Captain Yesterday Returns
Phillip J. Fry sat lazily as always on his recycled couch chugging away on a can of Slurm. Along with him as always, was his robotic companion and best friend, Bender.
"So let me get this straight. Calculon was in a coma and the whole thing was a dream? Or was he just asleep and the whole thing was a dream? Or was he simply sitting at the kitchen table dreaming?" Fry asked Bender.
"Humans….god. No you idiot, he was bored at his niece's school play, so he made up his own play in his mind. He made up a play about a guy that day dreamed about day dreaming. Brilliant, I tell ya." Bender said, lightly slapping his buddy in the back of the head.
A good two minutes later had passed when Fry finally felt it.
"Oww!" Fry yelled, punching Bender in his metallic head. "Owww!" He yelled again.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to New New York, the ZooKeeper was below the city scheming for his next great crime. In the center of his lair he had a scale model of New New York which he towered over like a titan among dwarves.
"HA HA HA. I, ZooKeeper, the greatest criminal mind in all the universe have done it again. My plan is sooooo brilliant. By adding to it's brilliance I of course, by super villain rules, must go over it alone for no apparent reason. Bwa ha ha ha!" He bellowed.
"New New York City Zoo has just brought in the most rarest animal in the galaxy, the very last Golden Retriever made of solid gold. Tomorrow night at midnight, making it the day after tomorrow, I shall use my various animal thugs to break in and steal that animal, and hold it ransom for all of the money in New New York. Bwa ha ha ha! The Zookeeper laughed frantically somewhat like the Joker from Batman.
The next morning everyone was sitting around the conference table and Professor Farnsworth was showing off his newest invention.
"Ha ha, the academy called me a fool, but I have done it. I have created a deodorant so potent, that it has the ability to work for one entire week even with excessive showering and sweating." Professor Farnsworth bragged holding up a stick of deodorant.
"Wow, what will you call it?" Leela asked politely.
"Duh, wha? Oh yes, I shall call it Old Right Spicy Guard. Its strong enough for an Atomic woman but meant for a man!" The Professor lectured on.
"Hermes would you like to test it?" He begged his bueracrat.
"Professor you let me test that anthrax mouth wash. You know how that turned out, I was in the hospital for 9 years!" Hermes said, putting his hands up in rejection.
"How about you Dr. Zoidberg?" The Professor asked.
"Professor, that deodorant would block out my cologne, and we all know how everyone loves my musk." Zoidberg said, the whole group looked at him in disbelief.
"Yeah, stench of rotten toe nail fungus." Amy whispered to Leela, and the two began to crack up.
"Fry? I don't suppose you would help me." Professor Farnsworth begged.
"Ok, let me see that." Fry said, taking the deodorant.
He took off his shirt and jacket right at the conference table, with no sense of mannerism whatsoever and applied the deodorant. Within a matter of minutes Amy and Leela began to perk up and become somewhat attracted to Fry.
"I don't know why, but I suddenly want to rip Fry's clothes off and just make out with him. More than usual, is it the deodorant Professor?" Amy said, playing with the zipper on her sweat suit, not taking her eyes off Fry.
"Yes, I put special chemicals in it that made woman appeal to even the least intelligent or attractive men." The Professor said
Leela jumped out of her seat and speared Fry like an NFL linebacker recording a sack. Fry slammed into the ground with a crack in his back.
"Professor, I can't control myself." Leela cried out.
"Jeez Leela, I didn't know you where so lonely, gluh that's right you're a hideous one eyed mutant. Opps did I just say that out loud?" The young Asian girl giggled.
"Here, Leela, this will help, I call it Rejection by Calvin Sky-Line." The Professor said taking a needle out of his lab coat and injecting Leela with it.
Leela began to sniff the air the scent was now repulsive and smelled almost as bad as Dr. Zoidberg on a hot humid day. She looked down and Fry and slammed his head into the floor. Fry's apparently happy expression turned into a sad frown.
"Ok, everyone, I also want to show you my new and improved smell-noculers the portable version of my award winning smelloscope." The old Professor called out.
Everyone got up and followed the Professor upstairs to his lab. Fry still laid on the floor, Leela hit him pretty hard. Suddenly his skin began to crawl and his eyes began to burn.
"Ugh, I feel funny!" Fry said with a grimace.
He crawled to the table and with a lot of effort pulled himself off of the ground and on to his feet. His stomach began to feel swollen and his head lighter and lighter with each break. Thinking he was going to vomit he stumbled into a near by bathroom, locking the door behind him.
"Ugh, I feel like I ate at Arby's twice in a row." He cried to himself.
He looked into the mirror. His skin was deathly pale, even his hair seemed to be getting lighter in shade. Than he blacked out. When he came to he had no idea how much time had passed but he felt a lot better, better than he had ever felt in his life before. He walked to the door but it wouldn't open. Since all doors were automatic he would have to really hit it hard for it to fall down. Hopelessly he punched the door, but to his astonishment it went flying across the room and into the brick wall across the room.
"What the!" He said looking at his fist.
Everyone was still upstairs looking at useless inventions. Nobody had seen what Fry had just done. He had knocked a 1 ton door off of its hinges and clean across the large conference room, with barely a flinch!
"Wooohooo!" Fry yelled.
He ran to the conference table and picked it up with one hand, and began to spin it on his finger like a basketball! He put it back down on the ground lightly as if it where made of paper. Incredible! He jumped towards the Planet Express Ship which was 20 yards away, he felt something he had felt before in outer space when the ships gravitation generator had went down once, complete and total weightlessness.
"No way.. than I must be able to.." Fry couldn't even finish his sentence.
He could indeed fly, he floated around the room and looked at the skylight that was above him. Shooting head first through it, the glass shattered into thousands of tiny jagged pieces as he shot high above the city.
"It looks so tiny and insignificant up here, I've gotten a gift, and I must use it to help mankind." Fry said looking down upon the city.
He spat and watched the glob of mucus fall down to the earth, and slam into a building, knocking it in half, all the people in it began to yell and scream as they started to plummet to their doom.
"Whoops. Sorry, my mistake!" Fry yelled as he watched the people began to fall.
In an instant he shot down toward them and at the speed of light collected all of the falling people and safely placed them on the ground.
"Thanks, but the that huge chunk of building is falling too!" A woman screamed, not knowing that Fry had indeed caused this.
He threw his hands up as if to block the huge structure, in an instinct. His brain new he would be squashed like an ant. To his surprise, the huge building felt no heavier than the desk he had picked up. He flew it back to where it had been attached before and placed it back like a puzzle peace.
"I'd better tell this to the Professor!" Fry said to himself, flying back towards the Planet Express Building across town.