NEW A/N: I know I deleted it and a lot of you were upset, but this time it's here to stay. Everything is staying the same as it did in my Google docs, so if some of you old readers see a few differences, it's because I edited the story in the fanficitions editor for finishing touches, I'm not doing that this time around because the rewrite is coming real soon, but that means a lot of misspellings and incomplete sentences this time around. I'll upload chapter of the new and old version togther starting next chapter. I'm keeping the old version up so that you guys can compare how things are different. Everything is staying the same, even the A/N's. Once I get where this story stopped last time, there will be no new chapters and only the rewrite will get updated. Enjoy.
A/N: I know I have another fic going on, but this is an idea that came from it I know I should be writing the other one, but this one is easier for me to write. It's going to have a few of the trigger warnings from the other story, but they won't be so heavy and up front. Will it have Angst? Yeah, but it's also going to have some fluffy moments.
Summary: A story about a relationship between Leni and Carol and its development.. Not that Lori would be appreciative even knowing they were friends, but how would she react when she finds out they're dating? Trigger Warnings: Depression and Suicide attempt.
November 12
It was particularly cold that evening, but Leni didn't mind. She had told everyone she was going on a walk, but nobody seemed to acknowledge it. Leni was used to it. Before now, she wanted their attention, trying hard to get it, trying to fit it, to be part of the family. It never worked, no matter how hard she tried; her ignorance combined with her absent mindedness was just too much for anyone to stand. She had no intentions of coming back to her house once she left.
After wandering for what seemed like an eternity, Leni found herself on a bridge only wide enough for a single car to pass through at a time. Low traffic meant she had a lower risk of being stopped. Leni sat on the railing, looking down at the steep drop. The bridge passed over a ravine; if one were to travel down it from either of the sides near the bridge's ends, they could probably make it down safely if they were careful. If one were to jump from the center of the bridge however, they would be facing a 32-foot drop onto the rocks below. Lining the edges of the ravine were trees with red and orange leaves, further adding the the beauty, making everything leading up to this moment feel miniscule.
Both Leni's teachers and parents were trying to push her to perform to perfection, to be like Lori. That was the literal expression they would use, "Why don't you try to be more like Lori?". That's how it was since the ninth grade. Eleventh Grade had been especially taxing on her. With the eleventh grade, they had been breathing especially hard down her neck at every moment, wanting her to get into a college and make something of herself. Her parents said they wanted the best for her, but she couldn't bring herself to believe them. They wanted her away, she just knew it.
No matter how hard she tried, her grades didn't seem to rise more the a few points before going back down. Her best simply wasn't enough, it never was. Leni had absolutely no friends, everyone was off put by her stupidity, which they deemed it as coming from a mental disorder. She spent countless nights crying herself to sleep while her sisters remained oblivious as the vicious rumors of Leni being mentally retarded circled around school, careful to avoid the ears of the Loud sisters. Lori was too enamoured with Bobby to notice her crying at night.
When she tried approaching her parents about it, they were too busy helping everyone else, and when it was Leni's turn for attention, they would always be too tired and then they would then retreat to their room. Leni could only assume they'd already given up on her altogether. In the end, Leni was just tired of it all, so tired that part of her didn't even have the energy to end it all sooner.
'Money and attention were both rare in the Loud House,' Leni thought, as she looked down to the ravine below. At least now, her parents wouldn't spend anymore money on her, and then maybe they could save more. One less mouth to feed. 'Maybe Luna will get to go to college instead.'
Leni got fully over the railing of the bridge, and was now standing with nothing in between her and hopefully the peace she wished for. Her birthday was supposed to be tomorrow, but the superficial attitudes her family would be displaying for her wasn't something she wanted to be around; they would mourn, and would move on eventually. She closed her eyes, feeling the cool breeze against her skin. Letting go of the rail, Leni began to lean forward.
'This is it.' She thought.
"What are you doing?!" A feminine voice from behind her said. Leni became aware of a firm grip around her waist.
"Can you, like, let me go?" Leni said, her voice had little emotion.
"No," Was the response. "How about you get over here, and we talk. If you still want to jump afterwards, I'll let you."
