Disclaimer, Doctor Who, Rose, The Tardis and Darlek's arn't mine, they never will be mine, and never shall be, i'm just playing nicely with them till the BBC need them again.

Spoilers for, Fear Her

This is my first posted fan fiction so please be gentle with me, a big thanks to Mich, Jo and Paul for the push to finally do this, hope you like, love you xx ( due to one or two mentions, smiles, about my spelling i have tried to right it for you i really didn't no it was that bad till i looked at it very hard, but am afraid I can't really do much about the grammar sorry , thanks for all the reviews so far, u have been a grate help, big hug)

Well you asked!

' So what was its name?.'I asked looking down inquiring at my friends feet, that wear stuck from beneath the complex console that was the very heart of the Doctor's breathtaking wonderful time ship ( but only on occasions due to its annoying ability to brake down at the drop of a hat when you lest suspected or wanted her too) I had been wondering the answer to that very question ever since the Doctor had mentioned the existence of a mysteries child, and now finally after days of struggling with my curiosity, it had finally begrudgingly got the better of me.

From beneath the console come a muffled reply .
' What was that, Doctor.' He pulled him self from out of his cubby hole to look up at me perched in the jump seat my legs slowly swinging to and fro.

'Name?' He asked his eye brows rising quizzically. Suddenly embarrassed I found I couldn't answer straight away, and when finally I did it was in a quiet voice not quite looking at him, in that moment I was suddenly much aware that the answer maybe incredibly painful for him.

'You said you was a father once, I was just wondering who it was too.' For a long moment he didn't move or speak, just stared straight ahead with a glazed look deep with in his normally bright eyes, swallowing hard I trying to dislodge the gilt that had suddenly stuck fast with in my throat and swore silently to my self, at times it really was better to keep your mouth shut and your ears open. 'Doctor are you ok, I'm sorry I shouldn't have pried, I was just being nosey.' he didn't move or speak just keep the strangely vacant, distant expression, 'Doctor?.'

'Yes!'as quickly as it had appeared that moment was gone, with in a blink of the eye, from his place sat on the floor he sprung to life a characteristic blast of manic energy to wash away the cobwebs, he moved away from me dancing around the console like a man demented, for terrifying moment I was very much reminded of the moments after his regeneration, the half mad, evil side of him battling for control over the more placid side, that was far more the man that I now know and loved.

For a few long moments I just sat silently, watching, wondering just how much of a mistake it had been too bring up the Doctor's past, but as with many things with in the Tardis, just as I really started to really worry about it, it passed, disappering in a moment, over head a small bell chimed announcing our timely arrival, still not saying a word to me he turned, strove over to the hat stand with abnormally long strides ( even for him) and retrieved his coat, then marched with all the purpose in the universe to the doors and out in to the world beyond,

I didn't move, not knowing what to do or think.
'This is what happens when you don't think things through properly.'I mumbled angrily to my self,

' Well aren't you coming.' like sunshine on a cold day the Doctor's words warmed me greatly, if I had made a mistake, he had already forgiven me, I grinned broadly jumped to my feet, and raced out to join him.

On stepping out side I found my self in a classic English garden, fall of neatly trimmed hedges, freshly cut lawns and beautiful rose beds, surrounded by trees in full blossom, and every wear flowers of every possible colour imaginable, just off to the right was large boating lake with a family of ducks more that happily bobbing up and down on it, a pair of elegant swans glided past they moments hardly cursing a ripple it was something straight out of Pride and Prejudice, you just needed Mr Darcy to emerge from it dripping wet from head to toe,
The garden was tranquil and beautiful in the extreme, and had a unreal dream like quality to it, no place like this could possibly exist save for in you imagination, it reminded me of the jigsaw puzzles I had done as a kid wile sat on me old Nanas knee, they had, been paintings from some ones fevered imagination and I could never have guessed for one moment a place like this could actually stand in reality.

The Doctor was just ahead of me, standing perfectly still, his coat blowing slightly in the gentlest of breezes for the briefest of moments I imagined that it wouldn't be far wrong to mistake him for the incredibly Sexy Mr Darcy in that instant it found the longing I always held for him trebled.I close my eyes, shook my head and tried to concentrate on something else, any thing else, like much to my surprise it was warm, hot even for England and thoughts of that kind about the Doctor only seemed to make it hotter.

I approached him, slipping a arm through his.
'Wear are we?' I asked enthusiastically.

' Home, my second home really, well my third if you wont picky, this , this is Allen road.' I turned looking at wear he nodded to and suddenly spotted the great manor house behind use.

' You live hear.' I couldn't keep the stunned surprise from tainting my voice in near ore.

' Lived hear yes, mostly in my Third body, the Time Lords took my knowledge of time travel so I had to settle down for a wile, until I got it back, this has always been a home from home, so many treasured memories.' he pursed for a moment his eyes lost in some long distant past, before snapping out of it, turning to me and smiling, he tugged my gently by the arm pulling me away from the Tardis and the great house. ' This way.' He said gently

' Why did they take your knowledge of time travel?.'

