The whistle of the train blew, startling Severus Snape. Pulling his nose
from his book, he gave his mother an obligatory peck on the cheek and
dashed to the train, hoping to find an empty compartment.
Fortunately, he found one near the baggage car. Brushing greasy black hair from his eyes, Snape sat down glumly, burying his attention into his book, Occlumency for Dummies. The train lurched to a start, then slowly began building momentum. Thin eyebrows raised in irritation as he heard loud laughter outside the compartment. Snape knew those voices, and loathed each and every one of them. Rolling his eyes, he looked back down at the book.
"Hey, look who I found!" came a taunting voice as the door slip open. "Little Severus Snape." His voice was full of contempt.
"Potter." Snape refused to look up, his voice equally contemptuous. "How may I be of service? Need a little help with your robe?" A sneer curled his lip as he continued reading.
"Ooh, the snake has a little venom this morning. What, did your father hit you again?" James' lip also curled.
Snape slammed his book shut. "Shut up, Potter."
"Uh oh, did I strike a nerve there, Snivellus?" The four youths stepped all the way into the compartment, sliding the door shut.
Snape finally looked up, taking in all four faces; James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remis Lupin. Each face sneered at the greasy youth, though Peter was spending more of his attention on looking adoringly at James.
"Shut up, Potter..." Snape said again, ignoring the other three. His voice was dangerously low.
"And what are you going to do to me, Snape? Throw a book at me?" In one swift movement, James crossed the space, snatched Snape's book, and returned to his friends. "And what is this anyway, Snape? Occlumency for Dummies? Well, that would certainly be you, wouldn't it?"
Snape rose slowly, his eyes locked on James' arrogant face. "Give it back, Potter."
Sirius leaned over James' shoulder and opened the book, reading aloud. " 'Occlumency; used to protect yourself from mental intrusion.' Bloody hell, who'd want into your mind?" He sneered a little and read on. "'Make sure to clear your mind of all emotion. The emotion will make the intrusion smoother.' And what, pray tell, does any of this have to do with you?" Black's eyes glittered maliciously.
"Well, do forgive me, Padfoot, for being interested in the more difficult of the magical arts," Snape said very slowly, bowing low. As he straightened, he took a step towards Potter. "Now, if you don't mind-"
"Why are you so interested in the dark arts anyway, Snape? Sounds a little...oh, I dunno...suspicious...to me." Sirius looked up from the book, his look of hatred just as unabashed as James' did, if not more so.
"And why is it so suspicious, Sirius? Afraid of Voldemort are you?" Snape grinned at the collective jump. Poor Peter looked as though he were about to faint. "Ooh, be careful with your dear friend. He looks as though he's about to drop. Perhaps he should go lie down." Snape's voice took on an incredibly condescending tone. "And what could have possibly set you off, Peter? Was it Voldemort?" At this, Peter did, in fact, pass out. Sirius threw a filthy look at Snape, though all he did was grin maliciously, eyes narrowed.
Lupin and Sirius bent down and hoisted Peter off the floor, carrying the light and limp Peter from Snape's compartment, leaving Potter and Snape alone. "Be careful, Snape," he warned in a dangerous voice.
"Of what, Potter? You?" he spat contemptuously, quietly. "I know your secret, Potter. You wouldn't dare-"
"Oh yes I would, Severus." James' voice was equally quiet, equally deadly. "You are indebted to me, so you wouldn't dare share our secret, now would you? You know what the dire consequences would be." His fists, clenched so tightly at his sides his knuckles were white, shook with barely restrained rage. "Again I say...be careful, Snape." Turning on his heel, James stormed from the compartment, following after the other three, dropping Snape's book on the floor and slamming the sliding door shut with enough force to make the glass in the door shake.
Snarling viciously, Snape grabbed his book from the floor, sitting back down and reading again.
The food cart came and went, with Snape happily ignoring it. The sliding door opened and closed a while later, but Severus kept his eyes trained on his book.
"Severus?" came a timid female voice. Severus looked up to see Lily standing over him, holding her back. "Hi."
"H-hi..." Slowly, he closed his book. "What're you doing here? I thought you'd be with James and them." At James' name, his lip curled ever so slightly.
