Title: Five times Finn was Santa Claus, and One Time he Wasn't
Pairing: Finn/Kurt
Summary: Finn likes to dresses as Santa.
Notes: This fic is following canon until S3, after that it's all mine because I didn't watch S4 and S5.
Beta: Pletzel
Five times Finn was Santa Claus, and One Time he Wasn't
I
Their first Christmas Eve as the official Hummel-Hudson family wasn't what Kurt could say was the most glorious event. His dad and Carole had been working all that week because they still needed to pay what they had spent at the wedding's party and constructing Finn's new room. Still, Carole had found a great promotion at the supermarket and they had had a lovely and delicious dinner. Then, they decided to watch TV, the four of them laughing at Jim Carrey's interpretation of The Grinch: a Christmas classic, if you took Finn's "great movies" knowledge seriously.
Maybe it was the movie that made Finn have the idea of waking up every member of the family the next morning dressed as a most frightening and ridiculous Santa Claus.
"Merry Christmas, Kurt!" had been the sentence that woke up the blue-eyed young man.
"Jesus Christ, Finn!" Kurt jumped from his pillow. "You almost gave me a heart attack."
"Not Jesus, I'm Santa!" Finn spread his large arms and then laughed. "Ho, ho, ho!" he rubbed his belly.
Kurt had to look twice to understand what the hell Finn was wearing. It seemed that Finn had decided to cut in half the same dress he had made during Lady Gaga week in Glee. Thanks to that, he was now a very shining Santa. Also, instead of putting something that gave him a real shape of Santa's belly, Finn had just taken the first pillow he had seen and put it under his clothing; this made him look like a weird squared Santa. Kurt almost laughed when he saw the pillow stuffing taped on Finn's face as a lame imitation of Santa's beard. Finn was also wearing the gloves that Carole used to clean the dishes (luckily they were already red, so Finn didn't have to paint them or something). And of course, the tall guy was wearing the pants from his only pair of red flannel pajamas.
"You like it?" Finn asked with a big and proud smile.
Kurt was about to say that he didn't know what was worse, the different shapes of red and fabric, or the scotch tape on Finn's face, but he stopped his thoughts when he looked at Finn's feet.
"Those are my boots!" Kurt exclaimed with a gasp, and felt he was going to faint.
Finn smiled wider. "Oh, yes. I realized last night I needed boots and I don't have any black ones, and it was too late to call Puck and ask for his, but then I remembered you wore this once in the Choir room, so I sneaked in your room when you were asleep and borrowed them. They're a little tight but they totally work!"
Kurt felt his face getting hot with anger.
"Of course they're tight! Your giant feet are not supposed to go in my boots, Finn! You know how expensive they are?" Kurt finally felt completely awake but in the worst possible way. "Oh my god, and I don't even want to imagine how they're going to smell after today."
Finn looked offended. "Hey, my feet don't smell. I shower every day, just like you do!"
Kurt didn't try to compare out loud their concept of cleanliness. "Take them off!"
"Dude, come on. It's Christmas, our first Christmas together. Don't ruin it." Finn seemed more sad than angry.
"Finn, I mean it, if you don't take them off now I'll drop your Christmas presents in the trash and won't speak to you until next year."
Finn soon decided that Santa was going to wear slippers. They were more comfortable, anyway.
II
Kurt had to ruin the holiday by getting sick the first Christmas his dad and Carole could afford to travel to New York to visit him; they even had paid for Finn's plane ticket so they could all spend the occasion together. But since Kurt could barely stand five minutes without getting dizzy, they had to cancel the dinner at the fancy restaurant that Kurt had been planning to take them all to. Given the lack of time to plan something better, they had ended up having pizza, chips and coffee at Kurt and Rachel's apartment. Luckily for Finn, Rachel had traveled to Ohio to spend the holidays with her dads so there wouldn't be any awkward contact with his ex-almost-wife during that special day.
