AN: There is very little dialogue in this one-shot fic but I think the storyline justifies it. Warning for character death (I cried whilst writing!) I hope you like it!
My Heart's Desire
Blaine sighed as he swallowed the tablets his mother had left on his nightstand. Flopping back down onto his bed, he felt the familiar pulling in his chest. Ever since he'd had pneumonia when he was 5 he'd had trouble with his heart. The doctors had told his parents that he'd developed a rare complication to the illness which had left his heart muscle weak and his lung capacity severely reduced – the only thing that would truly help him was a heart & lung transplant but he wasn't quite sick enough for that yet. His mum had taken that as a sign to wrap him up in a bubble for the rest of his life. Now at 16 he was a sophomore at high school – his second high school! His parents had transferred him to the prestigious Dalton Academy after he had a bit of trouble at his old school. Some idiots had found out that he was gay and took it has a personal insult – Blaine still wasn't sure whether they were angry that he was gay and tried to hold hands with his friend or whether they were insulted he hadn't wanted to hold hands with them.
It still hurt Blaine's head to try and comprehend the reasons behind their behaviour. One day when he'd come home with a cut on his forehead from a well-timed locker door connecting with it his mum had decided that enough was enough. He can still remember his parents shouting at each other that night – which was stupid because Blaine could hear that they were basically arguing for the same thing! Blaine's mum wanted him to transfer to Dalton to keep him safe, his dad wanted him to transfer to Dalton because it could open so many doors for him academically. Blaine remembered sighing and going downstairs and asking his parents to keep the noise down because he was trying to sleep. In the end, Blaine had just asked his parents if he could transfer to Dalton. He didn't give any reasons so let his parents believe whatever they wanted. He couldn't deny that the opportunities that had been opened up to him were some that he'd have had no chance of at his old school but mainly it was the zero tolerance anti-bullying policy that helped him flourish.
Twenty minutes, Blaine was sitting at the breakfast bar eating toast as his parents got ready to leave for work. His dad patted his shoulder and his mum kissed the top of his head and wished him a good day. Blaine had a feeling today was going to be a great day – he didn't know why, he just knew something good was going to happen.
That something good came when he was on his way to a Warbler's performance and he got stopped on the stairs by a boy who looked to be about his age but looked totally lost. Without thinking about it, he'd taken this boy's hand and led him through the corridor for a short cut to the senior commons – well, it would have been a short cut if Blaine hadn't gotten lost along the way! They ended up being the last ones to reach the commons but Blaine didn't mind.
Over the next 4 months he befriended this boy – Kurt – and managed to keep his condition a secret. Most of his medication was to be taken in the morning or right before bed so Kurt never saw him taking any of his pills. Blaine was so relieved to have a friend who only knew Blaine as a happy kid who loved music and shared his love of fashion.
It was March when Kurt came to Warbler's practice looking like his world had just ended. The canary Kurt had been given when he joined the warblers had died and Kurt had taken his passing quite hard. Blaine watched as Kurt sang the most beautiful song he had ever heard. Of course, he'd heard "Blackbird" before – he was a big beatles fan – but something about the way Kurt sang this song made his heart jump. Kurt had admitted a few weeks earlier that he had feelings for Blaine – but did Blaine have feelings for Kurt? Blaine tried to think but found himself drawn back to Kurt's voice and the emotion coming through the song. When Kurt had finished, he'd excused himself from the rest of practice.
A few days later, Blaine had managed to convince the Warblers to let him sing with Kurt at the upcoming show choir regional competition – they'd tied for first place at sectionals with Kurt's old glee club and the Warbler's felt they had something extra to prove. He found Kurt shortly after practice decorating a tiny coffin for his dead bird. Blaine felt that strange fluttering in his chest and had to swallow a slight twinge of pain as he walked over to Kurt and tried to express himself.
Blaine was lying in his bed that night – he still couldn't believe he had kissed Kurt! Kurt had even kissed him back! His first kiss, his first boyfriend, his first love! Blaine knew he was in love. He covered his face with his hands as he remembered the touch of Kurt's lips on his own. He felt a sharp pain in his chest and reach for his spray – quickly spraying under his tongue he closed his eyes and squeezed them as he waited for the pain to pass. Several minutes later, he felt the tightening ease and sighed heavily as he realised it was taking longer for the spray to work. He was getting sicker.
The next few weeks continued on as usual – morning medication, breakfast, school, Kurt, lunch with Kurt, warbler's practice with Kurt, home for homework (sometimes with Kurt), dinner with parents, texting or calling Kurt until one of their phones died. Before they knew it, Regionals was upon them. Blaine looked over at Kurt as they sang "Candles". Kurt looked so beautiful under the spotlight – he had talked to Blaine about his dream to study musical theatre as college and Blaine knew he'd succeed. He was so talented and his voice was beautiful. "Candles" ended and Blaine leapt into "Raise Your Glass", ignoring the ache in his chest. Even though he loved the song, he was glad when it over because it was getting harder to catch his breath. As the Warbler's left the stage to make way for the New Directions, Blaine excused himself and called his parents.
One of the conditions of Blaine having the freedom that he did was that if he felt at all unwell he would call his parents immediately. A frantic phone call later and his mum was agreeing to pick him up at the theatre in 20 minutes to take him to the hospital. She was going to call his doctor to check the results of his latest hospital tests which were done 3 days earlier. Blaine made his way to the audience seating and sat next to Kurt, trying his hardest to calm his breathing. When Kurt took his hand and questioned why it was shaking, Blaine tried to pass it off as nerves.
