A Slow Burn

by Blu Rose

Series Summary: Not everyone reacts well to change. Just because Rin was able to adapt to no longer being human didn't mean his own son would do the same. In fact, he took the new way of life he was forced to follow quite poor. (Warning: Dark, depressing family stuff inside!)

1. A Sudden Change

So this has been rattling around in my head since Christmas last year and I thought it was a waste to let the several chapters I wrote gather digital dust on my computer. A fair warning to readers, this story's got…relatively tame attempts at self-harm in this chapter, so if that makes you uncomfortable, you might not want to read. But if you can endure stories with OCs and Rin suffering through parenthood, you might like this.

Disclaimer: Blu Rose doesn't own the Blue Exorcist series. Only her OCs and this fic.

Series Summary: Not everyone reacts well to change. Just because Rin was able to adapt to no longer being human didn't mean his own son would do the same. In fact, it was a change for the worst. (Warning: You will need to read Die Happy and Demon Seed to get an explanation for some of the things in this story!)

Chapter Summary: To everyone else, becoming a demon and being forced to train as an exorcist was a bump in the road. For Kazuki Okumura, it may as well have been the end of his life.

X-X-X

"Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change."—a line from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

X-X-X

Part 1: A sudden change

He had only been gone for a day. A day. That was all it took for someone to snatch his wife and child while he wasn't looking. Rin had been so terrified for their lives that he felt he wouldn't be able to feel even a second of relief until they were out of harm's way. But when he did find them, it wasn't the happy reunion he had been hoping for.

Because it had been the sight of blue flames that attracted the attention of searching exorcists.

If there had been a nicer place in the area before, it had been replaced by a partially burnt down building standing in the middle of a blaze of blue flames that had been going for who-knows-how long. Rin didn't even hear the words of the other exorcists on his team. He just ran into the flames in search of his family, telling himself that they were alright.

What he found in the center of the flames made his blood run cold: his 15-year old son naked, covered in burns and curled up with the body of his wife, whose clothes were stained with blood in various places. It could be seen that the boy was alive, not by the subtle rise and fall of his chest, but by the horn-like blue flames on his head and the way his flame-tipped tail would twitch every couple of seconds. But his mother, though miraculously unburned, was very much dead. It didn't stop Rin from calling out for help and even trying in vain to save her on his own, but even if she was still alive, their son's hold on her was tight and prevented Rin from turning her over. The boy didn't even seem aware of what was going on around him—as if the only people in the world were him and his dead mother.

All Rin felt he could do was cry. He kneeled over his family and awkwardly hugged them as tightly as he could while sobbing and repeatedly apologizing: "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you… I'm sorry this had to happen to you… I'm just…so sorry…!"

X-X-X

Since his wife's death and his son's containment by the Knights of the True Cross for "his safety" two weeks earlier, the only other living soul in their home aside from Rin had been Kuro. But Rin tried to stay out of the house as often as he could, otherwise he'd be overwhelmed by memories of happier times. For instance, the half-demon would make it practically mandatory to go and visit his son each and every day, and he would often try—and fail—to sneak in little gift for him. Today, Rin tried to bring him a homemade lunch, since he would often be told that his son never ate the food he was given, but was unable to get it past the guards standing outside his door.

"Seriously! It's not like there's explosives in here! Just lemme give this to him for once!" Rin complained to the one exorcist standing guard in front of his son's room. He didn't bother blocking off the metallic door because Rin knew by now that it had been blessed and decorated in all sorts of holy phrases to prevent Kazuki from possibly breaking it down.

"Sorry. You know the rules. He's only allowed to eat what the doctors say he can have." Although he'd heard that statement many times before, Rin couldn't help grumbling in disdain under his breath. He practically shoved the boxed lunch into the exorcist's chest, giving him a lukewarm threat of what would happen should he eat it even a single grain of rice before entering the room.

Even with its relatively clean and ordinary-looking state, it probably wouldn't be far to call the room a cell. There were no windows, unless one counted the small barred opening in the blessed door or the bottom slot where trays of food would be pushed. It was very small, with the bed and the toilet to the back of the room taking up half of the space. Lying down on the bed and staring up blankly at the ceiling was 15-year Kazuki Okumura, a position that he was almost always in whenever Rin came to see him.

