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Well...this was not how I expected this day to go.
I stared down at my kitchen table, or rather, the two halves of my kitchen table.
Oh, what's that? 'Did you accidentally sit on it?', you ask?
No, no I did not. Prick.
What happened was...I was cutting a coupon out of the morning paper, and accidentally sliced my table in two.
Thats right, three inches by four feet of solid oak, sliced like butter by a pair of antique scissors I had found on the side of the road, like, ten years ago when I was still in elementary school.
Spoiler
Why did I pick up a pair of scissors from the street? Why did I keep such a piece of junk?
Well, as a side bar, I have always been something of a pack rat. Whenever I see something shiny or even moderately valuable, I keep it. Its unfortunate, but sometimes I think I resemble a Magpie more than a Man.
...Actually, no. Dragon. I definitely resemble a Dragon. I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
That, my friends, is why I kept those scissors despite them being a literal piece of garbage. Despite their age, they looked nice, and I figured at the very least I would be able to sell them to an antiques dealer one day. Sort of like an Antiques Roadshow situation. That is also why I placed them in the back of my drawer and forgot about them for literal years, until that is, I found myself needing some scissors and couldn't find any.
As you may have guessed, I was not expecting them to slip and slice through not only the coupon I had intended to cut but also the table. The whole table. Length and width.
...Do I have mystic eyes of Death Perception?! Am I Shiki? Will I go to sleep tonight and have dreams about banging Arcueid in a past life!? Please God say yes!
But alas, it is not to be, for I see no lines in the world around me. Occam's Razor states that the simplest solution is probably the right one, and since the table was relatively new and in great condition, the most likely solution is that my scissors are magic.
...I never thought I would say those words. Much less that they would make sense.
But never mind that, HOLY SHIT MAGIC IS REAL AND I HAVE A REAL MAGIC ITEM! Haha, take that bitches! My average everyday life is over! High stakes action! Mystical intrigue! WAIFUS! All that and more is now at my fingertips!
I'm so excited my body is shaking!
No no, calm down. If magic is real then that means as a total newb, I'm at the bottom of the pecking order. Instead of being a Rin, I'm more like a Shirou. Or, oh God, a Shinji!
The only thing I have going for me right now is a pair of scissors that can potentially cut through anything. Or at the very least, wood. Please cut through more than wood. That would suck balls.
That means it's time to Science! and see what the limits of my kickass magic scissors are. A steel knife from my kitchen drawer and a small diamond from some old jewelry. Both are grabbed, both are cut in twain as if they don't even exist.
...Hell Yes!
Okay, that means that my scissors are completely badass and awesome, but I still don't know how to really use them.
Time to fix that.