' Well this and that,,, mostly that, they hated the fact I meddled, so decided to stick me some wear that I couldn't do any harm and ignore me for the rest of eternity, which was all well and good until they needed my help.'

' And you being you, you did.' he flashed me the brightest of smiles.

' Oh yes, managed to bargain my way off of earth in the process so technically every one was happy though some more than others.' I smiled up at him and he grinned back, but with in a second the smile slipped and was lost to be replaced with a cool look . 'How old do you think I am?' the question took me off guard and for a second I didn't answer.

' You told me you was 900.' I replied trying my best not to let slip how surprised I was by this sudden U turn in the conversation.

' I lied.' he said simply with more than a touch of a chill lacing his words, I tried my best not to shiver and instead asked.

' So your what, younger?.'

' No.'

' Older?.'

' What else is there.' I fought to hold back my annoyance, I hated it when he used his stupid human voice, I had thought by now that he believed me to be more of a equal friend that his draft human pet, but every now and again I wondered just how wrong I was. Taking a deep breath I said simply.

' Ok, then how much older?' still not looking at me he answered.

' Considerably older, on Gallifrey if it still existed, they would say I was in my thousands, but me I never count the years spent wasted on that planet a world wear nothing ever happened and every thing moved at a Raygenin snails pace, every thing was so slow, and your as good as a prisoner, they tell you what to do and when to do it, you can't even be happy on certain days of the year, have to worship Rassilon as a god even though most Time Lords know he isn't,' He sighed sadly, his shoulders slumped with holding the weight of the universe on them, in that moment he suddenly look very easily to be the thousands of years that he claimed, his eyes wear distant again lost to a past that always haunt him, a history that he no longer wished to be a part of, but all the same missed with a deep longing, with a bitter sigh he went on to say.' They wouldn't even let you fall in love with who you want too.'

' Is that why you left?' I asked softly, giving his arm a gentle squeeze, he nodded turning back to me looking me straight in the eyes, his gaze deep and probing like he was staring at my very sole.

'It was one of a uncountable number of reasons.' He turned back to look along the path before use, and tugging me along gently by the arm carried on walking. 'But I was telling you how old I was, well only counting the years spend in the Tardis travelling from hear to there and back again,' he looked at me suddenly wiggling his eye brows with a soft smile playing across his lips all traces of the momentarily lapse in to darkness gone, now seeming to be more than happy to be letting me in on if not the cosmoses biggest secret, but his. ' I am, give or take a decade or four, two thousand, three hundred and about ninthly eight.' I stopped short,

' wow, that's a lot of candles,' the Doctor hadn't seem to have noticed the lack of my arm in his, and had kept walking, shaking my head very slightly stunned I jogged to catch up with him to ask, 'but does it really matter much?'

'Yes,' all traces of humour once again lost, I had always known the Doctor to have mood swings but this was much more than his usual and had started to get more than a bit absurd even for him. 'You need to know just how long I've been a wanderer for, then you might start to understand,' he sounded more as if he was talking to him self more than me. 'To start off with, in answer to a very old question, yes, you are only one in a very long line of people to travel with me.' I found given the way that this conversation was going I wasn't even a slight bit surprised by this but was more than a bit annoyed by it , the Doctor not even stopping to look at me, kept talking.' But that doesn't make you any less special to me, I've had hundreds of friends travel with me over the years and each and every one of them I have cared about, and that includes you Rose, you need to know this to understand,,' he sighed, sadly ' To understand about my children.'

we rounded a sharp bend in the path and cutting throught a gate to find our self in a small garden cut off from the rest by towering hedges, housed with in it was a stone bench, yet more manicured flowers beds, and a statue, and it was this that I had seemingly been brought to see, it was of a startlingly beautiful angel with her wings unfolded behind her carved in such a way that the feathers looked a delicate as newly fallen snow, hers arms reaching out to embrace who ever stepped before her, she was the very essence of grace, harmony, beauty and love, I stepped closer, noticing a flash of bronze as the sun light shone off a plaque housed below her flowing marble skirt on the shallow plinth on which she stood, once again unable to control my curiosity I headed towards it kneeling on the grass to read the elegant gothic script.

Hear lays the tinny body

Of Peter Gabriel Smith-Torres.

Though we never got to meet you

You are much missed in both our hearts and minds.

Rest in peace Child of time.

For a long moment neither of use spoke ,the Doctor was lost to the past and I was completely stunned by this revelation.

' So what happed?.' The Doctor licked his lip slowly.

' He was still born.' he replied simply, I nodded unable to take my eyes off of the words before me.

' Who was the Mother?'

' Emily Torres, she was my companion before you, and the last one to see Gallifrey standing.'

' Who was she?'

' A enigma, someone who should have died many years before she did, but dew to my meddling didn't, so instead of being dead she was instead missing,' he chucked quietly warming a little to the subject. ' Emily was one of the universes oldest mysteries, no one had any idea what became of her, she was hit by a car taken to hospital and was pronounced brain dead on arrival, only to disappear minuets later.'

