I still can't fathom that Spencer and I are at war with each other. Everyday without her is a day that I regret. Before I go to bed every night, I take out that picture we took of ourselves under the pier one Friday night. I look at it in great hopes that one day she will accept me back into her "hectic" life. She needs to understand that she is no longer in Ohio and realize that she has stepped on the soil of Ashley Davies. I know the only reason for her breaking it off with me was for her Mommy Dearest. God, I hate that doctor with a full-pledged hatred! Why does she have to be so close-minded? Why – I ask. I mean, Mr. C. seemed to have taken it well, at least – that's the mask he always wore when I was around. Paula always seems to wear one of those hideous Halloween masks. You know, the ones that are meant to be scary, but they are just disgusting instead. (sighs) I still can't believe we're not an "us" anymore. Why does everything in my life have to go up in smoke when I least expect it? Why – I ask, again. I loved that hot little blonde, too! I mean, I really loved her. She was probably the only girl I've ever loved. Every time I was with her, I always seemed to have butterflies – no, birds – in my stomach. A gut feeling that hurts so very badly, but you would be depressed if it went away. Every time she kissed me with those soft, inviting lips I wanted to stay connected to her forever. I figured that we would at least last for more than a couple of months, seeing as how much we cared for each other.
It's just my luck! It always seems that once I find something I actually want – no, need – it either leaves or dies! The last thing that left me was my pet dog, Franco. He was always my best friend all through childhood. He didn't care that I was just a girl questioning her sexuality and he was always loyal. Then one day, I come back from school and found him lying so still at the foot of my bed. I wanted to crawl up in a little ball right next to him and grasp him as hard as I could. I begged and pleaded to God to bring him back. But, I had to come back to reality. Franco was gone and now Spencer's gone, too. But, instead of her being gone for good, she's alive and kicking. Just waiting until the day her mother finally comes around. (laughs) That'll be an infamous day, at best! I would pay big money to see that day. Too bad love doesn't have a price. I should be begging her to take me back and I'll promise to her that I'll make everything right for her. But unfortunately, Spencer is a good little girl and she is not one to defy her parents. And, that sucks on my part. Because once again, Ashley Davies' life is stuck in a rut – and I forgot my ladder.