ADragon's Rant: Hey everyone this is a side story for Never Far From You. This story takes place three months before Never Far From You starts. This chapter will help give a better idea of a few things that will happen later in the story, to anyone who hasn't read my story you don't have to read it to understand this story. I know I said I would try and update at least once a week or so but as always things have a way of keeping me busy. Also Big Big thanks to my bestie Peinsakufan1341, who has been going over my stories and editting them for me.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto, nor the Akatsuki they belong to Kishimoto, but I know we all wish we did lolz.
Hidan cursed as he stomped behind his partner, "but why can't I get it damn it?" Kakuzu sighed as the Jashinist kept complaining about a new weapon that came out and how much he wanted it but when the stitched man saw how much it cost, he said no and left it at that. They made their way back to the base after finishing a mission. It was quiet until, "it's my fucking birthday damn it!" And with that the immortal started cursing under his breath about the latest spike that came out. It was an interesting thing, you could stab you're opponent and once it entered their arm or leg you could press a button and little barbed wires would come out and they would start to spin practically shredding your enemy from the inside. The longer you pressed the button, the longer the barbed wires would spin and once you let go of the button they would stop and go back in the spike making this an ideal weapon for Hidan to have.
When they arrived at the base, Hidan kicked the door in, "hey fuckers we're back!" He yelled but then looked around, "hey why is it so fucking dark..." He never got to finish because at that moment the lights came on and everyone jumped out and yelled. "Surprise, happy birthday Hidan!" The immortal was in total shock. Everyone was there, even leader~sama, and the whole place was decorated with streamers and everything. In the kitchen there was a roast with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. There was also a pot of gravy, a big bowl of salad and off to the side on a table was a stack of gifts. "Wow thanks guys." They all laughed as the Jashinist and the money lover set their things down and made their way to the kitchen to start the party. After everyone had enough to eat, Tobi got up, "Deidara~sempai can you bring the cake out now? Please?" The immortal looked at the blond, "you made a fucking cake?" Konan also looked at the bomber, "yea Dei let's see it already." Each member of the Akatsuki had a hidden talent and for Deidara it was cake making, so for everyone's birthday he would make them a cake which always left them speechless. "Alright, alright I'll get sheeesh hmm." The blond artist got up and went to the storage room where they had a big fridge and freezer. "I can't wait to see it," the shark nin stated. "I can't wait to eat it!" Tobi clapped, everyone chuckled as the blond came back with the cake and placed it in front of the immortal, "holy shit. You fucking made this?" He asked in shock.
Deidara had made a white chocolate cheese cake with cherry sauce on the top, but that wasn't what amazed the Jashinist. What amazed him was the fact the bomber took the time to carve the cake so it would look exactly like his necklace. "Happy Birthday Hidan un!" Konan looked at the cake in awe, "Deidara that's wonderful."Everyone agreed and then sang happy birthday. "Make a wish Hidan~san," Tobi sang. The Jashinist thought for a moment then blew out the candles he then started cutting the cake giving himself a big piece then started handing out the rest to the others. The cake was light and rich but with the cherry sauce on top it was perfect. Tobi notices his sempai adding whip cream to the side, "sempai can Tobi have some?" He asked as he held his plate with his piece of cake to the blond. "Sure," he added some to Tobi's plate. "Hey fucker, what about me?" With a sigh he gave some to Hidan to, "anyone else un?" With that everyone held out their plate and laughed at the blonds expression. When they were finished everyone helped clear the kitchen and then went in to the living room to open gifts.
Hidan sat in a chair while everyone crowded around on the sofa or the floor, "this one is from Itachi," said Konan as she gave the silver haired male his gift. It had bright red wrapping with silver ribbon and a small tag saying it was from the raven. "Sweet," Hidan took the present and opened it. "No fucking way!" It was a first edition book of Jashin but this one was one of the originals. "Itachi were the fuck did you get this?" He asked while the Uchiha smirked, "I got it from a place that no longer has it," was his reply earning a few chuckles. "Well whatever. Thanks so much!" He looked at the book for a moment more. It was really really old and needed to be handled very carefully. "Next gift is from Sasori." The Jashinist set the book down to take the next present and opened it and smirked as he took it out then looked at the puppet master who stated, "it's to help keep your weapons from rusting and the other one is for cleaning them." The immortal looked again and found the other bottle and smiled, "thanks Sasori." Lately Hidan had problems with some of his weapons starting to rust so these gifts were going to be very useful. He then set them down next to his book.
Konan got him another present, "this one is from Deidara." Hidan looked at him and was almost hesitant in taking the gift. "It's not a mother fucking bomb is it?" This caused the blond to cross his arms over his chest, "why does everyone think I'm going to give them a bomb as a gift? Un." That's when Tobi replied, "because you did for my birthday sempai. When I opened my gift from you it exploded." He whined the bomber sighed, "I keep telling you Tobi the one you took wasn't for you un. You took the one I was going to send to my old village so it's not my fault hmm." This caused a few to laugh. "Fine let's see it." The immortal took the gift and opened very carefully and gave a sigh of relief as nothing happened and found a stone and then looked at the blond as he held it up. "You kept complaining that your weapons weren't sharp enough so I got you a sharpening stone un." Hidan smirked, "awesome but really when does it blow up?" With this said, he started laughing "I'm just kidding blondie, thanks."
