It's the moooooost blunderful time of the yeeeaaaar!

01 10 18: Puttin' on the Fics

It was a dark and stormy night at Devil's Harbour. But he was in Cardiff, so it didn't really have much bearing on what they were doing.

He stood outside the Millennium Centre, his eyes covered by a marvellous hat. He watched as the other man walked across the Roald Dahl Plass, looking at just about everything but the gentleman in the hat. He stopped in front of him and nodded seriously.

"Have you noticed my hat?" said the hatted man gruffly.

"It is indeed marvellous," the other man nodded.

The hatted man looked from left to right.

"Were you followed?"

"Nope."

"Not even by Torchwood?"

"What? They blew those guys up like eight years ago! Didn't you watch Children of Earth."

"I don't count it as canon. I refuse to accept that Ianto is dead."

"Fair enough."

The hatted man handed over an envelope.

"There it is," he said, "The next airdate for Steven Universe."

"Very good. Tell the imps we'll meet at this time next year."

The hatted man tipped his hat and walked away, leaving the other to discreetly open the envelope. He looked at the contents for about three seconds.

"Well, darn," he muttered.

"So what do you think he's gonna do this year?" asked Timmy.

Danny shrugged, sipping from his mug. The two were seated around my dining room table, waiting for me to come back from my deal.

"I dunno," Danny replied, "He's done Les Mis, Mulan, Willy Wonka - I'm not sure there's much left for him to do... hey, do you hear a car?"

With a sudden, almighty crash, a 1920s car slammed through the wall, knocking both of them off their feet. From nowhere, the sound of a big band began to play, and I leapt out of the driver's seat, clad in a tuxedo and top hat.

"Oh no," groaned Danny.

"Oh yes," I replied.

I jumped onto the car roof and began to sing.

"Have you seen the artistry,
On FFN and AO3?
Posting stuff for us to view,
Stories free, for me and you!"

I pulled a walking stick from thin air and began to dance.

"Crossovers for us to purview!
Lemons and High School AUs!
Fanfiction online,
For a wonderful time!
So..."

The car doors burst open. Despite the fact that there should not have been any room for them, Peridot, Stan, Sandy, Jimmy, Wirt and Plankton jumped out, dressed in similar suits and hats. They danced as I sang on.

"If you're blue and you don't know
What to read through, why don'tcha go
And take your picks?
Puttin' on the Fics!"

"Join in, guys!" I shouted, and the others began to sing.

"Role swaps, fluff and anime,
Angst and WAFF, it's here to stay,
How 'bout fix fics?
Puttin' on the Fics!"

I pointed my stick at Plankton, and he took the lead.

"Epics, oneshots, drabbles and novellas,
Turning heroes into twisted fellas,
Nothing sweller!"

I swung the stick in Wirt's direction.

"And you'll see we've everything,
From TV to fabled kings,
A perfect mix!
Puttin' on the Fics!"

"Take it away, Peri!"

Peridot jumped onto the table and began to tap dance as the instrumental portion of the song blared.

"If... if anyone's recording this or anything," I said, "That... I'm gonna claim that's totally me. Yeah, yeah, people will believe that."

"They won't," said Jimmy.

"They won't," I admitted.

I shrugged as Stan began to sing.

"On dA you'll find weird from here to Venus,
And they're not afraid of showing... uh... stuff."

"Probably should've cut that line," he shrugged.

"Oh well," I replied, before breaking into the final chorus.

"So take a look, it's worth a glance,
Throw out your hook, give it a chance,
And get some kicks!
Puttin' on the Fics!
Puttin' on the Fics!
Puttin' on the Fiiiiiiiiiiics!"

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, throwing out both my arms.

I smiled, panting a little from exertion as I climbed down from the top of the car.

"Well, here we go again," sighed Timmy.

"Hey, maybe this year you can go one month without killing me or eternally trapping me in some kind of horrific torment," added Danny.

"I ain't promising you anything, Fenton," I replied.

I stretched, nodded and cracked my finger.

"Well, time to get to work!" I declared.

There was a brief silence.

"All of you people get out of my house."

AN: We're on the road again!