Rin approached his son's bed and sat down on it, staring at the door in silence. Beginning a conversation was always difficult because Kazuki never spoke and Rin could never think of a way to break the ice in such a dismal situation. Finally, he decided upon, "How's your tail?" No response. "You haven't been hurting yourself anymore, right?" On the first day of his imprisonment, Kazuki attempted to remove his new tail. He didn't have anything to cut it off, so he tried to break it off, and it naturally hurt a lot. It also led to the doctors in charge of his "treatment" deciding he would be better off strapped down to his bed for the first week. "Come on. Let me see," his father said, holding out a hand expectedly. Quietly, Kazuki rolled over, showing his back to his father. His tail snaked out from inside of his sweatpants. The tail was slightly bent at the base near his back, making it crooked, but the way it moved fluidly suggested it was no longer in bad condition. "Mm-hm. It looks good. I'm sure it won't be long until they finally see that you aren't a threat and they let you go."

"…need to…" Rin's ears perked at the sound of Kazuki's voice. "They need…to kill me…" He mumbled meekly.

"Don't worry! As far as they can tell, you haven't done bad—and I know you haven't. You're a good boy and a few flames gives them no reason to kill you," Rin said with a smile.

"They need to kill me… I don't want to live like this…! I don't want to be like you…!" Kazuki sounded like he was starting to cry now.

"It's not all bad! You can still live a happy life! You just…have to learn to take a few precautions!"

The dark-haired boy rolled over and narrowed his eyes. "Those guards out there said they would probably force me to work for them! If they're not gonna kill me, the least they could do is leave me alone!" The father and son stared at each other in silence. "…You're not telling me that won't happen. Does that mean—?"

"I don't want that sort of life for you. If I had a choice, you wouldn't become an exorcist, especially against your will."

Kazuki's expression became one of dread. "S-so…I am gonna be forced into doing your stupid job…! I hate demons, but I'm not dumb enough to go picking fights with them!"

"I-it's okay! It's not like they're going to just toss you into a fight with Satan himself as soon as possible! They'll put you through basic training first, and they'll test you—"

"Shut up! Just SHUT UP!" Kazuki shouted, baring his teeth. "Screw training and tests and all that bullshit! I don't wanna become an exorcist at all!" He grit his teeth as his tail bristled. "This…is all your fault!" Rin just sighed. He had been expecting that statement sooner. "Because of you, I've always seen demons and been tormented by them! And then mom and I got taken by those bastards because I'm your kid! And now I have to go through all this shit because they expect me to be a goddamn monster hunter?! Just because you and Uncle Yukio like this kind of life doesn't mean I do!"

"I don't like this anymore than you do." Rin reached a hand out and stroked his son's head. He expected his hand to be batted away, but Kazuki was too busy crying and rubbing his eyes to get upset over it. "I'm sorry. Your life really is messed up because I'm your dad, isn't it? No wonder you hate me." He wanted to hear his son say that he didn't really hate him, but he didn't say a word. Rin sniffed and continued stroking Kazuki's head. "Even if they force you to train as an exorcist, they'll probably see that you aren't cut out for it at all. Then the worst thing they could do would be sealing your powers."

"Or kill me. Or lock me away for the rest of my life. I honestly don't care which at this point…"

The father ignored his son's words. "We'll…have to cope. You more so, of course. But I swear, regardless of they decide, I'll help you to get through it." Kazuki didn't bother to answer and continued to cry. Rin stopped stroking his head and wrapped one arm around him in an awkward hug. "It'll get better. I promise things will get better, but only if you try."

X-X-X

Several days later, Kazuki had been allowed to come home at last. It should've been a happier occasion, but the mood had been soured by the news that had been given to the father and son by way of Mephisto: "It has been decided that Kazuki Okumura-kun will begin attending the exorcism cram school starting next year spring semester. Also, it is in his best interest to reside on the True Cross Academy campus. After all, it's been proven that it isn't exactly…safe to allow him live in an ordinary setting with such little protection. Please see to it that you make the necessary arrangements for this change of residence."

It annoyed Rin to no end. It was bad enough that they were making Kazuki take part in this, but making him move onto the True Cross Academy campus was like a slap in the face. They may as well have said 'you were unable to protect your son before, so we obviously can't trust you take care of him as he is now.' At least Rin and Yukio had the choice to become exorcists, even if their alternatives weren't exactly attractive. They didn't even wave the threat of execution over his head the way they did Rin, like they were determined to add him to the ranks of the Knights of the True Cross. Or would they do that if they decided he really wasn't worth their time? No… They couldn't be so awful…

"This entire situation pisses me off…!" Rin muttered as he slammed down the cutting knife a bit too hard. It not only sliced through the cabbage, but it also left an ugly mark on the cutting board he had been using. The half-demon sucked his teeth as he observed the damage. "Damn it!" He muttered to himself before going back to preparing dinner.

