Title: Wasted Time
Pairing: Jim/Blair, Simon, William
Warnings: h/c, violence, language
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to play with them.
Summary: Jim takes a bullet meant for Blair, and Blair has a tough decision to make.
Notes: Written for ts_secret_santa for annieb1955. This is my first TS story, so sorry for any ooc-ness. Enjoy! All mistakes are mine. Feel free to let me know if you see any. As always feedback is appreciated.
Blair heard Jim's shout and turned just in time to see the gun pointing straight at him. He froze as the warm splatter of blood hit him before the echo of the gunshot even registered. For a moment he thought he had blood in his eyes and reached up to wipe them. Then he realized that it was actually the pool of blood that was rapidly spreading out around Jim. Blair had never realized that a human body could hold so much blood or that it was so red. Not just red, but a bright red like a ripe tomato that his mind momentarily rejected because it just didn't seem like it could come from a human body , and it was everywhere.
The realization only took a second and without hesitating he quickly raised his glock towards the slightly stunned Brackett, who obviously hadn't expected Jim to make an appearance. Blair saw Brackett's eyes widen for a moment, but it was too late. He pulled the trigger. The ringing of his ears didn't even register as the gun fell from his suddenly nerveless fingers. Before the body even hit the floor, he was on his knees next to Jim, not caring that he was kneeling in a pool of blood that would likely ruin his favorite jeans.
From far away he heard the sirens as he pressed hard against the wound. Blood continued to well up around his fingers, making them slick, and he wondered if it was too late, if help would arrive in time. He prayed to God, to any and all gods he knew that they wouldn't take Jim from him, not now, not when things were just beginning to go good for them.
He didn't register the footsteps, didn't realize that he was sobbing and yelling, until they tried to pull him away from Jim. He fought them, not understanding, just knowing they were him away from Jim. He had to help him. Feeling a prick, Blair unexpectedly sagged forward over Jim, suddenly boneless. He was pulled off him and to his feet. He tried to struggle, but he felt as weak as a newborn and didn't accomplish anything except almost face-planting if not for the hands suddenly gripping his shoulders.
A blanket was wrapped around his shoulders, and Blair hugged it closer to him, unexpectedly realizing he was freezing as he shivered violently.
"Blair."
From far away he heard his name, but couldn't focus on it. He could only watch as the EMTs worked on Jim, before bundling him onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. He tried to move towards it, needing to go with Jim, but the hands were suddenly on his shoulders again, holding him in place.
A sudden flash of pain caused him to hiss in pain and try to move away, and he couldn't hold back the sudden whimper as fire suddenly consumed him shoulder. He barely registered the blanket being pulled away or his shirt being ripped open. When the shouting began, he looked down.
Oh. He was bleeding from a bullet hole. He remembered it hurting more when Quinn shot him in the leg. The next instant, the pain suddenly registered and his knees gave out as the world went black around him. The last thing Blair saw before his eyes slipped closed was the puddle of bed left where Jim had fallen, and he had an instance to wonder if he would ever see Jim alive.
When Blair woke up, it was like struggling through water to get the surface much like when Alex drowned him in the fountain. As he finally managed to open his eyes, he moaned at the brightness of the light and tried to raise his arm to block it. He froze as the pain hit, but it was far away and diffused. As the events that brought him here returned to him, he suddenly sat up, and froze with a groan. Oh, there was pain. But he didn't care. He had to get to Jim, had to see Jim, had to make sure that he was still alive.
The door suddenly burst open and a nurse ran in, clucking at him. "No, no, no. Lay back down. You'll tear your stitches."
Blair tried not to fight against the insistent nudge that he lay back down, but he was too weak and couldn't fight it. "Ple—" Blair paused thickly and trying to clear his dry throat. "Please," Blair begged as the nurse checked his vitals. "Jim. Where's Jim?"
The nurse gave him an inquisitive look. "Who?"
"My partner. He's a cop. He was shot too."
Simon was suddenly there, looking tired and worn. As Simon took his hand, Blair suddenly feared the worse, and he felt his eyes tear up. "No!" he moaned pitifully.
"No, Blair! Jim's alive."
"But?"
Simon couldn't quite meet his eyes and his voice was rough when he spoke. "I'm not going to lie. It's bad. The bullet did a lot of damage to his left lung. Missed his heart luckily, but he lost a lot of blood. They had to transfuse him, and his heart stopped twice on the operating table."
