HalfSmile Full, a beyblade fanfic

Half-Smile Full

It was always in the dark, at night, in their shared bedroom where no one could see. And Kai would always start it.

A kiss to the back of his neck, fingertips trailing down Rei's side, always silent. There could be no words, no moans, no whimpers. No one could find out. That was one of the rules. The other one was that they did not speak of it, ever. It was something that happened, they knew, but no one could ever, ever mention it. It was…shameful.

The first time had been three months ago.

Kai was angry. Angrier than usual, even. Rei could tell by the tension in his neck and the fire in his eyes and the way his voice was calm, smooth, much more emotionless than usual.

"There's no way you can go to China."

"And why not?" Rei ground out, willing his anger not to surface, willing himself to stay calm, sensible, mature Rei.

"Because you can't." Kai crossed his arms.

"Since when did you start deciding what I can and can't do?" Rei shot back.

"Since I became your captain." Kai's glare was ferocious, ten times more frightening than usual because Rei knew he was feeling something. Loss of control, maybe.

Rei's eyes stung and his nose prickled. "That doesn't give you the right to order me not to go!"

"Actually, it does!" the Russian finally snapped, his fury leaking into his tone.

"I am going, Kai! I need to see my old team again!" Rei yelled, desperate to make Kai understand.

"No." The deadly calm was back, and Kai uncrossed his arms. "You need to stop running away." With that, he stormed off, eyes still burning.

Rei was left to stand there, lost.

That night, Rei lay awake for hours, still wondering. The curtains were drawn and the door was closed and the darkness was almost tangible.

Then he felt something brush his shoulder and he bolted upright, breathing hard.

"Shhh," whispered a familiarly deep voice, and then there was a warm mouth on his and a callused hand on his thigh. And that night, Rei was touched in ways he'd never, ever been touched before and he was tingling with pleasure, succumbing to the new sensations.

In the darkness, everything was okay.

When Rei woke, he felt warm, like he'd just eaten a big meal and was going to have a pleasant day. He hummed in contentment and sat up to stretch.

Pain flared up his back. He almost cried out. What the hell had happened? Their training yesterday had been pretty rough, but it was one thing to wake up sore and another not to be able to walk.

He shrugged it off. Maybe he'd just fallen on his ass a couple too many times.

Then he remembered the dream.

Kai's mouth and hands, touching him on his chest, his neck, his face. Rei blushed candy-apple red. He'd known he had a…thing…for Kai, but he'd never had a dream like that before. He winced, remembering how Kai had turned into Mariah at the end.

For just a while before getting up, he wondered what it'd be like if the dream had been real. Wondered how it'd feel to kiss Kai good morning.

Then he shook off the thought and began to dress, wincing at the strange pain as he did.

The rest of that day, Rei smiled brightly and helped where it was needed, just like he always did. And while it was a little difficult to be polite and cheerful towards Kai, he managed. He wouldn't let a silly crush get in the way of their friendship.

Kai seemed a little grumpier than usual that day, even though he excused Rei from training, but nothing else was out of the ordinary. Except when he went to bed that night and lay awake again in the dark, dreading the dream to come.

This time it came in the form of a warm wet tongue licking its way from his shoulder to his neck to his mouth, and Rei gave in to another night of hushed whimpers and darkness.

The next morning, Rei woke up with the pain again (although it seemed to be getting a little better), and again it was a regular day, up to the part where strong arms embraced him in the night and dream-Kai was a little rougher than before with his teeth on Rei's shoulder.

And when he woke up this time and saw the bite-mark in the mirror, he finally knew it wasn't a dream.

The realization made his legs give out with a thump. He'd had his suspicions, of course — what sane person wouldn't? — but he'd always thought that there was no way Kai could really want him like Rei wanted Kai.

Come to think of it, probably Kai didn't like him at all. After all, the first day after, he'd been even grumpier than usual. Probably he just had a lot of pent-up sexual frustration and since Rei was the only one who was intelligent enough not to take it seriously, Rei was the victim of the frustration.

