A/N: This is sort of a 5+1 without the 1, and explores some Spitfire, some platonic Birdflash, some Dick angst, and mostly Wally-Artemis-Dick dynamics in general. It takes place in the same universe/timeline as Wishbone, Twas the Night, and Don't Turn Off the Lights and I do recommend reading Wishbone first, although you don't have to. If you read and enjoy this, please please take a second to review. It keeps me writing.
Trigger Warnings for non-explicit, non-graphic mentions of self-harm and explicit, non-graphic to mildly graphic discussion of suicide/suicidal ideation
Disclaimer: i own nothingnothingnothing aight
I.
The first time, Artemis is sitting in the mountain's kitchen, still getting acquainted with the space, the team, the life - and she doesn't have a clue what's going on. Gathering information from half a phone call isn't new to her. She could write a book full of things her mother never would have told her willingly. But being with other teenagers is new, at least in this way, when there's even a chance of her hearing their private calls. She's not sure she's ever heard anyone her age talk to a friend on the phone. Of course, she's not surprised that Wally West of all people would. He likes to talk almost as much as he likes to irritate her.
"Y'ello. Hey, why- ...Rob, what's wrong?"
Still, she looks up from her homework when she hears a drastic shift in Wally's voice. There's something urgent in it, something that makes her pencil and her stomach drop. He never seems to talk without a smirk to his tone, not unless there's danger. She's standing and ready to suit up at a moment's notice when she realizes that Wally's on his cell phone, not his communicator.
She sits back down, and waits.
"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. I'm here. Do you need me to come over?"
Wally is pacing, one hand running through his hair and the other gripping his phone hard. His face is contorted with anxiety, making him look older in an almost unsettling way. Artemis can't figure out what happened to Robin to make Wally panic like this, and all she can think of is that he's hurt and badly.
She hasn't been on the team long, not long enough to see anyone get hurt more than cuts and bruises and sprains. The thought makes her feel weak, and she's dumbfounded. It's like she actually cares enough about the little shit and her other teammates to hate the possibility of them being injured. But it's way too soon for those kinds of bonds, she's sure, and besides that, they're foreign to her. She doesn't have friends. Not like this. She never has.
But he's small and young and Wally looks...well, really genuinely upset. It feels a little surreal. The way things always have when her world comes crashing down in some way or another.
"I know...no, that's not- Robbie, c'mon, don't be like this...no, it's okay. I didn't mean it like that. I know. No, you're not. Look, I'm just-" Wally sighs, obviously cut off again, and glances at the clock. "Alright, I'm coming over. Shut up, I am. I'll be there in a minute, okay? ...you gonna be okay? Good. I'm hanging up, I'll see you in a sec."
Wally is already speeding off when he notices her still sitting there, and suddenly backtracks. "Hey, ah...you heard all that?"
She nods, chewing her lip. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." His eyes say no. "Fine. But, listen, um...maybe don't...mention this to anyone? Please." It's the most sincere thing he's ever said to her, laced with a gravity she had no idea he was capable of.
She can't say anything but "I won't," and he's gone in an instant.
The world does not crash down. In fact, she never hears or sees any acknowledgement of it. Robin is springing and smiling the next day, as if nothing even happened, but Wally trails behind him all afternoon with that same tensed-up look, like he's waiting for a timer to go off. His arms reach slightly forward when he's not paying attention, as if some force inside them needs to hug Robin, but he settles for fist bumps.
It's the first time Artemis starts to think maybe their flippant pain in the ass of a speedster has a heart after all.
II.
She has a different perspective about Wally the next time it happens. He's not heartless, nor an idiot, and he never was. Not really. He's smart. He loves a lot, and loves hard.
And he's cute.
Insufferable, too, of course. Never takes a damn thing seriously, and she's dismissed that phone call from a few months back as some sort of fluke. He hasn't shown that side of him since. Statistically speaking, it doesn't exist. He doesn't do serious things, and maybe that's why she just keeps pushing him away; her life is serious, and he doesn't want or need that kind of weight.
Still. He's cute.
They're civilians tonight with Conner and M'gann, flopped around the couch with a Disney movie marathon playing. Artemis tries to ignore how much it feels like a double date and just enjoys M'gann's bubbling questions about human culture and her enchanted face watching it all for the first time. Wally's phone rings late into the evening, while they're between films and M'gann and Conner are refilling popcorn bowls and probably kissing while they're at it. He glances at Artemis from across the couch and then grabs for his phone, face falling before he answers it.
