Minimum Wage
The sequel to Job Hunt
"
Pokémon!" Yelled the crowd of kids at the counter. "Pokémon!"Oh, how he hated hearing the word "Pokémon." Soon, he thought, soon those damn Pokémon toys will be sold out and all those annoying kids will be gone. But, he thought, then they will have Beanie Babies or some other crap that everyone will want. Just buy better ones at the store, he thought of saying, but he didn't, cause that would get him fired.
Valorum stood behind the counter and stared at the twenty or so kids and their parents waiting in line trying to get the low budget toys while they still lasted. He signed. What had he gotten himself into?
"Welcome to Bantha Burger, can I take your order?"
"Yes," said the mother of the child who was yelling that horrific word the loudest, "I'll have a Bantha Burger Deluxe and my son will have a Happy Meal."
"Ok, would you like fries with that?"
"No, just what I ordered will be fine."
"But you can get the Bantha Burger Deluxe Meal and save fifty cents. . ."
"I don't want the meal, ok?" She sounded pissed, so he backed off.
"Ok, ok, just a number two and a Happy Meal."
"Yes."
Sigh. No one liked being told what to do. It was just a suggestion. Why get all pissy? He pushed in the order and the lady moved out of the way. The next cannibalistic monster duo came up to the counter.
"Welcome to Bantha Burger, can I take your order?"
"Yes, we'll have five Happy Meals, please." Said a woman with a young daughter.
"You got a large family or something?" He made a little I'm a wiseguy laugh, but noticed the woman didn't get the joke he tried to get across.
"No," said the extremely ticked off lady across from Valorum, "We just want to get all the Pokémon toys."
"Let me suggest you only buy one."
"Why?"
"We only have one toy in stock at the moment."
"Well, it says that you have five on that poster over there."
She pointed to a poster that was dated 6/22/00. Today was 7/30/00 and he realized that the woman was very stupid.
"Ma'am, that poster has expired."
"Then why don't you renew it?"
Idiot, he thought, you can't just renew it, you have to get a shipment first.
"We can't, you retarded freak!"
The room got quiet. He realized what he had done. He was fired for sure.
"Um," said an embarrassed Valorum, "I'm sorry, I'll put in your order right away."
The lady turned beat red. She began to boil. Valorum was afraid she was going to pop at any moment. He knew what was going to happen. He'd seen it happen to many employees over the last week. He was going to get fired, and he didn't even last a week. What an embarrassment.
"Manager!!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.
He was in for it now.
The manager came running out. He looked at the woman, then at me.
"This man! This man! He he he verbally abused me!"
What a load of crap. Verbally abused was a word that they used to make calling someone a name sound worse that it was. He thought about punching her right then and there. Then she'd see what abuse is.
"Valorum!!!" Yelled the irate manager. "You're fired!!!"
And that was that.
Valorum took off his Bantha Burger button down shirt and walked out on the street. Where was he going to go? He had no idea. He walked to his car. He started the engine and set off to his apartment. He drove and drove. Then he looked out his window. He saw it–his dream come true–a Help Wanted sign on a Taco Bell. He turned the car into the parking lot and went inside.
As he walked up the counter, he noticed that there were no crappy toys that anyone would possible go crazy after. That was one plus. He got up to the counter.
"Welcome to Taco Bell, can I take your order?"
"Uh, I came to see about the Help Wanted sign on you window,"
"Oh, good, we needed a someone to man the drive-thru speaker."
Goodie, more annoying people to talk to.
"That sounds good."
"Come this way."
Valorum did, and the man led him to a small room with some guy in it. He sat down in a small chair fairly close to the man at the desk.
"Hi, what's your name?"
"Er, Valorum, sir,"
"Do you have a first name?"
"Yeah, its Steve." This felt weird, he never was asked his first name before.
"Ok, do you have good people skills?"
Valorum thought back to how he handled the lady with the snotty daughter.
"Yeah, excellent people skills."
"Great. Do you get nauseated by the smell of tacos?"
"Er, no."
"Can you stand on you head and wrap burritos?"
"What?"
"It's a simple question. Yes or no."
"Uh, no."
"That's too bad. Thanks for coming, though."
"That's it? I lose cause I can't stand on my head and wrap a burrito?"
"Yep. Sorry."
At that point he was extremely pissed. He stormed out of the building and got in his car. He drove over to his apartment and walked up the ten flights of stairs. When he finally reached his room, he opened the door and went in.
Valorum, who was by now very tired, sat down in his La-Z-Boy recliner. He decided he better find a new job. He picked up the paper and flipped to the want ads.
WANTED:
Full-time Ewok sitter for the summer.
Good pay. Hard work. Need someone
quick. Warning: Ewok very moody.
Contact the Poopison family 725-5464
WANTED:
Mascot for the Coruscant Crushers.
Bad pay and very hard work.
Must be able to stand in a hot suit for whole day.
Contact manager 1-800-GO-CRUSHERS
WANTED:
Apprentice to Darth Sidious for life.
Must hate Jedi and small children.
Ability to read minds and use a
lightsaber preferable. Good pay.
Contact Mr. Palpatine 562-6573
WANTED:
Guy to play video games and watch
TV all day. Very good pay and
easy work. No experience needed.
Contact Al Kaholic 1-800-EASY-JOB
At that point he stopped. That last one sounds really good, he thought.
"Yeah, I could do that easy!"
And so he picked up the phone and dialed in the number. A man answered.
"Al Kaholic here, can I help you?"
"Yeah, I would like to take that job of yours."
"Great. Come on over and we'll talk."
Valorum hangs up the phone.
"Yesssss!"