He slammed the doors shut with the force he had. The fireball headed straight towards the Chantry determined to make contact. A wall of heat blew through the crack in the wooden doors as they snapped shut, heating his armor to the touch so it burned against his flushed skin. He breathed an exhale of relief as Warden Blackwall helped his soldiers bring planks to blockade the doors from the swarms of Venatori mages and whatever that fucking beast was flying over Haven.
Cullen tried to catch his breath, but he couldn't. The fist around his chest tightened with each stuttered breath. He feared may never breathe again after this day.
How could this be happening?
The Inquisition had risen to a peak of pure elation at closing the breech hours ago and now prayed just to survive the next few hours. Turning to look into the Chantry there were far fewer people than he had expected to escape in the surprise attack. The Inquisition swore a vow to protect these people. People who had burned alive within their homes, unable to escape as a dragon had breathed scorching fire from one end of Haven to the other.
The Trevinter mage, Dorian was helping a bleeding Roderick to sit. The man held his arm glued to his side as the crimson lines streaked through his white robes to trail across the stone floor, a trail of death.
Sera and the strange boy named Cole, who had returned with the Inquisitor from rescuing the Templar, were checking over the injured. Women and children sat huddled in fright as the soldiers ran in amok around them barring side doors and windows from any onslaught the Venatori considered throwing their direction.
The need to give up was weighing on his mind, turning the folds of his brain to stone. He kept the words to himself that taking care of the most vulnerable among them would mean little if that dragon turned its full attention onto the Chantry, the building burning around them as their funeral pyre.
If there was an empty chair he would have sat, hanging his head between his hands while he prayed to the Maker for some sense of absolution as his time arrived. Ten years later than he had expected, but now Cullen wondered if it would have been better if he'd just died in the Kinloch at the hands of the demons.
Staccato screams echoed from outside the door until swift knocks at the door followed. Blackwall ran to pull a board back from the side window to see what was happening outside.
"Get the doors open!" He screamed towards the soldiers who went to work. Each heavy security beam removed from the smoking wooden doors.
Within moments the doors swung open and Cassandra came striding through, her expression resembling someone who'd sniffed spoiled milk. Blood soaked her armor and shield. Her hair was sweaty and stuck to the sides of her face.
Behind her strode Evelyn, her leather dripping crimson streams as pieces of the red Templars she had sliced to death fell away from her clothing with each staggering step she took into the Chantry.
As the doors slammed shut behind them, Evelyn's legs went out from underneath her. Cassandra caught her in mid-air as she dragged the gasping woman off to the side out of the view of those who were looking for her to save them.
Cassandra's hand pressed hard to the side of the rogue's ribs and when she removed her hand, fresh blood was flowing over her fingers as the color from Evelyn's face faded to a dulled gray from her usual porcelain. Her eyes rolling back in her head.
No, not her. Anyone, but her.
He ran to her side as Cassandra looked up at him in desperation.
"A red Templar maimed her in battle, Cullen. She's still been fighting, but I don't know how much fight she has left in her." Panic paced through his veins as he watched their leader slump over, her limbs becoming too heavy to keep her body upright.
"Solas! Over here now!"
The elf was at his side in moments, pushing his way through the two warriors to examine the woman's side. As his healing magic poured out of his hand into her flank, a high-pitch wail escaped out of Evelyn's body that caused all watching to open their eyes in horror as her screams grew more frantic. Solas stopped in confusion as he pressed his palm against the side of her abdomen. He tilted his head to the side as he listened to the gasps of pain the woman made under his touch.
"I need a knife."
Without hesitation or question, Cullen pulled the throwing dagger out of his boot to hand to the mage. Fire bloomed out of the palm of the mage's hand as the elf ran the blade through till the sharpened edge was glowing red-orange from the searing heat. Gripping the edge of her leather vest he slid the dagger over the leather and it cut through unveiling a garish bruise, the deep color of plums, radiating from a healed cut on her side.
"Gag her, Cassandra." The mage mumbled as he heated the dagger again. The Seeker pulled a small dagger from the back of her breeches, pulling Ev's head into her lap as she forced the leather gripped handle between her leader's teeth as the woman tried to fight back against the agonizing pain radiating from her side.
Cullen had to look away, his eyes pressed together, as Solas sliced across the skin of the violent bruise.
Evelyn screamed without regard of those around her, the gag blocking most the sound that would have scared the civilians in the Chantry shitless. Solas parted the separated flaps of skin as Evelyn's blood poured out over his hands with every beat of her heart. Cassandra braced against Evelyn harder as Solas' fingers pushed into the wound until he found what he was looking for. Pulling out a shard of red crystal he threw it to the floor beside her as he poured all the healing magic he had into Evelyn's side at once.