Occasionally, Rin peeked out of the kitchen and into the living room. He would find himself staring at Kazuki, who was staring…at nothing. The TV was on, but he seemed to be staring up at the ceiling with a spaced out expression. Rin had expected the news of his enrollment would make the boy explode and curse every single member of the True Cross responsible for the decision, maybe blame his father once again for his troubles, but he just quietly mumbled, "Once again, my opinion means nothing to you people," and he hadn't spoken since then. He obviously didn't like this situation, but had unhappily resigned to it.

At the very least, Kazuki had the rest of the fall semester at middle school to stay at home with his father. Rin had hoped that during that time, he could help Kazuki feel better and perhaps even look forward to going to school in the spring. But for right now, he would focus on making him feel comfortable and happy, as if things hadn't changed.

Not that it would be easy to ignore the empty chair at the dinner table.

"Dinner's ready," Rin announced. Kuro and Ouji, who had been resting on either side of Kazuki on the couch, immediately jumped off of it and sat down in front of the dark-haired man obediently. "Alright, guys! Enjoy!" He said as he put down a plate of food for each of them. He looked at Kazuki, who continued staring up at the ceiling. "Kazuki. Dinner." Still no response. "Kazuki." After a few seconds, Rin sighed, walked over to the couch, and placed a hand on Kazuki's head. "I said it's time for dinner. Come and eat."

"…I don't wanna eat," Kazuki mumbled after a few seconds.

"You haven't eaten all day."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't believe that."

"Just leave me alone."

Without a word, Rin lifted up Kazuki from the couch and slung him over his shoulder. He carried the teen over to the table and sat him down at one end of the table before sitting down at the opposite end. "Eat. You're going back to school soon, so you should get your strength up."

"School doesn't matter. Nothing important to me matters."

"And what exactly is important to you?" Rin asked between spoonfuls of rice.

"You don't care. None of you care. Only Mom did."

"You know that's not true. You can tell me anything, Kazuki, and I'd understand."

"If you understood, you'd kill me or something."

"As if your mother would want that. I know the situation's more than a little startling, but just…try to think positive, okay?"

Kazuki's sad expression became an agitated one, but he said nothing to match his mood. He simply poked and prodded at his food before putting his plate on the floor for Kuro and Ouji and eat. Of course, neither the cat sidhe nor the inugami felt comfortable enough to eat it because of the aura of anger that radiated from Rin. "Good night," was all Kazuki said as he got up from his seat and walked up the stairs.

Rin spent the rest of dinner angrily shoveling food into his mouth as he continued to radiate his aura of anger. Once his plate was cleared, he started to feel miserable. The dark-haired man wound up picking up his son's plate from the floor and stared at it for a few seconds before going upstairs. He stood outside the door of Kazuki's bedroom and knocked on it. "Kazuki. Open up. You have to eat something. If you finish your dinner, we can have ice cream for dessert. Please…" Rin rested his forehead against the door in thought for a few seconds before narrowing his eyes. "You don't wanna open up? I'll open the door myself!" He shouted before raising a leg and kicking the door open. "Alright! You're gonna eat if I have to shove it down your—!" He stopped in mid-sentence and dropped the plate in shock.

There was Kazuki hanging from the ceiling lamp with a makeshift noose of cloth around his throat. He stood on a chair, and the moment he made eye contact with his father, he kicked the chair out from underneath his feet and proceeded to gag and flail. Before Rin could even run forward to grab him and get him down, the ceiling lamp broke and Kazuki wound up falling onto the chair. It sounded like something broke with a sickening crack and Kazuki cried out in pain. In an instant, Rin was at his son's side. He tried to help Kazuki stand up, but the boy cried out in pain and faltered when he tried. Without even being asked a question, Kazuki replied, "No one will kill me like I want them to, so I've decided to take things into my own hands. But the damn lamp couldn't hold my weight at all…" He started to laugh bitterly about it before he just started to sob.

X-X-X

The following morning, Kazuki's leg—which had broken during his failed suicide—had been fully healed. This was probably the first time Rin was grateful Kazuki wasn't a human anymore—that abnormal healing saved his son from missing another day at school. However, his physical condition wasn't what worried Rin. He hardly felt comfortable about sending Kazuki back to school after he attempted suicide just the other night. He rationalized that since he was already missing so many days at school, one more wouldn't hurt. At least it gave Rin a chance to talk to his son, to yell at him for trying something like that so soon after his mother's death, then to apologize and hug him while saying that he didn't want to lose his beloved son.

