OMFG!!!

Half of the times nowadays I read some story nowadays suddenly the uke-ish character has been turned into a GIRL! WOOOHOOOOO.

Seriously people, this is so fucking annoying. I read ALMOST every shit from SM (which usually annoys the hell out of me as 99% of the time it just doesn't fit at all to the character), to rape (why ppl like stories that contain it so much is a mystery to me… I think the topic is way too lightly handled and ppl dun understand shit of it) as well as mpreg (the impossibility of that one makes it actually fun to read if done well). However I HATE!!! girl!!!ALLEN (or whatever other character). Why the fuck does the guy have to be turned into a damn girl? He is way fine as a guy!!! So annoying.

So this is a story about all the things I hate in fics. It's a oneshot and don't take it too serious.

Disclaimer: Like always: I don't own D. Gray-man.

Allen was walking down the corridor. He had just come back from a mission to retrieve another innocent fragment. He'd been alone with Link for the first time in ages and had missed Kanda at his side terribly.

Lately the two of them had always been together on missions so he really was sad that now all of a sudden his partner had been left behind. Oh well… the mission had been easy, so it's no wonder he was sent there alone. Just that it also had been a very, very annoying.

The fight had not been that hard, there had been a few level three akuma, but non of the level four. He retrieved the hidden innocent, which had been inside of a golden bracelet. Just as he had retrieved it, a girl with long, blue curls came out from her hiding place.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes… that bracelet… it was a gift from my late mother." A single tear rolled down her cheek and Allen immediately felt bad for her.

"I'm sorry. It had an innocent inside of it. If I had left it there the akuma would have come back and you would have gotten attacked again."

She sniffed and nodded in understanding. Her gorgeous, light blue eyes sparkling like sapphires in the sunlight that just shone at her face through the window. "Thank you." She whispered and averted her gaze. "What's your name?"

"I'm Allen." He smiled at her. Even though she obviously was from a rich family, she didn't hold the usual air of arrogance that people of her stature had. "What's your name?"

"My name is Mary." As her pink lips turned upwards it was as if the heavens themselves shone down on her. Surly she was sent by god.

That assumption was confirmed when at that moment the Innocent fragment started to glow. She gasped and even her gasp sounded like music. Or at least that's what Link, who was standing in the back and observed everything, thought.

"It would seem that you are a host for the Innocent." Link informed the beautiful girl before him. "Come with us to the Black Order and become an exorcist."

"What? An exorcist? But aren't exorcists chosen by god?" The girl asked and blinked several times.

Link nodded. "Come."

She looked unsure at the ground.

"Don't worry." Allen smiled. "The Black Order will be your new home."

"Then I will have to pack." Allen was glad that the girl was so understanding.

It took her two hours to get ready. She had packed five suitcases and taken a big handbag with her.

She sniffed. "Why do I have to leave so much behind?"

"Errr… how are you going to carry all of this?"

She blinked several times. "But… It's bad to let a lady carry everything."

Link nodded in agreement. He pushed three suitcases onto Allen and took the remaining two.

"You will have to do some training, if you are going to be an exorcist. Carrying luggage shouldn't be that much of a problem."

She sniffed in disdain and refrained from saying anything. Obviously the Black Order didn't know how important proper clothes and jewelry were.

They barley got to the train station in time. The girl was not used to running, so in the end Link handed all of the suitcases to Allen and carried her the rest of the way. He wouldn't trust someone who would become the 14th with such an Angel as this lovely girl.

In the train Mary finally fell asleep. Again it was surprising that she could sleep without a bed. Neither Link nor Allen had seen many girls with this ability.

He also wondered what her ability would be when it came to fighting akuma. He hoped a strong one so that she would be able to defend herself.

"Mary, open your eyes please. We're here." Link woke the girl when they arrived at their destination.

She opened her impossible blue eyes, which meanwhile had become dark blue instead of light blue and rubbed them. How cute she was! So cute that Allen couldn't help but look into the other direction. He wondered if she would one day become the inventor of Hello Kitty (a weird cat-like creature he had seen in a dream once).

They got of the train and headed back, Allen again had to carry all of the luggage, while Link talked with Mary about what she would be doing in the future. Allen somehow started to doubt whether or not she would be a help when she hit her leg and at once started to cry.

Miranda fell all the time and never complained about injuries…

Link, ever the gentleman, of course picked her up again and carried her back to the headquarters. "Are you injured? Do you need to be bandaged?"

"I'm sorry. It's just a scratch. Don't worry about me so much." She replied.

Suddenly Allen's eye activated. "AKUMA!"

He yelled while activated his innocence and blocked Mary and Link from the attacks of the akuma.