Lily rolled her eyes. "I've got no problem with the other three. In fact, I wouldn't mind hanging with Sirius or Lupin. But James is...he's..."
"An arrogant prick?" he finished curiously, his face innocent.
Lily laughed prettily, her eyes glittering. "I suppose you could call him that."
"Would you like to sit?" Snape motioned to one of the empty cushions across from him.
"Thanks." Stowing her bag in an over head rack, Lily turned back around and smiled, sitting down. Her long curly hair framed her face; her bright green eyes sliding down to inspect Snape's book. "What're you reading, Sev?" She looked genuinely curious.
Fearing the same reaction from her as he got from the Marauders, he slid it behind himself nervously. "Uh...n-nothing..."
"Oh, come on, Sev! I want to know! Please?" Her lower lip jutted out into a pathetically cute pout.
Snape glowered at Lily, but he pulled the book out, still hiding the cover. "You swear you won't laugh? Or anything?"
Lily smiled. "Gryffindor honor."
Severus glowered again, but handed over the book. He looked down nervously, suddenly finding great interest in the torn knee of his jeans.
"Occlumency for Dummies. Sounds interesting. What is Occlumency?" Lily turned the book over in her hands.
Snape looked up, blinking in surprise. "W-well, Occlumency is the study of how to block your mind from being invaded. Some wizards and witches know how to...to interpret your thoughts, or to view your memories."
"Like who?" She looked up at Snape, curious as she handed back the book.
"I really only know one by name..." he started, taking the book and avoiding her eyes.
Snape didn't want to frighten Lily by using his name, unlike the Marauders.
"Who?"
"Uh...well..." His long fingers began to fidget at the edge of the book.
"Severus, just tell me. Who is it?"
"Voldemort." He kept his voice low, as if whispering it would make it less dangerous.
Lily gave a small flinch, more of a muscle twitch in her jaw. "Oh."
"I'm sorry, I-"Snape began.
"No, Sev. It's fine. Pretending he doesn't exist or changing his name doesn't lessen his power."
"O-on the contrary. It strengthens him. He can catch us by surprise." Snape pressed his book tighter to his hips, staring down at the cover.
"Exactly. We shouldn't be afraid of his name. It's not like saying his name will make him materialize right her in this compartment." Her lips curved up into a small smile. "Well, he couldn't anyway. There are spells on the train that-"
"You know what I meant, Sev." Lily chuckled a little, drawing a small smile across Snape's thin lips.
"Yeah, I did." He looked up with a little chuckle, looking a little ashamed.
"Why were you concerned about the book?"
"Well, I keep getting crap from people for the books I read, and it's getting old." He sighed a little.
"Like who, James?"
Snape hemmed and hawed a moment before giving a small snarl and nodding.
"Look, Sev, don't worry about James, or any of the others. He's just an arrogant prick, to quote you, and you shouldn't pay any attention to him." Lily leaned forward on her knees, allowing Snape a very unfair view down her blouse.
With a dry mouth, Snape looked into Lily's eyes to keep them from wandering. "But-"
"No buts, Snape. Just ignore him!"
"Ignore who?" said a very dry, sarcastic voice. Both Lily and Snape looked at the door, where Lucius and Narcissa stood, Lucius looking smug. His white blond hair was slicked back, giving him the desired pointy Evil- Wizard-Who-Hates-Everyone-But-Narcissa look.
"Bugger off, Lucius," Snape snarled, nearly as vicious as when he spoke to James.
"Ooh, feisty. Not had any good sex recently, Severus?" He glanced back at Narcissa, who beamed.
"If you considering sleeping with you, a blond bimbo, good sex, then I pity Narcissa greatly. And if you're offering, then I say again that you can bugger off." Snape rose slowly, but he felt a hand clench tightly around his wrist.
"Severus..." Lily said with a warning tone. "Calm down."
Lucius' lip curled viciously, one finely shaped eyebrow lifting skeptically. "Aww, does little Severus Snape need a little Mudblood to protect him?"
Lily was upright, wand in hand and standing between Lucius and Severus, faster than either of them thought possible. "Watch it, Lucius. 'Mudblood' I may be, but that does not make me incapable of defending myself. I can still best you at a duel!"