The immortal went opened the rest of his presents. Kisame got him a new weapons holder that could be attached to the inside of his cloak, Zetsu got him a plant that would bleed when cut which Hidan thought was way too cool, Tobi got him a bag of candy with jaw breakers in it, Konan got him a jar of polish for his necklace. "These gifts are awesome! Thank guys." Then Kakuzu gave him his gift which the immortal unwrapped and opened and practically jumped out of seat. "FUCK YEA! That's what I'm fucking talking about!" Everyone glanced at the money lover. "Thanks so fucking much Kakuzu!" The Jashinist was literally hugging the new weapon he wanted so badly, "you're welcome." Pein then stepped forward, "my gift for you Hidan~san is locked up down stairs." Everyone looked at their leader, "three people were causing trouble in town so now you get to test out your weapon." Well that sent Hidan in to hyper mode, "fucking right woo hoo!" They all laughed as the immortal ran out of the room when he was given the chance to take one of the three out now.
When Hidan came back about an hour later after killing the guy and showered he noticed the kitchen was filled with snacks and treats. "Hey Hidan come here un," said the blond as he waved him over. "What?" The bomber pointed to the double door fridge "Can you open that please un?" The immortal was shocked, "what are you two much of a pussy to open it yourself?" "Just do it un." After grumbling, Hidan walked over and opened it and his jaw dropped, "holy lord Jashin!" The entire fridge was stocked with alcohol. The first shelf had raspberry, grape and apple sourpuss, banana liqueur, both Smirnoff and polar ice vodka and coolers. The second shelf had Jack Daniels, Tennessee Whiskey, Captain Morgan spiced rum, Crown Royal, Bailey's Irish cream and a bottle of pre made Caesar mix. Lastly on the bottom shelf was many kinds of beer like Budweiser, Molson Canadian, Coors Light and Labatt Blue also off to the side was everything they needed for mixing. "Well don't stand there looking, get something," laughed Kisame. "Fucking hell! Did you guy rob a L.C.B.O or something?" They all laughed. "No really, this is a lot of fucking stuff." He looked at Kakuzu, "all the money used for the food and alcohol came from your jar Hidan." The silver haired male shrugged and grabbed a Coors Light and moved out of the way so the others could grab something.
Hidan had forgotten that Kakuzu had a jar for everyone and would set money aside for them so they could spend it on their birthday. "Hey Konan~Sama what's that?" Tobi asked as he pointed at her drink. It was a reddish orange on the bottom but as it got to the top it would fade to white. "It's called a White freezie Tobi," the bluenett replied. The masked nin tilted his head to the side, "but we have freezes in the freezer and none of the white ones look like that." She smiled, "it's called a white freezie because it tastes like one." Tobi gave a "I see." The origami artist then went and sat with Pein as everyone started to play games and carrying on while they all took turns taking pictures.
No one knows or remembered how it happened but Hidan, Deidara and Itachi were arguing over who had the finer body. "Bull fucking s-shit you do," the immortal slurred. "Both of y-you have nothing on me," replied the raven. "I'm better then all o-of you unn," yelled the blond. At this point everyone aside from Tobi was pretty wasted and more than half of the alcohol was gone. "I got it hmm.." Everyone looked at the bomber, "Whoever can look the best in the most girliest outfit wins yea." It was silent till, "you're fucking on bitch!" And a few other members started laughing and agreeing. "So where do we go to get the outfits?" Konan got up and staggered about, "I know where to get them." Pein being drunk out of his mind looked at Tobi, "hey lollipop, go with her so she can help you get the...the…" Unable to get his thoughts together he waved at the mask nin to go with the bluenett then went and staggered to the kitchen.
Konan and Tobi came back a while later to the three of them still going on of who would look better and to see Pein drinking a rum and coke with Kisame drinking a white Russian. The bluenett had sobered up some and was done drinking for the night, but the same could not be said for everyone else. Deidara was having a drink called an Explosion while Itachi was drinking a brunette Russian. Hidan was having an adios mother fucker, this made both the masked nin and bluenett laugh. "Hey you guys we're back." They turned and looked. "Yes time to prove who is hotter fuckers!" Konan gave them each a box with the proper clothing and accessories. "Here you are boys, now go change." They left to do so while the rest got seated and waited.
First was Hidan who walked out and stood in front of everyone with a smirk, "check this out fuckers!" The immortal was wearing a maid outfit that had a black satin skirt with a white lace trim that came to his mid thighs. He had black fishnet stockings with knee high boots with a bit of a heel that laced all the way up with black silk bows on the top. The top part of the outfit was a shiny black leather corset that was done up at the back with fabric on the inside so it wouldn't irritate the skin. There was also removable black satin sleeves that came down too his wrists with black straps so they could be tied on just below the shoulder. They also had a white lace trim and to top it all off he also had a headband it was a traditional maid headband black with white lace only on either side. It had black silk bows with long silk strings. They stared in shock then the guys started whistling and making cat calls. "Take that fuckers!" the Jashinist said with a smirk and proudly walked off to the side but stumbled a bit due to the face he was in heals and really wasted.
