A/N: Originally written on October 11, 2013 on Lunaescence under my previous username. You can message me there if you don't believe it's me to verify. c:
Behind Closed Doors (I Am Yours)
"Lord I have sinned and nothing I do can repent for my sin."
The first time he had met her was when his older brother brought her over at their house for a school project. She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. His heart beat rapidly in his chest as he gazed at her eyes that sparkled with such radiance and a smile that brought him weak in the knees.
He knew then that he had fallen in love.
"It's nice to meet you, Rei-kun," she greeted warmly as she offered him her hand to shake his hand. He took it with sheer bashfulness, his hand slightly trembling with his cheeks blushing. As he shook her soft hands, he felt tremendously happy and giddy, a rare and unexplainable thing for him. He felt his hand unconsciously squeeze hers, as if to make sure that this was real.
"I-It's nice to meet you," he finally managed to say, silently scorning himself for stuttering. She merely smiled at him, giving his hand a small squeeze that almost gave his heart a dangerous turn.
His brother suddenly appeared out of nowhere, suddenly putting his arm around her shoulder. His eyes watched it, noticing the close proximity between them.
"I see you've met my younger brother," he said, grinning at him.
"You're right, he's really cute," she said with a soft chuckle, bringing the younger man into another blushing fit.
"Cuter than me?" He asked with a playful pout, making her laugh. She didn't need to answer for she placed a kiss on his cheek boldly.
Rei's heart literally broke at the sight of it, all hope gone in a matter of seconds.
She was his first love, but she was also his older brother's girlfriend.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
"Forgive me for my sin.
I desired the forbidden fruit."
He would pretend that everything was all right every time she was around, spending most of her time with his older brother. In spite of what he felt, he remained the ever gentleman and stood back. He was willing to keep up the pretense that he was truly happy for the both of them, even though it slowly destroyed him inside.
He could see the adoring look on his brother's face every time he gazed at her, the careful embrace he gave her whenever she was upset or even the loving kiss they shared. It put him into a jealous stupor and while he understood his brother's feelings towards her, he couldn't help feeling nauseated.
He just couldn't stand it.
A part of his mind — a tiny part that he had many times forced at the back of his mind — hoped that they would break apart so that he would finally have a chance. But he knew that even then, she would remain unattainable and someone who would never look at his way, overshadowed by his brother's presence.
It was a love that was doomed from the very start and that fact alone had him in a standstill, drowning in a pool of heartbreak and self-loathing.
Her mesmerizing eyes, her soft lips, sweet smile, and warm touch…
He wanted all of it, every single part of her being.
So when she came up to him — his brother took off to buy something from the nearest convenience store — and pulled him for a kiss, he didn't push her away like he was supposed to. No. Instead, he welcomed her into his arms, pulled her closer to his body like he had always dreamt of.
He knew he shouldn't do this; his brother could come back at any minute and walk in with his girlfriend in his own brother's arms. But his desire and want for her outweighed his sense of judgement and clear thinking.
He wanted her.
He loved her.
However, his brother didn't deserve this, didn't deserve such betrayal especially from him – his own blood. Yet, the moment her lips touched his once again, her voice breathless from that long, passionate kiss, he knew that his willpower had crumbled, gone and non-existent.
"Rei," she whispered as her arms wrapped themselves around his neck. "I want you."
There was a silent part of him that warned him that this was going to hurt him in the long run, that he should stop while it was still fresh.
"So do I."
He ignored it and threw away his sensibility in exchange for this girl he oh-so-loved.
It was the first time he had truly sinned.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
"The forbidden fruit tasted like I had always dreamt of – luscious."
No one knew of their supposedly affair and everyone remained oblivious to what seemed to be going on between the two of them. No one questioned her constant visits, even in the absence of his older brother's presence. They assumed that she only visited because she was technically part of their family, her finally being engaged to his brother.
Rei and she had to put up a pretense that their relationship only stretched that of an older sister and younger brother affiliation, but when no one was around – behind closed doors – they were much more than that. It was the only time they could share their passionate love with hungry kisses and sensual lovemaking.
He shouldn't be doing it; he really shouldn't.
"I want you, Rei," she whispered against his lips as she moved her hips against his that brought out a long moan from his own lips. "Only you."
He panted heavily as he quickened his pace. He held her hips steadily with his heated hands. She brought her hands to his face, tracing the contours of his jaw. Through blurry sight from the absence of his glasses, he could see the desire and tantalizing look on her eyes he had been very much infatuated with.
He shouldn't do this.
This needed to stop.
He let out a loud moan as he finally reached his climax. She didn't stop and seemed to go quicker, squeezing him tighter. Finally, when she let out a moan herself, he knew that she was done.
He then realized that he couldn't stop whatever this was between them, that he was in too deep.
"I love you," he whispered sincerely, mostly to himself as she lay limp in his arms, tired from their prior sexual activity. He took her hand and placed a gentle kiss on it, ignoring the way the ring on her ring finger glinted mockingly at him.
He would not be able to stop any longer.
It was just too late.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
"The moment I took the last bite, I knew then that I had sinned.
Forgive me."
"Congratulations!"
Everyone's gleeful laughter resounded everywhere as the newly-wed couple walked through the crowd.
She was exquisitely beautiful in that white gown of hers with her smile even more beautiful than usual.
He watched in silence as she held her bouquet of white roses in her right hand, her other hand clasped with his older brother's. The image of them together was nonetheless perfect and that thought alone had him both frustrated and bitter at the same time.
Because he knew that he didn't belong in that image.
"Congratulations on getting married!" His mother greeted with happy tears in her eyes, his father oozing with silent pride for his eldest son.
"Thank you," she replied happily, blushing gleefully as she pulled her new husband closer to her.
He felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest but he ignored the pain as he stepped forward with a forced smile that he was beginning to get good at.
He held out a hand and told her with suppressed sadness, "Congratulations, onee-sama."
Her smile waned at his sudden formality, as if realizing what she was just doing to him, but it was gone as soon as it came. She pulled away from her husband and gave him a hug, filling his nostrils with her sweet scent he had come to love and familiarize with.
"Thank you, Rei-kun."
He wanted to cry on the spot, he really did. He reluctantly returned her hug, squeezing tightly as he wallowed in his pain alone.
He knew that no matter how close she was to him, she would never truly be his.
His grip on her tightened, his tears remained unshed.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
"However, in spite of it all, I do not regret it.
Never will...
...as I succumbed to this sin of mine."
His brother was on a business trip for two weeks, leaving her all by herself. Of course, this meant that their forbidden endeavours persisted.
It was wrong to make love in his brother's bed, especially when the person he was about to bed was his wife, not his. It was wrong — so, so, so wrong — but he loved her too much. He loved her so much that he was willing to throw away everything that he used to hold dear to him – his brother's trust.
That no longer mattered, however.
Just her, only her.
He felt something warm grace down his cheeks, only to realize that they were his own tears. They landed on her heated face but they remained unnoticed by her. She remained unfazed by his silent grief, his never-ending pain, only caring about reaching her climax.
"Rei...Rei..."
He wanted to cry out and demand that she be his, that she leave his brother for him. He wanted to be selfish and claim her as his, to stop these taboo acts of theirs.
But he knew that this would never happen because he knew that it was too late, that nothing could change his doomed destiny.
"I want you."
He realized that she would never ever tell him that she loved him, that such bitter ending was only fitting for a cowardly man such as himself.
"Of course," he whispered through his tears.
"I am yours."