"Hey." He sounds bizarrely gentle. "You okay? You weren't answering me today." There's a long pause, and Wally's lips suddenly part, a sort of yelp slipping out. "Hey, c'mon, calm down. Where are you? Where's B? ...okay, look, just...just breathe. Please. I'll...I-I'll come over, man, just, just don't do anything stupid."
He hasn't said a name, but Artemis recognizes that tone and face and restless leg. She hasn't thought about the other really weird phone call in a while, but now she's remembering and she knows he's talking to Robin.
She also knows Robin isn't okay, and a piece of her, deep down, thinks she knows why he isn't okay, why Wally's so scared...but she doesn't want to think about it. It's not her business if the kid's losing his grip - so why is she terrified?
Wally stands up quick and turns his back on her, but she can still hear and he must know that. "I know! I know, I know...I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be...I wanna help, buddy, you have to let me. Just hold on, please...promise? Okay. Hang on a sec, I gotta-...I won't. I'm not leaving. Shh. I wouldn't do that, dude. Never. Hang on one second."
He lowers his phone to his side, covering the microphone with his hand. Almost nervously, he turns to face Artemis and exhales. "I have to go and I know you know who that was so please, please lie to them orsomethingi'msorry-"
She nods, fear now steadily thrumming in her own heart. "I will. Go."
His mouth turns up weakly, and on an impulse, she grabs his free hand to squeeze it.
He breathes, squeezes back, and runs.
"Where'd he go?" Conner says when he and M'gann return. Artemis is still shaken on the couch, her hand pink from Wally's touch.
"He had to leave."
"Why was he afraid?" M'gann says, looking towards the Zeta tube and then back at Artemis, who raises an eyebrow. "I could feel it. There was...so much fear." She closes her eyes. Conner puts a hand on her shoulder, thumb rubbing circles, and looks to Artemis expectantly.
"I...dunno. Someone called. I think maybe he-" She swallows- "forgot he had to do something."
"Should we wait for him?"
"I don't think he's coming back." Artemis hopes not. Whatever the hell is going on with Robin - and she doesn't know, she reminds herself - he seems to need someone. If it were her, she wouldn't come back. Although, as she thinks about it now, if it were her, she wouldn't be able to speak in that kind of sweet whisper. M'gann and Conner settle back into a movie while she tries to substitute Wally for any of the other young heroes in her head, his words in their voices. None of it feels right. There's something undeniably Wally about it. Gentleness, compassion, protectiveness, loyalty- it's not uncharacteristic like she thought. It's all him.
Robin doesn't need someone, he needs Wally.
Suddenly there's something warm, and, she has to admit, beautiful in his eyes. There's a devilish glint in them normally, but on rare occasions when the victims of a bad guy are children, or someone is hurt, or he and Robin are talking in low voices away from the group, she sees it disappear.
Artemis feels silly, and selfish, but she hopes someday the warmth in his face will be for her.
III.
Flirting and kissing sweeps them up in a whirlwind, but at some point, they settle for a first date. Movie, dinner, a nice walk back to the mountain, the works. Wally's hand is soft, his lips are softer, and Artemis is floating. It doesn't happen - the third time in six months, and that's only what she's seen - until they're back in the mountain and she's conflicted between shoving him against the wall and simply giving him a peck goodnight.
Before she has a chance to decide, he pulls out his phone and furrows his brow at it, slowly stepping away from her. She still peeks. It's a handful of missed calls from "dickhead" with an affectionate blue heart, only adding up as he quickly scrolls down.
Artemis doesn't know what to do, again, but Wally glances at her with a don'tleave kind of panic before he calls back, so she stays.
"Pick up," he mutters, repeating it every half-second until finally, it seems, Robin does. "Hey." His fingers rap against the kitchen counter. "My phone was off, I'm really sorry. ...no, it's okay. Always. What are you doing?"
Artemis reaches her fingers over, hesitantly grabbing Wally's twitching ones. He grasps her hand tight, and his is sweaty, not soft.
"Talk to me, dude." His face is already pale but now it turns white, freckles stark against papery skin. "Okay, you're scaring me. Don't say things like that. Hey- that's not true...dammit, no!"