"Dude, it's cool. Actually, this is even better; you know how much your dad and I hate fancy places. We wouldn't have enjoyed it that much." Finn said, as he tried to 'comfort' Kurt after he had apologized for the third time for getting sick that day
"Oh, that makes me feel better. My original plan was so boring for my father and you."
Finn laughed. "Besides, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have let me in dressed as I wanted."
Kurt's eyes went wide. "Please tell me you didn't bring your horrible Santa's costume."
"Of course I did!" Finn walked over to his bag. "And it's not horrible, it's a tradition and you love it." Finn started to get changed in front of them until Carole sent him to the bathroom.
"Take this, kiddo. You should be eating soup instead of pizza." Burt put a hot bowl in Kurt's hands.
"All set!" Finn came out of the bathroom wearing his Santa's costume. "Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!"
"I still can't believe I made that thing." Kurt wrinkled his nose looking at the costume he had made for Finn right after their first Christmas as a family. The taller man hadn't asked him to do it, but Kurt told him it was a present for every human being because nobody deserved to look at Finn's homemade Santa's costume.
Now that Kurt was a fashion design student, he could see all the sewing mistakes he had made, but Finn hadn't let him fix it nor had he been willing to take a replacement "because tradition".
"You should totally make another one for yourself, Kurt. So when you're in Paris and spend Christmas there, you still have Santa with you," Finn said sitting back next to him. He was even wearing the big black boots Kurt had also given him years ago. "But only when you're there; once you're back, only I can dress like Santa. Deal?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. Like he was going to be dressing as Santa anytime in this life. "I already told you, I don't even know if they will give me that scholarship. I'm pretty sure we'll spend next Christmas together, as we always do."
Finn seemed happy with that, but still insisted he was pretty sure Kurt was going to be living in Paris for the next two years.
"How's college?" Kurt asked Finn, trying to change the subject.
Finn shrugged. "I like it, I thought I was going to fail the first semester, but it's not as hard as I thought it'd be." Then, he frowned. "I guess it's not a great college. If I haven't failed at anything, they must be doing something wrong."
Kurt elbowed him right in the stomach.
"Hey, that hurt! How can you punch that strong when you're sick?" Finn rubbed his stomach.
Kurt didn't even bother apologizing. "Don't talk like that. If you haven't failed it's because you're smart, Finn. You're as smart as the other students at your school. I bet you're smarter than a lot of them."
Finn didn't look him in the eye; he was clearly embarrassed. "You think so?"
"I know it. You're going to be the best teacher. I'll feel jealous of your students because I'm pretty sure I'll never have a teacher as good as the one you're going to be."
"Better than Mr. Schue?" Finn asked with surprise.
Kurt rolled his eyes. Bless Finn, who always thought the best of people. "Honey, way better than Mr. Schue." Then Kurt laughed at Finn's face. "Look at you, you're blushing! It goes with the costume."
"Shut up."
Carole pulled out the DVD from her purse. "Alright, guys. Let's go watch that movie before it gets later, Kurt's sick and he needs to rest."
"Dude, you totally look as green as the Grinch," Finn told Kurt half way through the movie. Kurt nodded, but didn't move from the couch; he just supported his head on Finn-Santa's shoulder and closed his eyes.
III
Kurt never thought he would ever see the day he hated fashion design. After a year of drowning in homework, tests, crazy designs and yet more homework, he thought that the Christmas holidays would have provided him with some rest. He thought he might actually be able to enjoy Paris, and see more of France as he had wished from the moment he had arrived at the airport eleven months ago.
Of course, his teachers didn't share the same Christmas spirit, and they all had decided to give the whole class of foreign students one of the toughest homework assignments for their vacation. Seriously, just because they were going to spend those two weeks away from home, that didn't mean they didn't want to celebrate holidays.
So for Kurt, his first Christmas Eve in Europe wasn't fancy or exotic at all. He had stayed in his room full of papers, pencils and fabric, and since he wasn't planning to sleep so much, he even told his dad that it was okay to Skype for "Merry Christmas" greets according to America's timeline. Only his dad and Carole were on screen, to Kurt's surprise; Finn had decided not to leave college that day even though he was only two hours away from Ohio. But Carole and Burt seemed fine about it so Kurt tried not to look disappointed of the lack of Finn as Santa that year.
