DISCLAIMER: MARKIPLIER IS A GREAT PERSON. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BECAUSE I MENTIONED HIM IN ONE OF NIGHTMARE BONNIE'S RANTS, DON'T BE. I DIDN'T INTEND TO PORTRAY HIM IN THAT WAY. IT JUST HAPPENED IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ANYTHING ELSE, IT'S A HARSH WORLD. LIVE WITH IT.

ALSO, I KNOW THE KID'S NAME IS FRITZ OR SOME DOG NAME LIKE THAT. FIDO? ROVER? DOG? I DON'T KNOW. NO, I AM NOT GOING TO FIX THIS. HE IS JOE BLOGGS, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. OKAY I JUST FIGURED OUT THERE IS NO NAME FOR THE KID AND FRITZ IS THE NIGHTGUARD IN FNAF 3. I AM KEEPING ALL OF THIS HERE SO YOU CAN SEE HOW UNBELIEVABLY DUMB I AM.

A GLORIUS FIVE NIGHTS CRACKFICTION OF GREAT BEAUTY AND WONDEROUS SPLENDOUR EPISODE 1: DISASTER

Joe Bloggs sat on his bed, wondering how he got into this mess. 'Here I am, number 4. Woop de doo' He thought. Nightmare Bonnie leapt towards him, roaring a terrible roar. "Meh" Said Joe Bloggs. "You're getting better"

"Why are we here?" Asked Nightmare Bonnie. "The only person who actually enjoys this process of attacking some "Markiplier" guy and getting paid in ridiculous amounts for it is Foxy, and I swear he's going insane" Foxy peeked out of the closet, where he was trading illegal drugs with a rat and a cockroach. "I am not going insane!" Nightmare Bonnie turned to Joe Bloggs. "Let me guess: you hate being the playable character?"

"Yes. With a passion."

"And I won't even say a word about this... THING" Said Nightmare Bonnie, holding up a piece of paper. Smeared across that piece of paper was an unforgivible monstrosity. "This is supposed to resemble me. I demand better fanart!"

"You just don't know where to look" Argued Foxy, holding up a drawing of him with a Leonardo Da Vinci level of artistic talent. "I find good fanart of me all the time"

"And don't even get me started on Chica" Said Nightmare Freddy. "FREDDY YOU FAT MORON! I THOUGHT I LOCKED YOU IN THE KITCHEN!" Yelled Foxy.

AFTER A VIOLENT AND LOUD STUGGLE...

"Like I was saying before Yogi Bear interupted..." A loud moan came from the floor where Freddy lay, beaten up. Nightmare Bonnie kicked Freddy in the face. "The fanart is glorious" Said Foxy.

"YOUR fanart is glorious, because everyone likes YOU!" Nighmare Bonnie punched Foxy in the face. "Hey!" Yelled Joe Bloggs. "Cut it out!" It didn't matter. The two were locked in an intense battle. Toy Chica walked in with a cupcake, which quickly turned into the Diabetes-Inducing Demon, Nightmare Cupcake. It leapt at Foxy at the same time Nightmare Bonnie kicked at Foxy. Foxy turned into a plush toy, rolled between Nightmare Bonnie's legs, turned back and in one quick motion whipped out a flintlock pistol and shot him in the back of the head. A hole appeared between Nightmare Bonnie's eyes and he crashed to the ground. Nightmare Cupcake leapt at Foxy's face, ripped it off, ate it, leapt inside his gaping face hole, ate his entire endoskeleton, then ripped out of his chest, roaring a squeaky, terrifying roar. Then it turned back into the normal cupcake. Joe Bloggs had fainted in some point during this process. "I have feasted" Said The Cupcake. "What have you done?!" Yelled Toy Chica. "Silence. Take me back to the attic, slave"

"As you wish" Toy Chica lowered the tray and the cupcake jumped on it. She walked off.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

Joe Bloggs sat up, groaning. Nightmare Freddy leaned over him. "Joe, we have work to do. We need to find a way to bring Foxy and Nighmare Bonnie back, and free Toy Chica from her oppressive cupcake master"

"Alright" Said Joe Bloggs. "But why is there no Nightmare Chica?"

"She's in the backyard, singing Dora the Explorer songs and eating dirt"

"How are we going to travel?" Nightmare Freddy opened the closet (Curse FNAF for being an American game and me having to say closet all the time. While I'm at it: Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom. I wonder if I offended anyone? Hopefully.)

Inside the American closet was a cockroach smoking weed, a dead rat who had all his weed stolen, and a pile of planks. Nightmare Freddy threw the planks out of the window and they unfolded into a pirate ship with wheels and giant canvas dragon wings. "Her name is the Fanfiction. Isn't she a beauty?"

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Asked Joe Bloggs. "You" Nightmare Freddy's voice came from the deck. The gangplank was lowered. Joe Bloggs climbed aboard.

DON'T MISS EPISODE 2: A BOY AND HIS KILLER ROBOT BEAR