn't want either of them to be happy. I know it wasn't much of a reason, but give me a break despite being really smart I was only a 13 year old little girl. This excuse I used the whole year to explain my irrational behavior and me hexing her and other girls that that got close to him. Funny thing was, I never noticed I only seemed to hex the girls and not him.
Then there was third year. He got hurt in one of our classes and the same girl from second year was fawning all over him! Not to mention other girls seemed to have sympathy for him. I couldn't explain why it got me so up set. All I new is that every chance I got I hexed girl after girl until they all seemed to keep at a distance from him. Now, of course by then he was suspicious, almost every girl he talked to seemed to get a really bad case of boils, dragon pox, or my personal favorite wort's. Let's face it though, they didn't call me the smartest witch of my age for no reason. I was always very careful to make sure I wasn't caught by anyone, not to mention I was lucky enough to be able to use Harry's invisibility cloak all the time.
Third year wasn't the same as second year though, I couldn't just rationalize that I didn't want him to be happy. I tried to come up with all kinds of reasons that I was doing it. The most rational reason I could come up with was that I was doing it to get back at him for being a horrible git to me all the time. That reason worked for the rest of the year.
My obsession seemed to get really bad in fourth year. I was very busy trying to help Harry with the Triwizard Tournament but I seemed to always find the time to sneak around and hex any girl that seemed to get close to him. You would think that after two years of me hexing girls that they would just know to stay away but no they didn't. I was really bad during the Yule ball, any girl that danced with him seemed to either dance really bad or was tripping every few minutes. Even with Viktor Krum as my date I still didn't seem to enjoy myself, I was to busy making sure he didn't disappear with a girl.
I could tell he was pretty irritated that year. He seemed to put in a lot of effort into trying to find out who kept coming between him and the girls of Hogwarts, but lucky for me he was never close.
By this time I had to face some facts. I knew this whole thing couldn't just be because I wanted revenge for him being mean to me. It was more then that, so unfortunately, I had to admit to myself I was jealous. Sense I had to admit that, I knew I also had to admit that I probably liked him, but I just wasn't ready for that. I denied it for as long as I could.
Fifth year was a bit tricky with Umbridge taking over Hogwarts. It wasn't as easy for me to secretly keep track of him, and hex every girl he got close to without being caught. I did just about everything I could to make sure they kept their distance though. You would think after all this time they would just know to stay away or they would get a bad case of whatever I wanted them to have at that moment. I knew I should probably feel bad for them but I couldn't bring myself to pity them enough to stop. I really couldn't stand the thought of having to watch him snog some twit.
With that realization, I couldn't deny it any more. I liked him. For a while I thought I lost my mind, because who in there right mind would like a boy that did nothing but torture you your entire time at school. Not to mention would rather see you dead then snog you. It just wasn't rational and I was all about being rational. So then I thought maybe I was a masochist at heart. That was rational right? I mean what other reason could there be for liking a slimy little git like him. Right?
Sixth year things got a bit weird. I really had to actively hide my pass time for hexing the girls of Hogwarts. So I decided that I would make it seem like I liked Ron. Which I think I kinda did, but it just wasn't the same as him. I didn't understand that either. Ron was a perfectly reasonable choice. We've known each other all these years, we've been close friends, and we loved each other. But it wasn't the same.
Anyway the really big reason why I had to watch what I was doing was because Harry also seemed to have an obsession with my git that year. His obsession was different then mine, of corse he had a completely different reason for wanting to spy on him. Lucky for me he seemed to be distracted this year and didn't seem to pay any attention to girls.
It was when I found out what Harry did to him that I knew I had stronger feelings for him.
Up until this point I never really cared if he was hurt. I know, kinda weird for someone with a crush but lets face it he was a git and deserved most things that happened to him. But when I found out that Harry could have killed him. I've never been so angry with my best friend the
entire time I've known him. I loved Harry, he was like family but some how I knew that if something happened to him. I would never speak to Harry again.
It was then I realized I loved the git.