Rei was smart enough not to pretend that it didn't hurt. But if this was the only way he could have Kai, he'd take it.

"Okay…what's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?"

Rei hummed indecisively. "Dunno. Maybe fried termites."

Oliver wrinkled his nose. "Gross!"

"They were really crispy. Better than Doritos any day!" Rei grinned at the French boy.

The two friends were lazing around in Kai and Rei's hotel room, since the Majestics were staying in the same place as them for a couple weeks. Rei and Oliver had become friends a few days ago, when Rei had managed to find a flaw in Oliver's crêpe recipe. Being with Oliver was easy for Rei, since it took his mind off Kai and what happened in the dark. And Oliver found Rei easy to talk to, since both of them were naturally friendly people and he wasn't exactly…getting along…with Enrique at the moment.

As in, he was crushing on his best friend and had no clue what to do. Not that much different from Rei's own situation. Oliver didn't know much about that, though, apart from the fact that Rei liked Kai.

"Your turn now," Oliver reminded Rei, lying back on the bed.

"Mmmkay." Rei thought for a moment. "Do you think strawberries are sexy?"

Oliver beamed. "Of course. I'm a French chef. Did you even have to ask?"

Rei laughed, and it was the most relaxed thing he'd done for weeks. "Your turn."

"Who was your first kiss?"

Rei's back was suddenly ramrod straight, his voice no longer smiling. "…Kai."

Oliver gaped. "What? That's great, Rei!"

Rei dragged the back of his hand across his eyes, which were prickling. "No, it's not."

"Yes it is! Come on, he kissed you!" Oliver exclaimed, moving closer to Rei. "He likes you!"

"He doesn't." And suddenly, brokenly, Rei found himself telling Oliver everything, about Kai and the touches and kisses and the darkness. He told Oliver how he wanted so much to be with Kai in the daytime, and how he felt like a whore for letting Kai touch him when Kai didn't even like him. And most of all, how it hurt to wake up every morning when he remembered the night.

Oliver stayed quiet through it all, but when Rei finished, he realized Oliver was holding him like a father might hold a child, clutching him tight. And Rei found that he was finally crying.

The French boy held him close until he had cried himself out, and when he finished Rei sat there, enjoying the comfort he got from the embrace.

A sharp intake of breath broke through the silence. Both Oliver and Rei looked up to see Kai standing in the doorway, his eyes churning with rage-shock-sorrow. Rei's gaze dropped and he wiped his cheek with his fist hurriedly. He didn't need Kai to think he was even more pathetic than he already did.

Oliver, however, had no such inhibitions. He turned to glare at Kai. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Kai had regained his composure. "I was going to change, but I'm obviously not allowed in my own room anymore."

"No, what the fuck are you doing to Rei?" Oliver stood up, eyes flashing.

Kai's face hardened. "Nothing." And with that, he left.

Rei cried again, and Oliver hugged him and stayed till the tears stopped coming.

That night, like every night, Kai came to him, and he kissed him and touched him just like before, but it was a little harder, a little rougher this time. And once, near the best part, Rei could have sworn he heard a whispered, "Mine."

When Rei woke up, he brushed this off as wishful thinking.

"Hey! Wait!"

Rei panted as he ran after the fruit-and-vegetable seller, waving a ten-dollar-bill. Who knew those old guys could be so fast?

He frowned as the wandering seller walked still more quickly, his steps lengthening. Why was he the one to buy all this stuff again?

Oh yeah — because the others didn't know carrots from cabbages.

Rei groaned, speeding up. Why me? he lamented, looked at the sky for an instant —

CRASH.

— an instant too long.

Rei sat up, wincing slightly. He assessed the damage. Not that bad — a cut here, a scrape there. He pulled himself to his feet and sighed, giving the fruit up as a lost cause.

As he turned around to walk home, he wondered why his cheek was hurting, since he couldn't remember it hitting the ground.

"Rei! What happened?" was the consensual shout when Rei opened the door.