He paused letting the words sink in before meeting Blair's eyes and continuing. "Before they even finished surgery, he slipped into a deep coma. The doctors say the odds aren't good. The longer he remains unresponsive, the less likelihood he'll recover. It's been three days. They kept you out, because you lost a lot of blood too. The bullet nicked an artery and they wanted to make sure you kept still and gave it a chance to heal first." Simon paused again. "Jim transferred his medical proxy to you."
Blair just nodded. He knew. He'd been with Jim as he filled out the paperwork. They'd switched Jim to his as well. He heard the slight hurt in Simon's voice, knowing that he had been Jim's medical proxy previously. They'd meant to tell him, but the time had never been right. Cases kept coming up, the moment was just never right. But those were all just excuses. It didn't matter now. "Yes."
"How long?"
Blair almost shrugged, but managed to stop the motion just in time. Okay, no impulsive movements. "A while. A few months. Simon. We're partners." At Simon's inquisitive look, he clarified. "In every way."
As understanding washed across Simon's face, and compassion filled his eyes, Blair felt instant relief that his Captain was okay with it. Simon suddenly rose. "Wh—"
"Don't worry. I'll be right back."
The minutes passed slowly. For one startling instant Blair hated Jim and his need to protect him. The next instant Blair hated himself for even thinking it. Blair had known the possibility when he's signed the forms that named him Jim's medical proxy, known the possibility when he joined the force, and officially became Jim's partner in all ways. But he hadn't thought it would be so soon. He knew Jim's stance on life support, knowing how Jim had had to watch his own mother wither away on it for years. Blair knew that he couldn't stand to watch that happen to Jim. He also couldn't comprehend 'pulling the plug' either. What a horrible phrase, simplifying the ending of a human life to being synonymous with turning off a machine. But while a machine could be plugged back in again, and work fine again. Humans didn't have that luxury. He didn't know if he could do it, follow through with Jim's wishes if it came down to it. There was still a chance, he reminded himself.
Blair was startled out his musings when a Simon walked through the door followed by the nurse same nurse – 'Becky' her name tag read. She must have left while Simon was talking and he hadn't even noticed.
"I really shouldn't be doing this. He hasn't been cleared by a doctor yet." She gave Blair a small smile. "But I've always been a romantic at heart."
Stopping the chair at the edge of the bed, she pulled the breaks. As she walked around the other side of the bed to stand on his injured side, she addressed Simon. "Place your hand under his shoulder, being careful not to jar him too much." Her hand came to rest under his shoulder blade, and they slowly brought him into a sitting position. Getting his legs over the edge of the bed was a trickier event, but they managed. By the time, he was sitting in the chair, his teeth were clenched in pain and he was exhausted. The nurse, seeing his pain, gave him a quick shot of painkiller through his IV.
His mind went hazy, and he didn't really remember the trip to Jim's room, but he was instantly aware as soon as he laid eyes on his partner. This wasn't the first time, Jim had been shot, wasn't the first time, he'd been injured protecting Blair, but he'd never seen Jim look so bad. He was almost as pale as the sheets that covered him, and he almost would have believed him dead if not for the steady beat of the heart monitor and the rhythmic hiss of the respirator. The amount of wires connected to him almost made him look like a science experiment gone wrong.
Blair swallowed the bile that suddenly rose in his throat. Brackett had threatened that, and Blair knew that he would have followed through with it. When Brackett had shot Jim, Blair could almost see the horror in his face at the prospect of having lost his newest toy. It wasn't until that instant that he realized that he'd killed a man. Self-proclaimed pacifist Blair who supported gun control, and abhorred violence unless the situation called for it, had killed a man. And he felt nothing. Brackett didn't deserve Blair's remorse or empathy.
Hesitantly reaching out, Blair carefully grasped Jim's hand, afraid that he would hurt him, even knowing that in this state, he couldn't feel anything. Turning he saw that Simon and Becky has stepped out and closed the door, giving them a bit of privacy.
"Jim, I don't know if you can hear me. Please come back to me." His voice cracked. "I can't imagine life without you." He didn't fight the tears that started to silently fall. "I don't know if I can do what you requested." Blair rubbed his hand across his face. They'd agreed on two weeks. But Blair couldn't imagine feeling any differently then, than he did now. Then he was suddenly angry. "Dammit, Jim! Why? You selfish asshole! Do you think this is any easier for me, than it would be for you, if our places were reversed? I need you." His breath hitched on a sob, and he forced himself to calm down as it jarred his shoulder.
