John glanced at the woman sitting across from him; a long tendril of dark hair had escaped its confinement and fell over her face. She made no attempt to brush it back and his fingers just itched to reach out and do it for her. Just to be able to touch her at all, however slightly would make him feel better. Over the past two years Elizabeth's hair had grown longer and now sat curled around her shoulders. Today though it was pulled into a messy bun and if he admitted it, he liked it.
'Stop it!' he told himself abruptly. 'You can't think like that anymore,' he repeated it over and over in his head. John knew that these invasive thoughts had no place in his life but it was hard to stop thinking about her. He wanted to freely reach out and touch her, have a normal stable relationship but this wasn't Earth and they were far from normal.
Two years had passed since Kolya had taken them, tried to break him by using her. Two years since they had confessed their love and since they had decided it wasn't their time. Two years since he had kissed her, touched her intimately and told her verbally how he felt. They now acted like nothing had happened between them, reverting to the easy relationship they'd had before. They hadn't placed restrictions on each other because deep down they knew that the chances of them beating the wraith in the near future were slim and neither wanted to stop the other from being happy. Though John still flirted regularly with off world women, it wasn't the same anymore as his heart just didn't seem to be in it.
On the other hand he had to sit by and watch as leaders from other worlds flirted with Elizabeth. At those times he had felt his stomach ball and this gut wrenching feeling of despair race through him. All he wanted to do was stake his possession but he knew he couldn't interfere, couldn't stop her from finding love with someone else who wouldn't place her life in jeopardy and didn't risk his own.
As if knowing what John thinking about Elizabeth chose that moment to glance up and catch his eye, letting her guard down if only for a moment. Elizabeth knew that sometimes it was hard for John to keep everything professional but he rarely showed it. There were times where they would connect, with either a slight touch or just a look and she knew that deep down he still seemed to love her.
John had never spoken the words since that day but she knew. She cherished these rare moments when he would lower the tough façade. Sometimes she would catch him in an unguarded moment staring at her with a sad, longing look and it nearly made her forget the reasons why they weren't together. It wasn't until they received news of a new threat to the galaxy, a wraith attack or simply his team being injured and then resolve reaffirmed itself.
'We made the right decision,' the voice inside her head told her. In a way she knew the voice was right, keeping herself distanced from John made her job just that little bit easier. When push came to shove, she found that not being able to express her feelings for him made the tough decisions just a bit easier because she couldn't let the fear show. She loved him but there was a big difference between expressing that love and keeping it bottled up. Elizabeth and John knew from experience that any show of weakness could be exploited and they both knew that their work on Atlantis was by far from finished. They had therefore come to an agreement that neither would stand in the way of other finding happiness with someone else, if it should happen before they were able to be together or if their feelings for each other changed.
"We've finally finished refitting the Orion," Rodney's voice knocked her out of her thoughts, "Elizabeth, we want to test its capabilities."
Elizabeth had to rack her brain to remember what the briefing was about. The Orion had needed extensive work to revert it to its former glory. Rodney and a team of scientists had been working on its systems whenever they could spare the time. Though it hadn't been at full strength they had been able to use it on several occasions when it was absolutely needed.
It had taken two years to repair it fully but now they had a fully repaired and operational Ancient ship. Things had become rather desperate around Atlantis after discovery that their only working ZPM was near depletion. Most missions were devised in hopes that the teams would discover a charged ZPM or any information on the location of one.
The restoration of the Orion to full strength bought back the hope that it could buy them some time to find a functioning ZPM or discover the information on how to build their own. Today was the day that Rodney decided the Orion was ready, that it was up to his standards. Today was the day they would test its capabilities, iron out any remaining bugs.
"Take only as many people as you need," Elizabeth answered him. Finalizing the details of the mission took another twenty minutes during which she received word that the Daedalous had landed. Closing her eyes and rubbing her temples she could feel that this latest visit from Colonel Caldwell was going to mean trouble. From the beginning Stephen Caldwell had showed a dislike for the Atlantis leader because John had been promoted ahead of him, however over time Elizabeth had begun to feel as if she had found another ally in her fight against the IOA.
Elizabeth had an inkling that Caldwell was not going to be bringing good news with him.
John watched as Elizabeth rubbed her temples tiredly. He knew she had been under a lot of stress lately from Earth. The IOA had been constantly questioning her decisions lately as if looking for a scapegoat and a reason to remove her from her command and replace her with someone who would be amenable to IOA influence. Though, he and Elizabeth had returned to the ease of their old friendship, he knew that she didn't tell him everything like she used too, therefore he couldn't be sure of any specifics.
John lolled back in his chair long after the briefing had ended; he waited for her to notice him.
Elizabeth could feel eyes on her, glancing up from collecting the paperwork in front of her and noticed John still sitting opposite her.
"What's wrong?" his voice quietly questioned her.
"What makes you think something is wrong?" she answered his question with one of her own.
John just sighed. "I know you better than that Elizabeth."
Biting her lip and glancing down at the table for a moment, Elizabeth knew she needed to tell him something. Though nothing unprofessional had occurred between them since they had defined their relationship, John was still the one that she confided in. She admitted that she didn't tell him much as she used to but she still tried to tell him her problems. He could always read her like a book, he always knew as if by instinct that something was eating away at her. This time he was spot on but she wasn't sure if she was ready to share her concerns.
Deciding to give him just enough information to ease his worry and put him off, she began telling him about her Earth problems and how the IOA had been slowly tightening its grip on her.
Stephen Caldwell glanced out over the Atlantis gate room. For four years they had been in the Pegasus Galaxy and for three of those years he had been flying back and forth between the Pegasus galaxy and the Milky Way.
The Daedalous had bought both new personnel and supplies to aid both in their fight and to keep themselves in top form. He also had news to deliver to Elizabeth that he wasn't sure she would be too happy about.
Caldwell knew that the IOA was trying to influence the Atlantis commander, practically blackmail her into making the decisions and strategic moves that they wanted her to make. So far Elizabeth had ignored them but the threat that she either comply or be removed from her command was looming over head. The IOA had made a point to question Weir's every decision, it wouldn't take much to push them over the edge and have her removed from her command.
Caldwell mused that the only reason she hadn't been removed and replaced with a puppet was because she had not made any disastrous decisions and that she had the support of the President.
Turning around he watched as the senior officers left the briefing room. He hadn't been included on the latest briefing as the Daedalous had only just arrived so he was stuck on the outside looking in until Weir had a chance to update him. Caldwell's eyes narrowed as he noticed only two people remained in the room.
He had heard the rumours like everyone else on the base but had yet to see with his own eyes what everyone else was claiming: that John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir were lovers. If they were and it came to public knowledge, the IOA would use it as an excuse and Elizabeth would be removed from command without hesitation.
Shaking the bad thoughts from his head, Caldwell watched the new arrivals make themselves at home whilst he waited for the two leaders to become available.