Artemis's hand is left throbbing when Wally lets go of it to frantically search for the jacket he dumped on the kitchen table. She can guess what Robin's saying, but she doesn't want to. She really doesn't want to.
"Please tell me where you are," Wally begs, now holding his coat but seeming unwilling to risk dropping his phone to put it on. "What- shit, you...stay put, okay? You don't need to tell me where you are, just keep talking to me. No, no, Rob, listen to me, you gotta stay on the phone with me. Robin. Robin, shh. Shh-h. I can help, I can...I-I can fix this, please, you don't have to- to feel like this."
She feels useless. There's no conceivable way for her to help Robin...but maybe she can help Wally? Hesitantly, she takes his coat from his arm and holds it behind him, helping him slip one arm in at a time so he doesn't drop his phone. For half a second, her hands linger softly on his shoulders and she leans close to his neck.
"...I-I'm s-s-sor-ry-" Robin's voice crackles through the phone, stinging her.
"Di- Robin...I can make it better...we can get you through this. I promise. You're gonna be okay."
Wally touches her arm as she backs up, holding up a finger for her to wait. He's breathing a little easier now.
"Yeah, I know. That's why I'm always gonna be here for you, right? Mmhm. Hey, talk to me about something...anything. Walk me through a routine, okay? I saw you doing a new one last week, tell me about it..." Two seconds later, he has the phone muffled to his shoulder and Artemis by the elbow, voice switching to a stern, low order. "Radio Batman, and tell him Robin needs him. Now."
There's no room for a response; Wally is back murmuring softly into his phone and Artemis is nodding dumbly before her senses kick in and she runs to get a communicator. Oh god, she hasn't even thought of how she'll explain if he questions her. I think your kid might die?
"Batman," an unfriendly voice answers.
"Artemis. It's- it's Robin. Civilian...stuff."
"What's wrong?" Batman growls, deep and intense.
"I don't know," she lies, glancing again at Wally. "Wal- Kid Flash is on the phone with him and told me he needs you."
"It's...time critical?" His words are carefully chosen to not let her know what's going on, even though she's sure her understanding of the situation is more obvious than she's aiming for.
"Yes."
"Do you know where he is?" She hears typing in the background, and for once she hopes Batman does have the kid microchipped like a dog.
"No. Wally- Wally doesn't know." Screw identities.
"Is there anything else?"
In the background, she hears, "Just hang on. For tonight. Please. Just get through the night, buddy, I know you can." Wally is desperate, and she's cursing him and Robin both for making her care.
"Don't let him sleep alone," Artemis chokes, and then adds a hasty "out" before stopping the call. There's a pit in her stomach and she's shivering when minutes ago she was hot. Everything feels tensed, wired, and she doesn't know Robin - when he's not Robin, when he's like this - but she hates the sensation with her whole being. Like the moment before the roller coaster drops, or maybe the feeling between when you slip and when you fall. She never wants to feel it again.
Wally looks sick, rubbing his eyes every ten seconds and pacing in a large circle around the room. He tells a story, something about bribing his uncle to bail Roy Harper out of jail, but she can't listen because he's avoiding eye contact with her, and his voice shakes at the funny parts. Finally, he stops mid-description of the police officer Barry was able to sweet-talk, and gasps "Oh thank fuck" as he hangs up the phone and falls to the couch.
Artemis feels a little less cold, but her legs are still shaking when Wally mutters into a pillow, "he found him." He sobs for maybe a minute, and maybe it's longer in his speedster mind but then he's sitting up and wiping tears from his cheeks and nose, looking at her before she's had a chance to even try and comfort him. And he doesn't look good - he's sniveling and red-faced and not at all like the silent, stony bad boys she's always gone after.
She doesn't know why she's falling for him, right here, right now, in this awkwardly terrible moment.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I had a good time, a really good time and I want this to work out but ohgodohgodIcan't- I can't think right now. I don't know...i-if I can...be with anyone-"
There's a flutter in her gut as she slowly realizes she's falling for the way he feels and cares - the way he's everything she's not. She doesn't understand the kind of friendship he has with Robin. She barely understands normal friendships, relationships, caring, but somehow this kid is restoring her faith in everything beautiful and stealing her heart all at once.
"Wally." She's crying a little, but she swallows and comes behind the couch, squeezing his shoulder. "It's okay. We'll talk. You should be there when he gets home."