Next was Itachi, "that's what you think," Itachi said with a smirk. The Uchiha had a long crimson velvet dress with an open back. The dress really showed the curves of his chest and body till it got to his hips then it would fan out to his mid shins. The sleeves of the dress where skin tight showing the muscles in his arms and shoulders when it got to his wrists it would also fan out. The dress had a black lace trim on the bottom and on the end of the sleeves. The front of the dress was laced up with black silk ribbon and underneath the dress he had black knee high stockings with black women's dress shoes that had little jewels in them. The raven had his hair down so it would cascade down his back making the red of his dress really stand out against the black of his hair. He also had a crimson headband with a black rose on it. Kisame had a nose bleed and tried to cover it while the rest where losing it. "Itachi take it off!" Shouted Zetsu's white half while the black half licked his lips. The raven walked pass Hidan and flipped his long hair, "you were saying?" Itachi stood beside the Jashinist. "Hey blond fucker! Get your ass out here" he yelled.
Deidara stepped out in a shiny black leather corset with red silk on the inside. The corset was laced up the back with red ribbon and on the front it had five black straps going across with silver buckles that were mostly just for show. In between the straps were open to reveal his chest. He had a short black leather mini skirt with red strips on either side and four silver loops that came to his mid thigh with four long black straps that looked like they were a leash that came down to his knees. The skirt also had red silk on the inside. He had fishnet stockings and knee high boots like Hidan but the bomber's boots were black with red silk ribbon crisscrossing up the back and tied in to a bow. He also had fingerless black leather gloves that came to just past the elbow that was laced up with red silk ribbon and had thing chains going up the sides. The bomber had his blond hair up in pigtails with red and black ribbon which really enhanced his feminine features. To top it off, he had a headband with black cat ears and a matching tail clipped to his skirt. "Well what do you think hmm?" he asked in a shy tone.
Silence filled the room followed by Zetsu fainting and everyone having nosebleeds. Tobi was grateful for the mask so his sempai couldn't see how red his face was and had to leave to take care of his massive nosebleed. Both Hidan and Itachi agreed that Deidara had won, though Pein had forgotten what was happening. "Wow Kakuzu these chicks are hot as hell!" Konan sighed and helped him up, "Pein it's time for bed." The orange haired male whined, "aww why? I want one of the hot chicks." The bluenett nearly dropped him, "Pein trust me you don't want them." She said as they left the room. Kakuzu went and got another drink just as Deidara was tackled on to the sofa by Sasori who started making out with the bomber. Hidan took this time to grab the camera and started taking pictures of every one.
The next morning Tobi got up and went to have breakfast only to stop at the door way to the kitchen in shock. Bottles and cans littered the floor while food was smeared all over the place. Tobi then realized they had a food fight, an all out drunken food fight. As he made his way through the kitchen, he saw Itachi still in his dress passed out on the counter holding an empty bottle of black cherry whisky. The masked nin picked the raven up and took him to his and Kisame's room then came back to look for the others while also trying to make a path way from the kitchen to the living room.
Tobi sighed as he closed the door to Deidara and Sasori's room. Damn those two were heavy. He was going to take them one at a time but the two refused to be separated even asleep which he thought was cute but at least they still had their clothes on. Next was Pein who was found on top of the freezer passed out holding ice to his head. "Must have sleep walked," the masked nin said to himself. After Pein was Hidan. "Aww you have to be kidding me.." He whined, the Jashinist somehow got on to the chandelier and was asleep still in his outfit and holding the camera. It took Tobi ten minutes to get him down and in to bed. Zetsu was in a flower pot but only his top half was visible his arms were folded and his head rested on them.
Tobi nearly jumped when he went to use the bathroom. There passed out in the tub with water and his clothes on was Kisame. After putting five towels on his bed the masked nin put the shark nin to bed. He then started cleaning up the place which took him the rest of the day. The walls and floors had to be scrubbed, all the trash and recycling had to be taken out. After he was done the place was spotless and in excellent condition but he was completely worn out and knew it was time he went to bed.
The next morning everyone was having breakfast as three man woke up and started yelling and screaming. "What the fucking hell is thing mother fucking thing?" Yelled Hidan as he got up and saw himself in the mirror. Then Deidara woke up, "who the hell did this to me? Hmm!" He screamed as he tried to get the outfit off. Itachi saw his dress and rubbed his head, "this is why I shouldn't drink," he said to himself. The others were laughing at all the pictures that were taken and some of the short video clips when the three walked in dressed in their usual clothes and joined the others. Pein was about to say something when a video came on and it was a video of him and he went white. Tobi got him saying how hot the three girls where on video and him being dragged away by Konan. "We agree that night we were drunk and it didn't happen," was all Pein said everyone agreed.