It seemed like an unfair trade. Leni knew her mind couldn't be changed now, but complied anyways, maybe the girl would offer her a better solution. The girl kept a hand gripped around Leni's forearm as she got back over the edge. Leni turned to face her, and got a good look at her. Her hair was long and blonde, seemingly pointing off to the side near the ends., She wore purple eye shadow, a blue shirt, and a brown checkered skirt. A look of something between concern and anger shrouded her face. Leni was not off put by this though, she didn't really care.
"Why did you, like, save me? You don't know me. Do you?" Leni asked. She was used to being used. This person probably had some type of reason for saving her.
"I'm Carol, and because I value life, and you have a family to live for. Aren't you Lori's sister? How would she feel?" The blonde asked. When she saw a shadow pass over Leni's face, she knew she said something wrong.
"Of course I am, just Lori's sister. It's all I've ever been. It's never just Leni. Why don't you go ask Lori why i'm here..." Leni spat. She turned around, and leaned on the railings of the bridge, gripping the sides till her knuckles turned white. She remembered this girl now; if Lori wasn't talking about Bobby, she was dissing on Carol. The annoyance on her face soon turned to a look of sadness. "If my family cared about who or where I was, like, I wouldn't be here. I don't really have anything with them."
"Well," Carol started with uncertainty. She wasn't taught to deal with these types of situations. She might have not liked Lori, but she wasn't going to let her rival's younger sister throw away her life. She sighed "I was going to a movie that starts soon. Why don't you come with.?"
"You should just let me go. I don't want to cause anymore troubles for anyone." Leni said, this conversation was making her weary. Any longer and she would lose all the energy she had mustered to take her own life. Carol wasn't so easily convinced to let it go.
"Look," She started, adding a slightly angered tone to her voice. "I will not let you jump off this bridge. You seem like an alright person, if you promise not to jump, i'll give you my number, and if you need someone to talk to, just give me a call, alright?"
Leni could see that that the blonde wouldn't leave unless Leni promised not to jump. She couldn't help but feel a little touched by Carol's persistence, maybe there were some people who cared after all? She gave a slight nod before speaking out loud.
"Fine." Leni stated. "As long as you don't tell Lori or anyone about this. I'd be embarrassed if they found out... they probably would be too."
"Deal." Carol said. "I'll give you a ride home."
"I'm fine," Leni told the blonde. She didn't want to take anything from anyone if she could help it, so she lied instead. "My house is just right down the street."
"Then don't worry about it. I'm headed that direction anyways." Carol beckoned for Leni to follow her to her car, a silver Honda Civic parked at end of the bridge. Leni found herself walking towards and getting in the car of her older sister's worst enemy.
Carol dropped her off, and gave her a smile and wave before making a motion with her hands for Leni to call her later. Leni nodded, things would have certainly been better if only she had made it to the bottom of the ravine, but if Carol was willing to be her first real friend, maybe she shouldn't be so quick to go back and try again. Leni went back into the house, and none of the inhabitants were aware of the tragedy that would have befallen them that evening.
The very day after that was Leni's birthday, and she had turned 17. Carol called her that night, checking if she was still alive . It was the gift that ended up being the best one she could have received.
It had only been four weeks since that incident, and already Carol and Leni were good friends (it took some convincing on Carols part to get it through to Leni that it wasn't a pity friendship). Turns out that they had more in common than they knew. It was only half past four in the afternoon, but the days of December were already turning to night at this time. Leni was huddling in the corner of her bed, comforted by multiple blankets to protect her from the cold, and shielded her phone's screen from any unwanted onlookers. Her eyes moved to the other side of the room where Lori was standing, face right next to phone talking to Bobby. That was good; it meant she wasn't focused on what Leni was doing.
Leni might not have been the smartest, but she didn't need a high IQ thingy to know that Lori would have crucified her if she knew that Leni had become pals with her enemy. In the past fifteen minutes, Leni had heard her older sister say something about Carol several times. Before Leni got to know the girl herself, she would have blindly agreed with whatever Lori said. It was another one of her flaws, though Carol was trying help her to boost her self-confidence and show her these flaws weren't problems.