The New Directions performance was amazing. They were performing original songs and they were breathtaking. They had the whole audience on their feet and Blaine knew who was going to win regionals. His phone buzzed in his pocket as his mum texted him letting him knows she was outside. Blaine quickly texted Wes who knew about his condition. Seeing the message Wes' face paled and his head snapped up at Blaine who quickly texted back that he was ok and just going to get checked over. Blaine felt that it was a lie but what else could he say? As the choirs all made their way back up to the stage, Blaine slipped away and headed to the hospital with his mum.
Blaine's phone buzzed in his pocket as he listened to his doctor, not sure if he was hearing her words properly. He could hear a noise and it was only when his mum squeezed his knee he realised they were talking to him. He nodded his head anyway. All he heard were the words transplant, essential, life-threatening, at any time, this long, miracle, 20% function. Blaine allowed himself to be led into a private room. As he changed into a white hospital gown his doctor appeared at the door, her face bright red. They had a donor heart and lungs and due to the rapid drop in Blaine's lung function he was first on the list. He had to make a decision. He couldn't – what was he meant to say? Yes please just didn't seem like enough. His mum made the decision for him and within 10 minutes he was being prepped for surgery, his black curls covered by a blue paper hat, IV lines in both of his hands and a mask coming towards his face to put him under. Kurt, he thought. As he felt himself drift away into the land of anaesthesia, he pictured those bright blue eyes smiling at him as he realised Kurt didn't know he was here.
Blaine's eyes opened slowly and he tried to lift his hand but it felt heavy and he couldn't move his fingers. He could hear his mum's voice – she was talking to another woman. As his eyes began to focus he realised that the other woman looked familiar. Where had he seen her before? His mum realised then that he was awake. He couldn't talk and realised there was something in his mouth. A few beeps and a group of nurses and his doctor came in. He tried to listen to their instructions as the tube was pulled from his throat making his breathing seem slightly easier. He tried to speak but his voice sounded a bit croaky.
His mum took his hand and explained to him that he'd been unconscious in the ICU for 8 days. His transplant appeared to have been successful. Blaine noticed the strange look on her face and tried to ask her what was wrong. There was something he needed to know, she told him, but he should rest. Before Blaine could protest his eyes closed and he saw the bright blue eyes of Kurt floating in front of him telling him everything was going to be ok. He must have said Kurt's name out loud because he heard a gasp and sob from the two women in the room.
Blaine woke again 3 days later, fully recovered from the anaesthesia and finally being able to stay awake for more than 5 minutes at a time. That woman was back he realised – she was in black and looked really sad. Her face was red as if she'd been crying. Looking at her made Blaine feel sad, that could have been his mum but here he was after getting the transplant that had come at just the right time before he got too sick to be able to survive an operation. Looking around his room, Blaine noticed his phone was sitting on the cabinet beside his bed. He carefully lifted his arm and managed to bring his phone onto his lap. Switching it on, he realised that people must have been wondering where he'd been for that last 2 weeks! He had 12 new voicemails and 43 text messages as well as multiple emails, facebook and twitter notifications. He searched his contacts list and pressed Kurt's name. Switching to speakerphone he listened as the number rang out and eventually went to voicemail. He left a short message saying he was sorry for not being in touch but he was sure that by now Kurt must know he had a really good excuse! He hung up and started to check his texts. Kurt had texted him only twice – right after regionals but plenty of other people had texted him
Kurt-we lost to ND – where are you? Kx
Wes- we lost dude, hope you're ok
Kurt-Wes told me. I'm coming. Will call from car. I love you x
Wes-Please tell me you saw Kurt
David-Dude, where's Kurt? What's going on?
Jeff-R U getting an op? Wes is freaking out? Tell Kurt to call him if you get this
Wes-Are you getting these msgs?
Blaine began to get worried and he could hear the beeps on the machine behind him echoing his new heartbeat. He pressed the button for his voicemails and clicked them to speakerphone.
Dr Reece-Blaine Anderson, its Dr Reece from Worthington Memorial. We need you to come in as soon as you can. I've just seen your most recent test results and we need you under observation as soon as possible. Your mum called and said she was bringing you in, be prepared for at least an overnight stay
Mum-Blaine honey, its mum. I'm outside next to the Dalton bus. Come out as soon as you can.
Dad-Hey son, its dad. Mum says you're not feeling great. Be careful son. I'll meet you and your mum at the hospital.
Kurt-Blaine, Wes just told me what's going on. I can't believe you never told me. I can't believe I never noticed! I'm coming to you, I don't know if you'll get this straight away or not but I'll be there as soon as I can. I love you. I'll be there-shit!
The line went dead and Blaine looked up at the two women who had come into his room. Blaine silenced his phone as the voicemails continued. Both women looked at each other – seemingly unable to form a sentence. Blaine touched his chest and looked up at the woman in black. She smiled sadly and nodded.
"Is he-" she nodded, noticing that Blaine couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.
"He called me while he was driving." She nodded again.
"A crash?" She nodded. Blaine felt his heart jump and he remembered how flustered his doctor had been the day he came into the hospital.
"I have his heart?" he asked, and as both women nodded the tears finally left his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. "He always had mine and now I have his."