Rin's heartfelt statement didn't get him a response from Kazuki. In fact, Kazuki hadn't spoken or left his bed that morning—and that was before his father allowed him to stay home. He remained under the sheets, his eyes red and cheeks stained by dried tears, just staring up at the ceiling with a vacant expression. It was as if his failed attempt at suicide had broken something in him and made him give up on…everything, Rin assumed. Each time his father checked in on him that day, he'd find Kazuki still in bed.

It wasn't until nightfall that Rin finally had enough. He marched into his son's room, stood over his bed, and looked down at his pitiful child. "You can't stay in bed forever. This isn't going to go away."

"There's no escape," Kazuki spoke for the first time that day, although his voice sounded tired. He continued staring up at the ceiling. "No one wants to kill me. I can't kill myself. But if I'm lucky, a demon may kill me someday…"

"Don't say things like that."

"Or maybe I'll spontaneously combust or something… Burn away into flames…become ashes. That could happen…"

"I said don't say things like that!" Rin snapped. "You can't whine every time something you don't like happens to you! Nothing's going to change for the better if you don't actually try! And no, I don't mean…killing yourself…" His voice had died down from angry bellowing to a small whisper. He kneeled next to his son's bed and smiled weakly. "It's not the end of being a normal person. I'm proof, aren't I?" Wasn't he?

"I don't want to be like you."

"I know. I don't want you to be an exorcist. You have to do things neither of us really wants you to do. But we have to put up with it. Even…normal people have to put up with it when things don't go their way. No use crying over spilled ramen and all." He waited for Kazuki to react to his incorrect saying. He expected to be called out, or even get a bit of a laugh or a smile from his son to assure him that the boy could still feel happiness. But he just stared blankly at him, his mouth remaining as a neutral line. "It's more of a waste than milk, you know. Especially pork ramen. But it's just food. It can be replaced."

"…My humanity can't be replaced. Mom can't be replaced." There was a bit of an edge to Kazuki's voice as he said that.

"I know. You can't replace people." He chose to ignore the comment about humanity. Rin brushed Kazuki's hair out of his face. He blinked, but he was otherwise unfazed. "Do you wanna get out of bed now?"

"My opinion doesn't matter."

Rin sighed from discontent and narrowed his eyes. "I wish you'd stop saying that."

"I have to do things I don't want to do, but I have to put up with it. In short, my opinion doesn't matter. Otherwise I'd still be going to my normal school and staying at home."

"But it will someday. You just have to wait until then."

Kazuki got up and out of bed, muttering "So you admit it," as he moved past his father and left the room. Rin was quickly behind him as he went down the hall, opposite of the way downstairs. "Leave me alone. I'm out of bed and I'm not gonna kill myself. I'll just live with my misery as I put up with everyone's expectations and the fact that what I want is ignored."

"Would you stop putting words in my mouth?! I'm not the enemy here! I'm trying to help you!"

"If you wanted to help me, you should've worn a fucking condom!"

That comment was the one that made Rin snap. The half-demon lost control of himself and the old habit of 'discipline through brute force' kicked in. He lunged forward, head locking Kazuki from behind and wrestling him to the ground. The boy tried to fight back, but although he had shared the flames and the healing, he didn't have that freakishly inhuman strength in common with his father. Although he raked his fingers across his father's arm and drew blood, it did nothing to stop the older man. But then, the anger started to fade and he realized that he had his son pinned to the floor, the boy screaming out more in anger than pain. The position of his hands and arms shifted soon after and Rin was now hugging the boy tightly. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry, but you just make me so angry at times…" Kazuki had stiffened under his father's touch. "I would never wish that you weren't born. Your mother and I cherished having you and raising you. We love you despite your flaws and deep down, you love us despite our flaws."

Kazuki glared down at the floor for a few seconds before saying, "I'm gonna pee myself if you don't let me go."

"Eh?!" Rin let him go from surprise and Kazuki took that opportunity to dart into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Rin stared at the door dumbfounded until he shouted, "You could've said you had to go to the bathroom, y'know!" Rin then went downstairs to prepare dinner. After almost an hour, he went back upstairs to get Kazuki, only to find that his bedroom was empty. Thinking that maybe he was washing up after spending all day moping in bed, the man approached the bathroom door and knocked. Almost immediately, he heard the sound of something falling to the floor inside the bathroom, but thought nothing of it. "Kazuki! Dinner's ready, and I am not taking 'no thanks' as an answer!" No response. "Kazuki! ...Kazuki?"