Lucius took a step forward, but was stopped when Narcissa spoke. "Lucius, dear, I'm hungry. Will you come eat m-with me?" Her lips pouted out, her eyes watering up pathetically.
A hungry look crossed Lucius' face just before he turned to glower at Snape and Lily. "Be careful, Snape. I have a debt to repay. And you, Mudblood...you won't last long at Hogwarts. None of them do." Without another word, Lucius followed after Narcissa. There was a heavy silence, and then Snape spoke to Lily's back. "He is so whipped." More silence greeted him. Taking a deep breath, Snape set his hands on Lily's shoulders. "Remember, Lily. Don't pay any attention to him."
Her shoulders shook with rage as she stared at the door, her fist still tightly clenched around her wand. "That's easy for you to say, Sev. You're a pureblood, like him. Not a...a..."
"Don't Lily. Don't."
The word was forced out. "Mudblood."
Snape made a pathetic sound and, after a brief moment's hesitation, he wrapped his arms around Lily's shoulders. "Lily...Lily Lily Lily!" His voice was a rough whisper. "I told you not to say it, I did!"
"Let go, Snape," she said quietly. Too quietly; he didn't hear her, so she shook him away. "Let go!"
Severus stepped away until he was leaning against the window, blushing furiously and looking at the floor. "I'm sorry Lily."
Lily's back was still to him, her head still down. "You don't understand, Severus. You just don't."
"How do you know that, Lily? I do under-"
She rounded on him. "No, Severus, you don't! Are you Muggleborn? No! Do you have to deal with the ridicule? No! The dirty looks? No! The lack of respect? NO!"
"Yes!" he shouted at the same time. Straightening, his eyes flared angrily. "All right, so I'm not Muggleborn. I do have to deal with the ridicule, the dirty looks, and absolutely no respect! But I've got to deal with something you don't!" Severus' voice was sharp.
"Oh? And what is that?" Lily's tone matched his with bitterness.
"Potter and his friends! You know as well as I do how much that they all hate me! Do you have any idea how hard it is to be despised, loathed, by the most popular guy in school? To be ridiculed because of my choice in reading? To be laughed at because of my appearance? To be glared at and judged because my father beats my mother? NO! You don't! You're friends with the Marauders. You're beautiful. You come from a normal family!" Snape's voice caught on the rage and pain bottled up inside of him. "You don't have to watch your father beat your mother every bloody day! You don't have to face the assumptions that you'll be the same by your peers. And you don't have to face a hopeless future because of James Potter!" With a vicious swear word, Snape turned his back to Lily, looking out the window at the gray clouds overhead.
Once again, the compartment was filled with silence as Lily watched Snape try to regulate his breathing again. His hands clenched and unclenched on the windowsill. Slowly, Lily took a step towards him, stopping with hesitation. "Severus?"
"What?" he snapped, not looking at her as he tried to hide his tears.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know about...about..."
"My father?" His voice was bitter. "That's surprising, considering how close you are to Potter and his friends."
"How many times do I have to tell you, Severus? I do not like James Potter! I only like his friends. He could go to hell for all I care!" Though quiet, Lily's voice was full of anger. "Quit making assumptions of me and turn around."
"No." His eyes were red rimmed, and he fought vainly to stave off tears.
"Severus Snape. Turn around this instant!" Her commanding voice made Snape turn around slowly, avoiding her piercing glare. One tear slid down his cheek.
"Yes, Lily?" he said slowly through clenched teeth.
"Look at me." When he shook his head, Lily stepped forward until she was right in front of Snape. With gentle but firm fingers, she lifted Snape's chin, despite the fact his eyes were closed. "Look. At. Me." His eyes opened and he looked into Lily's bright green eyes that were wet with her own tears. "I'm sorry, Sev. I didn't know about your father, and even if I did, I would never say anything about him."
"And I would never call you a...a..."
Lily lifted her finger and crossed Snape's lips with it. "I know you wouldn't. Now shh. It doesn't matter anymore." Pulling her finger away, she hesitated a moment before lifting up onto her toes and kissing him very gently. "We're almost there. We should get our robes on."
