A/N: Just a little something I wrote for a university prep class of mine. My own sort of headcannon for why Castiel was able to doubt so easily early into season 4. Enjoy! Concrit is always wonderful c:
"And so it is written that the first Seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in Hell. As he breaks, so too shall it break."
Castiel looks down upon the Earth, his gaze flitting about its miniscule surface until he pinpoints a residence in the place the Humans call the West—a ramshackle house in South Dakota with a scrapyard rather than a garden in the back. Through the roof he finds what the Heavens have been looking for. Three men reside within. Bobby Singer, a retired Hunter. Sam Winchester, a man brought back from the dead.
And Dean Winchester, his brother. The man who brought Sam back. The man who sold his soul to a Demon in order to let the last of his family live again. The man who, a year from now, is prophecized to be dragged down to a Hell in which he does not belong.
The righteous man.
"That him?" A fellow Angel whispers in Enochian beside Castiel. Balthazar.
"Yes."
A pause.
"Why not just send us down to destroy the Demon that holds the fate of his soul?"
"You know why, Balthazar." They all know. God never sends them down to intervene unless absolutely necessary. There is a chance the Winchester brothers can stop this themselves.
"But we're trusting them on a maybe. I don't think a maybe is enough to reassure me that the Apocalypse won't start."
Castiel shoots him a sharp look, wings becoming rigid with warning. "Is that doubt I hear in your voice, Balthazar?" The other Angel is silent. "You remember what happened to our superior."
Anna. The Angel who fell. Ripped out her own Grace. Thrown out of Heaven for doubting the Word of God.
Balthazar nods. "I remember."
Castiel returns his gaze to the Earth, back to the three men. "Then you will not question our Father's orders. Leave me. Now."
He can see Balthazar watching him from the corner of his eye. This Angel is the closest thing Castiel has to a friend amongst all of his siblings. He would not enjoy having to report him for his doubts.
"Fine. I don't much care for the Humans, anyway. And I don't envy this job he's assigned to you, Cassy." Balthazar leaves.
Castiel sighs, remembering God's words. You must love the Humans as you love Me, your Father.
Balthazar is heading down a dark road.
He wraps his wings around himself and continues to watch the Winchesters. He has a feeling he'll be here for a while.
Castiel learns much from the Humans. Probably things he shouldn't. Like Human culture. Practices. Beliefs. Emotions. Trust.
Doubt.
According to most of the Humans' Religious views, Dean Winchester's morals would send him straight to Hell. He consumes copious amounts of alcohol. He fornicates with many women. He blasphemises many things other Humans believe to be sacred.
But he is completely and utterly devoted to his brother Sam. He does not regret his decision to save him, and while he does try to look for a way to save his own soul, there's still a part of him that already accepts his fate. That his life is meant to be lived for others. His duty is done. He is selfless.
He is the righteous man.
After a while, Castiel begins to envy him. He tries to push that feeling away. Angels are warriors. They carry out their orders and don't have emotions. But he can't help it. It's already in his mind.
He finds himself becoming attached to the boys. He does not communicate with them in any way, but spending that entire year watching them, he feels as though he is connected to them. He feels what they feel. Feels.
With feelings comes doubt. And with each passing day, closer to that day Dean's soul will be taken, he doubts his own Father's commands more and more.
A week before Dean is taken to hell, Uriel, an Angel under Castiel's command, gives him a visit. Uriel scoffs, his low voice transforming it into a baritone chuckle.
"My my, Castiel. Sitting in such a way for so long. Your wings must be all cramped up."
And Castiel actually chuckles back.
Uriel is silent. Castiel never chuckles back. He's never had a sense of humour.
"… Is something wrong, Castiel?"
His wings sag slightly, eyes still trained on the brothers. He has something to say, but he's not sure if he should say it. Uriel is patient, though. He takes a seat next to the younger Angel and waits.
It must be an hour in Earth time before Castiel finally speaks,
"Would you die for me, brother?"
Uriel looks at him then. Castiel doesn't look back; pretends the question is serious. If he looks back at him he'll know the question is less factual than it is emotional. Uriel hesitates, not because he doesn't know the answer, but because the questions seems sudden and with no purpose.
"If that is the Will of God."
Castiel nods. Of course. That is the only correct answer for a soldier.
As prophecized, they don't manage to save Dean. The righteous man is dragged to Hell.
The Angels wage war against the Demons, clawing and fighting their way through the chains and fire and blood. While on Earth it is only four months, it's fourty years in Hell before they finally reach the man.
It's too late.
When Castiel grabs Dean by the shoulders and pulls him up, past his brethren and past the war, he's already shed blood. He's tortured the souls of Hell. He is no longer righteous.
But Castiel pulls him out anyway, because he has another purpose.
As Dean breaks the surface of his grave, taking his first breath back on Earth, Castiel returns to Heaven.
"Dean Winchester is saved."