PAIRING: Charlotte/Vincent
SPOILERS: Season five and six
SUMMARY: Charlotte and Vincent work some stuff out.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone who works on Ward 17. Their creators are much more talented.
CREDITS: Thanx to Cal and Lorance for the beta and assistance. Title snurched from a Silverchair song.
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"Coffee?" He poured her a cup without waiting for a response. "Here you go."
Charlotte was curled up on his sofa, feet tucked under her. She looked up absently, her face showing momentary confusion.
"Oh, thanks," she said, taking the mug from him.
"Are you OK?"
She paused, not sure how to respond. In the old days she would have stretched out on the sofa, her head in his lap, him lightly stroking her hair. In the old days she'd come home from work, tired, broken, and he'd be there. Just as tired, just as broken. In the old days they never talked. She had been just as alone then, she thought.
She realised he was looking at her. What did she have to lose, she decided. They hadn't worked then, the least she could do was see if they work now. Salvage a friendship with a man who had once loved her.
"Thinking, that's all," she replied. She sat up, mug held with two hands, staring into its murky brown contents. She heard him move beside her.
"What about?" he asked. He sat next to her, but far enough away that they didn't touch. She sighed, and leant back into the couch. Turning towards him, she offered him a chance to renege. "You really want to know?" she asked.
"Yes, I do," he replied. He sounded so sincere, she thought. Where was this man when she'd been his wife? Who had he been listening to while she'd needed someone to listen?
Charlotte shook her head clear. She didn't want to go down that route. Not tonight. Probably not ever.
"Charlotte?" he asked. His hand reached out to her, touching her arm. She looked up at him and smiled weakly. Before she could stop them, tears threatened the back of her eyes.
"I'm just lonely, I guess," she mumbled. She sniffed, and he moved closer.
"Talk to me, Charlotte. You've gotta talk to someone, let it be me."
Charlotte paused, then answered.
"I loved her, Vincent. I loved her, and she was there, and we were there, and we were together. And it was wonderful." She looked into his eyes through her tears. "She was everything I'd ever wanted," she whispered.
"What happened?" His hand caressed her arm comfortingly.
"She got married." Charlotte laughed. "She got married. How ironic is that. I finally leave you to start dating women, and I fall in love with all the married ones. All the married ones, Vincent."
Vincent ignored the voices in his own head at her words. He had offered to listen, he would give her that. "All of them?"
Charlotte nodded. "Yep. Every single one. I was still in love with Liz when Bron and I did whatever it was that we did. God, how tragic is that? I moved from one experiment to another. Got my heart broken twice in less than a year. God, why do I do that? Vincent, why do I let myself fall for the wrong ones?"
His heart broke at the pain in her eyes. She wanted answers to questions he couldn't even begin to understand. He reached a hand up to her face, and she leant her cheek into his palm.
"Tell me about her."
Charlotte was surprised by the question. He'd never really understood, although she knew he had tried. He'd never had the time to listen to what she needed, or be there when she was alone. Yet here he was, caring, asking about the one thing that had hurt him most.
"Um ... are you sure?" she asked. He nodded yes. She took a deep breath, touching her tongue to her lip, and thought. "OK. Bron. She was ... she was cute," she giggled. "I noticed her my first day on the ward. This hot redhead working where I was, it was almost too good to be true. Well, it was too good to be true, wasn't it?"
Out of habit, she lay down on the couch, her head in Vincent's lap. She felt more comfortable that way. Less exposed. He stroked her hair, but they didn't touch further.
"Ben was an ambulance officer. Bron used to be his partner. Ambulance partner. They started dating later. They got engaged, she went overseas, they broke up, he started shagging Paula." Charlotte paused while Vincent digested the soap opera element, then continued. "One night at Cougars, Bron wanted to make Ben jealous. We were drunk. I was drunk. She was more drunk. We ended up back at her place, and we kissed again. I kissed her. I think. She kissed me back. She was ... curious," Charlotte smiled. She looked up at Vincent to see how he was taking it all. "Go on," he encouraged.
Charlotte's face dropped slightly. "I knew it was stupid. Everyone told me it was stupid. Terri asked a thousand times if I was sure I knew what I was doing. I just didn't care, you know? I had her and he didn't. It was stupid. You can't just change someone. You can't just turn a straight woman into a lesbian, no matter how good you are in bed."
