Nighttime Companion
By ilovemyboys
Chapter 1: Choices!
Authors Note: Black Zetsu is in bold. White Zetsu is in italics.
"Alright bastards! Since you're all fucking damned anyway, this film might at least help you get through the fucking first gate of hell, or if you're lucky, get a glimpse of Lord Jashin as he tortures those who didn't see it," Hidan threw his DVD unceremoniously onto the table in front of the five Akatsuki members.
"Antichrist?" Itachi looked on incredulouslyat the DVD as he read the back. "I can only imagine…"
"Hell yeah." Hidan grinned deviously.
"We aren't watching that. It's too gruesome," Zetsu replied.
"Too fucking gruesome? Says the freak who eats-"
"Alright! Let's get on with the rest," Kisame cut in, not wanting to hear the details of Zetsu's "meals."
"Itachi, what did you bring?" Kisame asked.
"A Clockwork Orange."
"What's that about?" Deidara asked.
Itachi was silent for a moment. Then shortly began a two minute monologue explaining the film's plot, after which the room became uncomfortably silent.
Deidara was the first to break it.
"Look. We each picked something different. You honestly think we'll give up the thing we want to watch to watch something we don't?" Deidara scowled as he lounged on the couch.
"It does sound pretty fucked up…I might be up for that…" Hidan smiled pervertedly.
"We can't watch that. It would kill poor Tobi," White Zetsu said softly.
"Thank you Zetsu!" Tobi exclaimed.
That movie really did sound awful to Tobi! Tobi thought.
"Why the hell not! If that kid can't handle films like that, he shouldn't be in the Akatsuki!"
"Kisame, what did you choose?" Dark Zetsu asked as he sent a glare in Hidan's direction.
"Jaws," Kisame grinned, showcasing his sharky teeth.
Everyone groaned.
"Surprise, surprise…" Deidara muttered.
"Hey! It's a good film! It's Spielberg!" Kisame exclaimed.
"But it's the only one you ever want to watch," White Zetsu sighed.
"It is not! I wanted to watch "Mega Shark Versus Dr. Octopus last week!"
"That is true…" Deidara nodded.
"Well it doesn't change the fact that it's still a fucking sea film! Who cares about that shit?"
Kisame abruptly shot up,his hand placed on Samehada as he glared maliciouslyat Hidan.
"You wanna fight?" Hidan grinned. "Fine by me."
"Enough. Let's just pick a movie already," Itachi cut inirritably. "Deidara, what did you bring?"
A smirk came over Deidara's face as he answered, "V for Vendetta."
"Not bad blondie, that's actually a pretty gory one too."
"Tobi heard about that film. Tobi doesn't think it would be a good choice."
Deidara sent Tobi daggers clearly stating, "Say one more word and I'll blow you up."
Tobi "Eeped!" as he hid behind Zetsu.
"Zetsu! What did you bring, haha," Tobi asked timidly, still frightened Deidara would blow him up right then and there.
"Silence of the Lambs," Dark Zetsu answered plainly.
"What the hell! So a film about a fucking cannibal is alright, but not a fucking hot chick with-"
"There aren't as many bad images to keep Tobi up at night," White Zetsu retorted quickly.
"Does Zetsu know what Hidan's film is about?" Tobi asked innocently.
Zetsu looked down at Tobi. "Yes Tobi, it's bad." "Very bad."
"Ohhhh. Tobi sees. Then Tobi does not want to watch a bad film," Tobi smiled.
Deidara rolled his eyes. "See? I told you! This isn't getting us anywhere!"
"Maybe we should try a different approach…" White Zetsu though out loud.
Tobi stared off into space as the others argued about what to do until he suddenly shouted, "Aha! Tobi just remembered something!"
"What is it Tobi? This better be good…"
"Tobi forgot to say what he brought!"
Everyone groaned.
A smirk came over Kisame's face as he said, "Alright Tobi, tell us what you brought."
Tobi positively beamed.
"Alright Kisame! Tobi will!"
