~~~I own Nothing~~~
Fix You
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
People called Her selfish
Vain
Spoilt
Slut
But what people didn't know is how much those words hurt her, how much pain she felt every time someone in the media would call her a bad role model. The endless tears that would fall from her ocean colored orbs, as she bent of the toilet, the familiar churching sensation ran through her, as she empty the context of her stomach.
Sick of the lie's, of all the hurt; but she never let anyone see just how badly they'd hurt her, she'd never let anyone see just how badly she wanted to end her own life, just to make the pain go away.
No one would have thought Miley Cyrus was depressed, but if you would look close enough, behind the smile that was plastered on her face, behind the jokes she shamelessly made to cover her own insecurities. Then you'd see the fear that tried to desperately to shine through, calling for help.
No one cared that she wasn't to blame for the brake up, or that she was just as hurt as him. No all they cared about was their precious rock star, which was living his dream.
They hurt her all of them.
The T –shirts
The lyrics
The jokes
And while they sat in their house with their prefect family, and the two little knew stars of Disney. Miley sat on her bathroom floor tears coming down her face, quiet sobs escaping her mouth every once in a while, but no one came to check on her, no one held her and told her it would be okay,
Because no one cares about me
She recited in her head, over and over till the words hurt her more than the razor in her grasp did; till she finally believed them. And then she'd lie on the floor, and cry until she'd fall asleep, but she knew no one would find her, she'd done this every night since he'd left.
She had no one; they'd all left even her family.
No one cared.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
They cheered for her, but they didn't actually like her. Miley stood center stage guitar in hand, taking her finale bow for the night. The Fans will never know how hard she works, they may scream her name but most of them don't care, most of them abandoned her to side with him.
Searching the crowds, her eyes glanced over the many fans and their oh so colorful posters, one catching her eye
Your not good enough for Nick Jonas
The girl was right; Miley always knew she wasn't good enough for nick;
He was smart
Funny
Caring
He had too much to offer what did she have? What could she give the world that he couldn't? Standing in front of thousands of people she'd never felt so alone, so unloved.
She didn't deserves their love his love, and all these thoughts lead her to sit on the bathroom floor again, tears collecting in her blue orbs waiting for the right moment to fall.
Not many people would have thought that Miley Cyrus cuts herself.
She hated herself so much
Why couldn't she be like Demi and selena?
Pure
Kind
Why did she have to be such a slut, why couldn't she be everything he wanted, everything his brothers wanted? Why couldn't she be the perfect child parents wanted?
All they wanted was their little girl back; but she couldn't go back to the way it was before, because before she hand him, he was her shinning light and without it she wasn't the same.
No one to guide her
No one to hold her
No one to kiss her
No one to love her
All these thoughts made her reach into the bottom cupboard in the bathroom, hidden under makeup was a shinny, sharp blade. Miley didn't want to hurt her parents, but didn't know what else to do; this released the pain, made her feel better even thought it was only for a few moments, she felt
Calm
Unhurt
And she'd take the pain for the feeling she felt as the blade dug into her arm
Numb
She felt nothing, no pressure, no hurt, no jealously; numb.
So she did it, without worry, without care. She dug the blade into her arm, watching the crimson color leak from the cut, then she'd bandage it, and if she didn't throw up from the sight of all the blood that came from her arm, she'd climb into her bed and curl into her blankets and hum the lullaby her father used to sing to her when she was a little girl.
She'd fall asleep with tears in her eyes but a small smile on her face for the happy memoire, but tears for the disgrace she now was in his eyes.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
No one would have thought his words would hurt her so badly that night.
"What happened to you Miley?" he asked, looking the girl up and down. He didn't like who she was becoming
The black hair
The gothic clothes
The pictures
She didn't know what to say, she couldn't tell him the truth, no she'd keep that secret, she'd kept it till death. He was so prefect she thought, so unaffected by the break up, so whole when she was clearly in pieces.
"I don't know" she answered, fully well knowing she was lying, it hurt, like someone had punched her in the chest to lie to him, her Nick. But he wasn't her nick anymore, he belonged to another and the thought of that concept was hard for her to come to terms with; she couldn't let anyone see her cry
She was Miley Cyrus
Strong
Funny
Witty
But that wasn't her anymore, because he was more than some teenage boy, he was her first love.
