Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Judd, or Dougie Poynter...sadly :(
About: Love isn't always easy.
Where did we go wrong? What happened along the way that caused this? I don't know. Maybe I never will. It's never the same, now. Not anymore.
It's different. Everything. Darkness. Stony silence. Shouts, yells that are shot at the wall, splattering in a mixture of anger and denial. Sighs of annoyance, rejections, refusals. The more I think about it, the more horrible, the more repulsive and vial, it seems.
You're home now. You're sitting there- nothing else, just sitting there. Your eyes are glued to the TV, your body faced well away from me.
And all I can do is pretend I'm okay with it all. You know I'm not. You know we're damaged, maybe beyond repair. But you don't want to fix it, lost the tools in the storm.
Remember what it used to be like? Smiles, laughter. Hours of cuddling, playful intimacy, ridiculous conversations. Stupid, little arguments that could be resolved with a kiss. The warmth of bed, the comfort of your body against mine. It all seems foreign in this moment, another world that's unreachable.
It all got broken. We don't know how, why. Maybe it was the drinks. The line between sober and drunk that got re-drawn, again and again, in intoxicated screams of anger against each other. It could've been the words of sarcasm, phrases of pretend insults, that escalated into full-blown violence.
It was all too perfect. We should've seen it coming. We didn't think ahead, didn't look towards the future. We were in love, madly, and that had been all that mattered.
Our relationship just...collapsed. Nights down at the pub became more frequent. Silent tears became more secret, more private. One world slowly split into two, a powerful bond broken by harsh reality. We didn't worry. We didn't stop to think that one drink was too many, but one hundred was never enough. We didn't give a damn, and that was what sent us down this direction.
You're watching me now, your sapphire eyes staring at my every move. I wish you'd stop. I wish we could forget all this. Start afresh, begin it all again, but without the gloom, the depression and anxiety. It's like we're not even friends anymore, we're simply strangers. Strangers with an unexplainable past.
I love you. That's why it's all so hard. I can never leave you, never forget about you. Maybe we can get it back. If we try, if we recall it all. Maybe we can ditch the drinks. Screw what anyone else says. Have each other, and not care that things could fall apart.
I'm crying now. I know it. Crying for what we had, for what we could have if we tried. If we really tried. I'm desperately wiping the droplets away, unwilling to let you see how much this is killing me. I can't bear it, the tears just keep flowing. Letting it all out, after weeks, months, of holding the emotion in the heart.
And suddenly you're holding me. I don't know when you came over to me, or when you even gave a damn about how I felt. But your arms are around my body, your head so close to mine. It's been so long, so very long, since we were this near. But it feels amazing. I feel safe again.
The tears are still coming, even though I'm doing my best to stopper them. You kiss my hair, letting me bury my face in your chest, for maybe I can hide my feelings forever.
I know you're crying too, your tears wetting my back. It's okay, though. It's good to let it out anyway. I tell you I'm sorry. Again, and again, and again. Over and over, on and on. You tell me to be quiet, your voice comforting and soft.
And we stay like that. For the rest of the evening. Barely any words, but that doesn't matter. Finally, we're getting somewhere. Finally.