And since his dad and Carole were not that used to technology without Finn's constant assistance, they couldn't put The Grinch in their laptop without losing Kurt's sight in the screen. So they decided to watch the movie on their own; Kurt didn't tell them that he was probably going to skip it this time, too. It just didn't feel right to watch it without them around, especially without Finn.
Kurt hadn't even noticed he had fallen asleep on his mountain of papers when the sound of his cellphone woke him up around 6 am. Kurt had actually thought that he had missed a class until he remembered he was on "vacation", if you could call it that.
"Finn?" he answered after reading the ID. "What's wrong?"
"Merry Christmas!" Finn's Santa voice said from the other side of the line. "Ho, ho, ho!"
Kurt was gladly surprised to listen to that ridiculous voice. "Merry Christmas to you too, Finn."
"Dude, turn on your video cam, I want to see you. Come on, I've been on Skype calling you for two hours and you didn't answer."
"I was asleep," Kurt murmured trying to find his laptop; his room was a mess. Finn would be proud of him. "I'm a mess, you don't want to see like that ever."
Finn laughed. "Sure I do. Come on, I'm wearing Santa's costume and everything!"
"You're serious? But you're not even at home with dad and Carole. What's the point?"
"It's a tradition! Besides, I already skyped with them and they saw me wearing it, so it totally counts. Come on, are you naked or what?"
Kurt laughed. "I wish I could have the time to get naked, but I have no social life or anything. All I can think of is homework and more homework."
Finn was silent.
"Hello?" Kurt looked at his smartphone worried that the signal was lost, but it didn't seem like it. "Finn, are you there?"
"Sure." Finn's answer was short. "Dressed already? You're going to Skype now?"
Kurt didn't even bother to remind him he wasn't naked. He finally found his laptop, still on and connected. And yep, there they were: fourteen missed Skype call from Finn and several text messages in his inbox.
"Okay, I'm putting the video on now and hanging up the phone."
Finn appeared in his screen. Kurt could only see the Santa's hat. The brown-eyed guy wasn't smiling. "Hey, Santa!" Kurt cheered with a big smile. "Walk away, I want to verify you're actually wearing the whole costume."
Finn did smile this time and rolled his eyes. He walked three steps back, and yes, he was wearing his costume.
Kurt smiled. "Please tell me you wore it outside your room."
"Of course I did, it's Christmas!" Finn said proudly and Kurt laughed. "Although I had to take it off right after I came back from breakfast. There was a crazy old lady at the dinner who almost punch me with her cane, apparently not everybody likes Santa… or Christmas." He shrugged like he didn't care. "Doesn't matter, the important thing is you're here now and I can get to see you all at Christmas, even if it's not in person."
Kurt felt touched and smiled sadly. "Oh, Finn. I wish I could have been there yesterday, even if I had to be back here the day afterwards. But you know how expensive the flights are during this time of year, and school has been crazy. It's like the people from the scholarship want to make sure we don't forget they're paying me for every single moment I'm here."
Finn laughed. "Dude, they just want to make sure you become like, the best designer ever, and after that you won't have to worry about money ever again."
"Well, that sounds likely as well," Kurt agreed, and then he frowned remembering something. "Why didn't you go home to spend Christmas with your mom and my dad? Especially knowing this year I wasn't going to be around."
Finn seemed uncomfortable with the questions, but Kurt was not going to drop the subject. He was honestly curious and kind of worried that Finn was hiding something from him and his family.
"I just didn't feel like being there this year. I was there for Thanksgiving, and also for my birthday, mom's and Burt's. But it was pretty sad without you around. I didn't want to feel sad today as well, so I just decided to stay here this time."
