Tough Decision
Summary: One shot from Meredith's pov. She slowly but surely loses grip of her life. This is how she feels. Takes place at the
beginning of season 3, where Meredith has a choose to make.
Disclaimer: Don't own a single thing. Wish I did though... The story title is a song written and sung by Avril Lavigne, don't own
that either.
Author's note: Please read and review, it's highly appreciated. I am searching for a beta-reader, if you're up for the job please feel
free to PM me.
I run away. I take the lower part of my dress in my hands and I run for dear life. Away from the hospital, away from what seems to be the hardest night of my life. I don't stop running until I have reached my car and I'm safely behind the wheel, the doors locked. I take a deep breath and try to calm down. I try my best not to think about what just happened. I try to think about Izzie, who has just lost the love of her life and who handed her job to chief Webber just minutes ago. But it doesn't take long for Derek and Finn to invade my mind and cloud my thoughts. They lock themselves inside me, impatiently waiting for me to make a choise. I shake my head, trying to get them out, but they're stubborn. Damn men.
I turn the ignition and drive my car out of the parking lot. Thirty minutes later I'm home. I take a few deep breaths before I open the door and head inside. I drop my bag and coat and make my way to the living room. Alex and George are vacated on the couch, watching medical procedures in silence, but I can see that neither of them focuses on the tv screen. They are so lost in thought, they didn't even hear me enter the house. There's no sign of Cristina, so she must still be in the hospital with Burke. Which is good, because Cristina really isn't a people person and in situations like this, a lot of hugging and crying will be involved. Again, so not like Cristina.
I slowly turn around and softly take the stairs to the second floor. As I pass Izzie's room I can hear her muffled cries through the closed door. I stand still for a minute, debating wether or not I should get in. But I realize she needs time to grief, so I decide to leave her alone for a while. I do knock on the door however and tell her I am right next door. After making sure she's heard me, I open the door to my room and linger in the doorway. The smell of the room intoxates me and I realize I still smell Derek, even though it's been quite a while since his last visite. I close my eyes and try to invision Derek in my bedroom. I know I shouldn't do that, but I really can't help myself.
I make my way to the bed and sit down. After a few moments I realize I'm still wearing the prom dress. I stand up, unzip the back of the dress and let it fall to the floor. I step out of the dress and change into sweatpants and my Dartmouth shirt, then carefully place the dress on a hanger. When I look in the mirror I notice that I look ridiculous. Sweatpants and perfect hair and make-up isn't a great combination, so I head to the bathroom to clean my face and change my hair.
When I head back to my room I see Alex standing in front of Izzie's door. I walk closer and tell him to go in because she needs him. He looks at me with a blank stare before he softly opens the door to Izzie's room and walks in, closing the door behind him.
When I'm back in my room, I turn on the radio, adjusting the volume so it's loud enough for me to hear, but not to loud for the others. I crawl onto my bed and lay down on my back, my eyes fixed on the ceiling. Soon, my mind is once again invaded by Derek and Finn, clouding my thoughts, trying to force me to make a decision and I realize that I do have to make a choise. I can't possibly date them both.
So I start with Derek. The hot one. The McDreamy one. The married one. The one who could sent shivers down my spine just by smelling my hear. The one who could make my heart beat so much faster just by looking at me. The one who had hurt me so many times, but still managed to win my heart and my love. The one who was finally divorcing his wife. The one I would always love.
As I desperately try to get the Derek images out of my head, I decide to make a list of Finn. The sweet one. The McVet. The single one. The one who has plans. The one who wants me to be part of those plans. The one would never hurt me. The one who killed my dog. Ok, maybe that's not fair, but hey, it's true right. He did kill my dog.
That's when it hits me. I realize that I have already made my choise. Not because I know Finn would never hurt me or because he killed my dog. Not because Derek is finally divorcing his wife, so we would actually have a chance to make things work. But simply because Finn is the one I could never love the way I love Derek.