"Please, Jim. I know you're in there." Pulling Jim's fist to his mouth, he placed a soft kiss on his knuckles. "I love you." Blair almost dropped Jim's hand as it spasmed in his, and the heart monitor jumped for a moment. "Jim? Jim, come on. Please." He looked around widely hoping for another response, but received none.
Drawing a deep steadying breath, he repeated. "I love you. I know I haven't said it much, not nearly enough. But I do. Practically since the first moment I saw you." Blair laughed softly. "I mean who gets all hot and bothered by a man that calls him a 'neo-hippy, witchdoctor' while pressing him up against the wall? I did, but it took me a long time to admit it. I was such an idiot, so blind. I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, sorry that I didn't trust you to return my feelings. We wasted so much time."
Lapsing into silence, Blair reached up to cup Jim's cheek. He wasn't sure how much time passed before the door opened before Becky the nurse and Simon walked in, but he realized it must have been a while because the throbbing in his shoulder was making itself known again. Without complaint, he allowed himself to be wheeled back to his room. With a bit of maneuvering and more than a little bit of pain, they managed to get him settled back into bed again, where the nurse slid another syringe into his IV. When the cool rush of the drug hit his system, he didn't fight them as they swept him into oblivion.
That night Blair dreamed of his wolf spirit guide curled around the sleeping form of Jim's panther.
The next day started much the same, though this time it was Simon that pushed his chair to Jim's room. He spent the hours talking to Jim, reading to him from out of date magazines and always talking to him. A nurse always appeared just as pain in his shoulder reached the point he could no longer ignore it and wheeled him back to his room, where he was given another dose of pain killers and promptly passed out.
The next few days passed much the same until he was finally discharged with strict orders to take it easy. Simon had backed the doctor giving him two weeks medical leave, then a month of desk duty when he came back. He bitched and moaned, but there was no swaying Simon, particularly considering that he had enough muscle damage that he would require a bit of physical therapy.
As the days passed with little change, Blair began to fear that he would really have to do it. The little squeezes that Blair received sporadically while holding Jim's hand and the momentary spikes in Jim's monitors were enough to give him home though.
A week after the shoot Blair walked into the room with Simon, expecting it to be empty as usual. That was not to say that Jim did not have other guests. They just rarely came so early. This time though, it was already occupied by Jim's father and brother. It was the first time he had seem them here, but he'd been told that they'd come by most evenings after he'd already passed out from his medication and muscle relaxants.
Blair walked forward ready to greet them, when Jim's father suddenly spun around.
"What gives you the right to kill my son?" Jim's father angrily growled.
Blair reeled back as if struck, hissing as he ran into Simon and jarred his shoulder. "W-what?" Blair stammered, flabbergasted.
"Why would he choose you of all people to be his medical proxy? You're just some stray that he picked up off the streets and hasn't been able to shake yet."
"Now you see here—"
Blair cut off the angry Simon. "You have NO right. Jim chose me because he trusts me to follow through with his wishes as much as it will kill to do so if it comes to it. But I'm not going to sit here and watch him waste away when that's the last thing he wants. Unlike some people, I honor the wishes of the one I love. After what you put him through as a child it's no wonder he doesn't trust you."
Now it was William's turn to jerk as though he's been slapped as the blood brained from his face. "You have no right."
"No, you have no right to come in here and dictate to me what you think should be done because it doesn't fit into your neat little world, and you have no right to judge me."
William's face turned mutinous and his words were cruel. "You turned my son into a fag. What does a person like you have to offer him. The sex must be great to keep his attention so long."
Blair just laughed at the absurdity. "If Jim just wanted me for the sex, he would have pursed me a lot sooner than three months ago. Why does everyone assume we've been lovers for so long?"
"So that's it. You're in for the money. Now that you're a fraud…" William let the words hang because there was no need to go on. He'd gone right for the throat.
"Father!" Steven finally exclaimed, shocked by his father's cruelty.
The blood rapidly drained from Blair's face, and his heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he trembled. He'd heard those rumors before, but no one had ever accused him to his face, and it hurt. He still couldn't think about the events that got him kicked out of academia. But it was worth it. He couldn't subject Jim to that because Blair knew that there would be government organizations clamoring to sink their teeth into Jim. As it was, Blair feared that they were being monitored, but hadn't had the guts to share his fear with Jim.