"Finn." Kurt was worried this time. It wasn't like if they had been living in the same house while Kurt had got his scholarship to be on the other side of the world for two years. "That's not fair for your mom, or even for my dad. It's not like if I was in Ohio during all those dates last year. Were those days sad as well?"
Finn sighed so heavily that Kurt suspected he wasn't going to change the subject after he had said all that. "Well, no. But it's not the same, dude. You were where you were supposed to be; New York is where you belong, I know that. But France… don't get me wrong, I'm so happy you got the scholarship, you totally deserved that because you're the best. But France is another world… I can handle New York, not like you, of course, but at least I have options there, even if they're way smaller than yours. But, France? Europe? I'll never be able to be part of those places."
Kurt was lost at Finn's words. "Finn, you know I'm not going to stay here forever, the scholarship is only for two years, and one of them is about to finish. After that I'm going back to New York."
"You keep saying that every time we talk, though."
"Saying what?"
"That the scholarship is going to end and you will have to come back." Finn bit his lips before he said what it was obvious had been burning in his mind for months. "What if you didn't have to come back? What if you could get a job or another scholarship and got the chance to stay there for longer, or even for forever? Would you do it, would you stay?"
Kurt was shocked by Finn's question. He had obviously thought about staying in France, or even moving to another part of Europe and living there as well. But it had only been a thought that he hadn't shared with anyone else. But apparently his happiness had been enough to spread the same idea to Finn. Did his father think the same? Was he as scared and as sad as Finn looked right now?
"Finn, I just… I don't know. I like it here, I'm not going to lie, it's like New York but more challenging and I feel that will make me a better designer. But I don't think that that's enough to decide to make my life here, at least not for me."
Finn looked at him without saying at word. He didn't seem convinced by Kurt's words.
Kurt didn't feel convinced by his own words.
"But let me tell you something," Kurt continued after a few seconds of silence. "If I ever decide to stay here, I promise you that you'll be able to handle France or any other part of Europe, Finn. You're as capable as I am to be here, whether visiting me or trying something else, just like I did. Don't ever doubt yourself."
Finn gave him the saddest smile Kurt had ever seen on his face.
"Did you already watch The Grinch?" Finn said, changing the subject. Kurt shook his head and didn't try to get back to the main topic. "Cool, then if you want, we can watch it now, my mom told me how they couldn't put it on without closing Skype."
"I thought it might be too much technology for them. And yes, I can watch it." Kurt removed the papers around the laptop, and told Finn he'd go for something to eat before they watched the movie.
After they finished the movie, Finn asked Kurt about his plans for the rest of the holidays; Kurt only mentioned the school stuff (mostly because it was what was going to take up most of his free time anyway) but decided not to mention the date he had for the next day. He didn't think that sharing that information was going to make Finn feel more confident about Kurt getting back to New York. Besides, it was just a casual date; Kurt never usually talked about those because they almost never became more than that.
IV
"Kurt, your brother is crazy."
"Step-brother, and don't call him that. I told you, it's a tradition. You should feel lucky to be able to witness this event." Kurt smirked looking at Finn and Burt talking next to the fireplace; it all seemed very casual except for the fact that Finn was dressed as Santa.
"So, Jeremy. How do you celebrate Christmas in France?" Carole asked sitting in front of them. Her big belly was barely fitting in her beautiful purple dress. Kurt still couldn't believe she was pregnant, let alone that he was going to have a brother in less than two months.
"We only have dinner and open presents next day. It's pretty calm, actually." Jeremy smiled at Kurt and took his hand. "I suppose for next year I'll have to buy a Santa's costume. That seems the way Kurt likes to celebrate.
"No way, that's my thing. You don't get to steal my thing." Apparently Finn and Burt had stopped talking just in time to listen Jeremy's last comment.
"It's just a custom, Finn. And don't worry; mine won't be like yours at all, I promise. Why are American costumes sewn so badly?"
"Hey!" Finn yelled and almost dropped the bowl of popcorn he had in his hand.