"Oh, good in bed are you?" Vincent teased. Charlotte looked up at him.
"Hell yeah. The best, baby. You don't know what you're missing out on."
"If it requires not having a penis, I think I'd rather be missing out."
"It's always about the penises with the men," Charlotte teased. Vincent nodded in a matter-of-fact way. "So what happened?"
Charlotte shrugged. "She and Ben got back together. I told her the morning of the wedding that I was in love with her. She didn't believe me. Well, I think she would have, but I didn't let her. I couldn't let her. Hell, I'd already stuffed up my life, I could hardly stuff hers up too."
"Like I stuffed yours up, you mean?" Vincent asked.
Charlotte reached out for his hand, weaving their fingers together. "How do you mean?"
"Well, you couldn't ask a straight woman to leave her husband for you. That's what I asked of you, isn't it?"
"It wasn't like that, Vincent."
"How was it then?"
"We were different. I didn't know. Anyway, weren't we talking about me?"
Vincent sighed inwardly. He was so close to the answers he'd been wanting for years, but more than answers he wanted to be there for her. "Yeah, we were," he said. "So, who was Liz?"
"Oh, she was married, too. Doctor from upstairs. Wanted to try out the whole 'women' thing. Her husband had no idea. He came onto the ward one day. As a patient. I was with Bron. 'With'." Charlotte laughed cynically. "Bron and I were having sex, let's put it that way. Suddenly there's Liz's husband stretched out on a bed. I didn't ... I couldn't ... I don't know. She hurt me so badly. It wasn't fair, what she did. I was in love with her, and to her I was just an experiment to throw away when it didn't work. They were happy, her and her husband. And I was just meant to accept that."
Vincent sat silently while Charlotte cried for a moment. He didn't understand how she could love a woman, let alone a married woman, but he understood pain.
"You were with Bron then, you said?" he asked.
Charlotte nodded, sniffing. "Yep. I walked back onto the ward, the woman who I was still stupidly in love with holding her husband's hand, and the other woman I was doing the craziest things for standing behind the desk. It was insane. I knew the thing with Bron would end just as badly as the thing with Liz, and I had Liz there as proof of how painful it was. But I wanted so badly to be loved, you know? I just needed to have someone. And she was there. We were best friends, really. That's what made it so hard. There wasn't any attraction on her part. It was just a friendship that went too far. Too messy. Never," she warned him with a stern shake of a finger, "fall in love with your best friend. It's a surefire road to disaster."
"I'll remember that," he smiled.
"I still think of her all the time," Charlotte said, distance in her voice. "They moved to the country. She came back for Mitch's funeral. That was the craziest day. Here I am mourning the guy I spent my first six months on the ward arguing with, and my heart's noticing the nurse it spent all that time chasing. It was an easy place to cry, though. I hugged her and bawled my eyes out and pretended it was for Mitch. I just miss her so much, you know? I miss hanging out with her. I miss rounding a corner and seeing her there. Even if we weren't together ..."
"You'd feel worse," Vincent interrupted. "Unrequited love sucks, Charlotte. But kidding yourself is just as bad. Pretending you've got a chance when you don't."
"Thanks for shattering my dream," she replied, squeezing his side playfully.
"You knew it couldn't last. Didn't you?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Charlotte sighed. "I hoped I was wrong. I thought surely I'm good enough that she'd want to be with me over him." She laughed. "Even that's not really true," she said.
"How do you mean?"
"Oh, I knew. You're right. Terri was right. Hell, everyone was right. I knew she and Ben would get back together. I think," she paused, thinking. "I think I wanted her and Ben to get back together. She wasn't happy, not really. I mean, we were like two little school girls, and the sex was, admittedly, pretty damn hot, but she was in love with him, not me. I was just there to give her someone to think about, so she wouldn't fall apart. I knew that all along, I suppose. I just hoped. You know how you hope. Logic means fuck all when you're in love."
Charlotte rose from the couch, taking her empty mug to the sink. Vincent watched her as she rinsed it and put it on the bench, then stood, hands on the edge of the sink, staring at the wall. He walked over to her, putting his hands on her waist and leaning in to kiss the back of her head. She leant back into him.
"Vincent," she sighed. "Why do we do these things to ourselves?"