She calmed her struggling in Cassandra's lap. The Seeker was careful to remove the dagger lodged between her teeth as she soothed the woman's hair to offer her one moment of comfort in this insanity. Her color was returning to her cheeks, a streak of blush across the top of her noble cheekbones.
Cullen heart broke as he watched her incapacitated and flailing. He would have given up any reason to fight if Evelyn had died on the dirty floor of Haven's Chantry. If her life had slipped away like sand running through his fingers, he would have unsheathed his sword, heading out to take out as many of the Templar abominations as he could have before meeting his end.
She looked so frail and so devoid of the strength she exuded.
Just hours beforehand she had smiled up at him and asked if everything was over now she had closed the breech.
He had yearned to reach out and touch her, to feel how soft her skin would feel against his cracked, calloused, and unworthy fingers. Her lips had parted as she'd looked up at him, hair the color of fire blowing in the breeze, her pupils dilated as she stared at the scar that bisected his lips.
Once before, he had come close to pressing his lips to hers when she'd returned from Redcliffe. Remnants of tears still lingering in her eyes. She had looked at him with such longing as though it had been a lifetime since their last meeting. Evelyn's features had crumbled, a sob escaping her chest, as she'd hopped off her horse and walked straight towards him. Without hesitation, she had laid her hands on his breastplate, her pressure gentle. The smallest smile pulling at the corners of her mouth at being able to feel him safe and not bled dry and filled with lyrium the way she had seen him in Alexius' twisted future.
He almost had the courage to do what he wanted to do most in the world. That was until Dorian had approached and Evelyn had backed away. Her expression unreadable, while the mage observed Cullen with a raised brow of curiosity. The two had remained separated until the breach closed. The possibility of a hopeful tomorrow now glimmering in the distance. Again she'd been within his reach and he'd let her slip away determined that there would be another day to try again.
Looked like today they had run out of tomorrows.
Solas' magic ran down the length of her side, the final edges of the wound sealed shut, and most of her life-draining bruise gone. Her breathing was even as the mage sat back on his heels, his own erratic as he'd emptied his mana into their leader. Evelyn now rested, if you ignored the pool of blood on the floor from her side, or the pieces of decaying flesh still lingering in the strands of her long auburn hair.
"Solas, will she be…" he couldn't finish the sentence in fear for the mage's answer.
He nodded as Cullen helped the man to his feet, full of appreciation for what he had just done.
"I removed the red lyrium, but she will not have the time for the rest that she needs. We need to find a way out of here if she's going to survive." The mage took unsteady steps on his own as he made his way towards the civilians to see if anyone needed medical help.
Cullen and Cassandra looked at one another, worry filling their gazes. They knew what they needed to do now and that the Inquisition would not leave tonight unscathed.
"Wake up." Cassandra shook Evelyn by the shoulder until the rogue awakened with a start. Her pale emerald eyes wide with fear as her head darted in all directions looking for her attackers. "Good, you're awake. The Venatori and Templar continue to attack. We need your orders on how to proceed."
At that moment, he was so thankful that Cassandra could pull herself together and do her job in this chaos. His heart couldn't be torn away from the woman who sat confused at his feet.
Evelyn rolled over to her hands and knees as she attempted to stand, her pointed boots sliding in the pool of blood she had shed across the dusty stones. With Cassandra's assistance, she made it to a standing position and pointed her shoulders back as she walked out of the darkened corner to see the damage the attack had done to her people.
"What are our orders?" Cassandra reiterated as she waited for a response from the silent rogue. Something changed in Evelyn's face as she looked at the fear in the shaking people praying to their Maker.
"Get them to safety." Her words were scraping whisper from her raw throat from the screaming through Solas' impromptu surgery on her side. Her eyes drifted back towards the still smoking door. "I have to go back out there."
Cullen unsheathed his sword as he stood to her side. "And I with you."
"No." Her word was firm as she turned and pushed his arm back down, his cheeks and the back of his neck burning at her touch against his bare wrist above his leather gloves. "These people need a leader. I was never meant to lead. Since I received this anchor, this is what I do." Determination set into her features as she finished speaking. "Take these people away and keep them safe, Commander. That's an order."
His heart broke as she uttered the words she knew he wouldn't cross. She was the first thing that had reminded him that his heart still beat within his chest in over a decade. The lyrium forcing him to keep his distance from connecting with others. Until Evelyn had fallen from the sky into his life and changed the self-destructive course he was on to one where the lights burned brighter, laughter was louder, and the sun warmer. But
Now she was walking out that door to take the sun shining on his skin away forever and because it was his job, he would watch her without complaint and do his duty. Once again he what his heart wanted would lose to what was needed.
"What is your plan?" Cassandra asked, wiping the trails of blood still dripping from her sword on the side of her uniform.
"I don't know." Evelyn admitted as she checked the daggers on her back and pushed her blood-streaked hair back over her shoulders.