He falters for a moment, then lifts her hand and gives it a wet, shaky kiss that's far from romantic. She doesn't mind. "I'll call you."
He's better the next time she sees him, back on his game completely when they make their relationship official a week later.
She's his, and he's not entirely hers - there's a slice of him that's Robin's and she'll never touch it. But she finds she's okay with that. She's okay - more than okay - with nearly everything about him.
Before long, that's her new definition of love. That, and Wally West's chapstick-soft lips on her forehead.
IV.
Artemis can't say she expected to stay with Wally so long - does anyone expect to stay with their high school sweetheart? She didn't expect to move to California either, or quit the team, but life pushed good things into her hands and for once - she blames Wally - she knows she deserves them. She's far from where she grew up so miserably, far from her broken family, surrounded by young people and learning and strong, freckled arms. And she's happy, so incredibly happy.
There are some things she has come to expect, though, and one of them is her boyfriend on a phone or video call with Dick Grayson for at least half an hour every night. Knowing Dick Grayson - not Robin, and not Richard from high school either - has been weird, like meeting a twin of Robin who's sort of the same...a bit sadder, a little more tired, a lot less secure. She's never asked what exactly is wrong with him - it's not her business - but she knows it's pretty serious. All the same, he seems to have gotten better in the last few years. She talks to him for a bit most nights, and then she gives them their privacy, but even as she listens to the faint sounds of their conversation from a few rooms over, she hears laughter, never tears.
If she's grown into happiness, maybe he has too.
Wally always calls Dick at around nine, but when Dick calls him a half hour early it's not necessarily a red flag. At least, not to her. She and Wally are heating up a late dinner after a study session when his phone rings on the counter and he answers it on speaker with his elbow, hands still wet from washing them.
"Hey, you're early," he says lightly, reaching for a towel.
"I'm gonna kill myself."
Artemis grips the countertop and Wally stumbles, breath audibly catching in his throat.
"Don't," Wally manages, looking lightheaded. "What's going on? I love you. Don't."
"He kicked me out," Dick whimpers. He's definitely crying, heavy and ugly.
"Bruce kicked you out." Wally sounds as incredulous as Artemis feels. Dick...Dick is sixteen.
"H-he told me to get out and don't come back. Ever. Oh...o-oh god, this isn't h-happening..."
"Hey, calm down!" It's a stupid order. Neither of them are calm. Hell, neither is Artemis; the kid is a little brother to her and hearing him cry makes her see red. "What happened? Did Bruce tell Dick or did Batman tell Robin?"
"Batman." Much more believable. "He was treating me like a k-kid and I-I said some stuff and h-he said get the h-hell out of here and d-don't come back b-but he meant it both ways, I know he did. We've been...fighting...he's a-all I have, Wally, I have n-no one...I don't have anywhere to go...I can't l-live without him-"
"Shh. Sh. Slow down." Wally takes a silent deep breath, foot starting to tap rapidly as he puts on his calm and steady act. "Where are you?"
"...bridge."
"Get down. Right now." Usually, Artemis thinks Wally's no-nonsense voice is hot. Now, she sees its effectiveness.
"Okay," Dick squeaks. "I'm off."
"Promise?"
"I promise!" he sobs. "Wally...Wally, I'm sorry, I know you've s-spent four years trying to keep me alive b-but...I literally c-can't picture tomorrow and I-I n-need to end this now. It's fucking pointless t-to keep...keep doing this when e-everyone I-I've ever loved d-d-dies or l-leaves me..."
"That's not true," Wally soothes. "And you don't wanna kill yourself, I know you don't."
"N-not...exactly, but Bruce-"
"Doesn't own you, or control you. If you don't want to kill yourself, why are you on that bridge?"
A spate of hiccups echoes through their kitchen. Wally could have turned speakerphone off by now, and the fact that he hasn't tells Artemis he wants her to hear. He doesn't want to face this alone.
She wraps her arms around his waist, pressing her lips to the back of his head as he leans over his arms on the counter.
"He gave me a chance," Dick says, "when no one else would, a-and I would have died i-in that d-d-detention center if he didn't b-but I failed. He doesn't l-love m-me and h-he doesn't c-care if I l-live or not, a-and nobody else does, a-and I can't-t g-go on by myself I-I don't know how I'm s-s-sixteen and I-I don't h-have a family I do-on't wanna l-live alone I'm s-scared a-and what the hell kind of right d-do I have to ta-ake up-p so much s-space wh-when n-no one loves m-me-"
Wally winces, but lets a breath out and talks slowly. "Okay, first things first, not true. I love you. You're my family. The team loves you and you're the League's baby and everyone's gonna be here for you, right?"
