A/N: Love this song, and I imagined this. I hope you like it.
Mr. Mom
03:32 p.m. on a Friday afternoon in the middle of June. A disgruntled Kenshin Himura loosened his tie and looked in the mirror. He was a block away from the suburban hone that his mediocre office job bought him and his wife Kaoru. He'd been working there for six years. Six. Fucking. Years. He knew he was a good worker. He worked double time and usually overtime for he, his wife and his son Kenji who was four.
Looking back in the mirror, Kenshin fought whether he should loosen the tie of make it firmer. Finally, he ditched the tie all together and let it hang limply around his shoulders. He pulled into that little suburban home that his office job bought him. He leaned back in the seat after he'd killed the ignition. He rehearsed his lines to say to Kaoru, but even he was displease with himself.
Kenshin got out of the car and started towards the door. It was unlocked as it usually was since Kaoru was home. And Kaoru was sitting on the couch watching General Hospital with a laptop in her hands and Kenji crawling around at her feet. She turned.
"Kenshin? What are you doing home so early?"
Kenshin sighed despite the delight in his wife's voice. "I-I got fired."
Lost my job, came home mad
Got a hug and a kiss and
"That's too bad" she said
"I can go to work until
You find another job."
Kaoru took notice to how Kenshin felt as though he'd let the family down. She hugged him tightly.
"Aw, that's okay," Kaoru looked back at her laptop sitting on the couch. "You know, I love working from home, but I can go into the office since you're home. And you can watch Kenji, get some male bonding time."
"Yeah."
But there were other things that were on the red head's mind.
I thought:
'I like the sound of that; watch TV
And take long naps. Go from a
Hardworking dad, to being Mr. Mom…
"We won't lose and income, I promise. Just until you find something else that you can do. Alright?"
"Yeah."
Kenshin fell on the couch next to his wife's laptop. Kenji crawled up to his father and squirmed onto his lap. "How's that sound kiddo? I'll be home with you all day." Kenji gave a childish giggle without actually answering his father. Instead he reached out and grabbed Kenshin's bangs playfully.
Monday:
Kenshin laid into the bed lazily at four thirty. This was the time that he would usually be up to get ready for his day. By five, Kaoru's alarm went off. By five thirty, the third time the snooze went off, she got up. He wasn't sure between that time, and the time that Kaoru woke him up at six that he was dozing off or not.
"C'mon Kenshin. There's some stuff that I need to tell you."
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast: six, naps at nine
There's bubblegum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy only day long
And it's only Monday Mr. Mom
In a sleepy haze, Kenshin put on a shirt and started down the stairs with Kaoru all suited up for her day at the office. Kenji had beaten his father up that morning and was already eating his cereal. Kenshin rubbed his eyes and yawned.
"He's already eating. He usually takes a nap at nine for about a half an hour. Just put in an old video or C-SPAN."
"Kay."
"I need you to go to the grocery for me. List's on the fridge. I also want you to do the checkbook, I think a few things might be coming in today," Kenshin was half listening standing in front of the open fridge petting the dog who was off because of Kenshin's late rise.
"Hello fuzzy," Kenshin looked up to Kaoru who put her hands on her hips.
"I left my number Kenshin. Call me if you need help with anything alright? Seriously."
" I will."
Kaoru kissed him. "No you won't." and she rushed over to Kenji to give him a kiss before she ran to the door and waved to her family. "I'll be back at four," she said ecstatically. Kenshin sat across from his son at the table sipping orange juice.
"So, what do you usually do?" Kenshin asked. Kenji crunched his cereal exaggeratingly loud. Once finish, he smiled deviously to his father.
Football, soccer and ballet
Squeeze in scouts and PTA
And there's that shopping list she left
That's seven pages long.
How much smoke can one stove make?
The kids won't eat my charcoal cake
It's more than any man can take
Being Mr. Mom…
08:43 a.m.
Kaoru had failed to mention Dr. Gensai dropping off his granddaughters ages five and three, off every day for Kaoru's "daycare". At least, that was what it seemed like to Kenshin. They rushed to Kenji who was coloring in his makeshift playroom that took up three fourths of the sunroom. Then, Kenshin was beginning to question whether the girl's followed the 'naptime' rule that Kenji did.
He kept one eye on the kids and the other on the cake that he was making for his and Kaoru's anniversary that was coming up. (He thought that he would surprise her a little early.)
Alongside the kids and the cake, Kenshin was also trying to read the paper, what little parts he was getting in while he was skimming. He looked up one moment to see that Kenji was whispering in Ayame, the older of the two's, ear. Ayame laughed. Kenshin looked back at the cake then to the paper.
Suspicious laughter. The three children were ganged around the wall with Kenji goading Suzume, the younger of the two, to take a dark blue crayon to the wall. Kenshin jumped from his post over to the children pulling Suzume away and trying to wipe off the waxy substance. As a second regiment, Ayame began to color between his legs. Kenshin grabbed her and also took his son's arm so there wasn't a third regiment. He started collecting all the crayons in a paranoid fashion into the Tupperware box there they were kept. They went under his arm where the children couldn't reach.