Cullen tried to memorize every tiny detail of the woman as she tried to forget the trauma she'd just suffered at the hands of her companions. She doubted her skills as a leader but watching her pull herself together gave the frightened people huddling in the Chantry some sense of hope.
"The Ender One doesn't care about the village, he has come for the Herald." The strange boy who had returned with the Inquisition from Therinfall said. His voice hovered through the air as Evelyn's face fell as she rechecked all the buckles on her horrifying thin rogue armor.
"So this thing, this Elder one, came for me? That's what he'll get. Maybe that will be enough for him to grant mercy to the innocent here."
Cullen doubted that was the case. He had seen the fear and recognition in Varric's face as he had screamed for everyone to run back into the Chantry before the dragon had arrived.
"It won't. He wants to kill you, but he'll crush and hurt these people because he can. I don't like him." The sickly pale boy uttered.
"You don't like?" Cullen shouted, incredulous of the boy tending to Roderick's wounds. He stepped in front of his leader, his own shaking hands covering hers as she looked up in surprise. "Herald, there are…"
"Evelyn." She whispered. "Please call me by my name, just this once."
There were so many things he wanted to say. Her eyes cowered in fear she tried to hide.
"Yes, Evelyn." The word felt phenomenal as it passed his lips. "There are no tactics to survive this. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide."
Her eyes grew large as she peered out over the huddled masses looking to her to be their savior- their Andraste burning in the flames consumed by the hatred that poured from her enemies. "But that would…" she couldn't finish the sentence.
Children huddled crying in their mother's laps, their sobs echoing through the Chantry.
"Why did we have children here? You said we couldn't defend Haven and yet I allowed children." Her voice broke as the reality of their fate set in. The monster had come for her but would cut through these people without hesitation for its prize.
She thought this was her fault.
"Evelyn, these people's ends are nearing soon, but we can grant them the mercy of a quick death over the torture they would receive at the hands of our enemies."
She looked up into the eyes of the man who had pushed her to keep fighting regardless of the odds. He was now telling her she should be responsible for the deaths of those under their command.
"Yes, that. Chancellor Roderick wants to say something before he dies."
Cullen ignored the creepy boy as he turned to the ashen-skinned Roderick. How many times had he envisioned the cleric dying in some unfortunate way? On a different day, he would have found a morbid thread of humor in the man's demise.
"There's a path, you wouldn't know of it unless you'd made the pilgrimage before." Roderick was turning paler as he struggled for breath as the blossoms of crimson spread across his cream-colored robes. "The people can escape; she must have shown me for a reason. Andraste must have shown me so I could help you."
Cullen watched the Herald, no Evelyn, cringe as the cleric said their prophet's name.
"Is this one more of Roderick's helpful bits of advice?" She mumbled as she watched the man dying in front of her eyes.
"After so many dying in the Conclave, to be the only one who remembers. If this simple memory can save us, this could be more than mere accident. You could be more." The man rested, his chin against his chest, as he ran out of energy to speak.
Cullen had not removed his eyes from Evelyn. Through the cracks in their window barricades the burning flames of Haven reflected off her face like the tales of Andraste. So many emotions warred behind her eyes. If this was to be their end, he would stand and die by the side of the woman he called his leader. Her eyes flicked up to him, the flames burned into the dark center of her pupil.
"What about it Cullen, will it work?" She used his name. Before tonight she had never referred to him as any other name than Commander.
Could see him as more than just a man?
"Possibly, if he shows us the path." Roderick was alive for now and he doubted the man even knew where he was. "What of your escape?"
The emotions that filled her eyes broke his heart as he understood what Evelyn wouldn't say out loud. She was walking out there to die for a chance at their survival. There had to be another way. Not now- not her.
"You can't." The whisper escaped him before he could suppress it and just focus on his duties. her words were calm and determined when she responded.
"I've lived my entire life in fear. I wasn't born to be a hero, but a bargaining chip for my father. Any end on my terms, is more than I deserve. Please, let me be brave this one time. Let me show them, I can be more." A silent strength had poured into her limbs as she looked out towards the growing flames.
How could he argue with her? He nodded his head, numb, as she turned to the rest of the Inquisition, her companions waiting in a line behind her, their weapons drawn ready to walk into the face of oblivion with her.
"Please, put your weapons down. I'm going on my own. Understand that I must be the one that does this. Get these people to safety and ensure the Inquisition survives another day."
Multiple members including Cassandra, Blackwall, and Dorian opened their mouths to speak, but she raised her hand silencing them all. "I order you to protect these people- I go alone."
"Not alone," Cullen spoke, desperate to keep his tone even. "My soldiers will accompany you to load and fire the trebuchet while you keep the Elder One distracted." He knew she hadn't remembered that she could not load the trebuchets by herself.