"...right," Dick sniffles after a moment. It's another one of those effects Wally has; when he lays something out like it's basic science and perfectly logical, you have to agree.
"Second. You don't need Bruce to give you a license to exist. You're not a subordinate of him, you're you and...and you're a great person. The best I've ever met. I know that's hard for you to get your head around, but you deserve to live, Dick. Can you agree with that?"
"I-I don't...I don't know..."
"Do you really think anyone deserves to die?"
"No, but-"
"Then we agree that you don't. Nothing Bruce Wayne or Batman says is ever going to change that. And I know you don't believe it, but you deserve to be happy, too. I promise, Dick. I wouldn't lie to you."
It's that particular moment, that Artemis will look back on as the moment she knew Wally was a man. Not a scared, trembling teenager trying to keep his own tears inaudible as he begged his friend not to hurt himself, but a man, still nervous but compassionate and strong enough to hold the both of them.
She adores him.
Dick takes a long pause to catch his breath in gasps, and Artemis watches Wally rub his thumb over the counter as if he was capable of giving any physical comfort.
"I've just n-never hurt this bad," Dick says softly, some of the thickness in his voice gone. "I d-don't wanna kill myself but I really, really wanna die."
"I know, buddy. I'm hurting for you too." Wally turns around and holds Artemis's hand without meeting her eyes. The action is normal, habitual. He's not nervous anymore. "Let's figure out how to get you someplace safe. Can you get to a Zeta and go to the mountain?"
"I think so."
"Go there for tonight. I can call Clark or Roy to come be with you. Which one?"
"N-...neither. No one. I'm- I'm a mess, I can't do this."
"There's no 'this' to do. Clark's gonna come check on you real quick and then he'll let you get some rest." Wally's signaling to Artemis, reaching for her phone in the pocket of her jeans and handing it to her. She has Clark Kent's number. Everyone has Clark Kent's number.
"Okay," Dick whines as Artemis gets Clark's contact up for Wally to call when he's finished.
"And I have a test tomorrow morning, but then I'll be there with you and we'll figure this out. And you'll be at the mountain when I get there. Promise you'll be there?" His voice gets small for just an instant, sounding more like a plea than a proposition. Artemis wonders if Dick notices it, if bat-senses wear off in emotional crises.
"I...I promise. Wally?"
"Yeah?"
"I really miss you."
She thinks she hears Wally's heart break, followed by her own. Her blood boils over it before she remembers she was the one who convinced Wally to retire and move. It's her own fault.
She hates herself for just a moment as she reaches up to brush Wally's tears off his cheeks.
"I miss you too. So, so much, Robbie. Are you ready to hang up yet, or do you need me still?"
"I...think I'm okay. The Zeta's right here." The exhaustion in his voice is palpable now as the adrenaline seems to wear off.
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Be safe, please? Don't do anything you'll regret?"
"'Kay," Dick says sleepily.
"I...I love you. More than anything in the world."
Artemis could be mad about that. She could be jealous, hurt. After all, she loves Wally more than anything in the world, and there are moments when she badly wants to hold the same spot in his heart.
But she's not mad.
Without Dick Grayson, she never would have fallen for the love of her life. And Dick doesn't even know that. Likely, he never will. If Wally's love is her gift of thanks to him, she's happy to give it. His heart is big enough for the both of them plus Jupiter, and then some.
"Love you too," Dick murmurs. "Thanks for...everything." He hangs up.
Wally sighs heavily, burying his nose in Artemis's hair. "'m gonna kill the Batman."
She rubs his back, silent.
"I'm sorry I didn't turn off the speaker." Now his chin rests on her head, face invisible to her as she studies his neck. There's tears dripping to her scalp. "I just...I-I don't wanna do this alone anymore."
"I know," she whispers, squeezing him. "He's gonna be okay."
He nods and they hold each other for a while before parting to eat dinner, hands still laced together. Wally's leg shakes under the table until Artemis feels sick from the vibrations, and so she quizzes him for his biochem test up until they slip into bed. She takes a turn as the big spoon.
"I love you," she murmurs against his temple once the lights are out, kissing his forehead as many times as she dares.