"I don't know," he replied softly.
SPOILERS: Season five and six
SUMMARY: Charlotte and Vincent work some stuff out.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone who works on Ward 17. Their creators are much more talented.
CREDITS: Thanx to Cal and Lorance for the beta and assistance. Title snurched from a Silverchair song.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
"Coffee?" He poured her a cup without waiting for a response. "Here you go."
Charlotte was curled up on his sofa, feet tucked under her. She looked up absently, her face showing momentary confusion.
"Oh, thanks," she said, taking the mug from him.
"Are you OK?"
She paused, not sure how to respond. In the old days she would have stretched out on the sofa, her head in his lap, him lightly stroking her hair. In the old days she'd come home from work, tired, broken, and he'd be there. Just as tired, just as broken. In the old days they never talked. She had been just as alone then, she thought.
She realised he was looking at her. What did she have to lose, she decided. They hadn't worked then, the least she could do was see if they work now. Salvage a friendship with a man who had once loved her.
"Thinking, that's all," she replied. She sat up, mug held with two hands, staring into its murky brown contents. She heard him move beside her.
"What about?" he asked. He sat next to her, but far enough away that they didn't touch. She sighed, and leant back into the couch. Turning towards him, she offered him a chance to renege. "You really want to know?" she asked.
"Yes, I do," he replied. He sounded so sincere, she thought. Where was this man when she'd been his wife? Who had he been listening to while she'd needed someone to listen?
Charlotte shook her head clear. She didn't want to go down that route. Not tonight. Probably not ever.
"Charlotte?" he asked. His hand reached out to her, touching her arm. She looked up at him and smiled weakly. Before she could stop them, tears threatened the back of her eyes.
"I'm just lonely, I guess," she mumbled. She sniffed, and he moved closer.
"Talk to me, Charlotte. You've gotta talk to someone, let it be me."
Charlotte paused, then answered.
"I loved her, Vincent. I loved her, and she was there, and we were there, and we were together. And it was wonderful." She looked into his eyes through her tears. "She was everything I'd ever wanted," she whispered.
"What happened?" His hand caressed her arm comfortingly.
"She got married." Charlotte laughed. "She got married. How ironic is that. I finally leave you to start dating women, and I fall in love with all the married ones. All the married ones, Vincent."
Vincent ignored the voices in his own head at her words. He had offered to listen, he would give her that. "All of them?"
Charlotte nodded. "Yep. Every single one. I was still in love with Liz when Bron and I did whatever it was that we did. God, how tragic is that? I moved from one experiment to another. Got my heart broken twice in less than a year. God, why do I do that? Vincent, why do I let myself fall for the wrong ones?"
His heart broke at the pain in her eyes. She wanted answers to questions he couldn't even begin to understand. He reached a hand up to her face, and she leant her cheek into his palm.
"Tell me about her."
Charlotte was surprised by the question. He'd never really understood, although she knew he had tried. He'd never had the time to listen to what she needed, or be there when she was alone. Yet here he was, caring, asking about the one thing that had hurt him most.
"Um ... are you sure?" she asked. He nodded yes. She took a deep breath, touching her tongue to her lip, and thought. "OK. Bron. She was ... she was cute," she giggled. "I noticed her my first day on the ward. This hot redhead working where I was, it was almost too good to be true. Well, it was too good to be true, wasn't it?"
Out of habit, she lay down on the couch, her head in Vincent's lap. She felt more comfortable that way. Less exposed. He stroked her hair, but they didn't touch further.
"Ben was an ambulance officer. Bron used to be his partner. Ambulance partner. They started dating later. They got engaged, she went overseas, they broke up, he started shagging Paula." Charlotte paused while Vincent digested the soap opera element, then continued. "One night at Cougars, Bron wanted to make Ben jealous. We were drunk. I was drunk. She was more drunk. We ended up back at her place, and we kissed again. I kissed her. I think. She kissed me back. She was ... curious," Charlotte smiled. She looked up at Vincent to see how he was taking it all. "Go on," he encouraged.
Charlotte's face dropped slightly. "I knew it was stupid. Everyone told me it was stupid. Terri asked a thousand times if I was sure I knew what I was doing. I just didn't care, you know? I had her and he didn't. It was stupid. You can't just change someone. You can't just turn a straight woman into a lesbian, no matter how good you are in bed."
