Conversations

By max72

Laura wondered at the wisdom of this as she entered his quarters behind him, after all, he hadn't asked her to follow, just stalked past everyone on his way out.

His face, as it had been for hours was set in granite. He had been on autopilot, the Admiral in tight control, Bill shut well away. She couldn't blame him, everything had spiraled, one thing after another. She had felt sure he would have fired those nuclear warheads without truly thinking through the consequences, and that said more about his state of mind than any words could.

She watched as he stomped around the room, and uncharacteristically threw his jacket towards the chair behind his desk choosing not to notice or care when it hit the floor instead. These quarters were usually a haven for her, a place to relax the mantle of President to
be just Laura Roslin without the responsibilities of the fleet and she craved the time she spent here. At the moment though they had a feeling of claustrophobia and Admiral William Adama had the look of a caged animal.

He poured himself a drink, indicating an offer to her by raising a glass in her direction. She shook her head in the negative knowing this was a long way from the usual cozy evening chats they shared but relieved nevertheless that he acknowledged her at all.

He was angry – at her, the Cylons, Baltar and just about everyone and everything. Every muscle in his body was tense, and it told Laura she should probably get out now and come back on a better day. But better days were few and far between, and it was days like these they needed each other to survive, even if she suspected her actions over the Cylon baby were part of the problem raging within him.

As he slumped onto the couch, she found her eyes ridiculously starting to fill with tears, and she gingerly asked him if he was alright. His answer of 'No' didn't surprise her but she found herself reluctant to ask any further. So she just sat beside him in the dim light of his cabin, their silence speaking volumes.

As she sat there she thought back to the early days of escape when their arguments had been plentiful. Loud in your face, objects flying arguments.

That had changed; they had changed. Bill and Laura, Admiral and President – the lines had blurred but never quite integrated.

Too much was at stake between them now. Too often now the days of rip roaring rows had changed to days of silent stand-offs. Each day was just a repeat of the day before, a constant flow of reports and bureaucracy. Never time to relax or unwind and the tension had begun to show. Well, if she was honest it had been showing for a long time, and it frightened her when they both had days when it was a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. What frightened her more was that the fleet had no idea what a fine line was being drawn each day with their lives. How their leaders were worn out to the core and all that was left was a weary resignation as more and more was heaped upon their joint shoulders.

The word 'Joint' made her look across at Bill, his gaze surprisingly already on her. His face held that neutral look he seemed to have perfected of late, but his hand slid across the gap between them and opened for Laura to grasp, and she did, like a lifeline, thanking the Gods for it.

The silence stretched but it was comfortable. She'd grown used to sitting quietly with this man; he didn't make small talk for the sake of it. You could see why sometimes when he struggled to speak on a personal level and then the enigma that he was would deliver an inspirational speech that lit up every face around him.

She realized she should be getting back to Colonial One. Besides the gentle rub of his thumb against her hand was the sweetest feeling and it was so dangerously tempting in the emotional pit they were both fighting. This was borne out as she made a move to get up, and his grip on her hand strengthened.

"Stay."

She closed her eyes at the word, it would be so easy. "I can't you know that."

She forced herself up and away from his couch, straightening her skirt and preparing to step back out into the hustle and bustle of the Battleship.

"Please." He mumbled without even looking at her.

She sighed, the want to give in was strong, but the prickly topic of their relationship was nothing new. Sometimes it was him, more times it her she admitted but they'd been through all these moments of need and weakness for each other before, and they all ended the same, with disappointment and frustration as the fleet came first and them being dragged along behind like puppets on a string.

Her impatience at the situation made her tone resigned, slightly sharp and her words inflammatory as she said, "Funny earlier on you wouldn't even look at me, let alone be in the same room, and now you want me to stay!"

His next words are filled with the exhaustion they were both trying to ignore. "I just need more time with that…" She had no doubt the 'that' he was talking about was Hera. Maybe on another day she would have called him on it and forced him to confront what she had done
and why she had done it, and hopefully to accept it but his melancholic introverted mood prevented her from pushing the discussion so she just let him continue on. "But you know how I feel about you – that doesn't change."

She believed him but it only made things harder which in turn made her angrier. "Yes, I know, but it seems to me you pick me up and drop me whenever it suits you, kind of hypocritical don't you think?"

The words had barely left her mouth before she realized she'd just done the one thing she'd told herself not to – she'd pushed and forced him into reacting but it was too late as the anger flared in his face and the tight control slipped.

She realized they were both too tired for this and she should have left earlier but it was too late now as his voice rang out with annoyance and he looked at her for the first time square in the face.

"Hypocritical? You accuse me of being hypocritical when you didn't even trust me with decisions concerning my own officers."

The silence that followed was anything but comfortable. The air was thick with recriminations.