Jim's monitors suddenly screamed, showing his vitals skyrocketing before he turned his head towards his father and his eyes snapped open surprisingly lucid and brimming over with anger.
"Jim!" Blair surged forward, ignoring the protesting of his still sore shoulder, ready to throw himself on Jim, but froze a moment before he did so, suddenly mindful of his injuries and grabbed his hand instead.
Jim's eyes snapped up to meet his, and they calmed, losing the anger that had been directed towards his father. Blair could see Jim's throat convulsing around his breathing tube and heard the gagging as Jim's lungs struggled to breathe on their own. Jim's hand rose suddenly, heedless of the wires he was tugging and pulled the tube out of his throat. When it was free, his arm dropped backed to the bed, and he clinched his eyes shut as he groaned in pain before whispering like a prayer, "Blair."
Suddenly the room was filled with doctors and nurses and Blair was pulled away from Jim, despite his protests. Jim's monitor's screamed again as they were separated, and Blair surged forward when the doctor ordered a sedative. "No! He's allergic."
The doctor turned. "And you are?"
"Blair. Blair Sandburg. He's my partner."
The doctor gave him an appraising look.
"I'm his medical proxy."
The doctor nodded. "Give me a list of what he's allergic too, and we'll cross reference the ingredients and see if we can find something that works."
"Thanks! I've been trying to get the hospital to do that for years." Blair reached over and slid his hand into Jim's before intertwining their fingers together.
The doctor's eye brow rose as Jim's suddenly leveled off, but did not say anything except "Sit" as he pulled a chair over to the side of the bed. He had no idea what was happening but he wasn't going to argue if it worked. Ordering everyone else out despite their protests, the doctor did a quick check of Jim's vitals, making sure everything looked good, passed Blair a cup of ice chips because Jim was sure to need them, and took one last look at the room's remaining occupants hands tightly clashed with their heads close together before exiting as well.
When the door shut, Blair couldn't help the tears that fell. Jim tried to say something, but the pained swallow and cough had Blair rushing to feed him an ice chip.
"God, Jim. I was so scared. Don't you ever do that to me again! I can't stand the thought of losing you."
"He's wrong you know." Jim's voice was rough from disuse.
"What?" Blair asked confused.
"My father. He's wrong. You're not a fraud, and he knows it. He just said it to hurt you. That's what he does. Goes for the jugular if he can't get the reaction he wants any other way."
Blair looked away, unable to meet his eyes. They'd had this conversation before, and Blair still didn't agree. It didn't matter if he wasn't a fraud if everyone thought he was one.
"Come here," Jim stated.
Blair gave him a look of uncertainty as Jim patted the edge of the bed. Hospital beds were small at the best of times and Jim wasn't exactly a small person. Blair started to shake his head, but Jim made a motion to try and scoot over. "No, no, no. Just lie still." Blair walked around to the other side of the bed so that he could lay on his uninjured side and as far away from Jim's injuries as possible. Hesitantly climbing into the bed, he couldn't help the hiss of pain as Jim's arm wrapped around him, and made contact with his shoulder.
Jim froze at the sound. "You're hurt."
"The bullet that hit you was a through and through. Hit my shoulder." As Jim's eyes darkened in displeasure, Blair hurried to explain. "It's not that bad I promise. I'm just on light duty for a while."
Jim didn't look so sure, but he didn't say anything for which Blair was glad.
"I love you too." Jim continued despite Blair's startled look. "I heard you. Wanted to respond but couldn't." Reaching up, Jim cupped Blair's cheek. "I'll always come back for you."
"Jim…"
Jim's mouth captured his in a soft kiss, chaste, yet so full of passion that Blair would have had to be blind and dumb to miss the love behind it. As Jim pulled away, Blair suddenly realized that Jim had totally bypassed his order to not do it again. About to say something about it, Blair's mouth snapped shut at the small snore that Jim released and couldn't help but smile. It was a relief to see Jim sleeping natural, after unnatural quiet and stillness of his coma. Feeling at home with Jim's arm wrapped around him, after the roller coaster of emotions the last week had been, Blair couldn't stop himself from nodding off as well. As he drifted off, his last thought was that he needed to remind Jim that he wasn't going to get off that hook so easily.