She turned on her phone screen, and there was the message from Carol waiting for her. She already had an idea of what it was.
'I'm on my way. Are you ready?'
They had made plans to hangout tonight, they planned on getting some coffee, and then they would see where things went from there. Leni would be lying if she said she hadn't been looking forward to it all week. Leni waited a moment before texting her back.
'Yeah, i'll be waiting outside.'
Leni got off her bed, already dressed. She chose to wear a Navy blue dress similar in style to the one she normally wore, but had pants on underneath. She got her pink brush from the nightstand beside her bed, and went to stand in front of the mirror, brushing her hair for what seemed like the fiftieth time that day. Carol had been nice to Leni, but Leni still couldn't help but feel nervous around the girl.
Friends were sparse in her life, but but pity was not, and Leni did not like that. It was true that she still felt some of the same things she did those four weeks ago, but she did think she was getting better, not that her family had much to do with it. They were still oblivious, and pretty much treated her the same as always. Carol had everything to do with the changes though, but no matter how much the older girl claimed the friendship was genuine, Leni couldn't let go of the fear that Carol was pitying her. Carol was pretty charismatic, Leni would give her that, but if she found out that all of this was fake, she didn't know what she would do.
She put down the brush, and made sure to put the phone in her pocket. She looked herself over once more, and when she decided that everything was in the right place, she walked over to the door and left, taking one last glance at Lori, who was still on the phone wishing Bobby good luck at his newest job
Leni made her way downstairs, careful not to be plowed into by any of her siblings. She would have to get downstairs and out the door without getting dirtied. Her luck paid off as she neared the front door unscathed, and opened it up.
"Hey Leni," A voice said. Leni was startled, her heart nearly jumping out of her throat in the process.
"Lucy, ho-"
"Lincoln, actually," And it was indeed him. "I was wondering if you would help me make a better hero costume."
Leni was actually surprised that she was being asked to participate in something (even Lucy was included in the activities around here more than she was), though Carol was already on her way, so Lincoln would have to be turned down this time.
"Sorry Linc, I'm like going out with a friend tonight." She said softly. Lincoln looked disappointed, but Leni quickly stepped in. "But once I get back, I'd be glad to help my brother out."
He brightened at that, and nodded. "Alright. I can wait until then."
He went to walk away, but turned around almost immediately.
"Who are you going out with, you never go hang out with any friends... Is it a boy" He added suggestively. Leni's mind drew a blank. Why the sudden interest in her life? If it were about something about fashion, she would have been fine, but she had no lies prepared.
"Yes." She blurted out, her mind wasn't even thinking. Lincoln looked like he was getting ready to shout to the other sisters that Leni had finally had a 'boyfriend'. Remembering how the girls had reacted when they thought Ronnie-Anne had a rush on him, Leni couldn't let that happen. "Wait, Linc, don't tell anyone. His name is, like, Carl and he's in the grade above mine."
Lincoln smirked, it was another chance for him to prove he was a good brother, but maybe even get some leverage out of it.. "Alright, but one condition, I want to meet him."
Leni's skin crawled at the thought. Leni had wrongfully called Carol her boyfriend (not that Leni would be objecting to it), if he went out there and saw it was actually a girl (or Carol for that matter), she would never be able to live it down. One way or another, secrets didn't last long in this household.
"No." Leni said in with unwoted seriousness. Lincoln never really heard Leni use a tone besides her usual soft and kind one. He didn't press the matter further, but would document it later.
"Alright, and is that their car behind you?" He asked. Leni turned around, and sure enough, Carol's car was parked right in front of the house. Leni nodded and turned to leave.
"If anyone asks, tell them I'm out with a friend alright?" Now it was Lincoln's turn to nod. Leni got in the car, and Carol, not wasting a moment, peeled off.
"So, what was it you and Lincoln were talking about?" Carol asked, with a sly smirk on her face.
"Not much, he was wondering where I was going and then said he wanted to meet you." Leni answered, giving the partial truth. Carol picked up on the things Leni didn't say, and pointed them out.