"AH! MY CLOTHES!" Mary yelled as her suitcase was hit by the attack of a level three akuma.

"Please stay out of this Mary!" Link called.

However, after seeing her lovely dresses destroyed in such a vile manner Mary was seriously angry.

"Innocence HATSUDO!" she called and her innocence activated and a sparkling aura could be seen around her.

Before Allen could destroy any she called "ANGEL KISS" and put two fingers to her lips. There was a sudden light at her fingertips and she directed it into the direction of the level three akuma. All of them were destroyed at once.

After this adrenalin rush she collapsed to the ground and wept for her lovely dresses.

"I'm really sorry about that. Your precious dresses!" Link said and tried to comfort her.

"You can go and buy new one in the town here." Allen smiled.

"They were of the finest silk!" She cried. "You were supposed to take care of them!"

Allen chose not to respond and not to point out that they might have died then.

Half an hour later they were finally inside the headquarters again.

"Allen, go and give the report to Komui." Link told him. "I will take care of Mary."

At that moment Kanda came through the halls. He was just about to comment on how late moyashi came back from his mission when he laid eyes on Mary. His breathing suddenly stopped for a second and his eyes widened in shock. Mary showed much the same reaction.

"Ah… who are you?" she asked while blushing a deep shade of red.

"… Kanda." He said, still staring at her before he turned around and left again without another word.

"Kanda…" she whispered. "What a nice person! I am so glad I came here."

Allen almost started to choke at the word nice. The guy had barley given her his name… still it made him angry that he had stared at Mary in such a fashion.

The next few days Allen always so Mary and Kanda together somewhere. The girl was talking a lot and Kanda actually gave answers as it seemed. At least if Mary's smile, that lit up the whole Black Order, was any indication.

Soon she had become the darling of headquarters and many men were fighting for the right to go shopping with her, which was her favorite past time.

"Kanda…" She pouted.

"…"

"Why don't you go shopping with me tomorrow? Komui told me you don't have a mission then."

"I am busy."

"I could ask a finder to do whatever you have to do, so that we could spend more time together."

"… fine."

Mary smiled even more.

As Allen heard those words he felt heartbroken. He quickly ran to Komui to ask him for help. Komui, who also had a secret crush on Mary (though he still loved his sister more… or almost more) at first wanted to refuse. But when he heard that the girl would be spending the day with a hormonal teenager he quickly went to work.

"Fine, I will help you, but you have to make sure to get Kanda away from Mary then."

"I will." Allen said.

"And I am not sure how long it will last."

"It doesn't matter. I'd do anything."

"Fine… you know all the risks that come along with it." Allen nodded.

The next morning Komui woke him up early and gave Allen a potion. "Drink this."

Allen did as he was told to do and gasped. At once he could feel the changes his figure became even smaller. His body became more slender and certain areas changed completely.

"So it works." Komui smiled. "Here." He handed Allen a bag full of clothes. "You will need this."

Allen smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

He then proceeded to get something to eat. To his delight a certain stoic samurai was already there and just sitting down a table in order to eat his soba.

Allen quickly ordered his usual amount of food and proceeded to sit down opposite of Kanda who glared at whoever it was that was carrying all the plates. At first he had assumed it was Allen, seeing that no one else consumed this amount, but then he realized that Allen's arms never would shake from carrying some food.

However as the person sat down he saw a certain white, that indicated that it was indeed the other boy.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, moyashi?"

"Eating?"

"What the fuck? What happened to your voice? It's even more girlish than normally!"

Allen smiled at him and Kanda gaped. "Oh FUCK! What the hell happened to you, moyashi?"

"It's Allen!"

"That name doesn't fit anymore, at least moyashi is neutral! And stop talking. Your high pitched voice hurts my ears!"

"It's A L L E N! BaKanda! And just what does it look like?"

Kanda coughed several times on his soba as the words sunk in. "I think I just lost my appetite."

"Let me finish your soba then." Allen smiled as he had finished his food already.

"What? No way! Besides, GIRLS don't fucking eat like that!"

Allen pouted. "And somehow that looked cuter when you were a guy."

Mary chose that moment to come and join Kanda. However when she saw that Kanda was head to head with another girl she started to cry. "HOW COULD YOU? You betrayed me!!!"

Kanda's head turned to her to see her running away, with every finder in the hall following her to comfort her.

"What the fuck? What the hell is going on today?"

Allen smiled. "Well since she already accused you of betraying her, you'll go shopping with me today."

"What the fuck? The fuck I will!"

"Komui's orders." Allen smiled. The last bit was a lie, but he was sure he could get Komui to agree with it.

"Kanda grumbled. Then he looked at Allen who smiled. The boy turned girl did her best to imitate Mary… and it made Kanda twitch.

