Fairy Tales by saulalovin
A JAG fan fiction
Pairing: Harmon Rabb, Jr. and Sarah MacKenzie
Summary: She had always wanted a storybook kind of life, complete with her very own happily ever after.
Disclaimer: I'm just playing. I'll return them, I swear!
Spoilers: Set after "Fair Winds and Following Seas".
Author's Note: This is my second JAG fic, and I've only watched a few episodes from Season 8 and the last two episodes of Season 10, so my knowledge of JAG isn't as vast as I'd like, so go easy on me. Constructive criticism is welcome, of course, and so are reviews. I live on reviews. This is my birthday present to Ailyn, one of the best friends I'll ever have and one of the few people who are on the same wavelength as I am (hee!). Here's to you, Hammy – have an awesome birthday.
The silence at McMurphy's was almost deafening as we all stared in disbelief at the coin that, upon its descent, had bounced twice before finally landing on its edge. It gleamed as it caught the lights of the bar, as if it were smirking up at the expressions on our faces, particularly Harm's and mine. Disbelief was written all over our faces, tinged by slight amusement as we realized that once again, Fate had decided to screw us over.
The twinkling of the shiny silver-and-gold coin shot out tiny rays of light from the floor, possibly beaming the message "Make your own decision!" to our brains.
"Well," Harm said finally, tearing his gaze away from the JAG coin before looking at me, "that certainly was helpful."
I clutched at his lapel and bit my lip as my eyes met his, and I shrugged, as if to say, 'What can you do?'
"It's a draw, then," Bud piped up. "Best out of three, I suppose?"
Harm and I exchanged glances, communicating silently using our eyes, and Harm turned to Bud, shaking his head. "I think Fate is trying to tell us this is something we have to decide on our own, with no intervention whatsoever."
The others nodded and took it as their hint to leave. After offering their congratulations once more and thanking Harm for the drinks, Admiral Cresswell, Jen, Sturgis, Bud and Harriet all left, leaving us alone.
He led to me a booth near the back, and we sat on opposite sides facing each other, holding hands with our fingers intertwined.
Neither of us spoke for a while, until I said softly, "There's no way one of us can just ask the other to give up their career. Like I said, San Diego works for me, and…"
My voice trailed off, and he finished my sentence, like I knew he would. "…And London works for me."
There was another awkward pause, and as it grew longer, we both became increasingly uncomfortable. The answer was so obvious – one of us would have to resign. What made it difficult was…
Who? Would Harm give up his career to be with me? Would I?
At the exact same moment, we said, "I'll resign."
"No, I'll resign," he said firmly, before I could speak.
A half-smile flitted over my face. Harm was always such a gentleman. It was one of the things I liked best about him. "I couldn't let you do that," I protested, "this promotion means so much to you." I took a deep breath. "I will."
"Mac," he said, leaning forward, "you've done so much for me already. I'm going to resign."
Instead of retorting, realization dawned on me, and a small bitter laugh escaped my lips. I pulled my hands away from his and shunted my gaze to the side, avoiding his eyes. "Dammit, we can't just agree on this. One of us is going to end up resenting the other, and I don't want that."
I could feel him give me that piercing stare of his. Even without glancing in his direction, I knew he looked like he wanted to say something in reply but couldn't find the words. At last, he exhaled and said softly, "Is that what you want? We'll go our separate ways and see if Fate throws us together again? How many more tests does our relationship need to go through, Mac? Why can't we just be together, for once and for all?" He reached out and used his finger to gently crook my face towards his. His eyes were locked on mine pleadingly. "Mac…"
Predictably, my eyes filled with tears, and I wished things were that simple. Why couldn't we ever be together, without any complications? I had thought that they actually had a chance this time. But the one time we decided to rely on Fate, It was refusing to make the decision for us. We would have to work this out on our own, and to be honest, I didn't know if we could do it. I pressed my lips together as options flew through my head, silently analyzing (and, knowing me, probably even overanalyzing) each possibility's pros and cons.
Long, tense minutes later, I forced myself to look at Harm. My heart sank as I looked at his sad eyes, and I knew that it would break his heart to hear these words, because just thinking them broke mine:
"Visit me in San Diego, okay?"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
When I was a young girl, I realized that a storybook-perfect life, like the kind you found in picture books, didn't exist. My childhood was nothing like a fairy tale, and I found myself trying to make up for that in any way I could.
More than anything, I wanted to have my happily ever after. I vowed to myself to find a man who respected and loved me in every way. I also promised myself to not turn out like my mother, who had abandoned my father and I on my fifteenth birthday, of all days.
