Hey peeps! I guess you could say that this crazy little one-shot was first spawned when Minesweeper62 started tormenting me with the idea of Gibbs and Ducky in a relationship together. Now, I apologize for those who like this pairing, because this may be a little off the mark for you, but the only reason she was torturing me with it is because she knows that I'm an avid slash fan and that, as you'll later see, I cringe at these two together. She then, after hearing me scream, "Oh, God!", decided to make it worse by saying that they were making out over Kate's dead body and that they'd both been in relationships with her, and she always describes the pairing as such. YourFavoriteLabPartnerEver caught wind of this a while back, and recently, during a wayward game of Never Have I Ever, she asked if anyone had been to California. I had, and got a dare, which was to write a romance one-shot. Upon remembering the story of DucKibbs, as Minesweeper62 dubbed it, she decided that it had to be a DucKibbs one-shot, and I couldn't back down from a writing dare, so here it is.
And I have only one thing to say: YourFavoriteLabPartnerEver, you were dared to lick my dog, and you didn't. He's waiting for you.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or any of its characters, CBS does. I also don't own TV Guide or People magazine. There's also a lot of breaking the fourth wall involved. This takes place somewhere around "Kill Ari, Part One."
Ducky looked down at the body in front of him with the sadness. If Kate was sleeping, she would be so hot right now. But, alas, she was dead, and as hot as she still was, necrophilia really wasn't his thing. Oh well, he still had Gibbs.
Speaking of which, his silver-haired fox was entering autopsy just now. Gibbs walked over to the autopsy table and stood opposite of Ducky. They looked at each other, then down at Kate's body, and then they sighed simultaneously. It really sucked that she was dead; now it was just the two of them.
They stared at the corpse for another moment before their eyes met, and they promptly began making out over Kate's dead body. They could still taste her on each other's lips. Of course, they'd both had relationships with her, and each other; none of them were in the dark on any of this. But they weren't a threesome in the traditional sense, because three-ways were just a bit too kinky for them.
Gibbs forcefully shoved his tongue down Ducky's throat and the Scotsman moaned appreciatively in return, while the author gagged and cursed ever having been to California.
The two finally remembered to that they needed to breathe- well, Ducky, with all of his medical knowledge, knew that they did. Gibbs didn't think he needed to breathe, not really, because 1. Air was for squares and B., He was Super-Gibbs, and nothing could hurt him! He was bullet proof! No matter how many times that Ducky tried to explain to him that he wasn't, in the physical sense, immune to bullets, Gibbs wouldn't hear it. He was immortal, and he knew it; he couldn't understand why Ducky didn't get that.
Gibbs frowned at Kate's corpse. The bullet hole in her head was an unfamiliar blemish on her usually flawless visage. Gibbs had liked her Catholic School Girl persona, though every time he was with her he got the distinct feeling of being a pedophile, which he should have because he was so much older than her. Though the thought of her in a plaid pleated skirt did turn him on. Mmm, maybe he could get Abby to Photoshop her into one...
Ducky sighed exasperatedly as he looked at Gibbs' face. Most would think that the look in his icy blue eyes was a pensive one, as if he was pondering the secrets of the world and existence itself, like he knew so much that others didn't. Ducky, having known Gibbs for so long, knew it was more likely him being a horndog. He was like that a lot, too, and no one knew what a perv he could be. That was one of the things that Ducky loved about him.
The breathy exhalation from Ducky finally got Gibbs' mind out of the gutter. And with one look at Ducky, it fell straight back in. He practically tackled the other man, and they continued their make out session. Ducky ran his hands through Gibbs' silver hair and remembered a time when it had been brown, back in the days when Mark Harmon was named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. Back when they were younger, this scene of their passionate embrace could be considered incredibly hot, though now it was just classified as two old guys gettin' it on, and the author found this visual quite disturbing, and she continued cursing other things that put her into this position, such as her ex-lab partner.
Their groping and moaning continued, and they crawled onto the examining table that Kate's body was still occupying, and succeeded in successfully shoving off the table in their haste. Oh well, she was dead now, they were sure she wouldn't mind. After all, you had to live in the moment, keep with the times, and the times said that Kate was dead and wouldn't care about what some might call a blatant show of disrespect. In fact, she'd probably praise them for this!
As they continued their steamy- the author pauses to keep her meal down- display, they were completely unaware to the fact that they were being watched. McGee looked ready to faint, while Tony and Ziva just stared in awe. Because, really, this was all Tony and Ziva's fault. Or rather, it was all Michael Weatherly's fault. If he hadn't happen to mention in a certain TV Guide interview that he thought that it would be more dangerous to have Tony and Ziva get together than for Gibbs to be bi-curious- you know, just a little bit- then none of this would have ever happened.
Tony shuddered, and then asked Ziva, "Do you think it would really be that bad if we got together? I mean, worse than that?" He gestured vaguely at the moaning and groaning men.
Ziva didn't have an answer to this. She was wondering why a relationship between them would be even brought up now, as this was the first episode she'd appeared in- they hadn't had nearly enough sexual tension yet!
But this little factoid didn't seem to bother Tony in the least, as he then tackled Ziva into a kiss that had much less of a gag effect in the author. The two became so enraptured with each other that they didn't see McGee finally pass out in shock. The author looked from one couple in an embrace on the table, to another making out in the corner, to the unconscious body of McGee, and sighed. She was never playing Never Have I Ever again.
And that is most definitely the truth. Remember people, this was written on a dare. The people to blame for it are Minesweeper62 and YourFavoriteLabPartnerEver. Go attack them, and while you're at it, please review!