"Be ready in twenty minutes!" Allen chirped while skipping off… and Kanda hit his head on the table. It seemed that someone was out there to ruin his life.

Twenty minutes later Kanda's glare gave way to a frozen look of shock. The wind blew past and leaves were twirling in the air while Kanda looked… or rather STARED at Allen Walker who was wearing a girl's Sailor uniform with a very, very short skirt. The uniform skirt that Lenalee had was long in comparison.

Sure, it looked good and all, but it also showed just how frail Allen's body had become. No wonder the boy's… or girl's hand had shaken when carrying the load of food.

"Well what are we waiting for?" Allen smiled and dragged Kanda behind him who let lose a string of curses.

They didn't notice a shadow following them however.

Two hours of shopping later and Kanda was sure this was the worst day of his life. The only thing that kept it better than his day would have been if things had gone according to yesterday's plans was that they at least were not clothes-shopping.

No… Allen had other priorities: Food.

He had never seen someone buy so much food. And he had to carry most of it since Allen's girly figure couldn't handle the weight of the whole things.

Just as they decided to turn around they saw Mary.

She walked towards Kanda with tears in her eyes. "How come you are carrying all those bags for her? Do you like her so much?"

Kanda stared at her, much as he had the first time he had seen her.

"What does she have, that I don't?"

"At the moment? … Nothing."

Allen gasped at that. Did Kanda really like Mary this much?

Just as he was about to inquire his left eye activated once again. A level four Akuma appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

"Die exorcists!" The creature yelled and proceeded to attack.

Kanda however still was staring at Mary and didn't notice the trouble they were in.

Mary with her great reflexes activated her innocence and proceeded to attack the akuma with "Angel Kiss". However the attack didn't kill the akuma.

Allen blinked and also activated. She wasn't used to her new body however and the high heels she was wearing were not practical at all when it came to fighting she noticed. She fell just in time to get out of the way of the next attack by the creature.

The akuma attacked Mary, who deflected several attacks, but since there were no clothes that were destroyed (she was shocked to see that Kanda was carrying a year's supply of food), she also didn't feel the need to protect anything. Finally she was hit full force by the attack.

Allen, who was still fighting with his body and new uniform was just saved by Kanda in the nick of time.

He finally was freed of Mary's spell and slashed the level four akuma in two with Mugen.

"Idiot! What the fuck do you think you are doing?" He yelled at Allen.

"I can't fight in these shoes. And my feet hurt too!"

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Clearly you didn't think about your profession when choosing this outfit."

"Komui chose it."

"Moyashi… how stupid do you have to be to take something from Komui?"

Allen once again pouted as Kanda took the innocence that had belonged to Mary. "At least I can move freely again now."

"You couldn't?"

"You couldn't either. Else you would be the Allen I know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The sparkle aura… it's an attack I was warned of by Lenalee once."

Allen looked at him in a confused manner. "She should have warned you too obviously. It's something that Mary Sues can use. Mary was one of them. I was so shocked cause I thought that Lenalee had been joking when she said that."

"Mary's talent really gave me the creeps." Allen shuddered.

"Now get your old body back."

"But Kanda?"

"Don't tell me you can't be a boy again!"

"I don't know and that's not it!"

Kanda's patience was getting thin. "Then what do you mean."

"Don't you like girls? I… I like you."

"Moyashi… Even if I liked girls I wouldn't like you as one."

"You don't like me?"

"I don't like you as a girl. You should have stayed who you are."

Allen chuckled. "You seemed to like Mary."

For the first time in his life Kanda shuddered. "Yuck. Mary Sue is a virus really."

Suddenly smoke surrounded Allen and with a pop he had turned into a boy again.

"ACK!!! MY CLOTHES!"

Kanda sighed and threw his coat over the younger boy.

"That's why you shouldn't trust Komui, idiot!"

Allen pouted.

"But at least now I can show you an antidote against the virus of Mary Sue." He said and kissed Allen. "If you ever turn into a girl I will kill you however. I don't like frail things."

Allen smiled happily at that and leaned in for another kiss.

AMG! I can't believe I wrote this crap.

And still it turned out better than I thought. I didn't get the illogical stuff right, real Mary Sue writers do a better job at that still.

Ok, here for the things I hate that were in this story:

*OC's with great powers (Mary Sues!)

*GIRL!!! Allen (or whoever is the uke)

*Thin plot (no plot) with no logic and inconsistency

For all those who wait for my other stories to be updated: I have written the chapters, but I wait for a reply on them of my friend ^o^

Now this one will be posted without being beta-read. It's crack…

Still it was fun writing the story ^^;;;

Thanks for reading! ^o^