' You didn't kidnapped a dead body?.' I asked turning to him, he sighed.

' No well not really it was kind off.' he scratched the back of his head uncomfortably.' well yer I guess so, you see it was all my fault that she was hit by that car, it was being driven by a alien life form that I was hunting only I didn't no it was him.'

' What was it some sort of shape shifter.' he shook his head.

' Body jumper. I tracked him down to this spa where Emily worked, and bumped in to her, next thing I know wear working together, we hit it off just like a house on fire , so started to hunt this thing down together, but every thing when hopelessly wrong and she got run over, I couldn't just leave her there, so did a little body snatching and saved her life, little knowing I was putting in to monition one of the galaxy's oldest mysteries.'

' But I don't get it surly every one would no what happened to her when she went back home.' sighing sadly he replied.

'she couldn't, time told that she vanished in to thin air and was never seen again, and sadly for her, to alter that would have meant unravelling quite a bit of human history, Emily never got to go home ever again, never got to say good bye.'

' That's awful.'

' I know.' he replied as if every thing in the universe was his own personal fault.

' but that doesn't explain how she ended up having your kids.' he turned heading to the bench to sit down. I stood following him.

' Me and Emily travelled together for years, and I mean years, she spent most of her life with me travelling in the Tardis,'

'And you what fell in love?'

' Eventually.' with a playful grin I asked.

' So was you married too?'

' Yes.' the truth came like a fist in the stomach, I had never expected that in a in a hundred years.' But not when he was born, Peter was in every possible way an accident, though a lovely one,' I waited for him to carry on but after a minuet or so it became apparent that he wasn't, he just sat silently staring at the angel before use his eyes looking at the hear and now but his mind set very much in the past, I had opened Pandora's box and this was what had happened , with the tinniest of sighs I lifted out a hand to gently take his in mine, enfolding his cold fingers in my warmth, trying my hardest to pull him back to the hear and now, and suddenly like a switch being thrown he started talking again.' I remember when I picked her up from that moon in Hero 15, we had been fighting Darlek's again,' He shook his head. 'She had no idea that she was pregnant , and it wasn't for another 52 days after that, that she found out,' I wanted to tell him that he wasn't making any sense, that he had told some of the story in his head, but if I had learnt any thing today it was that keeping your mouth shut was by far and a lest the best idea, so I kept quite and just listened.' Emily was worried by morning sickness, so visited a doctor on some world we happened to be on, as you can imagine she was scared wit less and had no idea as to how I would reacted.' unable to resisted I asked.

'And how did you?' he grinned brightly at the faded memory turning to look at me with eyes suddenly very much alive.

' I was delighted, I was going to be a father, who wouldn't be.' he waved his hand aimlessly it the air. ' And any way I wasn't exactly my self at the child's creation, so I couldn't blame Emily for what had happened she had done the only thing she could to save that world and stop the monster I had become,' I wanted so much to ask, to find out what had happened, what had resulted in a child?, why the Doctor hadn't been his self?, i longed to know, but instead I just squeezed his hand and smiled softly. ' I understood why it had happen and excepted it, after a wile I even started to look forward to the idea of having a little one,' his words turned thoughtful as he said. ' I thought that may be I would make a good dad, that I could make up for this mistakes I had made with Michelle and her Daughter , my Grand Daughter Susan,' he shook his head sadly. ' But that time it wasn't to be, Emily missed carried, and had to give birth to a dead child, she named him Peter, and that.' He nodded to the statue, ' Is his grave, the grave of one of the last Gallifreyen to ever be born.'

' So who was the last.' I asked softly, the Doctor looked at me almost as if he had forgotten I was there.

' You really are being nosey today,' I couldn't help but blush at that, but the Doctor just smiled gently, ' Her name was Tabitha, my daughter and Emily's too, she was born safe and sound, grown up, got educated, travelled, fell in love, was happy, and finally died along side her mother, my wife on Gallifrey along with every one else.'

' And you loved her.' He nodded, and for the first time squeezed my hand back.

' Very much so.' I turned to look at him properly with sad eyes, he seemed so lost and alone that I wished that I had never brought the whole thing up, so I did the only thing that I could, rapped him in my arms and held him close.

' I'm so sorry.' I whispered gently. He pulled away a little and shook his head.

' Don't be, it was long like ago, and I don't think about them nearly as much as I should, I never want to forget them Rose, but at times its easier to forget than to remembered, so thank you for reminding me that trips in to the past doesn't always have to be painful.' I smiled a little at that, 'come on, back to the Tardis there a sun set on Orion 17 that I really would love you to see, it was one of Emily's favourites.' he held out a hand for me to take, pulling me to my feet, and grinning leading be back throw the gardens, talking at twenty miles a hour same as ever, back to his old self, ' You no you really would have liked her Rose , there was this time on Te,,,,,,,,,,,,'

Please, please pretty please R&R :)