"No, Jeremy, you can't dress as Santa," Kurt explained to his boyfriend and stroked his arm; then he giggled a little looking at Finn's costume. "And actually I made the costume when I still was in high school, which explains why it's not my best piece." Then, Kurt smiled more seriously and explained. "And dressing as Santa is Finn's thing, he created the tradition for our first Christmas as a family. I couldn't imagine spending a Christmas without him as Santa." He gave Finn a smile but Finn just turned around and walked to the kitchen.
Kurt sighed and followed Finn through to the kitchen. Carole tried to stop him by trying to reach his arm, but Kurt ignored her and kept walking.
Finn was standing by the fridge drinking a beer. Kurt could have laughed at the picture of Santa drinking beer during Christmas if he wasn't worried for Finn.
"Hey, are you okay?" Kurt crossed the kitchen and stood in front of the taller guy.
Finn's brown eyes didn't meet him; he just shrugged.
"Finn, you know Jeremy didn't mean to offend you. Please don't get upset."
"Why did you bring him here?" Finn snapped and finally looked at him. Kurt just realized that the other was a little drunk, and really sad.
Kurt blinked a few times before answering. "He is my boyfriend, you knew I wanted him to get to know my family."
"But why on Christmas? This is our thing, Kurt. Just for the four of us!"
Kurt walked to close the kitchen door; he did not want the others to listen to Finn's drunk and angry mumbles. Kurt wondered if Finn had been drinking since Kurt and Jeremy had got home three hours ago; it seemed like he had.
"Give me that beer, please." Finn snorted but did what the other said. Kurt put the bottle on the kitchen table and crossed his arms. "Just for the four of us? What are you going to do when our brother is born, are you going to get mad at him too because he will be here next Christmas?"
"That's not what I'm saying, and you know it. He will be family."
"No, I don't know it, Finn." Kurt was getting frustrated. "All I know is that I spent two years in France missing all of you so much, especially after Carole told me about her pregnancy. And now that I'm here, it seems like you didn't even want me to come."
"Agh! Of course I wanted you to come, but not him! Don't you see it? This is our tradition, our thing!"
"Stop saying that, Finn! It's not like if our family is under some sort of crazy contract where no one else can get in." Kurt was angry now. Drunk or not, Finn was being a dick. "Do you want me to be as rude as you're being with Jeremy, when you show up at the door with a girlfriend or a wife?"
Finn seemed truly shocked at Kurt's words. Kurt was scared for a second that Finn was going to scream even louder or even punch the table. But Finn's response was barely a whisper.
"I don't want a girlfriend or a wife. All I've ever needed is here." The adrenaline and anger seemed to have disappeared from his voice.
"Finn, you don't mean that. Of course you want that, you've always wanted a family, your own family." Kurt wasn't angry anymore. He didn't know if this was some sort of depressing side of Finn's drunkenness or he was actually meaning what he had just said. It seemed like Finn had been like this for the past two years, but seeing it in person was way more terrible that when Kurt was in France. "When you have that, I want to be there to see it, to cheer for it. And I also want you to do the same for me if I ever get to have that as well."
Finn was looking at the floor; Kurt couldn't see his expression because the Santa's hat was covering the sight. But when Finn finally talked, Kurt felt ice spreading from his neck to his back.
"Of course you were going to find everything in Europe. I knew I wasn't good enough"
Kurt didn't know what Finn meant. He didn't want to know what the other really meant, because he knew he couldn't handle it. So he didn't let the idea get to his heart.
"You're drunk, you don't know what you're saying. Just drink a coffee and get back to the living room when you feel better."
That was the first Christmas that Finn didn't watch The Grinch with them.
V
Damien was crawling around the Christmas tree; Burt kept following him without interrupting the baby's joy but trying to keep him safe.
"I told Finn to bring a small tree, but no, the boy wanted a big one for his little brother. It's almost like he didn't know if this thing falls on him it could kill him…"
"Dad? Who are you talking to?" Kurt asked as he walked into the living room.