"Arty." His voice wavers. "Promise me something?"
"Anything, love."
"If...something ever happens to me, promise me you'll take care of him." Before she can answer, he adds a pitiful, "Please. I'm good at helping him now. But...I'm so far away, and I can't stop thinking...what will happen to him if I-"
"Nothing's going to happen to you," she says firmly. "Or him."
"I know. Just...just in case."
"...okay. I promise." She means it.
"Thank you." He cranes his neck to peck her lips. "I love you too, babe. Night."
She knows her bed will be empty for the next few days, so she holds him tight, one hand snaking around him to rest on his heart.
V.
Something happened to Wally.
Her Wally, vanished, six-month history. Gone.
She's gotten over the denial, the anger, the hopeless depression, the utter unwillingness to go on. She's resilient in that way. Now, she just can't get her head around the fact that she will never see him again. Little moments he should have been part of, jokes he should have been told, a future he'll never get to see. It hurts. Not an ache or a throbbing pain, but a brief, sharp sting in her chest a few times a day, always when she least expects it.
She read an article about redheads dying out, and remembered him prattling on about making little ginger babies with the recessive gene she just had to have somewhere, and restoring the redhead race. And maybe she had never really considered babies - they were so young, he was so young - but the possibility was dead with him now. She found herself grieving the little Wallies she'd never previously imagined.
God, they would have been beautiful.
But even as the pain brings her to her knees some days, she persists. He always tells her - told her, that it was his favorite thing about her, her refusal to ever stop. She has to keep going, if only to prove that she loves him as fiercely as always. And it works - therapy helps, Zatanna is a godsend, Tigress is an outlet, and she's surviving.
The promise only plagues her mind at night.
She wonders if Wally even remembered what she promised him by the time he died, but it's futile to even entertain the thought. He remembered. It was important to him and she knew it. Everyone tells her how proud he'd be of her, of her strength and how she honors his memory. But nobody knows that she's betraying him every single second, and it's tearing her to pieces. The one thing he truly, sincerely asked of her, and she's refused it.
But would he have said the same two years later? If he knew what would happen, if he knew about the mission and her and Kaldur and the lies and the risk and the lies? Would he still make her promise to take care of the one responsible?
If he knew his death would be Dick's fault, would he ask her to forgive him?
Her thoughts are ugly, horrid, and biting. Dick Grayson did not point a gun at Wally West, and Nightwing did not order the love of her life to sacrifice himself. She knows the facts, and the rational evidence.
But every time she thinks of him, she sees things flash before her eyes, her mother's grief and the mountain blowing up and tears in Wally's eyes and Wally, Wally, Wally...dead. She hears them fighting about her and the mission, Wally's angry shouting and Nightwing's smooth, cool growl, a brotherly love falling to pieces. She sees Nightwing, not Dick, and then Batman, not Nightwing.
Artemis blames him. As much as she's tried not to, as much as she's asked her teammates to convince her otherwise, as much as she knows Wally would hate her for it, she blames him for everything.
She can't see him.
It's not a bad night, before she hears it. It's been a calm, uneventful, widely okay day. She's about to go to bed late at night when she hears an annoyingly shrill ringing, and after searching the whole apartment, turns up with Wally's phone still half charged and sitting on her wardrobe from the last time she looked through his photos.
The marketing calls should have stopped, and so should the old friends. Everyone knows Wally is dead. But it's not either of those, it's Dick Grayson, and suddenly her night is bad. She stands there, frozen in guilt and indecision and anger until the answering machine picks up and she painstakingly decides to listen to it.
"You've reached Wally West! Leave your questions, comments, and cash donations after the beep. I'll catch you later, gorgeous."
She can hear his wink. Knowing Dick Grayson of all people is well, well aware that Wally is gone, and probably misdialed, she leaves the room.
He starts talking as she's halfway out the door.
"Hey, Walls."
Dick sounds like maybe he was hit by a freight train. It would certainly explain him calling a dead person.
"Just thought I should call. I wanted...to hear your voice. And I'm closing my eyes, and it's like you're right here and I'm talking to you. I just need to talk, okay? You...always listen." He sighs, or maybe laughs, maybe sobs. Artemis pauses, leaning against the frame. "Everyone's moving on, dude. I think. I haven't...seen anyone since...your funeral. You understand that I needed to leave everything, right? It hurt too much. I wanted to cry every time you weren't there. And there were just too many times."