Max got to Rei first, seeing as he had just had sugar. He was in Rei's personal space in a fraction of a second, poking at his cuts and asking worriedly, "How'd you get this? And this? And this?"

Tyson was next, with Kenny following close on his heels. He didn't poke him like Max, but he was far from unobtrusive. "Did you, like, get beat up, Rei?"

Kai remained in his corner. Rei forced a smile. What reason did he have to think Kai would be worried, anyway? Kai didn't owe him anything. He should've understood that by now.

"It's nothing, guys," Rei assured them, grinning cheerfully. It felt fake. "I just…fell."

God, how pathetic was he?

Everyone looked skeptical, Kai going so far as to raise an eyebrow.

"Really! I was running after this weird old fruit-and-vegetable seller and I tripped," Rei snapped, annoyed by his friends' mistrust of him.

Tyson held up his hands in surrender. "Sorry, sorry. It's just…you've been acting a little weird lately."

Rei smiled again, and it was a little more real. "I'm fine. Really."

Max eyed him warily, but didn't comment. "Okay." He grabbed Tyson with one hand and Kenny with the other. "Come on, guys."

That left Rei with Kai. Normally, Rei would have tried to find an excuse to leave too, but this time Kai's voice held him back.

"Wait, Rei."

Rei shivered at Kai's voice, wishing it were night. He turned to face his captain. "Yes?"

"Were you telling the truth?" Kai was too close, too close and Rei squeezed his eyes shut and hoped he wouldn't move away.

"Yes."

A hand touched his face, snowdrop-light. It brought with it a flash of pain, and Kai was careful as he traced a path across Rei's face.

"You're bleeding," Kai whispered, bringing red fingertips up to show Rei.

Rei looked into Kai's eyes and didn't answer, and he was sure that his hopelessness showed.

"From now on, I'll go with you, if you want. Just tell me," murmured Kai.

Then he was gone, and Rei was sure that the kiss he felt against his forehead was his imagination.

Later, when he had cleaned his wounds and was lying in bed, he wondered at what a mess he was. How pathetic. How weak. He just didn't understand why Kai kept coming at night, though he could understand why Kai ignored him in the daytime.

But that night Kai came to him again, just like always, and his presence washed away the hurt and confusion, and Rei drowned himself in ecstasy. That night Kai was gentler, and he treated Rei like he was beautiful.

In the morning, Rei had to remember that he was not beautiful, that he was a slut, sleeping with someone who so obviously didn't care about him.

The Demolition Boys stayed in the same hotel as the BladeBreakers too, although they stayed for a shorter time than the Majestics. Only a week or so.

It was enough to confuse Rei even further.

"Hey, cat-boy," Tala smirked at him, as if there was some sort of private joke only he understood. "Lookin' good."

Rei glanced down at himself. He was wearing a high-necked T-shirt and jeans, and they didn't even show any unnecessary skin. His face felt hot anyway. "Um…thanks."

But Tala had lost interest. "You know, Kai, those blue triangles look like tribal paint. They make you look really…exotic."

Kai didn't even bother to grunt in response, and Rei was glad. He was obviously used to Tala.

Tala grew bored with Kai and went back to Rei, his leer back in place. "Do you have a boyfriend, cat-boy?"

Rei's mind flicked to Kai, and he shook his head violently. "No. And it's Rei."

"Really?" Tala tutted, ignoring the second part. "I would have thought a delectable little thing like you would be snapped up like that." He snapped his fingers once to emphasize.

Kai muttered something about training, and slipped out. Bryan followed silently.

The grin slipped off Tala's face, replaced by an intense look. "Okay, game over. You don't mind, do you?"

"Wh-what?" Rei stammered, trying in vain to keep up with the Russian.

Tala sighed, rubbed his temples. "I was hitting on you 'cause it's fun to see Kai and Bryan jealous."

Rei looked away. "Kai's not jealous."

The redhead snorted. "Please. Did you see the look on his face when I—"

"Kai's not jealous, because he's been fucking me every night for three months and he ignores me in the daytime." Rei could feel his hands trembling.

Tala stared incredulously. "No."