"Nice going sharky…" Hidan mumbled as Tobi jumped in front of them with his hands behind his back.
"Tobi brought something…um…not quite as mean and violent as the films that were talked about already, but Tobi can assure everyone that it is a very good film!"
"Hm! "Good" can only mean "lame" to Tobi…" Deidara muttered.
"Oh no! This film is very good! It's one of Tobi's favorites!"
"Then fucking get on with it already!"
Zetsu glared in Hidan's direction.
"Okey-dokey! Tobi has behind his back…TA-DA!" Tobi pulled out his DVD from behind his back to reveal...
"NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL AM I WATCHING THAT FUCKING DAMN ASS SHIT!"
Deidara stared in awe. "What the hell Tobi!"
"Uh…Tobi…where did you get that?" Kisame asked, a bit squirmish.
Itachi stared impassively at the horrid DVD. Although in reality he was trying desperately hard not to show it on the outside, inside he knew he wouldn't be able to take one second of it. And people said he was a master of torture…
"Stupid kid. Why the hell did you pick that? Don't be mean…Tobi is a good boy, so he wants to watch a good film. It's as "good" as bad films get…"
"Zetsu. What's wrong with Tobi's film?" Tobi cocked his head at his partner, confused.
"It is simply…not right for tonight Tobi…" White Zetsu explained delicately.
"But Zetsu. It's good."
"I'm sure it is Tobi, but we aren't watching it tonight. Get that into your brain fool."
"Ohhhh…" Tobi muttered sadly. "That's okay! Tobi knows whatever we watch will be great because as long as we're all watching it together, we'll all be happy!"
"Oh my gosh, someone kill me already…" Hidan groaned.
"I would if I could…" Deidara muttered. "And me next…"
"Look. We need to decide on something. It's getting late," Kisame cut in.
"I'm up for anything other than those horrible bears from fucking happy high land…"
"Horror hmmm?" Deidara thought. Suddenly he snapped his fingers. "I've got it!"
"Well, what is it blondie?" Hidan asked impatiently.
"You know those really old, Sci Fi B films?"
"Yeah, what of it?" Hidan narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
"We can get horror and comedy in one! No one takes those films seriously. We can just make fun of them and even Tobi wouldn't get nightmares from those."
"Whatever, I don't care, let's just watch something!" Hidan shouted as he laid his head back on the couch.
"Very well…It should prove interesting anyway…What did you have in mind Deidara?"
"Hold on. I think I saw it in the cabinet."
Jumping off the couch, Deidara searched through the cabinet by the TV for a few seconds before holding out a DVD over his head.
"Invasion of the Body Snatchers, eh, Deidara?" Kisame chuckled. "Sounds good."
"Yes. Very good…" Zetsu stared at the DVD as if it was looking into his very soul.
"Zetsu?...Are you okay?" Tobi asked worriedly.
"Yes Tobi…I'm fine…Perfectly fine…"
Tobi looked up at his partner staring wide-eyed at the DVD in Deidara's hands.
This doesn't feel right to Tobi… Not at all! Tobi thought.
"Um…Tobi doesn't think-"
"Move over fools, I need a good seat."
"What's wrong with the seat you have?"
"I can't see, what else. Deidara move over please."
"There's no room."
"Deidara, just move."
"Shut up Itachi!"
"Um…Tobi doesn't think that-"
"Come any closer and you'll become a piece of my art!"
"Deidara, calm down. Itachi, would you move over one."
"No."
"All of you shut the hell up or I'll fucking make you!"
"Just try it Masochist!"
"Fine! I fucking will!"
"Can we just start already? Everybody, shut up!"
"Shh! It's starting!"
"Kisame, can Samehada reach the lights?"
"Yeah, hold on."
"Um…guys?"
CLICK.
Gulp.
… … …
Authors Note:
Each character's movie choice:
Hidan: "Antichrist"
Deidara: "V for Vendetta"
Itachi: "A Clockwork Orange"
Zetsu: "Silence of the Lambs"
Kisame: "Jaws"
Tobi: "The Care Bears Movie"