She feels the same way. But it's been healing, too. Having the team around her, supporting her, loving her, has been everything.
"I've wanted to visit them. Call someone, at least. I think...well. I'm not doing good, Walls." Dick takes a shaky, weak breath. "Probably the worst I've ever been, actually. I wanted to fight for you, because you wasted half your life helping me fight, but...god. It's so much. Y'know? I was already...already so sick and then B kicked me out...and Jason...happened. And he died. Fuck, Jason's dead. He's dead. My parents are dead. And you're dead. The team...blames me. They say they don't, but they look at me and I can see it."
He knows, even without her ever saying a word. Artemis should be comfortable with that - she's always felt that if you have a problem with someone, they should know. But this is different.
"I mean, it's my fault. There's no use lying. 'S why I really had to leave, I guess. Otherwise, maybe I would be okay. But I killed you. Wally, I killed you." There's a brief pause, during which she can hear strangled, wet gasping and choking, muffled but painfully audible. "S-sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't gonna cry. I just...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I fucked everything up. It should have been me."
Yes, it should have.
She refrains from slapping herself, but bites her lip hard at the voice of rage in her head. It shouldn't have been Dick, it shouldn't have been anyone.
But better him than Wally...at least he signed up for this damn invasion...at least Wally didn't ruin everything...
"Bruce and I were better, before he left. It...it was almost like it used to be. But he's so disappointed in me now. He's barely talked to me since he got back. Tim's avoiding me. Babs is mad at me for quitting. None of the team...no one's called or visited. I just...well. I was fucking stupid, I thought someone would stay. Anyone. But that's not how my life works, we both know that."
Artemis sighs, rubbing her hands over her face. Maybe she'll call Tim tomorrow, hint to him that he should check on his brother. Does he know about the things Wally knew? The things she knows, by circumstance and accident?
The thought of being the only living person aware of just how much danger Dick is in terrifies her. She should do something, something to help like she would for anyone else. She calls herself a damn hero so she should act like one. You can't! It's his fault, all his fault!
"I'm really sick of people leaving, Walls. It hurts so much. Too much. I keep putting it off but...I can't...do this anymore. I couldn't do this five years ago. I won't be able to do it six months from now. I have a week taken off work and a stack of notes for everyone and a knife. I'm ready, really. I just didn't wanna be alone when I did it."
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
Suddenly, it's just another scary phone call, another time out of many she's overheard a conversation between her boyfriend and his best friend. Except this time Wally's line is dead, and Wally is dead, and he can't do anything to help Dick. She's the only one who can save his life now, and she can't get her fucking feet to move.
Would Wally help? Would he want her to?
Dick is crying again, and she kicks herself. She made a promise. A promise she never expected to have to keep, but a promise that was important to Wally. Of course he would help, even if Dick had slit his throat and spat on his grave. Because he was a hero.
If she lets his best friend kill himself, she'll only be proving that she's not a hero, and she never loved him at all.
She makes up her mind fast.
Swearing under her breath, she grabs her coat and purse and finds her own phone so she can call Tim and make him get Bruce once she's in Bludhaven. The bats will be faster than an ambulance...shit, does Dick even live in the same apartment she remembers? He could have moved. She wouldn't have noticed.
I'm so sorry, Wally...
Artemis takes Wally's phone and bolts out her door as Dick's hiccups slow. "I'm scared, y'know? I've only gotten this far once or twice. I always backed out. I'm a coward. I'm scared to die. I'm scared to live. But I gotta choose one, and if there's even half a chance that you and Jay and Mom and Dad are waiting for me somewhere I think it's worth it. I can stop bothering everyone here, at least. And if none of that, then...I-I deserve it. For what I did to Kaldur. And the team. And Artemis's family. And Barry, and Bart. Artemis. You."
The weather is too hot, and the Zeta is too far.
"It'll...be just like falling asleep. Right?"
She's not crying, her face is sweaty.
"I dunno whether to go for my wrists or my heart." Dick's voice trembles like a broken record, so sickeningly human before it's cut off with the monotone Zeta voice. With a speed that could be Wally's, she pulls out her phone as soon as she's stumbling into a darker city than the one she left - only to find a black screen. Dead.