They say people leave foot print in the lives of people they touch; Miley understood this, every touch, every laugh, every smile, and ever tear would be imprinted in her memoire forever.
"Well you better find out, you're not the Miley I loved" he muttered shaking his head and walking away.
Did he have any idea how much that hurt? How the moment his back was turned the tears started to run down her face. He'd tore her heart out and stomped on it before walking away, and he didn't care
The itch for her to cut intensified
Because he didn't love her
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
No one would have thought what Miley Cyrus was planning that night.
She'd made the discussion; she was ready for it to end, to arrive in heaven, to make all the pain stop. She couldn't take it anymore, and his words had been enough to convince her it was time.
Time to leave this earth, time to go home
Everyone was going out after the end of another HM episode, Emily and Mitchel had tied to conceive her to join them, but she wouldn't even look them in the eyes, guilt consumed her.
This would hurt them
Her family
Friends
Him
But there wasn't any other choice; she'd gone too far to back out now, walking into her bed room that night, the house was silent, everyone gone.
She once again reached inside her bathroom cupboard, taking out the blade, but it wasn't shinny anymore, it was still as sharp though ready to make another scar on her once beautiful arms.
Part of her wanted someone to find her, to beg her to stop, to hold her in their arms and tell her everything was okay, to use their thumb to whip away the tears, to say gentle smoothing things into her ears.
To make her feel loved
But she was aware that it wouldn't happen that no one cared enough to beg her to stop. Soon the pain in her heart would be gone forever; and as she looked down at the silver blade which held some of her blood, she smiled because soon it would be over, soon she'd be with god the one person who truly loved her.
With these thoughts in her head, she dug the blade into her skin, feeling the sense of relief that washed over her at the moment, and then she pressed hard, feeling all the blood oozing from the cut.
This time the relief wasn't going to end, this time it would be permanent
She'd be free
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
No one would have thought she'd get caught that night
Miley lay on the floor of the bathroom, her head resting on the titled walls, she was woozy and dizzy from all the blood loose. Both her hands laid limb on either side of her, her breathing heavy, her eyes were closed she was waiting for the end of all the pain for death.
Please make the pain stop
She begged, letting out a sob. The only thing that stopped her from crying out, form not screaming in agony was the fact that it would soon before over.
"Miley!"
Miley heard a heart reaching scream; the door to the bathroom opened fully and there in the light stood Nick. He stood frozen not knowing that to do
His angle
The love of his life
His everything
Was lying on the floor, blood slipping out from her right arm, she looked to fragile, almost breakable. He hadn't meant any of those things he'd told her before, he didn't mean to make her upset, he didn't like who'd she'd become, but he'd take it over nothing.
Nick ran into the bathroom, rapping his arms around the frail girl "Miley can you hear me?" he asked, tears running done his own face, as he gripped the girl for dear life.
She couldn't believe it was him, he was here and she was in his arms "nick" she whimpered, opening her eyes silently, she could see his perfect pouty lips, his chocolate colored orbs, his trade mark curly hair "don't worry you're going to be okay" he smoothing gently in her ear.
She could hear the footsteps of other people entering the room, but she couldn't understand them, only their frantic tones, and even though guilt consumed her once more, for doing this to him, she had to leave, she had to go, she had to be happy and she couldn't do it on the earth
"I love you Nick" her words came out faint, but he could hear them, the smile on her face gave everything away
"NO! Please don't go, don't leave me. The ambulance is on their way they'll fix you, I'll fix you please don't give up" he sobbed, hugging her even more tightly, begging her to stay, to hold on just for him, he would help her through this, he would let her go, he couldn't let her go.
And the last words that left her lips before she gave into the darkness were
"I'm sorry"
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...
No one would have thought she'd live to see another day
Miley thought she was going to die, she wanted to die, she was ready to die; for all the pain to disappear.
She felt herself stir back into conciseness, she opened her eyes and at first saw nothing but white, she thought she was in heaven. She felt calm there was no one there to put her down
No fans
No family
No friends
Not even him
She felt safe, she felt warm, and she felt whole for once in her life. But as her eyes adjusted to the light, a head of curly hair caught her attention; she wasn't dead
She'd lived
She was back, stuck with people who didn't care about her, back with the person she loved not caring, thinking she was a slut.
