Thank you so much for the messages. I hope this lives up to the kind comments. Please review. Thanks!
As before it will be writing in a timeline format with jumps to past/future.
2nd May 2280
Anna:
This is what it must be feel to be dead. I am in-between the levels of alertness and sleep, my vision is filled with a memory of the past and in this memory I can feel my mouth open. I am yelling and screaming but the noise does not meet what reaches my ears. This screaming is higher and desperate. There is a primal edge to it. It is from a child, a few weeks old and it is one of only a few things that the baby knows how to do. I want to ignore it. I want to be continually safe in sleep and not face reality even with instinct urging me to move towards the noise.
I want to reduce myself to nothing but this bed, to stay wrapped under the thin sheets simply listening to the world go on. Megaton has a background hum. The metals groan and the soil moves as inhabitant make their way around. There's clanks as the walkways are used, hisses in the water pipes and the thrum of the electricity generator. All these noises are essential to survival. It has been nosier lately. After the battle Megaton and the Citadel had to rebuild. Refugees and supplies were all moved around DC until they found a suitable place. I wanted to be more involved in the rescue efforts but I simply couldn't. All of Megatons noises are all blocked out, reduced to nothing but a demanding yell.
My eyes slowly open. In the Vault there was a class just for the girls. We were taught how to sew, iron, knit and cook. Everything to become the perfect wife to a vault male. In this class we were given fake babies to take care of. They were plastic, smooth and pale. They made no noise but we were to pretend that they did. We were to hold them and love them because that is what Mothers do.
The baby infant in front of me is not pale, she is pink and her cheeks are approaching red as she yells. She does not sit nicely in a blanket like the fake children of the vault but her arms reach out, she squirms and unravels herself from the swaddle. I want to greet her warmly and hold her like I should. Instead I stare and feel that pain that has been sitting in my chest for many months now. She is a reminder. I reach out with my hand and the baby wraps a tight fist around my finger.
"Good Morning Charlotte" I greet my daughter. My words bland. Daughter, it is a strange word of association. I was brought up to believe in a secure environment and a nuclear family. I didn't know I would have to do this alone. I pick her up, I change her, I clean her and then I put her back down. Charlotte settles and I am left in the silence. My ears ring from her noise. I lay down next to her, there is a moment of clarity before I begin to sob. My eyes sting and my chest tightens. I am so tired. Tired of crying, tired of caring.
Retrieving my pip boy from the desk beside the bed I enter words with blurry vision.
[VTPB:IM-Butch] I can't do this anymore
It's not long before the screen glows in a green hum.
[VTPB:IM-Butch] stay there. c u soon.
26th August 2279
Anna
I can hear a female speak. The words reach me but I can't register them and then I hear a familiar sound. Not quite a rip or a pop but a surge. Without clarity I feel I am shifting in time again. I expect to open my eyes to intact buildings or the dreaded snow. My head hurts like a son of a bitch. I can taste metal as I feel the corner of my mouth fill with blood. My body took on the ground and lost. I can feel this as every surface that touches dirt aches. There isn't much time to think about it. Adrenalin works fast and soon the pain becomes a background feature as my main priorities becomes clear. 1. Find Charon. 2. Work out what the hell happened. My eyes snap open and with a groan I prop myself up. The ground shifts and moves as my vision fills with silver disorienting spots. I can't see him. Panic urges me faster.
Dirt. It's all I can see. I turn to look behind me and find Charon in a similar position I am in, except there is a lot more blood. I find myself yelling and crawling towards him before I know what I'm doing. Instinct takes me far and quickly I can grab his armour the leather crunching in my fist. "Charon!" It's a fluid filled yell, blood staining my teeth. He doesn't reply and my concern rises. I shake him abruptly. Charon is staring out. Looking for an image that is not there anymore, something I can't see. The shake orientates him to myself and his expression changes. Eyes wide, unable to speak. "Charon!" my voice is desperate. My mind tells me what this situation is called, death, but I won't allow it.
My hands reach for the wound on his chest and press down. I need to stop the bleeding. I need to do what my father has taught me. Instead the blood flows out over my hands drenching them in red. There's too much. I can't stop this. Charon is becoming heavier in my arms. I should accept reality. Acknowledge this for what it is but I can't. I can't lose him.
"I love you" that's what people say in moments like this, isn't it? This is meant to bring on a last surge of energy and bring them back. I do love him. In this world we fight and kill. Emotions are heightened. He has saved me life too many times to be less than what he is. Everything. You read about these moments in stories. Declarations like this have power. This should work but this isn't a story. This is reality. A reality I will soon have to face without him. "Please don't go." I plead with Charon desperation clear in my voice. He gives me one last look that says a million words and then he isn't looking at me anymore.
His eyes are directed towards me but there is nothing behind him. They are blank. For a moment I sit there letting it sink in and then suddenly I am hysterical. I shake him, I scream and I yell but nothing brings him back. Nothing will change this. I am surrounded by bodies. That of few residents of Megaton and the Enclave but in my selfishness, none of them matter but this one here.
Just as I left the vault I am left with uncertainty and pain.