"Dammit!" She doesn't even care if anyone's in this alley. It was late at home, it's the dead of night here, and if anyone so much as thinks to try and mug or rape her, god help them. She needs to get to Dick, and fast. Luckily, the Zeta is placed close to his apartment. She can't waste the time to see if Wally had any of Dick's family's numbers in his phone, but she keeps the phone to her ear, listening to Dick's message still.
"I don't know what would hurt the least. But...I mean, the pain will all be over after. So that doesn't matter. I don't want to be...too scary-looking either. Even if no one...c-cares enough for a funeral they'll probably have Bruce come identify my body-" he chokes - "This is stupid. I'm stalling. I just need...need..."
Artemis bursts through a back entrance - shitty apartments, shitty security - and blindly takes steps three at a time. This is not happening, she's going to make it, she's not going to hear and see one of her best friends commit suicide.
"I need you, Wally," Dick wails, and then he stops the message, and Artemis trips at the silence. Sprawled out on the floor, there's a brief moment when she thinks that this is happening. She's not fast enough, not good enough, not Wally. Hell, she can't remember what apartment he's in, in one last ridiculous failure. A deadly quiet fills the halls besides her footsteps running back and forth as she tries to think, but it's over. She knows it.
Dick's going to die. And she'll never be able to live with herself.
She leans against the wall for a breather, tears now undeniably streaming down her face. Wally's voice is berating her in her head, take care of him, you promised, you promised me!What's the damn apartment?
He told her. That time they visited...he wanted to run, so she met him there...she's on the right floor, she knows it...six...six and a letter.
6-B. B for bats. She remembers.
"Shit, shit..." She's not one for talking to herself, but it keeps her from breaking down as she runs down the hall to 6-B. "Please be alive."
She's not one for praying either, but for a moment as she's trying the doorknob, she asks God to please, please, please let her not find a body. To give her a chance to make things right, make it up to Dick, make it up to Wally.
The lock is easy to pick. Oh, Dick really is in a bad place if he hasn't upped the lock on his door...pleasedon'tbedead-
He's not. He's not dead. Not dying. Not bleeding out.
He's curled up asleep in her dead boyfriend's arms on the floor.
She should be skeptical, but she's not, because that's her Wally - torn yellow suit, windswept hair, the look of someone who's been running for six months straight. His face is buried in Dick's hair until he hears the door, and then he's looking up at her with weary, tear-swollen eyes.
His eyes.
"Wally?" she croaks. He blurs for a moment and she panics, only realizing after she blinks that it was just the damn tears.
"Babe, hey," he whispers, grinning, eyes searching hungrily over her the same way she's looking at him. "Wha'sup?"
Her feet carry her, of their own accord, to the corner of the room. "How?" is all she can manage as she studies the freckles on his face, comparing, remembering.
Wally raises his finger to his lips, nodding at Dick, and she bites her tongue.
"He needed me," he answers softly after a moment. "And I heard him. Kind of a...a tether."
"From...where?"
"The...speedforce, I guess you could call it? It's me, babe, don't give me that face." Wally gives her his most embarrassingly dorky smirk, and she giggles. "C'mere."
It doesn't quite hit her until she kisses him, closes her eyes and tastes him like she hasn't in a lifetime. Then she's kneeling next to him, lips to his hand and body shaking with inaudible sobs.
"Man, everyone's crying all over me tonight," Wally says, but he's crying too. "Did ya miss me, or something?"
"Shut up," she whispers lovingly. Dick chooses that moment to stir, whimpering as he wakes up from what he probably thinks was just a dream.
"Hey, hey," Wally coos, rubbing Dick's neck and shoulders with the hand Artemis isn't holding captive. "Still here. You're fine. Go back to sleep."
Dick gives a quiet noise of approval and finds a spot on Wally's chest to nuzzle his face in, while Wally presses his lips to Dick's ear to murmur "I love you, I love you, I love you," until his voice goes hoarse.
"I never said it enough," he explains to Artemis after clearing his throat. "I couldn't even remember my name but faces would pop up, you and him and Barry and Iris...and all I could think was I love you but I...couldn't say it..."
She leans on his shoulder and he gives her the same mantra, getting faster and more urgent as the trauma catches up to him. And yet, as she wraps one arm around Wally's neck and uses her other hand to take one of Dick's, the sound of choking sobs and "loveyouloveyouloveyouloveyou" is like a symphony.
They fall asleep that way, and it feels like the first real rest any of them have had in years.