Damien was distracted by the sound of Kurt's voice, and Burt took that as a signal to pick him up from the floor.
"Kurt!" Burt walked to his oldest son and gave him a hug. "You're finally here!"
Kurt hugged his dad and then grabbed his little brother to kiss him on the cheek.
"Oh my god, you're so big. Please don't get bigger, you're cute just as you are now." Even though he hated how he sounded, he couldn't help but talk like an idiot every time he saw his little brother.
"Kurt?" Carole came from the kitchen and hugged him. "I knew that was you. Glad you made it."
"Yes, me too. With the storm and the flight cancelations I thought I wouldn't be getting here until the New Year." He put Damien back in his dad's arms before the baby could choke him with his own scarf. "Where's Finn?"
"I sent him to the supermarket, I forgot to buy diapers this week. I don't think he will last much longer," Carole explained as she walked to the kitchen to continue with the dinner preparations. Kurt followed to help her. "I thought Jeremy was coming with you. Didn't he spend Thanksgiving with you in New York?"
Kurt bit his lip. Well, this was going to be awkward.
"Ah, yes. But he left the same day."
"What? That's absurd, you don't travel from Europe to America just to stay half a day." She was cutting up some vegetables but still seemed to be very interested in the conversation. Kurt wished she wasn't
"He didn't leave New York. He just left my apartment." He tried to sound as casual as he could but failed.
Carole was looking at him, her eyes wide open. "Oh honey, what happened?"
Kurt had wanted to avoid this, especially on Christmas Eve, the first Christmas with Damien in their family. But he knew it was a matter of time to be questioned about his missing European boyfriend. And to be honest, he was going to need all Carole's help to prepare his father and avoid the barrage of questions as much as possible.
"He ummh…" Kurt sighed and decided he'd get to the point. "Jeremy asked me to marry him," Kurt murmured looking at a piece of carrot that was on the floor. "I said no."
When Carole didn't respond, Kurt looked up waiting for a reaction. He soon realized she wasn't looking at him anymore, but her eyes were focused behind him; she seemed concerned.
Damn it. Kurt didn't want his father to know about the news like this.
Kurt turned to face him. "Finn?" he murmured in surprise.
"Hey…" Finn said in a whisper. He was dressed as Santa (of course he was), a paper bag in his left hand and Damien in the other.
Kurt didn't know what to say. It was obvious Finn had overheard Kurt; otherwise Carole wouldn't have looked so concerned. But Kurt didn't get why she was so worried, it wasn't like Kurt and Finn hadn't seen each other since last Christmas. Hell, they had even made up way before Damien was born; they were family after all, and they didn't want to stay angry at each other forever.
But to be honest, after that last Christmas, something had changed between them. It was mostly unnoticeable, but it was still there. Burt and Carole could feel it as well on the few times they had the chance to be together under the same roof. But now, one year later, and with Jeremy out of the picture, it was like the universe was telling them to face it, although neither of them seemed to want to.
So they pretended that everything was fine.
They had dinner, they even sang kid's songs together, and then they moved to the living room to watch The Grinch. To everyone's surprise, Damien cried as soon as the Grinch appeared and didn't stop until Finn sighed and removed the disc from the DVD player.
"I guess we should start watching something lighter for Christmas," commented Burt with a sad smile rubbing his baby's back. "At least until Damien is old enough to appreciate Jim Carrey's interpretation, and not get traumatized by it."
"Finn was like that when he was little, he actually hated people dressed as Santa, so I never took him to make a wish sitting in Santa's lap," Carole said with a dreamy smile. "But he still wrote his letter every year."
"And now look at him, a grown up Santa. How proud we are of you," Kurt said, raising his glass of wine. "Do you wear that for your students as well, Hudson, or just for us?"
"Ha, ha, ha, very funny. And not, this is just for family," he said with a smile that Kurt mirrored.
Burt suggested watching any old kid's movie, but Carole disagreed, they had to watch a Christmas movie, not just any random film. After arguing for another ten minutes, they decided to look at their DVD collection so they didn't end up deciding on something they didn't even have. They all agreed to watch Frozen, even though it wasn't a Christmas film.
