I felt his cold breath on my neck before I was totally aware of his presence behind me, I fought the urge to jump in surprise. I shouldn't be surprised.
He moved silently.
His cold arms wrapped around my waist, his skin like ice against mine. I leaned back into his hard chest, not able to stop the tears.
"hush…" he whispered into my ear, I nearly screamed in frustration.
Suddenly I turned around, needing to see his face.
My hand traced over his strong, perfect chin, the strait line of his nose, the soft, cold red lips, arched eyebrow over smoldering topaz eyes, brushing along the bangs of bronze hair, down over high cheekbones, soft cheek, all of it deathly pale.
I shook my head slowly, for a moment lost in his beauty like I usually was. "I can't just 'hush'!! I can't… You're… you're leaving…" I gasped, with each word another tear leaking out, faster and faster.
His hands cupped around my face, gently, "Don't worry, I'll always love you, no matter the distance between us. And I'll always come back. I'll always come back. Remember that. I'll be back." He whispered, then bent his head down the press his perfect ice-sculpture lips to mine. My arms wound around his neck, trying to hold him there, but of course he was much stronger than me, so the gesture was pointless.
I had to break away to breathe, but his lips just traveled along my cheek, the edge of my eyebrow, the hollow beneath my ear, the line of my jaw, then my lips again.
"I love you," I whispered against his lips.
"I love you too," He whispered back.
Then I woke up.
I didn't open my eyes, I lifted my hand up to my lips and pressed them there, I could still hear his voice in my ear, and I felt the tear escape from the corner of my eye.
The dream was just a dream, certainly not a memory.
He didn't hold my face.
He didn't promise to come back.
He didn't tell me he loved me.
I rolled over onto my stomach, burying my face in my pillow. I always had this dream, and every morning I woke up crying.
It took my a few minutes to gather enough to composure to open my eyes and look around at my room, and I still had to close my eyes again.
This was the place where the actual deed had taken place.
When he left me.
My mind instinctively shrank away from that time, and I had to take a deep shuddering breath to steady myself.
I did remember afterwards though.
How the world seemed to go on, the sun rose and set every day, the stars came and people laughed. People died, people were born. People fought, and dreamed. Life seemed to go on. Not for me though. I felt as though any progress I had been making had been stopped in its tracks and wouldn't move on. I couldn't, I just couldn't.
He had been everything, everything worth being here. Everything in my life worth loving had been centered around him. Everything.
Now he was gone.
He had left me.
I laid back down, it was a 'bad day' as I was referring to them. A day when I couldn't help but… remember.
Remember exactly what happened in this room. Exactly two weeks before today.
It had been a more or less normal day, he had seemed happy enough, a little tired or something, but nothing worth being alarmed over.
It was the weekend, as it was now, and we were just spending time together, not really doing much of anything. I don't know what triggered the subject, it just happened. I could remember his exact words, the exact everything.
"Bella, listen." He had murmured, sounding slightly hesitant.
"What?" I replied, curious at his sudden dark mood, he had been laughing not a minute ago.
He looked up at me, meeting my eyes, and holding me there.
"I have to go away."
I didn't move.
My brain was trying to keep up, his words didn't seem to make sense, but somehow my mouth knew what to say.
"Why? For what? For how long?" said my voice, somehow steady.
"I can't tell you." Was all he said.
"For how long?" I asked again, a little more hysterical, I was picking up vibes that my brain again didn't seem to want, or was able, to decipher.
He looked down for a second, then back at my eyes.
"I'm not coming back."
I remember thinking… nothing. Nothing came to mind. I was completely in shock.
I remember my mouth opening, and closing again with nothing to say.
I remember my heart hammering in my chest, loud in my silent head, I remember my lungs filling with air and emptying again even though the action seemed… wrong somehow. Like my breathing should stop with the rest of my world.
All centered around him.
Finally I seemed to think of something to say, or rather, it was a instant reaction that I didn't have to think about. No thinking would be aloud. No thinking about… what he said.
"What?" Was all I could gasped.
He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and looked directly into mine again.
"I'm leaving you, and never coming back. I can't stay here with you anymore."
I stared, I didn't feel any tears, I didn't even know what I was supposed to be sad about yet.
Suddenly it all seemed to snap into perspective and I understood.
He was leaving.
Forever.
I reached forward without thinking, grabbing his shirt, his shoulder, anything so I could maybe clutch him to me and keep him there. With me.
"No…" I gasped, the tears starting to stream. Stupid!! I shouted at myself, don't cry, look at him, this may be your last chance, keep him in sight, don't cry, don't cry.
I cried regardless.
"No…" I said again, "Don't go… Don't… don't leave me…" I tried to pull myself forward to kiss him, but his hands grabbed around me wrists and pushed me gently away.
"No…" I gasped again, "I love you, don't go… please don't go…" His hands were still at my wrists.
"Your love is unrequited, I can't love you anymore. I'm leaving." My breath was coming in wild gasps now, I was surprised I was still breathing at all.
"Don't go…" I cried, but his hands let go of my wrists and he slid off the bed, and was at the door instantly.
"Goodbye." Was all I heard, then I could feel the lack of his presence. The emptiness.
In the room, and in my heart.
"Edward!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed, choking off in a gurgled sob.