Disclaimer: Evangelion is not mine. No way could I come up with anything that wacked. Just playing with the characters for a while and I'll put them back where I found them.

Warnings: AU…or maybe just a different interpretation of canon events. Follows on End of Evangelion, taking place 10 years later; doesn't account for Death & Rebirth.

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Nineteen

Chapter 1

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Takae stared uneasily at the man.

The man stared up at the ceiling. His dark eyes were empty. Black shadows lay beneath them. He was dressed only in hospital pants, and he was gaunt; she could count his ribs. Although his face was still smooth and unlined, his short brown hair was laced with white.

"Miss Ikeda!"

She jumped and looked over at the doctor. The woman was glaring over her narrow glasses.

"Pay attention."

"Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am."

The woman returned to her lecture. "Before each meal, at exactly eight a.m., twelve-thirty, and five p.m., he takes five CCs of Formula A6. This will ensure that he's active enough for you to feed him and get him through his exercise. I'll show you the route a bit later, after lunch. Since you'll be on second shift, four p.m. to eleven p.m., you'll be responsible every day for his five p.m. medication, his dinner, and his six-thirty exercise.

"After his exercise you return him to his room, walk him to the toilet and assist him, then give him five CCs of Formula B8, put him to bed and apply the restraints. He may seem very docile right now, but he becomes extraordinarily violent at night. If that proves too difficult for you to believe, as it did for the last two aides, it might bolster your memory to know that the aide before last lost an eye, most of her teeth, and had both her arms broken because she didn't properly restrain him when she put him to bed.

"The last aide was not nearly as lucky. She was late in medicating him one evening. She's still in the ICU upstairs, in a vegetative state, because he broke free of his restraints and strangled her." The doctor stopped and studied Takae.

Takae was shaking inside and felt like she was going to vomit, but she controlled the urge, looking again at the silent man on the bed. She looked back at the doctor.

Her response must have been satisfactory. The doctor nodded briskly and went on.

"At eight p.m., or if he becomes restless before that time, he receives five more CCs of Formula B8. If that doesn't settle him down within ten minutes, then he receives five CCs of Formula B24. Do not wait any longer than ten minutes to give him the second dose. It's quite likely, by the way, that he'll become more agitated with a new face around. If you have to give him the B24, then immediately notify Dr. Ito so she can come down and check on him, because B24 has sent him into cardiac arrest twice."

Takae blinked. "Dr. Satou—"

The doctor eyed her keenly. "Yes?"

"If… if there's a risk of cardiac arrest, why give him Formula B24?" She held her breath, hoping she hadn't just ruined her chances.

Instead, the doctor looked pleased. "Instead of just giving him B16?"

Takae nodded.

"I will tell you, Miss Ikeda, that none of the other aides bothered to ask that question. Think about what I've said for a moment, and I'm sure you can come up with the answer on your own."

Takae frowned. Formula B16 was twice as powerful as B8; B24 was three times more powerful, but also—"Because B24 acts more quickly."

"Yes. If he is agitated enough that the B8 doesn't calm him, there isn't time for a dose of B16 to take effect."

She didn't have to ask, time before what. Not after the doctor's description of past incidents. She glanced at the restraints holding the silent man down. He can get wild enough to break out of something that strong?

"Miss Ikeda."

The doctor's voice was stern again. Takae winced and looked the doctor.

"I can see that you're an intelligent and compassionate person, but I'm going to repeat myself, because I don't want to see a person like you wasted on a stupid mistake. This man is dangerous. When agitated he becomes horrifically violent. He has killed people and is capable of killing more. Whether or not he wishes to be this way is a moot point for you and me. Our job is to protect others from him and protect him from himself."

"Yes, ma'am," Takae whispered.

"I'm going to stay with you on this shift, because dealing with this patient can be a very disturbing experience and I want to see for myself how you handle it. After that, you're on your own. You wouldn't have gotten this job if you didn't have sound judgment. But before you came here, you worked primarily with nonviolent patients. Your compassion will allow you to do this difficult job because you believe that this man deserves to be treated like a human being even though his illness makes him behave like something less than human.

"But you must apply that compassion by doing your job to the best of your ability. You must protect yourself. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good." The doctor turned toward the door. "Let's move on to the dispensary."