After a moment of shock, Snape nodded. "Y-yes. Yes we should."
Fortunately, he found one near the baggage car. Brushing greasy black hair from his eyes, Snape sat down glumly, burying his attention into his book, Occlumency for Dummies. The train lurched to a start, then slowly began building momentum. Thin eyebrows raised in irritation as he heard loud laughter outside the compartment. Snape knew those voices, and loathed each and every one of them. Rolling his eyes, he looked back down at the book.
"Hey, look who I found!" came a taunting voice as the door slip open. "Little Severus Snape." His voice was full of contempt.
"Potter." Snape refused to look up, his voice equally contemptuous. "How may I be of service? Need a little help with your robe?" A sneer curled his lip as he continued reading.
"Ooh, the snake has a little venom this morning. What, did your father hit you again?" James' lip also curled.
Snape slammed his book shut. "Shut up, Potter."
"Uh oh, did I strike a nerve there, Snivellus?" The four youths stepped all the way into the compartment, sliding the door shut.
Snape finally looked up, taking in all four faces; James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remis Lupin. Each face sneered at the greasy youth, though Peter was spending more of his attention on looking adoringly at James.
"Shut up, Potter..." Snape said again, ignoring the other three. His voice was dangerously low.
"And what are you going to do to me, Snape? Throw a book at me?" In one swift movement, James crossed the space, snatched Snape's book, and returned to his friends. "And what is this anyway, Snape? Occlumency for Dummies? Well, that would certainly be you, wouldn't it?"
Snape rose slowly, his eyes locked on James' arrogant face. "Give it back, Potter."
Sirius leaned over James' shoulder and opened the book, reading aloud. " 'Occlumency; used to protect yourself from mental intrusion.' Bloody hell, who'd want into your mind?" He sneered a little and read on. "'Make sure to clear your mind of all emotion. The emotion will make the intrusion smoother.' And what, pray tell, does any of this have to do with you?" Black's eyes glittered maliciously.
"Well, do forgive me, Padfoot, for being interested in the more difficult of the magical arts," Snape said very slowly, bowing low. As he straightened, he took a step towards Potter. "Now, if you don't mind-"
"Why are you so interested in the dark arts anyway, Snape? Sounds a little...oh, I dunno...suspicious...to me." Sirius looked up from the book, his look of hatred just as unabashed as James' did, if not more so.
"And why is it so suspicious, Sirius? Afraid of Voldemort are you?" Snape grinned at the collective jump. Poor Peter looked as though he were about to faint. "Ooh, be careful with your dear friend. He looks as though he's about to drop. Perhaps he should go lie down." Snape's voice took on an incredibly condescending tone. "And what could have possibly set you off, Peter? Was it Voldemort?" At this, Peter did, in fact, pass out. Sirius threw a filthy look at Snape, though all he did was grin maliciously, eyes narrowed.
Lupin and Sirius bent down and hoisted Peter off the floor, carrying the light and limp Peter from Snape's compartment, leaving Potter and Snape alone. "Be careful, Snape," he warned in a dangerous voice.
"Of what, Potter? You?" he spat contemptuously, quietly. "I know your secret, Potter. You wouldn't dare-"
"Oh yes I would, Severus." James' voice was equally quiet, equally deadly. "You are indebted to me, so you wouldn't dare share our secret, now would you? You know what the dire consequences would be." His fists, clenched so tightly at his sides his knuckles were white, shook with barely restrained rage. "Again I say...be careful, Snape." Turning on his heel, James stormed from the compartment, following after the other three, dropping Snape's book on the floor and slamming the sliding door shut with enough force to make the glass in the door shake.
Snarling viciously, Snape grabbed his book from the floor, sitting back down and reading again.
The food cart came and went, with Snape happily ignoring it. The sliding door opened and closed a while later, but Severus kept his eyes trained on his book.
"Severus?" came a timid female voice. Severus looked up to see Lily standing over him, holding her back. "Hi."
"H-hi..." Slowly, he closed his book. "What're you doing here? I thought you'd be with James and them." At James' name, his lip curled ever so slightly.
