A/N: This is officially the most random thing I've ever written (but the most fun). It's not introspective at all (though Jess centric) but was born out of my love for Dave and Lane's subterfuge in Season 3 when they're hiding the relationship from Mrs Kim. This led to me imagining what would happen if Rory and Jess got involved as well (especially considering Jess's trouble making skills).
Thus this fic was born.
This takes place in Season 3 after 'Lorelai Out of Water' when Lane agrees to give Jess a second chance but before 'Swan Song'. So basically in the first two, peaceful (but sadly short) months of Rory and Jess dating.
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It started on Friday afternoon when Mrs Kim caught Lane wearing a Clash t-shirt instead of her 'Jesus is coming – Turn or Burn' top and grounded her for the weekend.
Rory had been in Luke's at the time – waiting to give Lane two new CDs – and saw her best friend being dragged back across the town square. On receiving a desperate note via Dave (who was booked in for both Friday and Saturday hymns) she decided to smuggle Lane the CD, so she wouldn't have to wait until Monday.
Rory knew it would be a difficult procedure as Mrs Kim refused anyone access up the stairs (even Dave), banned Lane from leaving her room while there was company and had recently locked the old standby of Lane's bedroom window. The key was now hidden at the back of a high shelf behind the far left pot.
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On Saturday morning, Rory, Jess and Dave met at the diner for what Dave had codenamed 'Underneath the Radar'. Surprisingly although Jess was originally reluctant to help (even he was terrified of Mrs Kim) he actually came up with the most of the plan. (Though considering his reputation as Town Hoodlum maybe it wasn't so surprising.)
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They got into position at 2:024pm
She crouched underneath Mrs Kim's lounge window, clutching the CD in her knuckled hands. Dave sat at the opposite side of the room from the window, gently strumming his guitar for the semi-circle of praying women and Jess was hovering by the Kim's white picket fence.
At 2:26pm he burst through the door.
Dave watched Mrs Kim leap to her feet, glaring furiously at Jess who stared back.
"What are you doing in here?" She demanded. "Are you stupid? The sign says closed."
"Huh."
"Huh? What kind of a word is huh?" She said, scowling. "You really are stupid. Leave now."
"Well," he drawled, "This is a furniture store right?"
"So you can read. I suppose that's something." She snapped. "I've heard about you, you rude, ill-mannered..."
As she was ranting Jess wandered over to the shelves in the corner. He glanced quickly at Dave, who nodded and focused on his thrumming again. Jess picked up two of the pots: the middle and the far left. Dave saw a glint of silver in his hand for the barest moment before Jess shoved it into his pocket and put the pots back. Stride still casual, Jess began to amble across towards the window while Dave felt sweat trickle down his neck.
As Jess rested his hands on the dusty window sill, coolly relaxed; Dave's own fingers were trembling as he strummed, stomach rolling frantically.
"I just want to look around," Jess said casually, as Mrs Kim drew a furious breath. "After all, traditionally that's what stores are for – or so I've heard. Of course it could just be me but –"
"We are closed. This is our time with God. Leave."
"God Time, jeez – what happened to the customer is always right?"
She shrieked with rage and lunged for a nearby Bible, wielding it threateningly; Jess – raising his arms above his head – sprinted across the hallway towards the kitchen, Mrs Kim in his wake.
Dave, still shaking glanced at his watch: 2:30pm. He stood and turned Mrs Kim's small group of (terrified) friends. "Mrs Kim seems a little – preoccupied right now." He said cautiously. "But I believe it's time for some afternoon tea. Why don't you go into the dining room?"
The four of them scuttled away, looking inhumanly grateful and there was a loud, thumping sound from the kitchen, slicing through his ear drums: They didn't have much time left.
Dave darted silently across the room on legs like jelly and grabbed a black Bible off another of the many shelves. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rory's hand reach through the open window and grasp the key on the sill, replacing it with the first of the two CDs.
As Furious screams from Mrs Kim echoed through the house he flipped open the Bible and shoved the CD in its secret back compartment. Outside he saw Rory scrabbling crazily up the tree and unlocking Lane's window. In theory one of the CD's would reach her.
He shoved the Bible back into place and with seconds to spare caught the key that Rory tossed to him from halfway across the garden, slipped it behind the far left pot and fell back into his seat, breath choking his throat.
Meanwhile Mrs Kim gave Jess a final smack across the head with her hard-back Bible and shoved him out of the door. Dave could hear him stumbling down the path and was relieved (again) that he didn't have that job.
Mrs Kim stormed back into the living room. "Where's everyone gone?"
"They've gone into the other room to have tea Ma'am," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "It was 2:30 and I didn't think that just because there was such a rude disturbance, your tea should be put off course."
"Humph," She glared at him. "Good thought. They never do anything for themselves. But you no stop: just because we are eating doesn't give you any excuse. You tune for later."
"Yes Ma'am."
"You good boy. Not like that hoodlum. You do what you're told."
"Thank you Ma'am."
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After school on Monday the four of them were sitting in Luke's when Mrs Kim stormed into rant to Luke about his 'bound for hell' nephew and tell him she was praying for both their souls. (Glaring at Jess again for good measure while Rory stuck her head in a book, Lane pretended to be ordering and Dave hid behind the counter because he still couldn't be seen in public with them.)
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After Mrs Kim had left, they all drew together again.
"That was close man," Dave said wearily.
Lane was staring at them and from the glowing look in her eyes; Rory could tell she was fighting the urge to hug them all. "I still can't believe how amazing you guys are." She said dreamily, "I mean the whole plan, co-ordinating it like that – risking my mother. We have to write a song about it!"
"Oh, Jess did the most." Dave replied, grinning at him. "You were awesome. I mean I can do the undercover stuff no problem, being the inside guy is easy."
"And the entire stealth thing isn't hard either." Rory added.
"But causing a diversion?" Dave said soberly. "Man, that's intense. Especially if it includes insulting God in front of her – you're a brave soul."
Lane shuddered in agreement and Jess shrugged.
"It was no biggie – they wouldn't have bought it from anyone else."
"It seems harsh though," Rory said, lacing their fingers together under the table. "You're the one who has to suffer for it. We should make it up to you."
She gave him a dazzling smile and Jess smirked back.
"I'm sure you will."
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When Lorelai mentioned the incident five minutes later and shot a disapproving look at Jess, Rory glanced over at Lane and Dave and the four of them shared a grin.
After all, the disapproval belonged to all of them.
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Like I said – random – but don't be Scrooges, be Tiny Tim's and review! (A little late for Christmas references but there we go).