"And there we have it. Seems you didn't need too much time to think it over after all." Her voice was bitter with disappointment at his words and herself for allowing it to happen.

She needed to get out of there fast before the never ending cycle made them hurt each other again and things could get so much worse if they weren't careful; after all, it had happened before! She was already on the way to the hatch as she said, "Look I'm just going to
go now. I'll see you tomorrow. I don't think either of us should be having this discussion tonight."

She walked out not giving him an opportunity to argue, closing the hatch on her way out. She was sure she heard the unmistakable sound of breaking glass from within and hoped it was empty before it hit the wall.

Walking down the corridors of Galactica on her way to the Hanger Deck her mind replayed the encounter and she kicked herself. She had known how it would play out and still she had carried on regardless like a train wreck waiting to happen.

She cursed her luck once more, as it seemed she was going to suffer a penance for this evening's fiasco and it was in the guise of Colonel Tigh walking towards her seemly on a mission, if his face was anything to go by to interrogate her.

He looked perky which instantly irritated Laura more. She had to remind herself that it wasn't his fault she was grumpy and she felt a little guilty as she remembered their time together on New Caprica and the shadow of a man that came back. It was good to see the
confidence back in his step. He had fanatically fought the Cylons with no boundaries; he had kept the resistance going almost single handedly at times. He was also one of few that never questioned for a minute that Galactica would return for them, but ironically when it
did he was left with nothing to fight for. He had lost his cause and for a while he lost himself. He had rallied though and lately the swagger was back in his step, and he now had a taste of the leadership he had never craved. He was no longer the invisible man under Adama's command. He stood tall under the gaze of those who had watched him fight and suffer in equal measure trying to rid them of the Cylons.

Which nevertheless basically added up to one cocky son of a bitch heading her way, and the thought of having to deal with him after today's events had her increasing her pace to try and escape. It was to no avail though as his words and presence was loud enough that even she couldn't ignore him.

"Madame President." He had Laura gritting her teeth with his first words not a good sign.

"Colonel."

"On your way back to Colonial One?" He questioned. Even without looking at him she could tell this conversation wasn't going to be enjoyable. She had grown to respect and even like Saul on New Caprica but sometimes…

"Yes." The clipped tones screamed of keep it short and sweet but there was fat chance of that with his next words.

"The Old Man seems pretty pissed off, have you seen him?" He questioned.

Her eyes narrowed at him because she damned well knew that he had watched her follow him from CIC and that he was just fishing.

"Yes he's fine."

"He hasn't seemed fine for sometime now Madame President."

She looked at him wondering if he laid all the blame for that at her feet and said sharply, "He'll get over it."

Knowing he'd hit a nerve and rather enjoying it he smiled, "Oh, I'm sure he will, Madame President."

The suggestive tone plus the look on his face had her reacting crossly. "What exactly are you getting at, Colonel?"

"Well, speaking freely, I'm not blind. I can see what's going on between you both."

Not knowing why she was even allowing this conservation to carry on but being oddly curious and wanting to defend Bill and herself, she stopped dead in her tracks and stared down Saul Tigh until the smile started to falter. "Let's get this clear Colonial Tigh – there is nothing going on!"

Tigh with his usual tact and diplomacy and inability to let sleeping dogs lie, hit hard with his next words. "Frankly, and I'm not sure on this point, but I suspect Madame President that you may not be Frakking each other but that's about all that's not going on between the two of you. If you ask me the pair of you should just get down to it and relieve some of the obvious tension between you."

For a few seconds she was literary speechless at unbelievable affront of this man. Her blood boiled, with herself as much as the Colonel for not stopping this sooner. Laura said, "I think you have overstepped your position, Colonel, and unless you wish to find yourself in the brig or preferably as far as I'm concerned right now out an airlock, I suggest you remove yourself from my person right NOW!"

It didn't take long for the Colonel to assess the situation in a true military fashion, and he made a hasty retreat before he found himself having to explain his words in front of the Admiral, leaving a seething Laura Roslin rooted to the spot in shock at the conversation that had just transpired.

Her thoughts swirling she decided on a retreat back the way she had come and headed at a brisk pace back towards the Admiral's quarters. If she had to put up with this type of gossip, then so should he. After all it was his officer and he wanted to deal with HIS officers.

"Laura?" He questioned as she nearly fell into his room in her haste.

Now that she was here her anger had calmed. She wasn't sure what to say and was feeling decidedly unsure how to go about retelling her meeting with the Colonel when she blurted out the first thing that came into her head which was completely off topic.

"It wasn't one of those nice round bottomed glasses you smashed was it, cause I really like those and you'll never be able to replace them now."

He looked truly puzzled by the question and her reappearance in his room so soon after their little disagreement and questioned, "You came back to ask me about my tumblers?"