"Yes." Rei fought back the tears; it was an old hurt. He should be used to it by now.

"But…" Tala struggled for words. "He's nice to you! Kai isn't nice. Ever."

"I'm his teammate," Rei answered automatically, pretending Tala's words didn't go through his mind every day. "He has to be nice to me."

"I don't mean 'nice' for Kai, I mean 'nice' for normal people," Tala insisted. "He lets you skip training, he smiles at you, he talks to you like he doesn't talk to anyone else. There's no way he doesn't like you."

"He doesn't." Rei was firm. His heart had been broken so many times he didn't want it to be fixed, just so it could be torn apart again.

Tala stayed silent for a moment or two, looking at the floor. Then he looked up at Rei again, and Rei saw the determination in his eyes. "I'll talk to him."

"Don't!" Rei grabbed Tala's sleeve as if that would stop the Russian from telling Kai. "I don't want to hear it from him that I'm nothing but a fuck buddy."

Tala was still looking at him, but now his face held a sadness that rivaled Rei's own. "Why are you so set on believing he doesn't like you?"

"Because if he did, he'd show it. He'd be beside me when I woke up." Rei shook his head hard to rid himself of his hopes, and Tala jumped, surprised, when a glistening teardrop landed on his knee.

"Rei…" Tala sighed and gathered the boy into his arms. He'd never been able to stand tears. "If he doesn't like you, he's crazy."

"This is Kai we're talking about," came Rei's muffled voice from where he was pressed to Tala's chest.

Tala laughed then. "True, true. But if you're sleeping with him, then he must be doing something right."

It was at this point that Kai and Bryan came back into the room. Kai just stood there with a stunned look on his face and a something in his eyes, but Bryan demanded, "What the hell are you doing, Tala?" before grabbing Tala by the collar and hauling him away from Rei. Rei winced, expecting bloodshed, but Bryan just crushed his lips to Tala's. Tala looked extremely pleased at this, and kissed Bryan back.

Rei smiled a half-smile full of happiness and sadness and regret, and left the room.

In the darkness that evening, Rei lay awake for what felt like the billionth time, waiting for the familiar touch. He sometimes couldn't believe he'd sunk this low, being with a guy who was just using him.

But when Kai's lips brushed the top of his head, the gesture was hesitant, apologetic, and Rei could believe for just a moment that Kai wasn't using him. And when Kai was gentle and frantic at the same time, Rei could pretend that it was the first time and that Kai wasn't going to hurt him.

When Kai gasped something that might have been "Stay" into his ear, it just made it easier to pretend that Kai loved him.

But then when he woke up, he had to remind himself it wasn't real, that it was just sex and Kai didn't care about him. And he was raw and aching, but he had to go on, because he couldn't have Kai any other way.

"Kai?" he asked one lazy day after training, when Max and Tyson had dragged Kenny to an ice cream parlor.

"Hn?" was his answer, as Kai bent to redo his bootlace.

"What's your favorite thing to eat?" It was a sunny day, and Rei was feeling more energetic than usual. Other than that, he could find no reason why he had asked this.

Kai stared at him, obviously just as surprised as Rei.

"…Cinnamon rolls," the older boy finally grunted, and Rei grinned.

"I love those!" He grabbed Kai's wrist and tugged him along as he strode towards the lift. "C'mon, let's go get some!"

Kai blinked rapidly, surprised. But Rei ignored this, intent on pretending to be his happy self. With the sun shining down on him and Kai following him like this and cinnamon rolls in the near future, it was easier than usual.

"Um, I'd like a glazed one, please," Rei decided, smiling a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes at the waiter.

Kai nodded. "Same for me."

Rei leaned back in his chair when the waiter was gone, and relaxed. He could feel normal. He could forget about the nights and pretend he was just eating cinnamon rolls with a friend.

"So…" he stalled, trying to think of something to say. "Did you enjoy having your old team here?"

"Those idiots?" Kai snorted. "Hardly. Besides, they had their tongues inside each others' mouths most of the time. Not much conversation there."