"Oh, good in bed are you?" Vincent teased. Charlotte looked up at him.
"Hell yeah. The best, baby. You don't know what you're missing out on."
"If it requires not having a penis, I think I'd rather be missing out."
"It's always about the penises with the men," Charlotte teased. Vincent nodded in a matter-of-fact way. "So what happened?"
Charlotte shrugged. "She and Ben got back together. I told her the morning of the wedding that I was in love with her. She didn't believe me. Well, I think she would have, but I didn't let her. I couldn't let her. Hell, I'd already stuffed up my life, I could hardly stuff hers up too."
"Like I stuffed yours up, you mean?" Vincent asked.
Charlotte reached out for his hand, weaving their fingers together. "How do you mean?"
"Well, you couldn't ask a straight woman to leave her husband for you. That's what I asked of you, isn't it?"
"It wasn't like that, Vincent."
"How was it then?"
"We were different. I didn't know. Anyway, weren't we talking about me?"
Vincent sighed inwardly. He was so close to the answers he'd been wanting for years, but more than answers he wanted to be there for her. "Yeah, we were," he said. "So, who was Liz?"
"Oh, she was married, too. Doctor from upstairs. Wanted to try out the whole 'women' thing. Her husband had no idea. He came onto the ward one day. As a patient. I was with Bron. 'With'." Charlotte laughed cynically. "Bron and I were having sex, let's put it that way. Suddenly there's Liz's husband stretched out on a bed. I didn't ... I couldn't ... I don't know. She hurt me so badly. It wasn't fair, what she did. I was in love with her, and to her I was just an experiment to throw away when it didn't work. They were happy, her and her husband. And I was just meant to accept that."
Vincent sat silently while Charlotte cried for a moment. He didn't understand how she could love a woman, let alone a married woman, but he understood pain.
"You were with Bron then, you said?" he asked.
Charlotte nodded, sniffing. "Yep. I walked back onto the ward, the woman who I was still stupidly in love with holding her husband's hand, and the other woman I was doing the craziest things for standing behind the desk. It was insane. I knew the thing with Bron would end just as badly as the thing with Liz, and I had Liz there as proof of how painful it was. But I wanted so badly to be loved, you know? I just needed to have someone. And she was there. We were best friends, really. That's what made it so hard. There wasn't any attraction on her part. It was just a friendship that went too far. Too messy. Never," she warned him with a stern shake of a finger, "fall in love with your best friend. It's a surefire road to disaster."
"I'll remember that," he smiled.
"I still think of her all the time," Charlotte said, distance in her voice. "They moved to the country. She came back for Mitch's funeral. That was the craziest day. Here I am mourning the guy I spent my first six months on the ward arguing with, and my heart's noticing the nurse it spent all that time chasing. It was an easy place to cry, though. I hugged her and bawled my eyes out and pretended it was for Mitch. I just miss her so much, you know? I miss hanging out with her. I miss rounding a corner and seeing her there. Even if we weren't together ..."
"You'd feel worse," Vincent interrupted. "Unrequited love sucks, Charlotte. But kidding yourself is just as bad. Pretending you've got a chance when you don't."
"Thanks for shattering my dream," she replied, squeezing his side playfully.
"You knew it couldn't last. Didn't you?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Charlotte sighed. "I hoped I was wrong. I thought surely I'm good enough that she'd want to be with me over him." She laughed. "Even that's not really true," she said.
"How do you mean?"
"Oh, I knew. You're right. Terri was right. Hell, everyone was right. I knew she and Ben would get back together. I think," she paused, thinking. "I think I wanted her and Ben to get back together. She wasn't happy, not really. I mean, we were like two little school girls, and the sex was, admittedly, pretty damn hot, but she was in love with him, not me. I was just there to give her someone to think about, so she wouldn't fall apart. I knew that all along, I suppose. I just hoped. You know how you hope. Logic means fuck all when you're in love."
Charlotte rose from the couch, taking her empty mug to the sink. Vincent watched her as she rinsed it and put it on the bench, then stood, hands on the edge of the sink, staring at the wall. He walked over to her, putting his hands on her waist and leaning in to kiss the back of her head. She leant back into him.
"Vincent," she sighed. "Why do we do these things to ourselves?"
"I don't know," he replied softly.