"Why would he want to meet me? Unless, you said you were going out with your boyfriend. Does want to make sure 'he' is good enough for you?" Carol said playfully. The flustered look told Carol all she needed to know. "What was his name."
Leni opened her mouth to speak, but when nothing came out, closed it again. Carol was amused at the sight before her. She made a questioning sound, pressing Leni for an answer. Eventually, she did respond, but Carol didn't catch it the first time.
"You're going to have to speak louder than that Loud." Carol jested.
"I said his name was Carl." Leni sheepishly stated.
Carol chuckled at it. "Why, is the real 'Carl' not good enough for you?"
Leni thought for a moment, trying to not read too deep into Carol's words.. "If you and Lori didn't hate each other so much, then I wouldn't have to hide you as a friend."
"I don't hate her, she just doesn't like anything I do." Carol said. They drove on for another minute in silence.
"Try doing something nice for her. Maybe she'd appreciate it." Leni suggested. Carol just scoffed at the idea. Leni tried again. "I, like, know how hard headed Lori can be, but it'd mean alot to me if you tried."
Carol just grunted, but considered Leni's words, and the rest of the car ride was spent in silence. Their destination arrived not much longer afterwards. It was a little, locally owned coffee shop, simply named "Coffee Bistro". It's design was rustic, and gave a welcoming feeling. There were few people in the store, sitting alone as they in enjoyed their coffee in silence. As it's name implied, coffee was obviously the primary thing sold. Leni nervously followed behind Carol in this unfamiliar place.
"I come here all the time. It's a great place to get away from those fake girls at school." Carol said, she turned and stopped waiting for Leni to catch up. Leni thought Carol was one of those fake girls, but getting to know her made the entire difference.
"Where are we sitting?" Leni asked her. She had never been in this place before, and was more comfortable with Carol making all the decisions.
"Let's order first, then we'll decide."
Together they walked up to the cashier, Leni observed Carol ordering.
"How may I help you?" He asked. Leni looked at the menu as Carol ordered a 'Caramel Mocha'. She couldn't decide on what to get, so she just went with what Carol got.
"I'll just have what she's having." She said, looking up. Carol was already digging through her handbag for money. Leni couldn't help but feel bad; she never had anything to give, only to take. Leni would convince Carol to let her pick the next place, where money didn't matter. Once their things were paid for, they decided to sit in the back corner. Carol checked her phone, and Leni hers. It was just now turning six. Leni set her phone down, and looked around aimlessly until a waiter came with their drinks.
"Here you go, Caramel Mocha" Leni looked up and saw none other than Bobby Santiago. Her mouth went dry, and Bobby smiled and sat the two drinks down as he saw who it was he was serving, missing Carol's presence entirely. "Aye, Leni, what brings you here? Is Lori around here too?"
She remained shocked. "I uh… I-"
"She's here with me." Carol said roughly. Bobby turned towards her and his expression matched that of Leni's. "If you tell Lori you saw us here, I swear I'll ruin your relationship, and then I'll literally kill you."
Bobby swallowed harshly. "I uh… I-"
He just walked off, leaving the two alone.
"Did you have to be mean to him?" Leni asked. Carol's expression softened.
"He would have told Lori, and you don't want that." Carol stated matter of factly. "I'm just helping you out. It's what friends do."
Leni chuckled nervously, and gripped her cup tightly. "I don't want to sneak around all the time, but I can't help it. I don't want Lori, to like, hate me for liking you."
Carol smiled sipped her mocha. "Leni, just try to think about what you want. Then if Lori disagrees, then you won't be bothered."
Leni mulled over these words. What did she want? Just over a month ago she was going to throw her life over a bridge, the only reason she hadn't done so again was because she had Carol to look forward too. There were many things she wanted; to be accepted for who she is, to be her own person, to not be the black sheep of her family; someone to love her. She looked up at the older girl in front of her, taking in all of her details. Carol treated her how her own family didn't. As far as Leni was aware, Carol accepted her. She finally realized what it was that she really wanted, even though she might not even get it.
Leni wanted Carol.