Rei snickered, though it felt forced. "They could've waited till they'd left to get together."

"It'd be worse then," Kai replied, and Rei realized he hadn't talked this freely to Kai in months. "They'd talk more."

This time Rei really laughed and it was almost like before. Kai smiled, his eyes crinkling around the corners, and Rei noticed that his hair was mussed. He wondered vaguely if this was what a date was like, before he caught himself and forced the smile onto his face again.

He couldn't afford to think like that.

"Hey, look at that guy," Rei said, glancing quickly over Kai's shoulder at a man who was wearing a hoodie that shadowed his face before returning his eyes to his captain.

Kai snuck a peek at the man in question under the pretense of picking up his keys, and whistled softly. "Wow. I bet he thinks he looks like a gangster."

"I bet his face is so ugly his friends told him to wear it."

"I bet he's a psycho who thinks he's a CIA agent."

"You win." Rei chuckled softly. "I wonder if he knows how stupid he looks."

"Of course not. If he did, would he be wearing it?" Kai smiled, and his face was finally free of tension.

"Point taken." Rei grinned, fangs showing.

"There's a Barbie girl behind you." Kai had crossed his arms, his face impassive again, and with one hand he made a gesture that could pass for a finger pointing, and could pass for random hand motion.

Rei frowned, confused. "Barbie girl?"

"You know. Dyed blond hair. Pink miniskirt. A year's worth of makeup at one time."

"Oh. I hate those." Rei grimaced, remembering that many of his fangirls were exactly that type.

Kai's face was shadowed — Rei could not make out an expression on his face. "She's staring at you."

"Damn." Rei winced. "We'd better go soon, then. She might be a fangirl."

Kai nodded, and he was silent again. But the silence was a little more comfortable this time, more friendly and less tense.

When their cinnamon rolls came, they ate in the same comfortable silence. Rei was afraid to break it, lest all the words pressing on his mind tumbled out of his mouth, and they couldn't be unsaid. So he held the silence like a treasure, not even daring to clink his fork too loudly against the plate. And when they were finished, Kai paid in the same silence.

"No, don't!" Rei tried to protest. "I can pay for mine…"

But Kai just shook his head and half-smiled and paid for Rei too. And it was too much like a date for Rei to stop him.

In the dark that evening, Rei lay awake for what seemed like hours upon hours, waiting for Kai to come to him, pushing away thoughts of what having Kai for a boyfriend would be like. But even though he waited and waited and waited, he felt no warm mouth on his, no callused hands on him.

So, eventually, he fell asleep. He dreamt of falling.

In the dark that evening, a Russian boy lay awake too, and on his face was an expression no one could have explained. It was a little like happiness, a lot like sadness, and nothing at all like anger.

He lay there for a long time. There wasn't a clock in the room, so no one could tell you how long it was, but it was a long, long time, and the same expression stayed on his face all through.

After a very long time, he pushed himself up off his bed and padded in his bare feet, noiseless, to the other bed in the room. His hand touched the hair on the other boy's head as if it was glass, and he was afraid to break it, before the other boy let out a quiet snore.

He jerked his hand away, his eyes wide. Then his face relaxed, and there was a soft, soft look in his eyes. He drew the blanket up to cover the younger boy, and went back to his own bed.

Soon, he was asleep too.

Rei woke up, and his first thought was, Did I die?

When his mind cleared a little bit from the foggy haze of just waking up, he realized that he hadn't fallen, but that he was tangled in blankets. He disentangled himself carefully, and in doing so fell off the bed with a THUD.

He winced. That meant more bruises. He had enough already, with Kai coming to him every night like he did.

Wait. Kai…hadn't come to him last night.

Then he remembered that he'd fallen asleep before Kai could come. He was so childish…probably, Kai wouldn't come anymore. Rei definitely wouldn't blame him if he didn't. These thoughts pulled a sigh from his lips, stretched it long and forlorn and lost.

Rei pushed these thoughts away. Getting depressed wouldn't make it all better. He struggled to his feet, dressed himself. Then he spotted something white that hadn't been there before out of the corner of his eye. Curious, he stepped over to it.

