Scent of Sorrow
Prologue
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There is nothing
There is anything
but there isn't
perhaps there is
perhaps there isn't
surely there is
said there isn't
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"… Kanda, if we are headed to Japan why don't you call your family or something?"
Kanda remained silent for a while as if debating whether to respond or not. He closed his eyes, "I don't have any family there… or any family at all, in fact."
Allen stared at him trying to think of a response… "Kanda… I'm…"
"Sorry? Don't even say it, I heard that phrase enough."
"Yuu-chan, don't be so cold… Allen didn't know-"
"Shut up and stop calling me that," he gave Lavi a cold glare and wondered just what did he exactly have to do to make this annoying idiot stop calling him that.
Lavi however just smiled as he swung his around Allen's shoulder, "Come on, Yuu, Allen here didn't mean anything by it. He really didn't know and partially that was your fault considering you are always distant and don't even talk to him unless you absolutely need to."
Kanda just continued to glare, "oh and like you do?"
The red-haired exorcist twitch at that statement, "Well… we knew each other for a while now… ever since you came to the Black Order…"
"And when exactly was that?"
Allen looked at them… he could tell something was weird especially that last question. And apparently Lavi sensed it to. "Um… you came to the Order at 15 so that would be about three years ago…"
Kanda suddenly stood up and headed towards the compartment door. He opened it forcefully and then slammed it closed behind him.
Allen watched the door as Kanda's footsteps faded away. He turned to Lavi, "What happened just now?"
"I have no clue… this happens sometimes…" he sighed and turned towards the window.
"I kind of thought that considering how Kanda is, you are the closest friend to him…"
Lavi smiled, "I guess I thought so too… but Yuu is Yuu… this is just part of his personality…"
The younger exorcist thought for a moment. If what Lavi said was true, that they knew each other since Kanda came to the Black Order, even with Kanda's personality, why wasn't he at least a little friendly towards him? Also the way Linali talk about them seems like the only person who is close to Kanda was Lavi…"Have you ever wondered why?"
"Huh?" his expression was blank as he stared at Allen.
"I mean… why he doesn't treat you like his friend…"
He shrugged, "Well I just figured that it was just his personality."
"I see…"
When Allen finally found Kanda it was all the way at the end of the train. There wasn't anyone in the near compartment which seemed like the exact reason why the solemn exorcist was there in the first place.
"Kanda…"
He turned around sharply and as soon as he saw who it was his gaze turned into a icy glare, "What do you want bean sprout?" It wasn't much of a question… more like another way of say "get the hell away from me."
"Stop being like this," said Allen trying to match the coldness in the other men's voice.
"che," he turned back around.
"Why… why are you being like that toward him?"
"Who?"
"Lavi…"
"Oh that idiot who doesn't even seem to remember the simple fact not to call me by my given name"
"As far as I know he is the closest thing you have as a friend."
Kanda turned around his expression unchanged. He walked closer and stopped right in front of Allen, "Don't get yourself involved in things you don't even know." He pushed the shorter exorcist out of the way and walked on.
I have my reasons… for hating that idiot…
It was long ago… I know it's stupid for holding a grudge for this long… but…
It was around mid winter of when I turned 7… I remember because the blood seemed redder against the snow…
"He killed his own parents…"
"How can he be a disciple of God?"
"… General Tiedoll no less…"
"Kanda, do not worry of what others say… keep your head high…"
The general's voice seemed distant… and for most part my brain couldn't register what he meant… All I could do was nod.
"I can't teach you right away but I promise you I will soon. As of now stay in the Order and don't lose your temper."
Again a nod…
I stayed in my room most of the time. I didn't want to go out… I didn't want to hear what they were saying. If being safe meant being alone in these four walls I would do so… but then…
"Hey what's your name?"
I looked up. A boy around my age was smiling at me. He had red hair, green eyes, and wore the same black uniform as I did.
I remained silent. I didn't know what the say… more over I forgot how to exactly speak considering it has been so long.
He probably realized that I wasn't going to talk any time soon and maybe thought he did something wrong. "Um… wait… I guess I should have told you my name first. It's Lavi." he held out his hand.
I hesitated for a moment before I held out mine, "Kanda…"
"Kanda? Is that you're given name?"
"…no…"
He didn't say anything for a moment but I was glad he didn't ask any further question…
It was almost 2 month since I last saw my general and I still didn't leave my dark room. Linali brought me food just so I won't starve myself and Lavi kept inviting himself in. I truly think the only reason I started to speak again was to just tell him to shut up and go away. I found that he could go on for hours with just one topic and he wouldn't leave my room until late at night… sometimes not leave at all. I acted like I hated him at first… kept repeating how annoying he was. But as time proceeded and days turned into weeks I didn't say anything at all.
"You know, you look prettier then Linali," he said with a smile.
My face became red but I hid it behind my hair. It wasn't much of a help considering it was only shoulder length but at least he couldn't see my eyes. "I'll take it as a compliment."
"Hey you know the flowers started to bloom again," he held out a red rose, "I got this from the garden, you should come with me next time instead of just sitting around in this room. It's kind of depressing."
I took it but didn't expect the thorn to pierce me. I dropped the red flower and looked at the small drop of blood that was visible on my finger.
"Hey you ok?" he took my finger and without hesitation sucked the blood. "I think it'll stop bleeding now…"
I wanted to believe I didn't like him… I was afraid of the rejection I would get when he started to see what others said about me. But… when there were days he didn't come for a visit I laid on the place where he usually sat talking non-stop… thinking… searching… for his smile.
The door creaked open at one early morning and I turned towards it almost expecting to see that stupid grin… but it wasn't Lavi.
"Kanda, we will leave tomorrow to start your training," said the general.
I just simply stared… the thought scared me… holding that sword again… leaving this room… not… being able to see him…
"I'm leaving tomorrow…"
He looked at me and looked surprised for a moment then smiled again, "I guess I expected that sooner or later… but it's not like we'll never meet again. We are both becoming an exorcist after all. You're probably going to be back in a year or so so then we can see each other again."
I always wondered how can he know what to exactly say? It's as if he knew what would calm me down… did he knew my fears? Or was it mere coincidence…
"Arigato, Lavi-kun."
He was right. I did come back even though it was 8 year later then just 1. I wasn't that much scared anymore in fact some seemed to be scared of me. I headed towards the room where I used to be all the time, just to see if it was still there. When I opened the door I found that the room didn't change at all.
"Hi are you new here?"
I turned around... I couldn't speak.
The next day I was talking to Linali. She seemed to have forgotten who I was but I didn't care. I didn't really talk to her before anyways… but what pained me was the fact…
"Hey you still didn't tell me your name," said Lavi as he held out his hand, "mine's Lavi, and yours?"
I slapped the hand away.
He looked shocked but he didn't seemed to be angered, "I don't get why you don't like me. Did I do something wrong?"
I walked right past him, "I hate people who forgets…"
I didn't realize what I was feeling back then… anger? betrayal? disappointed? ……sadness?
………
I know it's been a long time… but I can't bring myself to forgive him…
To be continued...
I been thinking about this story for a while now but didn't have a chance to actually write it and yes the story is going to be more complicated after chapter 1 or 2 so yeah... this was kind of like the background... Anyways please review!