A/N: All mistakes are my own, I don't have a betareader yet (pm me if you'd like to offer :)). Thanks to Moo for always being the voice of reason
The lilies were his downfall. Gilbert had been avoiding Anne – both in person and by mention in conversation – since he had visited Patty's Place just after their return from the Christmas holidays. Anne had acted as if nothing had changed between them but to him it felt a false front, pretending everything was as it used to be was far worse than acknowledging the the shift in her affections.
Her eyes had held the dreamy look of one seeing all their hopes coming true and it felt like a knife through his heart that Anne was clearly over the moon in love. He knew he should be happy for her, should be able to set aside his unrequited feelings in a show of support for a childhood chum. He decided that day that it was far easier to lose her completely than pine over a future he could never have and keep some form of friendship. With the decision made Gilbert stopped his previous habit of frequently visiting Patty's Place instead filling the lost hours with studies, work, and Christine's company as the gossip at Redmond turned to discussions of who were expected to be announcing their engagement.
Though previously he had constantly quashed rumours of his impending engagement to Miss. Christine Stewart now he said nothing, for what did it matter if everyone were to believe such a blatant falsehood? Anne no longer needed to be kept from hearing those things for she had made her choice. Both he and Christine had a good laugh about it when the rumour had first circulated as Christine agreed that she saw him as nothing but a good friend. Her being already engaged to another seemed little deterrent to those who would claim something more between them.
Gilbert could do nothing to compete with a man such as Royal Gardner who seemed to check off every single item on the silly imaginary list Anne had for her 'ideal' man. How could he ever even come close to that? No, he had been right to attempt to piece together what he could of his shattered heart and move forward with other life dreams. Becoming a doctor was a worthy goal that went well in hand with his distraction of obsessive studying.
Christine had made a joking comment that if they iwere/i to be engaged Gilbert was quite frankly failing in the romance department as he hadn't even bought her flowers yet. Being that he was in somewhat of a silly over the moon happy mood after passing his examinations swimmingly he happily walked into the nicest flowershop he could find with the plan of buying his closest friend and constant companion a beautiful bouquet.
The flowershop was small but warm and fragrant. As the man working the counter was occupied with another patron Gilbert occupied himself by looking around at all the different bouquets for offer, steadfastly ignoring bunches of violets like those that grew between the ferns of the creek or the beautiful tulips so much like those that grew in the garden of Green Gables. The bouquets of lily-of-the-valley were the worst for they looked exactly like the lilies that grew in Avonlea in June. They brought back painful memories of summers spent basking in her presence, of the hopes and dreams that had been dashed, of the night Anne swore she could never love him. Suddenly he found himself requesting that bouquet of the man who had come over to help him as well as a second bouquet of bright, gay daisies Christine was sure to adore.
Gilbert hoped the lilies broke her heart as thoroughly as they did his, that every time she saw those lilies in Avonlea she was reminded of him. Refusing his proposal may not have broken her in the way it had him but he couldn't help wanting to make her feel at least a small amount of what she'd done to him. Schoolwork and keeping busy had done little to dull his misery or pain.
He paused when it came to the card, unsure of exactly what to say. Should he show his full hand? Say something that would remind her of that night? Instead he simply wrote a congratulatory message and signed it. Paying for it to be delivered to Patty's Place was in its own way torture. He wouldn't have to face her again yet he also would miss getting to see what memories flashed across her expressive face when she saw the lilies. Christine's flowers he took to her himself which they both had a good laugh over. Though her friendship was a balm on his injured soul and he could always find reason to laugh with her it was only a temporary solution to a larger problem, his bouquet had earned him a hug from a laughing Christine in the library where he had surprised her.
The night of Convocation he was met with an unexpected but pleasant sight of Anne Shirley with his lilies held in her arms. The small optimistic part of him that he hadn't be able to quash even after the loss of what he had come to believe was fated made his heart skip a beat. Though he fervently wished to speak to Anne about why she chose to carry his bouquet in place of the assumed bouquet Roy must have bought her Gilbert thought better of the action and instead joined the Stewarts who awaited him. Being good friends with both son and daughter had netted him an invitation to join them for an early dinner.
It was for best, he reminded himself, Anne didn't and couldn't love him by her own admittance. He was exhausted – truly bone weary – both physically and mentally after the year of hard work which had netted him both the high honours and Cooper's Prize he had set his aim for. That at least showed that all his hard work was not for naught.
At least for those he could stand tall and continue on. He'd never put the shattered pieces of his heart back together but he was able to have pride in himself. It would have to be close enough for him.