When he saw it, tears pricked at Rei's eyes, and he wiped them away defiantly, remembering that Kai was not his boyfriend, and he would never be, no matter how many presents he gave Rei.

It was a box of cinnamon rolls, glazed.

Max burst in the door, panting and red-faced. "Hey, guys! I got the mail!"

Everyone looked up, startled. Rei sometimes wondered if Max was really fifteen, or whether he was just a five-year-old whose brain had been transplanted into a teenager's body. He had the energy of a five-year-old, certainly. A little part of him where Rei stored away all his bad thoughts added that he had the intelligence of a five-year-old too, but he blocked that thought out.

"Okay, there are bills, junk, bills, more bills, junk, bills…hey, look at this, Rei!" Max's face lit up with joy, and Rei had to remind himself that he should not hug Max out of nowhere for being so sweet.

"Your old team's in town!" Max waved the letter at Rei and winked hugely, giving him a thumbs up. "It's from Mariah. She says she's really looking forward to seeing you!"

Rei flinched slightly, and then forced a smile. "That's…great!"

"Yeah! It says here that they're staying in room 603, and Mariah wants you to visit as soon as you can. Like right now, she says," Max scanned the letter, and Rei reminded himself to teach him some manners, like not to read other people's letters.

"Okay, I'll go." Rei pocketed his key and opened the door. "Try not to break anything while I'm gone, alright?"

"Rei!" came a high-pitched yell from inside room 603 when Rei knocked. "Come on in!"

Rei stepped in cautiously, wary of pouncing Mariahs. Sure enough, a slice of a second after he'd gone in, he felt his breathing supply being cut off, and a head full of pink hair was shoved in his face. He returned the hug, and slowly, the tension in his face eased away.

"Hey…Mariah," he managed. "Let go…please?"

"Oh, sorry!" she said, her grin betraying her true emotions. "I just…I haven't seen you in forever! I missed you!"

"I missed you too," Rei replied, and the words were true, even if the smile accompanying them wasn't.

She hugged him again, and the embrace was a little gentler this time, less excited and more content. Then she pulled away, her grin softer as well. "Come on, let's go to the kitchen. I got this recipe for something called 's'mores' in a magazine, so I want to try it."

"Okay," Rei groaned, as the younger girl dragged him towards the kitchen. "But you have to help me this time!"

They lay on the bed together, eating s'mores, and Rei was so, so glad that he had a friend who was a girl to talk to.

"You know what?" Mariah didn't pause — she never did, when she had something to say. "I'd fall for a guy who saved me from something. Like, y'know, a thief or a rapist or something. I'd fall for a guy like that straight away."

"Mmm." Kai had offered to protect him. No, no. Kai had offered to help a teammate. No one had ever saved him from being hurt, except maybe himself.

"Or a sensitive guy. Like, those artist types? They're cute." Mariah hooked her hands around her knees and twiddled her thumbs.

"Nah. Not my type." Rei stared at the ceiling. "I like…strong guys."

"Ew." Mariah made a face. "Like those tough guys you see on TV?"

"No," decided Rei. "Like, someone who's been through a lot. Not a girly boy."

"Artists aren't girly!" snapped Mariah defensively.

"I never said they were. Just…someone who has a strong spirit. Who'll stand up and say that something is wrong." Like Kai.

Mariah considered this. "You have a point. I wouldn't want to go out with someone weak. In case, you know, he cheated on me or something."

"Not only that." Rei wondered how to put it. "Someone who's not afraid to show he likes me."

"Oh." Mariah nodded in understanding. Then she took a bite of her s'more, oozing marshmallow all over her face with a "mmf!" Rei laughed, a clear sound that echoed in the silent room.

"What kind of guy do you like…like, in the looks department?" he asked, shifting closer to the younger girl.

"Umm…I like Asian guys, 'cause they remind me of home." She blinked once or twice. "Black hair, light brown skin, dark eyes. And British accents are hot."