I officially figured out that I wasn't a masochist when Harry, Ron and I were out hunting for horcruxes. When we were captured and taken to Malfoy Manor I had the honor of being tortured and branded by Bellatrix Lestrange. What kept me going besides the love I had for my friends was him, I remember through the haziness of the whole thing, I kept looking at him. It didn't seem like he liked to hear or see me being tortured. I saw him visibly wince every time I let out a scream. He never looked at me though. At first I was angry with him, if he didn't like seeing me this way then why didn't he try to help me? Why didn't he do anything? I knew there wasn't much he could do though. Even if he did try to step in and help me he would be in the same position as me. If I had to see him tortured, I don't think I could handle it. So it was then I forgave him for not doing anything.
When we escaped I remember looking at him one last time. To my surprise he was also looking at me. For those few seconds as we gazed into each others eyes, I saw something I've never seen before. What looked like remorse and guilt. It was then I new I really loved him.
When everything came to a head at Hogwarts, I couldn't help but feel worried for him. Would this be it for both of us or one of us. Would I be okay with never telling him how I feel? I couldn't worry about that however, it was war and I needed to help Harry.
I tried to find him after everything ended. I didn't really know what happened to him after what happened in the room of requirements. It turned out I didn't have to look far, him and his parents sat awkwardly in the back of Hogwarts Great hall. I couldn't explain how much of a relief it was to see him and know he was ok.
Going back to Hogwarts to redo my seventh year I was made Head Girl and to my surprise he was made Head Boy. I wasn't sure how I felt about this at first. I don't think I've ever been that close to him. It drove me crazy. After a while I noticed he was different then he used to be. He was silent most of the time, and seemed to be lost. Most of the kids and even some teachers resented him and his parents still because of this I found out later it was one of the reasons he was made Head Boy. He never took advantage of his new status even though most thought he would, even me. I knew I loved him as the slimy git but did I love him as this new person? My answer came when more girls also started to notice his change and try to get close to him. I of course, didn't let that happen. Much to my happiness, he didn't seem to be interested in girls that year. Lucky me! I don't think I could really get away with hexing all those girls with out his notice.
It was after finding out that he was head boy that I made it clear to Ron that I couldn't be in a relationship with him. I don't know why I decided that after finding out, I just new that I couldn't date Ron with him being so close.
For the rest of the year I watched as he grew into this other person. He had a little more focus and I figured out he wanted to try and be an Auror. Learning this I couldn't help but be proud of him trying to make a change and do better. We really didn't talk much outside of Heads duties (much to my disappointment) but he was surprisingly helpful although he was never overly friendly. When school ended and everyone graduated I felt, a bit sad. I wasn't going to be able to see him often and of course I wouldn't be able to keep the girls away.
It's been a year now sense we've been out of school and he has done great as an Auror. At first people were skeptical of him specially Harry and Ron but he gradually earned peoples respect and in turn earned theirs. He is one of the best Auror's out there.
Through this whole year things have been going very well, my work at st Mungo's has never been better and there has even been times I decided to go on a few dates. The relationships never worked out in the end though. I found myself comparing every single one of them to him. As far as I know he hasn't really dated either. I think hes just been focusing on his career and helping better his families name again. What makes me very sad is that I know that wont last. I already know most women find him physical attractive and with his reputation going up because of his Auror status, its just a matter of time before someone catches his eye. It keeps me up at night sometimes worrying if tomorrow is going to be the day he finds someone.
I'm not sure what I should do? I thought maybe if I wrote this down that I would be able to come to some sort of conclusion, but its made me think more and more that I'm just crazy.
I could never approach him because even though he's changed, I'm still the know it all book worm. Sure I'm not the same little girl I used to be but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know me. More then anything I'm afraid if I did approach him with some type of relationship he would just flat out reject me. I don't think after all this time I could deal with that. I know I'm supposed to be a Gryffindor and have all this courage. But when it comes to him it all flies out the window. My feelings are just a mess.
Maybe it would help if I were to write down his name? Okay my secret confession, my obsession for most of my life the person I seem to love for some very strange reason is...
Okay I can do this no one will find out any way. I plan to burn this thing once I'm done with it.
I'm in love with...Draco Malfoy.
So this isn't the story I was planing on posting first but I just couldn't get it out of my head and so I guess this one will be first. Please review and let me know how you like it so far. Also if there are spelling and grammar issues I'm sorry never been my strong point.