All the press, magazines, TV shows to criticize to call her a wimp, they'd say she wasn't mentally stable, they'd call her more names, and the pain was back, the aching in hurt heart, she wanted to die, why hadn't she died?
But now she could add another thing to the never ending list of emotions; guilt. Now she had to deal with the guilt of them knowing how she really felt, of looking into their eyes and seeing their hurt expression; a sob escaped her lips.
Nick's head shot up to the sound of crying, it was her; his angle. She was okay, she'd lived, but she wasn't okay; sitting up nick placed his hand in hers, watching as her eyes focused on his face. He looked like he hadn't slept in mouths, worry covered his features
"I'm so glad your okay" he admitted, running his figures up and down her arm. But not even his touch could make the pain she felt leave, he didn't really care for her she thought, he was only here because he felt guilty and that made the bucks of tears come down more freely
"Why'd you do it?" he felt like he had to ask the question on everyone's mind, why she'd tried to kill herself. Even just thinking it sent shivers down his body, the images of Miley lying their haunted him, and even now though she was okay she wasn't, she was far from okay, he was going to fix her, help her, he had to because he loved her.
"No one cares about me, my family, friends, fan they don't care, I'm just a bother to all of them" she said her voice cracking as she uttered the words that she kept bolted up for so long.
"But Miley don't you see they do care" he tried to explained, but she placed her hands that ached over her ears "stop lying to me!" she exclaimed. Nick grasped her arms forcefully but gently at the same time, making her listen to his words "miles, there all out there, you're family, my family, Demi, selena, Mandy, Ryan, all of them and they love you so much" he cried, begging her to listen, for her to understand that her thoughts weren't reality, they cared, he cared.
"Miley!" cried a voice from behind him, nick stood up letting Trish Cyrus through, she too had tears down her face, she felt so guilty so to blame, how could Miley do this?
Miley watched her mother take nick's placed, her face just as upset "why did you do it Miley, how could you think we don't care!" she cried, gripping her daughter fiercely, hugging her tightly
"I couldn't live with it any more, the pain the depression, I just wanted it to end" she confessed, watching her mother wince at the words
"Why didn't you come to me? I love you so much"
Miley felt tears come down at her mother's words, she hadn't heard those three words said with such passion such truth in a long time, and even thought she felt guilt she felt a warm sensation started to grown, but only to be knocked down when she thought about her fans, they still hated her.
"But my fans, or lack of them I should say hate me!" she said watching nick shake his head. He brought his lap top from one of the hospital chairs to sit neatly in her lap
"Look, your face book, twitter, MySpace are all filled up with get wells soon, and you have more flowers than you'll ever know what to do with, Miley they love"
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...
No one thought Miley would believe their words but she did
Two weeks later Miley sat crossed legged on her bed, her computer sitting in her lap; she was looking at all the messenges she'd received in the hospital and the days since she'd been allowed to go home. Her fans did love her, her family did care. At this point she was happy nick and the other had found her.
A faint knocking at the door cause her head to snap up, nick was standing in her door way a crooked smile in placed, she was his smiley again
Her bright clothes
Her brown hair
He knew there was still a lot she needed to work on before she'd be back to her old self. Doctors had told everyone it was important for her to know how much she mean to all of them, and how much losing her would hurt. Nick was fine with all that he was planning on tell her how much she meant to him every day of his live from now on.
Nick walked over to her bed, sitting down opposite her, closing her laptop, so he could see her prefect ocean blue eyes.
"I love you smiley"
"I love you nick" she said fighting back the tears of happiness that ran down her face, she knew what it was like to lose him and she wasn't planning on letting that happen again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and they kissed, and they both the felt it the
Sparks
Passion
That came with the kiss of a first love
"Miley and nick lunch is ready" Trish cold from down stairs, Miley let nick help her up, grasping her waist to make sure she didn't fall he lead her through her bed room; but she stopped outside of her bathroom recalling all the nights she'd spent crying on the bathroom floor, thinking no one loved her.
But her wrists didn't itch
All she needed was her
Family
Fans
And him.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
A/N: Hey everyone this was just an idea that popped into my head. I hopped you enjoyed it and check out my other two Niley fan fiction
I fall as hard as i try
And
Moments in the past that brought us to now
REVEIW
Please?