Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter franchise nor the Apple Franchise, nor any of the other franchise thingies I included here. This was written for fun and no money was made from it, just a few laughs and more eye rolls.

AN: Don't crucify me just because I'm not following the canon timeline (1991-onwards) by including an iPhone and other technological advances in here (which obviously weren't existing during those years).

On another note, I should feel bad for posting this without asking anyone to beta it. So if anyone is interested in being my beta, I'd really appreciate it.

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Draco Malfoy and his Handy Dandy iPhone

By Sapphire Snowflake

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Chapter 1: In which Draco Malfoy buys his first cellular phone.

"So where are we going again?"

"We're going to Maplin."

"Maplin?"

"It's an electronics store."

"Are we going to buy that 72-inch flat screen thing I saw on the commercial?"

"No. You already have a telly."

"So why are we going to an electrics store then?"

"Electronics. And we're going to buy you a cellular phone."

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Part of Draco Malfoy's sentence was to immerse himself in Muggle culture. The Wizengamot thought this might be able to help clear up his prior impressions towards Muggles and have a better understanding of Muggleborns and half-bloods to make him see that Purebloods are in no way superior to anyone just because of their blood.

It was difficult at first, Draco reminisced. He remembered gritting his teeth and biting his tongue to avoid saying something nasty as Kingsley told him that Hermione Granger would be supervising his probation. There had been some screaming matches, hexing (on Hermione's part since he's not allowed by law to fire them), storming offs and pleadings (on Draco's part since he doesn't actually want to go to Azkaban for not completing his probation requirements). Draco had learned a lot of things since his probation's commencement four months ago: that muggles aren't barbarians, that they make lots of cool inventions, and that saying sorry goes a long way.

He also discovered that Hermione Granger – even though she's a grade A swot and annoying bint – is a person he couldn't say no to anymore. And that he fancies her. 'A bit.', he amended. So when she showed up in the Malfoy Manor with a glint in her eye and told him that they're going shopping for electronics in Muggle London, he couldn't get to the floo faster.

"So where are we going again?"

"We're going to Maplin."

"Maplin?"

"It's an electronics store."

"Are we going to buy that 72-inch flat screen thing I saw on the commercial?"

"No. You already have a telly."

"So why are we going to an electrics store then?"

"Electronics. And we're going to buy you a cellular phone. Now hush or I'll leave you in the tube."

Half an hour later of uncomfortable ride in Draco's distaste, they stood in front of a shop with several things that looked like miniature tellies. "What are those?", he whispered to Hermione as he subtly pointed at the objects.

"Those are cellphones. That's what we'll be shopping for today."

"Like a telephone?"

"Yes!", she beamed at him, pleased that he could still remember everything she taught about muggles.

He frowned, "I already have a telephone.". He was about to push the door open for her but was surprised when the glass doors pulled to the sides without them touching the doors. He stopped and gaped at where the doors went. Hermione pulled him inside, cheeks flushed.

"Stop gaping around, it's embarrassing. A cellular phone is wireless. You can take it anywhere you want. And it could do multiple tasks. Okay, let's start with this one." Hermione gestured to the glass case near the entrance. "Let's see… Okay, so this one is pretty compact and handy, 0.27 pounds in weight and is an octa-core. It has two gigabytes RAM and has a relatively good camera at 13 megapixels. I see you could also put in a microSD for extra –"

"Slow down Granger. My head is bursting from all that jargon."

"Shite, sorry. Okay. Octa-core is the type of processor. The processing unit will dictate the performance, so to speak, of your phone. Although I'm honestly not that much knowledgeable about these things and I don't think you really need to look for very high performance once. The RAM will dictate how many your phone can do multiple tasks at the same time before it starts slowing down."

"Okay. And I'd hazard that the higher number of MP it is, the better the camera?" He peered at the other cellular phones beside the one Hermione pointed out and observed that the higher the MP, the more expensive it is.

"Yes. That's basically the idea. Or well, it also depends on the manufacturing company. MP stands for megapixels."

"I see. So… which companies are on the top?"

Hermione pursed her lips. "I'm not telling you that. You have to consider all the specifications and not choose something because of the brand."

"You were saying something about a small SD?"

"A microSD. It's a storage chip. Basically lets you store more information."

"I see. So RAM, camera, storage – is that the memory mentioned here?" Hermione nodded in response. "So what else do I have to consider?"

"Display or the phone's resolution. But I think it's better if you try it and see how images look like. There are some samples we could try there," she pointed at the table with phones wired to it. "And the battery life. The higher the mAh value, the longer the power of your phone."

"Okay. I think I got it."

"Let's look around then." She tugged at his shirt slightly.

"No, uhh… I think I want to look around by myself first and ask you questions afterwards."

"Are you sure?"

He could just imagine the lengthy talk she would give him at each and every model as well as the curious stares of the Muggles around them. He could just hear them think, Wow, look at that man. You reckon he hasn't seen a phone in his whole life? Did he live under the rock all these years? "Yes. I'm more of a hands-on person anyway." He winked at her.

She rolled her eyes. "I don't even want to know what you're referring to."

twenty minutes later, Draco pooped up beside her as she was looking at the various types of headphones and earphones and trying to discern what would be the best one to buy for Ron and Harry.

"That. I want that." He pointed to the glass cabinet at the corner of the store showcasing various iPhone units.

"Wow, you certainly went to one of the expensive brands. Did you even check the specifications? There are other cheaper ones that are waterproof for example."

"Oh, uh well. What do you expect Granger? I'm a Malfoy. We only want what's best. And why would I even make it wet?" His eyes widened as a thought crossed his mind. "Do you bring yours to the shower, Granger?" He asked incredulously.

"What? No! Of course not."

His eyes drifted to her cheeks that were now turning redder by the second. "You're lying. What would you need- wait. Were you taking pictures of yourself naked?"

"You idiot!" She muffled his mouth with her hands. "I like listening to music while relaxing in the bath," she hissed.

"You could listen to music using it? Is it a radio too?"

"Yes it can, and no, it's not exactly a radio. I'll tell it to you when we go back to your flat. Now shut up. You're embarrassing." Looking around, she let her hands fall to her sides. "Let's go buy it then, whatever your reason for choosing it. Excuse me! We'd like to see this one."

He wouldn't admit to her that he chose it solely because of the apple engraved at the back.