No.
The word was easy to pronounce and had a simple meaning yet every time Nick Levan mustered up balls to spit it out, he panicked. Or more specifically he panicked every time he attempted to say it to Liv. No matter what he tried Nick just couldn't. She always knew how to ask in a way that made him speechless, plus her strategic touching on parts of his body during the conversation always led towards instant agreement. Nick wasn't the type of guy who craved confrontation even if people assumed that because of his size. He loved Liv. He wanted her to be smiling 100% of the time and he was proud when it was because of something he'd done. Giving in to what she wanted usually suited him fine, but today was different. This whole week was different due to the fact Nick was stressed the fuck out. Typically he'd get rid of anxiety by having a spliff or hitting the punching bag a few rounds but instead he was stuck at a pub with his half-drunk girlfriend because he didn't say no to her suggestion. "Liv, can you just sit down for a bloody minute?" His head was pounding from the drinks paired with loud music and all he wanted to do was go home. Watching her dance in circles wasn't helping anything. She put down the pint glass on the bar before narrowing her eyes towards him. "Why should I? You're not exactly being the life of the party over here, yeah? Chill." Nick groaned as she walked back out to the main group of gyrating pub patrons.
Liv bobbed in between people standing around then went directly to the center of the circle to dance. She felt good with the alcohol flowing through her system and laughed as more people came to join her movement. The only thing keeping her from having the time of her life was her own boyfriend moping around. It always amazed her how someone so muscular could have mood swings like a PMSing girl. Liv had tried multiple times on the way over to find out what was bothering him but as usual, Nick clammed up. His worries were locked away from Liv and it pissed her off when he acted like they didn't exist. It made her feel like there was no trust behind the numerous times he said I love you. A random bloke stepped directly in front of Liv and began grinding like they were fucking on the dance floor. She instantly backed up. "Whoa, getting a bit ahead of ourselves." Liv put her hands on the guy's chest to push him away but he continued to pelvic thrust like she hadn't said anything. She rolled her eyes and was about to curse him out when Nick appeared by her side. His fists were clenched but his voice was low and menacing. "Fuck. Off." The random scurried away at the sight of Nick, leaving the couple giving one another death glares. Liv broke the gaze first and stomped outside the pub followed by Nick. "I fucking told you I don't need you to save me from twats, Nick. I'm not a 14-year old girl, I can handle myself." She began digging around for a cigarette to smoke. Nick shook his head and laughed bitterly. "Yeah, right. Handling it so fucking well the arse looked like he was gluing himself to your tits." Liv blew out a puff of smoke. This argument was almost as stupid as Nick was being lately. "Just leave it, okay?"
Nick's lips smarted. This was the time he was supposed to agree and wrap his arm around Liv to shake her out of the pissy mood. But it also was opportunity for him to finally say what he wanted. "No. I don't want to leave it, Liv. You act like everything's under control when it's obviously not." Liv abruptly stopped on the sidewalk then snorted. "Are you talking about yourself, Levan? Or are we still playing the Nick-pretends-he's-fine-but-is-nowhere-fucking-close-to-it game?" She could see Nick's features tighten, especially his jaw. He was holding back from yelling at her and all it did was make Liv more upset. She needed the conflict to prove they were real, to prove they were actually a relationship that used arguing to grow closer together. Nick stayed quiet while hitting his hand on the side of the building."Right, time to damage other peoples' property instead of expressing ourselves, Beasty." Liv looked at him with a condescending smirk while still holding the cigarette to her lips. Nick tensed even more. He hated when she called him that, it was the nickname she'd come up with after a failed attempt to understand Beauty and the Beast. She knew it irked him to no end but that was Liv. A button-pusher. "Stop, Liv. I need you to shut up , you're not helping shit." He didn't want to stoop down to the level of insults, it reminded him too much of the way Leon spoke to him or Matty. Surprisingly Liv went silent and the walk cooled down. Nick still kept his guard up but visibly relaxed at the sight of their flat complex.
They unlocked the door then walked up the stairs without any words exchanged between them. Nick brightened as soon as he came into the space. The whole night he only wanted to be comfortable so once he got it most of his frustration melted away. He was done with lashing out at Liv, now he just wanted to kiss her and go to sleep. She walked by and Nick reached out for her hand. "Look, about earlier…" Liv purposely stepped away from the couch Nick was sitting on then crossed her arms. "Oh. We're speaking now? Jolly good, jolly good mate." She heard Nick mumble under his breath. "I thought you wanted to leave it, Liv." Liv had no plans to let this conversation drop until he finally spilled what was wrong in the first place. She wasn't the type to softly coax someone into baring their soul so sarcasm came easily. "I did. Now I don't. Tough life we have, Beasty." Nick stared at her and bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't want to say anything else, he didn't want Liv to realize how weak he actually was. "Fine. What do you want to talk about?" Her eyebrows shot up in surprise at his cooperation and she stumbled over her words a bit. "Why are you being such a knob all of a sudden? And what the fuck was that back at the pub?" Her eyes strayed across the living room before landing on a few of Nick's beer bottles stacked up in the corner. "Godammit! Why can't you ever throw away these bottles? Tell me!"
Nick tried to keep from laughing at Liv's expression but it was too funny watching her yell at him. He caught himself staring at the way her chest bounced as she pointed just in time to hear her last question. Nick clasped his hands together before giving her a slight smile . "If you sit down, I'll tell you." Liv turned the proposition over in her mind and cautiously sat next to him. Nick cleared his throat. "I'm a knob because I'm nervous as hell about this job thing. What if I don't get it? Then what? You'll think I'm a failure because I'll actually be one." He licked his lips while Liv shifted in her seat. She had to be patient while he finished sharing his thoughts so she let Nick keep going. "The pub was me protecting my girlfriend. Simple as that. And I don't throw away the bottles because I'm saving them to recycle. Ok?" Nick felt a weight being lifted off his chest and smiled more genuinely this time. "Are those good enough explanations for Olivia Malone?" She flipped him off for calling her by her proper name then leaned back on the couch. Nick finally expressing how he felt put her in a much better mood. "You have never recycled in your life." Liv winked and gave Nick a soft kiss on the lips. "I kind of love you so you're obviously not a complete git." He pulled her closer to him and shrugged. "Just kind of? I dunno Liv, I'll feel like a tosser if you only kind of want to screw me." He embraced Liv in a huge bear hug, not letting go even when she squirmed. They stayed like that for a while until Nick's grip slackened to merely holding her firmly in his lap.
"I love you…so much..all the time…" He muttered while kissing different parts of her neck lightly. Nick really didn't expect a similar proclamation from Liv because she wasn't into the gushy stuff like this. It was one of the things he loved about her. Liv showed how much she cared in other ways like yelling at him for drinking the last of the vodka or leaving enough hot water for him to shower. She accepted his kisses more easily than the last time he'd done the same thing. This time Liv refused to let herself doubt Nick's intentions and if he wanted to leave love bites on her neck, so be it. "Ok, ok, I love you too. Let go of me," She tried to move out from his grasp but Nick squeezed them back together without much effort.
"No.'