"Thank you, Cullen." She spoke looking down towards her blood-caked leather boots.
There was his name again. Every time she said it, it sounded better than the previous time.
"Inquisition, let's go!"
A weak cheer erupted through the Chantry as people dared to let themselves hope for a fate that ended on a different path than burning alive in the flames of the beast hovering over Skyhold. Without orders, a group of volunteer soldiers lined up at the door, at attention, waiting for Evelyn's orders. Everyone's feet were moving in all directions as the companions helped the wounded innocents to their feet to follow the path the dying cleric was leading them on to salvation.
Evelyn froze in place, her olive eyes glued to the door as you could watch her play through the scenarios that awaited her on the other side. By the look in her dimming eyes, none of them ended well.
Dorian separated himself from a group of families heading to follow Cole, dragging the bleeding man on his hip. Without hesitation, he walked over and placed a gentle kiss on the forehead of his cousin. Her eyes closed as the words that wanted to escape her buried themselves in her throat.
"Don't say it."
Dorian chuckled as she mumbled the words.
"Yes, my dear, I'm aware of your aversion to farewells. So, I'll tell you, you look beautiful and I await speaking to you next time." The mage pulled back, his storm-cloud eyes filling with emotion his cousin could not allow herself to show in that moment. With unsaid words hanging between them, he made his way back to help heal those too injured to walk.
Cullen's heart was pounding in his throat as he watched each of her companions approach her one at a time to wish her luck and that they would see her later. Cassandra's face fell as she walked away from her leader, her disappointment at staying behind clear in her features as she helped Leliana and Josephine lift terrified children into the arms of waiting soldiers.
Then she was alone, standing apart from everyone around her moving towards their sanctuary. She alone would walk out the doors to her death knowing the rest would survive for another day. If there was relief in that thought, it didn't show in her panicked eyes.
He knew he had orders to give, men to organize, people to lead, but his boots wouldn't move watching the woman who had graced his dreams and waking moments for months. It was Solona all over again. Lyrium had clouded his mind for so many years he could shut his heart off from any opportunities when attachment had offered itself. Evelyn had worn him down, forced him to care about something that wasn't his job, and he would forever be in her debt for reminding him what it meant to be human.
She stood with her toes at the edge of the abyss as she prepared to jump while praying for another miracle to save her. She sighed, her shoulders and head lowered, accepting her fate as she started her approach towards the door.
Cullen's heart screamed out so loud it pained him as he chased after her. "Evelyn!"
She turned around with a curious brow raised, but Cullen's feet didn't stop moving until his hands slid along the soft angles of her cheeks as he tilted her head back, his lips crashed against hers in one solid and overdue movement. She stiffened against him before she sighed through parted lips, opening herself to him. His tongue pressed past her trembling lips as he shuddered with how exquisite she tasted.
Everything he knew about the Maker, made sense as a bubble of joy grew out of his heart at not only touching her, but in her reciprocating every movement against him. Her heart pounding through the flesh of her neck into the pads of his traveling fingers.
Too early, years too early, she pulled back to look at him, the surprise contentment in her eyes melting away to hurt. "You kissed me because I will die." Her whisper had fear intertwined in the words she had hidden from her companions.
A bittersweet smile pulled across his lips as he swept her loose hair over her shoulder. "No Evelyn, I kissed you because it's the thing I've wanted more than anything else in my miserable life." His heart shattered once again tears formed in her endless green eyes. Without thinking, he pulled the terrified woman to his chest wrapping his arms around her to funnel his strength and anger into her bones to allow her to fight. He knew his men were watching, but he didn't care.
"You'll find a way. I know you will." He whispered to her soiled auburn hair that still smelled of the spiced lemons she'd used to wash it. If only he had the ability to slow time, he would have stayed in that moment forever where he was her proud and standing knight that would protect her from whatever took its vengeance.
Before he could say anything else, she pushed herself away and headed towards the door without looking back, pulling the bloodied daggers from her back as her soldiers parted to make room for their leader to step through.
She inhaled. "Now." The men pushed the door open and filed through before Evelyn stepped out last, turning around the push the wooden doors shut behind her. His eyes caught hers before she left and he hoped they sent the message he knew she could survive that he had given her all the strength he had hoping she might return.
Cullen's legs shook as he almost dropped to his knees. Grief poured over his body from the emptiness he felt now that Evelyn had exited the Chantry never to return. His men were looking to him for orders, but it was taking all the self-control he had not to run out the doors after her, uncaring of the consequences. For the briefest moment, he had touched pure heaven and her smell was over him as his eyes blurred from the tears that would not come.
He was an undeserving man who the Maker had stopped listening to long ago, but tonight he would pray to the Maker that the red-headed rogue with the burning eyes of Andraste would return to him once more.
AN: If you enjoy these characters, check out my long fic Once & Again! Thank you for reading!