Strike one: Christopher Ragle. I was seventeen and stupid. I married him and we spent most of our marriage drunk. It wasn't even a marriage – just a piece of paper that proclaimed us husband and wife. He got sent to prison, I ran away – strike two. Before the age of twenty I had screwed up. I had married the kind of man I swore to stay away from and abandoned him the way my mother abandoned me.
I was determined not to strike out. Years later I realized my chances of getting married (for real this time, much unlike the arrangement – for lack of a better word – I had with Chris) and having children were slim. I met Chloe, and I was determined not to let her down. We became close, and even though it hurt, I helped her find her father and she went off to live with him.
And then there was Harm.
Nine years had led up to this – our separation. I think I have always been in love with him, from the first moment I met him. The feelings intensified until I couldn't deny them any longer. I think that was why I had given up Mic, Webb and the others so easily. Deep down, I had known that they weren't who I was meant to be with.
I would've never thought we'd be given a chance to be together. Things had never been easy for either of us – we both had considerable amounts of emotional baggage that we had never really given the opportunities to unload.
But we were given a chance, and look where that got us. There was no doubt in my mind that he was the one for me. I love him more than anything. The intensity of my feelings for him was overwhelming, but those feelings were probably the most real things I've ever felt.
I used to think marrying Chris was the biggest mistake I had ever made, or becoming an alcoholic – but not anymore.
Leaving him without really resolving anything was.
You're running away, Mac.
The accusation hurt because it wasn't coming from anyone else but myself, and it hurt even more because – in all honesty – it was true.
I balled my hands into tight fists until my knuckles turned white. A large part of me wished I could turn back time and take back what I had said. Ever since leaving McMurphy's that night I had felt like something was missing. The fact that I had come to rely on Harm so much scared me, but it didn't surprise me, either. Over the past nine years he had become a big part of my life, and now, I wasn't accustomed to his absence.
I pressed a finger to my lips tentatively. I could still feel him kissing me. I felt a heavy ache in my chest, and I swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in my throat. Dammit, I missed him. More than I had even thought was possible.
In an instant I knew. I didn't want to run away anymore. And to be honest, I didn't care if I resigned. I just needed to be with him.
I let out a sigh of relief.
As soon as we landed, I was heading back.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
What happened afterwards was all a blur to me. I didn't really remember what happened for the rest of the flight or how I managed to explain to the others where I was going. I didn't remember anything about the flight back.
I remembered the feeling of anticipation. It was almost as if I couldn't sit still. I needed to see him, to feel him, to touch him.
He was really all I could think about.
He didn't look very surprised to see me – just really, really happy. He had been waiting for me. That and the fact that he knew I was coming back to him, somehow, made me love him even more.
He held me tightly, and I clung to him as well. Tears sprang to my eyes and I practically shuddered in relief in his arms as my heartbeat tried to regain its normal pace.
He was here, here with me. Things were going to be okay.
Harm pulled away from me slightly and just looked at me for a while, his eyes searching my face until he broke into a smile and kissed me.
I kissed him back, once again overwhelmed by the depth of our feelings and everything we managed to exchange with just a kiss.
"I missed you," he said finally after pulling away, caressing my cheek gently.
"I missed you too. I'm sorry… I shouldn't have left."
"I should've gone after you sooner…before you got on that plane."
"I would've come around eventually," I said teasingly.
He snorted and brushed my dark hair back. "Oh, yeah? When?"
I laughed, mostly out of relief, and leaned my head on his shoulders. He pressed a kiss to my forehead, and I smiled.
"We have a lot to talk about."
"I know."
"First things first." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black velvet box. He opened it and showed it to me, a question shining in his eyes. "Mac…?"
My eyes widened, and I tentatively reached out to touch the ring, as if I wasn't really sure it existed. It was beautiful – a thin silver band with an emerald nestled in between two diamonds. It must've cost him a fortune.
"Harm, you didn't need to get a ring," I said, completely touched beyond belief. "I mean, I would've married you anyway." I smiled up at him, my eyes – once again – filling with tears.
"I wanted to," he said firmly with a smile. "So…is that a yes?"
"Are you kidding?" I laughed through my tears. "Yes, sailor – I'll marry you."
He grinned broadly and slowly slid the ring on my finger. I stared at it wordlessly for a second with a huge lump in my throat, and looked up at him.
"Green, huh?"
"No other color for my Marine," he said with a smile.
My heart swelled when I heard that. "I love you," I managed to say, tears sliding down my cheek.
"I love you too," he said, leaning forward to kiss me.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
When I was a young girl, I had wanted to become a princess. Princesses were beautiful, graceful and poised, and they always got their happy fairytale ending with their Prince Charming.
My life hasn't always been smooth sailing, and it's hardly been a storybook kind of life. But I wouldn't give any of this up for any fairy tale.
Because really, me and Harm, what we have… It's pretty damn close.
So I guess I did get my happily ever after.