Lily rolled her eyes. "I've got no problem with the other three. In fact, I wouldn't mind hanging with Sirius or Lupin. But James is...he's..."
"An arrogant prick?" he finished curiously, his face innocent.
Lily laughed prettily, her eyes glittering. "I suppose you could call him that."
"Would you like to sit?" Snape motioned to one of the empty cushions across from him.
"Thanks." Stowing her bag in an over head rack, Lily turned back around and smiled, sitting down. Her long curly hair framed her face; her bright green eyes sliding down to inspect Snape's book. "What're you reading, Sev?" She looked genuinely curious.
Fearing the same reaction from her as he got from the Marauders, he slid it behind himself nervously. "Uh...n-nothing..."
"Oh, come on, Sev! I want to know! Please?" Her lower lip jutted out into a pathetically cute pout.
Snape glowered at Lily, but he pulled the book out, still hiding the cover. "You swear you won't laugh? Or anything?"
Lily smiled. "Gryffindor honor."
Severus glowered again, but handed over the book. He looked down nervously, suddenly finding great interest in the torn knee of his jeans.
"Occlumency for Dummies. Sounds interesting. What is Occlumency?" Lily turned the book over in her hands.
Snape looked up, blinking in surprise. "W-well, Occlumency is the study of how to block your mind from being invaded. Some wizards and witches know how to...to interpret your thoughts, or to view your memories."
"Like who?" She looked up at Snape, curious as she handed back the book.
"I really only know one by name..." he started, taking the book and avoiding her eyes.
Snape didn't want to frighten Lily by using his name, unlike the Marauders.
"Who?"
"Uh...well..." His long fingers began to fidget at the edge of the book.
"Severus, just tell me. Who is it?"
"Voldemort." He kept his voice low, as if whispering it would make it less dangerous.
Lily gave a small flinch, more of a muscle twitch in her jaw. "Oh."
"I'm sorry, I-"Snape began.
"No, Sev. It's fine. Pretending he doesn't exist or changing his name doesn't lessen his power."
"O-on the contrary. It strengthens him. He can catch us by surprise." Snape pressed his book tighter to his hips, staring down at the cover.
"Exactly. We shouldn't be afraid of his name. It's not like saying his name will make him materialize right her in this compartment." Her lips curved up into a small smile. "Well, he couldn't anyway. There are spells on the train that-"
"You know what I meant, Sev." Lily chuckled a little, drawing a small smile across Snape's thin lips.
"Yeah, I did." He looked up with a little chuckle, looking a little ashamed.
"Why were you concerned about the book?"
"Well, I keep getting crap from people for the books I read, and it's getting old." He sighed a little.
"Like who, James?"
Snape hemmed and hawed a moment before giving a small snarl and nodding.
"Look, Sev, don't worry about James, or any of the others. He's just an arrogant prick, to quote you, and you shouldn't pay any attention to him." Lily leaned forward on her knees, allowing Snape a very unfair view down her blouse.
With a dry mouth, Snape looked into Lily's eyes to keep them from wandering. "But-"
"No buts, Snape. Just ignore him!"
"Ignore who?" said a very dry, sarcastic voice. Both Lily and Snape looked at the door, where Lucius and Narcissa stood, Lucius looking smug. His white blond hair was slicked back, giving him the desired pointy Evil- Wizard-Who-Hates-Everyone-But-Narcissa look.
"Bugger off, Lucius," Snape snarled, nearly as vicious as when he spoke to James.
"Ooh, feisty. Not had any good sex recently, Severus?" He glanced back at Narcissa, who beamed.
"If you considering sleeping with you, a blond bimbo, good sex, then I pity Narcissa greatly. And if you're offering, then I say again that you can bugger off." Snape rose slowly, but he felt a hand clench tightly around his wrist.
"Severus..." Lily said with a warning tone. "Calm down."
Lucius' lip curled viciously, one finely shaped eyebrow lifting skeptically. "Aww, does little Severus Snape need a little Mudblood to protect him?"
Lily was upright, wand in hand and standing between Lucius and Severus, faster than either of them thought possible. "Watch it, Lucius. 'Mudblood' I may be, but that does not make me incapable of defending myself. I can still best you at a duel!"