"Russian accents are hotter," he replied without thinking. Then his mind caught up with his mouth. "On black guys. Ever seen a black guy with a Russian accent? I met one once, and man, was he hot."

Mariah shrugged, which must have been difficult lying down. "Whatever. What about you?"

"Uh. I actually prefer white guys…Asian guys always seem to be closed-minded to me," Rei admitted, a sliver of shame in his eyes.

"Hair?"

"Silver." Some would call it slate-gray, but Rei knew it was silver, pure and clean. And at the back…a sinfully dark midnight blue.

"And eyes?"

"Red." They were more of a burgundy most of the time. Only when he got really angry would they flash crimson.

"Sounds like a demon to me," Mariah pointed out. Rei shrugged and wondered whether she'd figured out who he was thinking about yet.

"Mariah?" His voice was quieter than usual, reluctant to be heard.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever fallen in love?" The question sounded so stupid to his ears when it had dropped from his lips, in the silence of the room.

Mariah seemed to be contemplating the question, though, which made Rei feel just a little less silly. "I think so, once."

"What's it like?" Rei couldn't help asking.

"Great! It was wonderful…" Mariah grinned widely, and then the smile turned sad. "But it hurt a lot too, when I thought he didn't like me."

Rei wished he could go over to her, comfort her…but he was frozen in place.

"I thought about him all the time. While I was eating, bathing, talking to my friends…he would always be in my mind, even if he was just at the back of it. I even dreamt about him. I would always wake up so happy from those dreams, because I thought he liked me too."

This sounds familiar. Panic raced in Rei's blood, dancing wildly from his fingertips to his toes.

"I wanted him to like me so desperately! I thought that if he did, everything would be okay, and I wouldn't need anything else anymore. I remember thinking one time that if he hugged me just once, I'd be happy for my whole life."

The roaring in Rei's ears grew louder, blocking out everything except Mariah's voice.

"And I didn't even care if he liked other girls, I liked him so much. He was always nice to other girls and not to me. I sometimes thought he hated me, you know. He was so gentle to them, and so mean to me. I was mean back to him, of course, but it hurt me more than I would say. Now I think back on it, I probably wouldn't even care if he was using me, if he'd just pay some attention to me."

Rei's head was pounding in time with his heart. Thud-thud. Thud-thud. Thud-thud.

"Then one day I just broke down and yelled at him to stop being so mean to me, that I loved him. He looked so shocked…he must never have expected that. Then he told me in this quiet little voice that he loved me too…"

Mariah sighed, a whuff of warm, content air. "I've never been as happy as I was then."

Oh God.

Then Rei passed out.

When he came to, the first thing he saw was an arm.

He stared at the arm. It had paper-white skin, the color of an artist's canvas. Rei counted the moles: one, two, three, four. There was a curved scar just barely visible on the upper part of the arm, near the shoulder. It was muscular too, but not grossly so — just enough to show that considerable strength lay beneath the pale skin. The hand was squarish, blunt, with long fingers and calluses. There was a dull red armband on the arm too, from the elbow to the wrist.

Kai.

Rei scrambled to a sitting position. Oh God. Kai had evidently fallen asleep there. He was sprawled across his lap, one arm spread all the way to Rei's waist, and his hair was tousled in a way that made Rei think dangerously feminine thoughts.

He looked so human, lying there with messy hair and awkward limbs and moles, and Rei had to get away before the truth slipped out.

"You're awake."

Too late.

Rei nodded, not trusting his voice.

Kai appeared to think he had done his job, and that he could go. He pushed himself off Rei and stumbled, obviously still sleepy, towards the door. There was a soft click and the room was suddenly soaked in darkness.

Rei shivered. He didn't like the thought of being in the dark without Kai anymore, he realized.

And then a warm, long-fingered, callused hand brushed his knee, and thin lips kissed Rei's. He lost his ability to think clearly for just a moment, and his mind buzzed with pleasure, and his soul sang of pain.

Then he regained his senses and pushed Kai away.

