by Arianna
Once upon a time, two illustrious and legendary heroes were heading toward the lake to get in some much anticipated R&R fishing and kicking back. It was a perfect summer's day, cloudless sky, light breeze…and no villagers begging for help and no monsters lurking in the trees.
Well, maybe not in the trees-but as they drew close to the water's edge, they spied an unusual sight.
A humongous, green turtle, standing over six feet tall on his hind legs-an odd sight to be sure-was posturing and pacing back and forth along the shoreline apparently having a lively and heated conversation with itself.
The short, er, compact, blond, curly-haired mortal hero squinted his brilliant blue eyes at the unlikely apparition and cleared his throat. Wondering if he'd taken one too many blows to the head in their recent altercation with a nasty warlord, he asked, "Uh-do you see what I see?"
The tall, very muscular demigod hero with long, flowing honey-brown hair frowned as he nodded, assuming they were seeing the same thing. "A turtle?" he muttered, just to be sure.
"Yeah-a very BIG turtle," the blond agreed.
"Standing on its hind legs…" the demigod elaborated.
"Talking to itself," the mortal sighed.
"Yep, I'm seeing what you're seeing," the taller of the two confirmed.
As they got closer, they both had the oddest impression that there was something distinctly familiar about the tall turtle, though they were both certain they'd never seen anything quite like it before. Perhaps it was the petulant, aggrieved tone. Or maybe the way it held its head, jaw jutting forward belligerently…or maybe the flash of aggressive arrogance in its beady black eyes.
The tall demigod said to the, er, compact mortal, "He looks familiar."
"Now that you mention it-yeah," the blond frowned.
Suddenly, illumination dawned and they turned to face the turtle, exclaiming in what can only be described as delighted disbelief, "ARES?"
"What?" snapped the turtle, with a glare of disgust. "I suppose you think this is funny."
"Uh, actually, yeah," the fearless and, sometimes reckless, blond mortal replied with a snicker.
The turtle's jaw jutted and his eyes flashed-but he seemed incapable of tossing a bolt of lightning, and was clearly not at all pleased about that.
"What happened to you?" asked the demigod, half-brother as it turned out to a turtle…who knew?
"Zeus," the very tall and disgruntled turtle sniffed in irritation. "Said I was arrogant, thick-skinned, hard-headed and needed to slow down a bit…like he should talk."
"So he's teaching you a lesson in humility," the demigod surmised, perceptive as ever.
Unable to resist, the mortal took a couple of hops, waggled his hands like long floppy ears and challenged, "Wanna race?"
The turtle sneered, "Can you say 'rabbit stew'?"
Finis