"O-okay! Gimme a moment to change and…!" He cut off his sentence as more things fell indoors. "God damn it…!" He cried. He honestly sounded like he was upset.

"Are you okay in there?" Rin didn't want the boy to have a breakdown while he was locked up in a room. Heaven knows what he would do to himself.

"Fine! I'm fine! Just leave me alone!"

"…Okay." But he didn't. Instead, Rin stood out in the hall, listening through the door and being careful as to not make a sound. Kazuki didn't speak while he was in there, but the dark-haired man could hear things being moved about and the sound of flowing water often starting for a few seconds and then cutting off.

Eventually, Kazuki came out of the bathroom looking exhausted. His clothes appeared to have been wet from water and stained from blood. His mind must have been elsewhere, because it took a few seconds before he noticed Rin sitting on the floor next to the door. Their eyes met and they stared at each other, as if waiting for one of them to speak. Kazuki's eyes teared up as he began, "I couldn't do it. I wanted to go as deep as I could, but it just hurt too much. Not that it mattered, because it always healed so quickly." Part of his exposed arm, Rin realized, looked bright pink, as if it had been scrubbed raw. "I thought it was a better option than hanging myself, but it wasn't. It's like the universe doesn't want me to die…"

"…Good. Take that as a hint and stop doing things like that to yourself." Rin should've been angrier. Or sadder. Those would be the typical responses to his son trying to die from blood loss. "Please. For me, at least?" It really felt selfish to think of his own feelings in the matter—how guilty and sad and angry he was, but when Kazuki had pretty much labeled his father as the root of his problems, it fucking hurt. And his attempts to die felt like he was trying to escape Rin rather than the responsibilities that had suddenly been expected of him. "If not out of love, than out of pity."

"Tell them about this," Kazuki spoke quickly. "Tell them I'm crazy. That I'm a liability. That I can't be trusted. Say that becoming a demon made me go mad and that I'm incapable of anything useful to them."

"You know you're not." And if he did tell the True Cross Order that, it would end with something far worse than his son being forced to become an exorcist. Rin got up from the floor and held Kazuki close to him. "If we're fortunate, you might prove to be so awful at the job that you couldn't be taught by the best-suited teachers how to be an exorcist."

"And if they don't think that?" Kazuki muffled into his shirt. "If I'm really good at whatever the hell they want from me, what then?"

Rin honestly didn't know how to answer that. He knew his son wasn't cut out to be an exorcist. Having will power was a big part of the job—the will to resist the offers of demons and their corruption that so many humans fell to. Kazuki had always feared and hated demons, and those negative emotions would damn him on the field. It was a frightening thought, losing his child to demons one way or another, but right now, the thought of his boy's emotional weakness provided Rin with a small comfort.

But what if he was wrong? What if he did have a talent for being an exorcist, and yet had no interest? It made Rin wish he could just take his child away in some far off place so they could live life like the normal family he always wished they could be.

"Let's have dinner," he said as he began to lead his son down the hall. He hated how he couldn't reassure his son without repeating things that only made him angry before. All he could do was change the subject and try to make Kazuki happier with something else. "I made curry rice and chicken. And we can have ice cream for desert. We can eat it while watching TV together."

"…What flavor ice cream?" Kazuki's voice sounded flat. As if he was trying to go along with the change of subject despite still feeling upset. He was trying to put up with it, just like his father had told him.

"Coconut."

The dark-haired boy sniffed and rubbed his eyes. "…Thank you…"

X-X-X

Although Rin hated the thought of letting Kazuki go to school again while he was in his current state of mind, he allowed him to do so. He worried over the rest of the school week what Kazuki had done while they were apart. He said he didn't do anything "crazy" or "suicide-y", but Rin was sure he could believe him. After all, he healed from injuries that could've killed him last year so easily, so who knows what sort of things he did to his body in an attempt to find his limits and weaknesses.

But if he ignored his suspicions, then Kazuki was perfectly fine. Sure, he hid his tail even when he was at home because he hated seeing it—the most obvious physical trait that showed he was no longer human. But they still had arguments and fights over the stupidest of things only to make up when promises of food were given. He still showed his soft side to Kuro and Ouji—affectionate petting and stroking after they wore him down with their desire for attention. Rin could fool himself into thinking that things would be okay.