The Russian's voice sounded confused, hurt. Probably didn't think anyone would ever reject him. "What?"

"You have to stop this, Kai." Rei's voice sounded too quiet, even to his own ears.

"Why?" Suddenly, there was a hint of fear in Kai's tone, and Rei could not think of a reason why.

"It's — it's not right." He cursed himself for the stutter.

"Why not?" The hint of fear was still there, but so was a determination that made Rei's chest flutter.

"It's not helping either of us," Rei finally managed, wishing Kai would go away and hoping he would come closer.

"How do you know?" The dermination, the sudden strength in Kai's voice was more obvious now.

It was Rei's turn to be confused. "What?"

"How do you know it's not helping me?"

Anger flared in his stomach and spread to his limbs. "Look, Kai, it may be fun for you to play with me, but I have feelings! Don't you ever think about how this might hurt me?"

"You? You rejected me. How did that hurt you?" There was a slight, slight break in Kai's voice.

"I never rejected you!" Rei's face was hot.

"You rejected me and then you slept with me again." Rei could feel the snarl in Kai's tone. "Slut."

Rei wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly cold. "I'm not a slut." His voice was too quiet, too quiet, and Kai knew — how did he know what Rei thought?

"You screamed at me to go away and then you welcomed me with open arms the next night. You slut." There was a sadistic edge to Kai's voice, and Rei wondered how he could enjoy this. "You slut."

Rei squeezed his eyes shut, wished it all away. "I never did that. What was I supposed to do, Kai? You came to me and…it was my first time, okay? And when you ignored me the next day, I didn't know what had happened, what to do…I've never had to deal with anything like this before."

"What, you've never had to reject someone before? With your face?" Rei heard a soft snort, and the malice was still there. "You know, Rei, I never expected cruelty like that from you. Tyson, Bryan, Tala…but never you."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Rei was almost yelling. "I didn't reject you!"

"You shouted at me to go away and pushed me off the bed. I'd call that a rejection." Rei hated the way that even when he was boiling with rage, Kai's voice still sounded unbelievably smooth.

"I didn't! I told you!" Rei clenched his fists. "I love you! Why would I reject you?"

The silence after that stretched for a gazillion years. Or so it felt like to Rei.

When Kai finally spoke again, it was to say, suspicion still tinting his voice, "Why did you push me off the bed?"

Rei finally remembered. "I had a dream about kissing Mariah."

There was another silence, and then there were heavy footsteps, and Rei thought for a moment that Kai would leave, but then there was a click and the room was flooded with light. Rei blinked rapidly, looked up to see a pale face with kind eyes looking back down at him.

"I want to see you," Kai whispered. "I want to see your blush when I tell you I love you."

Rei's body did not disappoint, burning hot-cold-hot-cold in time with his thumping heart. Oh God. Kai's fingers brushed the back of his neck, and he could feel claret eyes on him, but he didn't dare to look up, not yet.

"This…isn't a dream, right?" he asked, fingers fiddling with the sheets of his bed.

Kai's soft laugh assured him that it wasn't, and Rei turned his eyes to the older boy at last. Kai was already unbuttoning his shirt. Rei smiled. "Can't you buy me flowers or something first?"

Kai's gaze was direct. " No," he replied, not pausing in his work. "I have to see how far down the blush goes."

The next morning, Rei woke and stretched like a cat. He was sitting in the sunlight, and he would be cooking pancakes for breakfast, and Kai was beside him, still asleep. Life was good.

One crimson eye opened. "Morning." His voice was rough from sleep. "I was wondering when you'd wake up."

Rei grinned, leaned down and kissed him. "Good morning."

Kai smirked back, seeming to forget what he had said. "Good morning." He sat up in bed and kissed Rei again.

"Morning." Rei laughed. Another kiss.

This time, Kai didn't bother with the "morning," and they were pressed to each other skin-to-skin lips-to-lips and he didn't want to stop, but Rei pulled away reluctantly to stretch again.

The sunshine washed over them and a grin broke out on his face again.

Oh yes, life was good.

Fin.