Reflection
How is one to determine one's self value, or character? How is one to find his very essence, is it through victory of battle? Or must one do good deeds to become a good person? But would that action really strengthen and create the essence of our very souls? What if there was no way to change who you were? Will you be trapped as you are? A mere shadow of what you want to be? What if who you are now is the pride of your family? And yet, you do not like it? Would you have the courage to change? After all change has its own nature…
Right, left, right, left, back and forth, back and forth. Don't ponder, don't look up. You already know who you are. You are a Malfoy, proud and powerful. No one must ever see you cry. But that was what he was doing, he was pacing back in forth in his bathroom crying, he was a disgrace. An unworthy kid of a wizard his father would have said, and unfortunately, he was right. It was because of him that his best friend Crabbe was dead, and his father and mother probably blamed him for their capture into Askaban prison, at least Crabbe was actually his fault, his parent's capture though? That was hardly his fault. And they should know that, being one of Voldemort's highest ranking deatheaters, what did they expect? Being a deatheater was really asking for it, they should call it a ticket to Askaban, they could die now and he wouldn't even know. He found himself despising the deatheaters and all things to do with Voldemort. And he was once part of them, it was his childhood fantasy, unlike all the other kids whose dreams were to be minister of magic, or headmaster of Hogwarts. They would all love their lives and themselves if their dreams came true, they wouldn't hate who they became on their journey to get there. He stopped cold, there it was, the truth out at last, he didn't hate Voldemort and his cronies as much as he hated himself, who he had become, and what he had done.
He had accomplished his childhood goal, he had joined Voldemort's army. Only, he hadn't realized exactly what he had done, he always had dreamed of the good that he would be able to accomplish, only to have realized that the good that his father had told him about was so wrong, and yet he had forced himself to like it. He had become everybody's worst nightmare, a criminal that he didn't recognize. But even in his wildest dreams he never once imagined that on his first day of service, his own father would bring him to face Voldemort. It was also his fault that Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He wasn't the one that delivered the final blow that threw the old man to his death, that was Severus Snape, but he had rendered the man defenseless, which just the same as killing him. He hated that he had become a murderer, he was the monster that every kid feared, and now he couldn't change that. His past had destroyed him, his future was ruined. He was lucky that he didn't get thrown into Askaban like his parents, he was lucky that some people were merciful. Otherwise, he wouldn't have a chance to make amends with his life. This year he would join the other students who would be repeating their year over at Hogwarts. Which would be everyone due to the fact that they had some deatheaters on the staff. He would finally graduate this year and be free to rebuild his life on his own, if he knew anything, it would be that the teachers would be keeping him on a very tight leash, he would never be able to redeem himself. At this, he stopped short and faced his frame in the mirror that connected to the wall. Anyone else that looked at him would see a lean boy with blond hair that was so blond that it was almost silver. All he saw was a monster, and with any luck, he would change that.