They moved toward the door, but Takae couldn't stop herself from taking one more glance back.

The man was motionless.

She followed the doctor out.

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Her first shift went smoothly.

She was outwardly calm, inwardly trembling as she released Patient 19 from his restraints at five p.m. She delivered the A6 injection without a hitch. A few minutes later, he began to stir faintly, a frown creasing his forehead. His eyes settled on her face, but didn't focus.

He allowed himself to be pulled upright in bed. She assisted him to his feet and into a padded chair. Feeding him was a long process; he ate when food was put to his mouth but made no effort to reach for the spoon.

He had to be guided as she took him out for his "exercise". A nudge to the back would set him going for a few moments, but then he would drift to a stop, staring ahead with that eternal, faintly confused frown. To keep him moving, she had to keep one hand on his back and one on his arm.

Back in the room, she guided him into the tiny bathroom, which opened with a key she carried. She'd been uneasy about this, even though she'd had other patients that needed assistance with these functions, but it wasn't much different. Easier, even, because of his almost total lack of response. She cleaned him, changed his clothing, and with a heart that was rapidly picking up pace, guided him to sit down on the edge of the bed.

He'd been gradually losing momentum; it'd become more and more difficult to keep him moving as the A6 wore off. Once she injected the B8, he seemed almost to collapse into himself. His eyes dilated and lost what focus they'd had, which wasn't much; his head slowly sank until his chin was on his chest. She carefully moved him into bed, and buckled and locked the straps in place. She checked to be sure they were tight. He never twitched; she could barely see the movement of his chest as he breathed.

"Very good," the doctor said quietly.

Once the door was locked, the doctor escorted her to the aides' station, which had monitors and speakers to the rooms. "Once he's put to bed, you should be able to stay out here for most of the rest of your shift. But the station is never to be left totally unattended. Be sure someone is here before you step away, and keep your radio with you."

That was another daunting thing. In her previous job, she'd never carried a radio so that she could be summoned back immediately

After that, the doctor stayed at the duty station and asked her to go and get them both some coffee. Takae complied, heading for the small break room. No one was there when she entered; she prepared the two coffees and headed out, passing a couple of aides who nodded to her in greeting; she returned the salutation.

"New aide for Nineteen," she heard one of them whisper just before she was out of earshot.

"Hope she survives longer than the last two," the other replied.

Great.

Dr. Satou accepted her coffee with a nod and a murmur of thanks.

A lot of the other patients were still on their exercise periods. The station was, for the most part, deserted.

"Dr. Satou…"

"Yes, Miss Ikeda?"

"Is there anything more you can tell me about Patient Nineteen? If…if I knew a little more of his background—"

"His background is classified at the highest level, Miss Ikeda. You are not cleared for that information."

Takae fell silent.

"However…"

Takae looked down at her.

The doctor was staring at the monitor where Nineteen slept, motionless as a corpse against the white sheets.

"I can impart to you information that I feel is critical to doing your work properly."

Takae held her breath.

"I have reviewed the video and audio recordings from Nineteen's room on the occasions of the aides' negligence and subsequent injury. In both cases, it was during a time when the initial dose of B8 failed to work and the aide was waiting for the supplementary dose to take effect. In both cases, the patient roused enough to speak to the aide.

"In attempting therapy on Nineteen upon his admission to this facility, it was found that when roused sufficiently during the day with a dose of A12, he seemed to enter a sort of waking dream state. He showed response when spoken to, and was occasionally able to produce an appropriate-seeming reply to a question. This excited the therapists greatly at first, but many months of experimentation indicated at last that Nineteen is incapable of meaningful communication. He hears, but does not truly understand what is said to him. Nor is he truly aware of what is going on around him. He lives wholly in some inner world.

"The first aide did not properly fasten Nineteen's restraints. He became agitated early that evening. She delivered the first dose of B8. He calmed slightly, but continued to rave. She spoke back to him and believed him to be replying to her. When he grew violent, she attempted to properly secure his restraints. He broke free and physically assaulted her.

"The second aide had properly fastened Nineteen's restraints. The situation was similar. He became agitated; she medicated him. He began to speak, and she listened to him, and failed to deliver the dose of B24. Her attempts to reassure him failed as he became more agitated, and he broke free of the restraints and assaulted her."