"No… No…" Now she felt truly flustered. "I ran into Colonel Tigh on the way back." As if that statement answered it all.

"And?"

"Mmn, well, I mean," she stumbled along until she remembered the embarrassing conversation with the Colonel and let it rip, "Gods Bill how you've managed to stay friends with that man over the years is beyond me."

Bill sighed in that 'my best friend has said something stupid again' way and asked, "What did he say this time?"

It hit her now that she hadn't fully thought through this conversation and how to broach the topic with Bill. "He said… He said we should just get down to it."

"Get down to what?"

He looked generally stumped until Laura raised her eyebrows and took the doubt away by simply saying, "IT." That clicked and his eyebrows took the same trip as hers had.

He grumpily responded, "How did he …"

"I believe he said I'm not blind you know."

Bill started to answer but only managed to get out, "I," before his head drops and that all too rare half smile graced his lips. It's her this time that is playing dumb until the words spoken condensed in her mind. She looked at Bill not quite believing his humor at his friend's expense, only to witness him slapping his hand over his left eye in a theatrical way.

"That's not Funny Bill." She reprimanded him. The message in her voice wiped the smile from his face. Laura walked towards him till she was standing directly in front of him.

"That's really not funny." She continued, "Frankly Admiral that's just plain wrong," but the giggles erupted early as she slapped her hand over his other eye and said, "It should have been this eye."

She'd never seen him in a full blown laughing fit before and it was a sight to behold. They held onto each other's arm bent over double trying to regain some control over their now painful laughter.

"I'm sorry," he gasped out, as his breathing began to level out.

He smiled back at her and teased, "Frankly Madam President I'm rather shocked by your attitude. I think as a long-time friend of Saul's plus putting up with, and getting him out of, more trouble than I care to remember, I have a certain leeway in making fun at his expense. Whereas you..."

"Well Admiral," she responded with mock seriousness. "I feel after my conversation with him earlier that I have had about all of Colonel Tigh's leeway I can take for one day."

His gaze as he smiled at her left her feeling much more secure in his company; they were reconnecting and it felt good. It hardly seemed possible the atmosphere had been so stressed between them not long before but the pattern seemed to repeat itself far too often. Their lives should never have been intertwined as they were; no government and military hierarchy had ever had to work so closely in history. They had been thrown together and their nature was to
stand apart.

Laura and Bill's nature was to stand alone as well. They had fought for independence all their lives, and ultimately no matter how united they were at times, she worried they would always fall back to that. As much as they craved someone to hold, there was always that fear of a lost identity. Had they fallen into a power struggle neither really wanted to win, she wondered?

She realized now they would always fight, always defend their side of the street. The one thing that kept this fleet going and alive was their single mindedness and that bull headed attitude would always see them clashing.

She truly didn't know why she hadn't told Bill about Hera but he was equally guilty of secrets and things swept under the carpet.

There was no point to empty promises of telling each other everything; she knew for certain, she couldn't and wouldn't be held to that. The question was could they maintain a relationship of any kind knowing this? When it came down to it, was it all a matter of trust?

She had paused in her own bubble of thought too long because as she looked up, Bill was staring at her. She clumsily continued hoping he wouldn't ask what she had been
thinking about.

"You know it's good to see Saul piecing his life back together again – seriously he lost so much down on that planet, much more than a lot of us."

Her diversion worked when he responded. "Well I wouldn't count on anything just yet. As much as I love the man like a brother, Saul has a reputation of pulling defeat from victory where his personal life is concerned. He has never been the most stable of men to have
around." They were harsh words but there was no rebuke in his voice concerning Saul's long term behavior.

She couldn't help but ask, "Then why do you keep him around?"

"He's my friend." He starts to turn away and his voice drops in tone as he softly said, "And a long time ago he believed in me." His head has dropped and a sad smile graced his lips.

Laura's recent internal monologue clicked at his words. Perhaps they weren't the independent beings she had thought they were. His wistful words rang true to her; they both needed to be believed in. The one thing Laura had learnt about this man was 'Belief' in all its forms was a thing he prized. Maybe not in the Gods like her but in the people – his people, and the ones he allowed close and that included her. She'd be damned if she was going to let that slip, because despite everything she did believe in him, and she had every belief that he believed in her.

"You going to ask me to stay again?"

He looked up scrutinizing her and asked, "You going to say yes this time?"

She smiled and held out her hand this time for him to grasp.

What they had, what they would have in the future she didn't fully understand, but they were together in one form or another and that's the way she wanted it to stay. They'd get over this crisis, the next one and the ones after that maybe not with the same agenda but with the same ultimate goal. She smiled to herself because no matter what they always ended up here in this cabin – together.

The End