At least he could until Kazuki came home one day looking pale with his school uniform stained with something black and foul-smelling, something familiar to Rin. "I saw goblins on the way home from school. I thought…since it was going to be my job from now…"

"IDIOT!" Rin roared. "You stupid kid! It doesn't matter how quickly you heal! You could still get hurt and sick from things like that! Did they bite you? Did any of the blood get into your wounds? How'd you even kill a goblin?!" The questions just poured out of Rin's mouth like water down a cliff.

Kazuki plopped himself down on the couch and stared at the blank TV. "I didn't. I tried, but I…couldn't use the flames. This," he gestured to his bloody uniform, "is because Ouji tore them all apart and saved me."

Rin narrowed his eyes. "You shouldn't be so reckless. You don't know anything about exorcism, let alone using your powers."

"Shouldn't I learn how?" The question made Rin flinch. He didn't want to teach his son how to fight and hurt. He'd been trying so very hard not to, although his moments of physical discipline may have been just the same. "I mean, it's the only reason why they wanna make me an exorcist, right? To make me fight? It might be best—"

"I'll show you how to control your flames. Starting tomorrow." Kazuki didn't look delighted at the announcement, but he was never delighted about the things he would have to learn. Rin, though he didn't want to, pretty much had to teach him that. He couldn't have Kazuki running around unable to use his flames or burning things at the worst possible time. He needed to learn control as much as he needed to learn that he wasn't invincible. "Go and wash up. And don't dump those clothes with the rest of the dirty laundry—leave it in my room. And we're having yakisoba with gingered chicken. And don't do something like that again!"

X-X-X

The following day was Sunday, so Kazuki had no school. Rin, however, still had to work. Still not comfortable with the idea of leaving Kazuki alone—which he hated himself for—the half-demon wound up taking his son along with him under the pretense of the boy finishing his homework and promising to eat out wherever Kazuki wanted. Whether or not he really believed Rin's excuses, Kazuki went along without protest. They both endured the boredom of sitting through Rin's consultations with civilians with demon-related problems—the benefit of an uneventful work day—before they were able to have time alone together.

Kazuki showed no amazement or curiosity over being shown the area of True Cross Academy that served as the cram school, or in the way they got there via a magic port key. He'd been dragged here several times before for the sake of shots and tests and verification that he was still human. All he did was comment on how decrepit the place looked and ask why they couldn't do this at home, where they were truly alone, instead of this place. He wasn't complaining outright, but he obviously didn't enjoy being in this place even under the pretext of instruction.

Once they found the empty training area, they settled in and Rin commenced his instruction. It was, more or less, the same things he told Yukio after his own awakening: how his flames could be controlled by his emotions, how he could decide what they burned and what they didn't, how relying on them too much was a bad thing, how a lack of confidence might lock his flames away, etcetera, etcetera... Then they began to practice with a little candle and the simple task of lighting it without going overboard. Kazuki failed, though, numerous times. He simply couldn't use them.

"I'm obviously defective. Can we tell them I can't use my flames properly?" Kazuki muttered.

"Nothing's wrong with you. I had difficulties getting the hang of this, too," Rin had told him as he patted the teen's head reassuringly. "It just takes practice and patience."

"Could you burn yourself?" Rin's eyes widened at the question. Kazuki's eyes had fallen onto the candle on the floor. "You said that the flames could burn whatever I wanted them to. If I wanted to harm myself, in theory—"

"You wouldn't because you shouldn't."

"But in theory—"

"Why are we talking about this?"

"I just wanna know if I could accidentally…"

The father and son stared at each other for a few seconds before Rin admitted, "I've never burned myself. Neither has your uncle. Usually, when we're using them, we're thinking of burning anyone but ourselves. Now why did you really wanna know if you could do it?" Kazuki looked hesitant to say anything. "Whatever it is, I won't judge you."

"Yes you will. ...I've dreamed of going up in blue flames once or twice. Burning alive. I wake up before I ever die, though…" The teen took a breath before he said, "The way I am now, I think it'd be like a phoenix dying and being reborn as it goes up in flames. But it would still hurt… I'm sure you don't understand."

He didn't understand. But he didn't admit that out loud. "I see. I think we've found your block. You're afraid of burning yourself to death."

"No. I'm not afraid of dying from the flames. I'm afraid of surviving burning up in them..." Kazuki admitted with an unsettlingly calm expression.

X-X-X

Review for the sake of Blu!