The doctor raised her head to look at Takae, but Takae was staring at the still figure on the camera.

"My point, Miss Ikeda, is that he can appear to be coherent, but that does not make him rational. Or safe."

"Yes, ma'am."

As eight o'clock approached, Nineteen remained quiet. Takae went to the dispensary to get his medication. When she returned to the monitor, she could hear something in the room, but it was too quiet to make out. She hurried in.

Nineteen wasn't moving, but he was whispering something. She came close, laying the syringe and other items on the small ledge. Nineteen stirred, turning his head, cloudy eyes searching, and Takae froze in an instant of shock when she saw tear tracks gleaming down his cheeks.

She got moving again quickly, filling the syringe and swabbing his arm with alcohol. His eyes continued to rove; his thin arms moved weakly in the restraints. She found the vein and picked up the syringe.

"…Mother?" Breathy and high, a child's whisper.

Takae closed her eyes briefly, and then looked at him. His eyes were gazing in the direction of her face, but they were blind eyes, unseeing.

She slipped the needle into his arm and depressed the plunger.

He showed no reaction to the needle going in, except that more tears slipped down his face. She withdrew the syringe and prepared it for disposal.

His eyes lost what tiny bit of focus they had had. He gave a low sigh; his lips parted. He was motionless and silent again. She waited a few minutes, but he was like a corpse again, his breathing hardly audible.

Takae hurried out to the aides' station and across to the dispensary. She put the syringe and other items in the disposal unit. Then she returned to the monitors. Dr. Satou was watching her.

"You'll do fine," Dr. Satou said at last.

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Excerpt from The Report of the Commission on the Abortion of Third Impact, Appendix XIII – Third Child – Shinji Ikari, Section IX – Aftermath of Abortion of Third Impact, Part IV – Testimony of Dr. Yumi Satou, Examining Psychiatrist

Q: Dr. Satou, before we begin, please allow me to confirm the sequence of events leading up to the admission of the Third Child to your facility.

A: Yes, sir.

Q: The Third Child was confirmed in the NERV Headquarters until shortly before 1120. He emerged in EVA Unit 01 at 1137, following the execution of the Second Child by the EVA Series at 1132.

A: Yes, sir.

Q: EVA 01 was captured by the EVA Series at 1146. The Third Child somehow drew the Lance of Longinus into the atmosphere and to his position at 1149.

A: Yes, sir.

Q: Unfortunately, the Third Child did not activate the communications system in EVA 01 when he launched it; in fact, we received reliable confirmation from within NERV that EVA 01 had been neutralized. Therefore, the method by which the Third Child activated EVA 01 and launched it is unknown to us, as are his motives in doing so. Our only clue is that upon launch he proceeded directly to EVA Unit 02's position, even though it was already too late to save the Second Child. We also have no input as to how he managed to retrieve the Lance of Longinus from space.

A: Yes, sir.

Q: He attacked the EVA Series and destroyed all of them with the Lance of Longinus.

A: Yes, sir.

Q: Immediately thereafter, he returned to NERV HQ and produced an energy beam from the Lance of Longinus. Most of the surrounding military vehicles used in the SEELE invasion of NERV were destroyed. He destroyed NERV HQ and killed over 150 soldiers and over 30 NERV employees still inside, including his father, Gendo Ikari, head of the Human Instrumentality Project.

A: Yes, sir.

Q: After the destruction of NERV HQ, EVA Unit 01 shut down and collapsed. The Japanese government reached the scene first—due to 01's destruction of the military backup—and released Unit 01's entry plug. The Third Child was alive inside, but unresponsive. His heart stopped en route to the hospital, and he was revived with a defibrillator and epinephrine. He remained unresponsive until two weeks after his admission.

A: No, sir.

Q: Have I missed something?

A: Yes, sir. One of the aides who traveled in the ambulance with him spoke to me just before my first examination of the Third Child.

Q: What did she tell you, Dr. Satou?

A: She said the Third Child spoke to her in the last few minutes of the ambulance ride, moments after they revived him.

Q: What did he say?

A: She told me that he said, "Can I go to sleep now, Mother?"

Q: I see. Thank you, Dr. Satou.

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End Chapter 1

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