They all enjoyed the movie. Kurt had watched it a couple of times; once in English and another in French because Jeremy had insisted it was better (it wasn't) in that language. And apparently Burt, Carole and Damien had watched it as well. The only one who had never seen the movie was Finn, that surprised them all since Finn loved animated movies.
By the end of the movie, Damien was asleep, and that was enough to call it the end of the night for the two parents. They gave Finn and Kurt a last Christmas hug and went to their room, Carole cradling the baby in her arms.
Kurt was sitting next to Finn on the couch; the taller guy was looking at the TV although this wasn't showing anything. But before Kurt could say anything, the other man spoke.
"I used to like The Grinch but almost until the end of the movie, you know, when he saves Christmas. I mean I used to get him. He was bitter for all the crap he had gone through just for being different, but he was so mean."
Kurt didn't understand why Finn was talking about a movie they hadn't even watched. But he didn't interrupt him; it was obvious it was very important for Finn.
"But instead of saying what he felt, he hated people just because they didn't get him at all, and when one little girl gives him the chance, he almost ruins it. And look at Olaf, heis also different, and he could have been as mean as the other snowman, the big scary one, but he's not. He decided to be nice, and trusting, and so awesome."
Kurt smiled at Finn still trying to understand what he was trying to say. "Yeah, he is pretty awesome."
Finn bit his lip and stared at the screen again as he continued. "And he never expects anything from anyone, he's just there to support them and help them. And then… when he explains to Anna what true love is about, you know 'Putting someone's else needs before yours'." Kurt was impressed that Finn could remember exactly what the character had said, he couldn't remember the exact quote even though this had been the third time he had watched the film. "I finally got it."
Kurt felt a rush in his heart's beating. He knew Finn was getting somewhere; he knew this had to do with what happened the previous Christmas, he had an idea what it was about. An idea that he had been chasing in his head, then in his dreams and finally in his heart for the last year. That had ended up exploding in his face when Jeremy had showed him the ring. He knew then that the idea had brought back a feeling that occupied all his heart with a force he had never felt before.
"Finn, what…"
"I'm sorry, Kurt. I'm so sorry for having been such an asshole last year. You didn't deserve that, you didn't have to be there for me just because I was melting like Olaf."
"What?"
"Some people are worth melting for." Finn quoted the snowman again. "I just realized that is what I've been doing for the past three years, ever since I changed the way I used to see you. I started to melt for you; I even work harder at the garage to be able to pay for college, because if I ever felt brave enough to ask for a second chance with you, I had to be better."
Kurt felt a knot in his throat; he could physically felt the pain that was leaving him speechless.
"I was so worried about trying to be good enough for you that I never stopped to think that you had already made up your mind way before I realized how much I wanted you in my life." Finn was squeezing his fingers, trying to control his voice. "I guess I never stopped being a self-centered idiot. There I was working for something that was already gone, at least for me."
"Finn, don't." Kurt whispered; it was all that would come out from his throat.
"You went to France and all I could think during that time was he will find someone so much better there, I'm going lose him forever. What an idiot, huh? You can find anybody better than me anywhere. But instead of being happy because you finally had what you deserved, I ruined it, I let the jealousy control me one more time." His voice was cracking. Kurt put a hand on his back; Finn just shook his head. "And today when I heard you tell my mom he asked you to marry you and you said no… I didn't need to see your face to know you were sad, and it hit me.
Kurt felt more and more breathless; the pressure in his chest was almost unbearable.
Finn continued. "Ever since you told me about him I felt he had stolen you from me, and I wanted him gone, I wanted him out of your life. I never thought how much this would hurt you, because having him out of your life wasn't going bring you to me, it was only going to make you be alone again. And I don't want you to be alone, Kurt. I want you to have someone in your life, just like you told me last Christmas. Your own family, you deserve that. I'm really sorry, Kurt."