Lucius took a step forward, but was stopped when Narcissa spoke. "Lucius, dear, I'm hungry. Will you come eat m-with me?" Her lips pouted out, her eyes watering up pathetically.
A hungry look crossed Lucius' face just before he turned to glower at Snape and Lily. "Be careful, Snape. I have a debt to repay. And you, Mudblood...you won't last long at Hogwarts. None of them do." Without another word, Lucius followed after Narcissa. There was a heavy silence, and then Snape spoke to Lily's back. "He is so whipped." More silence greeted him. Taking a deep breath, Snape set his hands on Lily's shoulders. "Remember, Lily. Don't pay any attention to him."
Her shoulders shook with rage as she stared at the door, her fist still tightly clenched around her wand. "That's easy for you to say, Sev. You're a pureblood, like him. Not a...a..."
"Don't Lily. Don't."
The word was forced out. "Mudblood."
Snape made a pathetic sound and, after a brief moment's hesitation, he wrapped his arms around Lily's shoulders. "Lily...Lily Lily Lily!" His voice was a rough whisper. "I told you not to say it, I did!"
"Let go, Snape," she said quietly. Too quietly; he didn't hear her, so she shook him away. "Let go!"
Severus stepped away until he was leaning against the window, blushing furiously and looking at the floor. "I'm sorry Lily."
Lily's back was still to him, her head still down. "You don't understand, Severus. You just don't."
"How do you know that, Lily? I do under-"
She rounded on him. "No, Severus, you don't! Are you Muggleborn? No! Do you have to deal with the ridicule? No! The dirty looks? No! The lack of respect? NO!"
"Yes!" he shouted at the same time. Straightening, his eyes flared angrily. "All right, so I'm not Muggleborn. I do have to deal with the ridicule, the dirty looks, and absolutely no respect! But I've got to deal with something you don't!" Severus' voice was sharp.
"Oh? And what is that?" Lily's tone matched his with bitterness.
"Potter and his friends! You know as well as I do how much that they all hate me! Do you have any idea how hard it is to be despised, loathed, by the most popular guy in school? To be ridiculed because of my choice in reading? To be laughed at because of my appearance? To be glared at and judged because my father beats my mother? NO! You don't! You're friends with the Marauders. You're beautiful. You come from a normal family!" Snape's voice caught on the rage and pain bottled up inside of him. "You don't have to watch your father beat your mother every bloody day! You don't have to face the assumptions that you'll be the same by your peers. And you don't have to face a hopeless future because of James Potter!" With a vicious swear word, Snape turned his back to Lily, looking out the window at the gray clouds overhead.
Once again, the compartment was filled with silence as Lily watched Snape try to regulate his breathing again. His hands clenched and unclenched on the windowsill. Slowly, Lily took a step towards him, stopping with hesitation. "Severus?"
"What?" he snapped, not looking at her as he tried to hide his tears.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know about...about..."
"My father?" His voice was bitter. "That's surprising, considering how close you are to Potter and his friends."
"How many times do I have to tell you, Severus? I do not like James Potter! I only like his friends. He could go to hell for all I care!" Though quiet, Lily's voice was full of anger. "Quit making assumptions of me and turn around."
"No." His eyes were red rimmed, and he fought vainly to stave off tears.
"Severus Snape. Turn around this instant!" Her commanding voice made Snape turn around slowly, avoiding her piercing glare. One tear slid down his cheek.
"Yes, Lily?" he said slowly through clenched teeth.
"Look at me." When he shook his head, Lily stepped forward until she was right in front of Snape. With gentle but firm fingers, she lifted Snape's chin, despite the fact his eyes were closed. "Look. At. Me." His eyes opened and he looked into Lily's bright green eyes that were wet with her own tears. "I'm sorry, Sev. I didn't know about your father, and even if I did, I would never say anything about him."
"And I would never call you a...a..."
Lily lifted her finger and crossed Snape's lips with it. "I know you wouldn't. Now shh. It doesn't matter anymore." Pulling her finger away, she hesitated a moment before lifting up onto her toes and kissing him very gently. "We're almost there. We should get our robes on."
After a moment of shock, Snape nodded. "Y-yes. Yes we should."