This was the first time Kurt had listened to Finn when he was willing to talk about his feeling this way; maybe it was the first time Finn had ever talked about his feelings at all.
"Finn, stop it, please. My relationship with Jeremy was over before he proposed to me, I just didn't have the courage to admit it, and it was easier to pretend I wanted the same he did. Yes, you're right, I don't want to be alone. But when he asked me to marry him, I knew I didn't want that either. Just because I wish to have my own family, it doesn't mean I have to have it with someone I don't love. It's not fair for him, or for me."
"You don't love him? That's why you said no to him?" Finn looked him in the eye.
"I wanted to love him, but I couldn't. I tried, all this year I tried to make it work, to convince myself I was going to feel like he did. But you just can't force yourself."
"I'm sorry."
"Finn…" Kurt took the other man's hands and squeezed them hard; he felt his fingers trembling. Finn was looking at him, he seemed nervous, even scared. Just like Kurt had felt seconds ago, when Finn had started to talk. "I tried to convince myself all this year that I was reading too much into your actions and words, but I still couldn't avoid the feelings. I ruined my relationship because I didn't feel what he felt. I was already falling in love with you, and I couldn't admit it to myself until he proposed."
Finn blinked at him. "You fell in love with me?"
Kurt sighed and then smiled. "You were always a weak spot for me. I never thought I'd have a chance with you… so I never let this grow in my heart, but after last Christmas it was hard to stop it." Then he looked at Finn seriously. "Please, tell me what you feel. I don't want to make a mistake here, Finn. I need to know the truth."
Finn hesitated but breathed out hard before he spoke again. "I've been in love with you for so many years, Kurt. I was too much of a coward to admit it to myself, at first I felt it was enough to have you as a friend, as part of the family, but then you got the scholarship. Those two years were horrible. I never thought I could miss someone that way; it hurt every time we talked and I couldn't reach you and just hug you or smell your scent. "He looked at the floor. "And when you came back with someone else… I just. I couldn't take it. I had lost you."
Kurt hugged Finn, he was scared he might wake up any moment, but it never happened. When they pulled apart, he saw Finn's big smile and then felt Finn's lips kissing him, so gentle and so warm. He knew this was where he belonged: not in New York, not in France, not in Europe, and not in any other place in the world.
He belonged to Finn, and Finn belonged to him.
He had been waiting for this all his life without knowing. And he wasn't going to let it go.
And one he wasn't
"I have to admit it, I kind of miss your Santa costume." Kurt confessed as he watched Finn putting on his black jacket.
"But you were the one who said you wouldn't be doing this with me dressed as Santa." Finn seemed clearly betrayed.
Kurt rolled his eyes and walked over to him. "I know, and I still mean it. Nobody wants to get married dressed as Santa Claus." He hugged Finn and then cradled the back of his head gently as he gave him a kiss that the other soon tried to make more passionate. "Stop, it's bad luck to kiss the groom with tongue before the wedding."
Finn frowned. "I thought it was bad luck to see each other before the wedding. Although I don't think that would work with us since you made our suits."
Kurt smiled and gave him another kiss that lasted longer than the other. "Okay, we need to stop or your mom will show up and will find us doing something we don't want her to see… again."
Finn laughed. "Not my fault you're horny and can't stop yourself."
"Very funny. Let's go then. I can't believe this is actually happening."
"Me neither." Finn was smiling brighter than ever.
Finn stopped before they got to the door and took him by the hand.
"Merry Christmas, Kurt."
"Merry Christmas, Finn."
Kurt did miss having Finn dressed as Santa that day. But he knew that their new tradition was going to be much better. Nobody had expected them to get married at Christmas, people usually chose Valentine's Day for that. But Finn and Kurt knew December was more special for them; after all, you don't get to kiss Santa at twelve o'clock on Christmas and find true love at the same time.
And just like in The Grinch, Kurt could swear that after they were officially married, Finn's heart grew three sizes that day, just as his own had grown.
The end