"Daddy," Kenji tugged on his father's jeans. "Give 'em back."
Though his eyes were mesmerizing, Kenshin stood his ground. "If you can't be responsible, then you can't play with them."
"But Daddy…"
"No buts," he looked to the clock. "It's naptime you three. C'mon, c'mon.," he coaxed them into the living room where there were blankets laid out. He put in an old Barney movie that was sure to put them to sleep. He walked over and set the crayons on the top of the fridge. Then, it was off to cleaning the wall of blue and red crayons. He cursed lightly to himself, but smiled thinking that they were only just kids. Just as these thoughts entered Kenshin's head, the beeping in there became just as clear. He shot up his head over to the oven that had been going off possibly for the last five minutes. Kenshin jumped, looked into the oven window, then back up to the oven. He turned off the timer and opened the oven. It was steaming. Fucking great. Kenshin grabbed and oven mitt and pulled out the cake. He could feel how hot the cake had gotten.
"Holy shit!" he nearly dropped it on the cooling rack.
"You said a bad word Daddy." Kenji's voice rang out.
"What?"
"You said a bad word. You said sh--"Kenshin covered his son's mouth
"Don' t say that to Mommy or anyone else."
"You need to put a quarter in the jar."
"What? Why?" Kenshin tried salvaging any part of the cake.
"Because you said a bad word. You put a quarter in the swear jar," he pointed to the top of the fridge, "when you say a bad word."
"Kenji, I don't have a quarter."
"But you have to."
"I don't have a quarter."
"I'll tell Mommy that you didn't put a quarter in."
"Fine! I'll get a quarter!" Kenshin couldn't believe that he fell for the "snitch card". He retrieved a quarter from the dresser and put it in the jar. "Better?" he looked around. "Kenji?" The boy was back on the floor and nearly asleep with Ayame and Suzume.
--
12:13 p.m.
Kenshin had four hours until Kaoru got home. He'd spent the last hour trying to get them lunch, remake the cake and the hardest, fidget around with the children in the car ready for the supermarket. It'd be very inconsiderate for the babysitter to drop off the kids at another babysitter.
When they got to the store, Kenshin was driven to madness seeing how small Kaoru would write to fit the entire list on one page. Would it have been written the that Kenshin wrote it, the thing would have been at least seven pages long. He was tempted to pull put his reading glasses, but instead Ayame read it for him.
"Kenji?" Kenshin had felt the boy slip out of his grip. "Kenji?" Ayame giggled. "Dear God, what now?" Trying to be on Ground Control, Kenshin assured the girls that they were going to "search and rescue" Kenji. In Kenshin's mind it was "search and destroy".
"He's probably in the cereal," Ayame said.
"Yeah, cerebal." Suzume added.
"Oh?"
Kenshin was holding Ayame's hand and had Suzume in the cart.
"Yeah, he says that you guys don't get the right kind."
"uh-huh."
Kenshin swerved into the cereal aisle, empty, except for one red headed boy trying to climb the shelves up to the top. He had knocked over a dozen other boxes to get there. Kenshin left Ayame to tend to her sister while he went to retrieve his son; not much to his surprise, personnel had arrived to deal with that matter.
"Kenji, you know better."
"Is there a problem sir?" a burley teenage boy asked. Kenshin swallowed as though his life were in danger.
"No, I don't think so," he responded. In his normal OCD way he put all the boxes back in their rightful places.
"Your son?"
"Their so adorable at this age," Kenshin said patting his son's head. "Look, I'm sorry."
"No problem, it seems to be back very orderly. You do better than some of the people that work here."
"Thank you."
Kenshin started walking away. "You should think about working here, you'd probably be a good manager. I mean, if you can handle kids and all."
"Yeah." And in his mind he said: Says you, you're what? Eighteen?
"Some employees, it's all they are. Children.
"I'm sure."
"Why are you blushing Daddy?" Kenji tugged his father's hair.
"Shush."
The boy looked over his father's shoulder and raspberried the man. Kenshin put his son in the cart where Suzume sat. He set her on the ground and let her grab her sister's hand who was hand in hand with Kenshin.
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast: six, naps at nine
There's bubblegum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy only day long
And it's only Monday Mr. Mom
02:42 p.m.
Upon returning home, Kenshin was dragged from the kitchen to the backyard where they played soccer. A solitary Kodak moment until Kenji put gum in Suzume's hair. Kenshin regretfully had to cut out a lock of her hair. Then, when he was ready to sit down for a Red Sox game, the recliner calling his name, he was surprised went he sat in an open bucket of fried potatoes. He looked at Kenji trying to interrupt Ayame's graceful ballet steps by tossing a football at her.
"Kenji-chan?"
"Yeah?"
"What was this for?" he shoved the food under Kenji's nose.
"I was hungry."
"Then why not tell me?"
"Uh-nuh," he shrugged. Getting back at his Dad for the crayons and the cereal.
"No 'uh-nuh'. Kenji, when your mother gets home…" he broke out crying. "I, for the love of Pete." He grabbed Kenji and rubbed his back as he cried. "You're not getting over on me…ORO!" Kenji made a grand yank on his father's hair so much so that it could have yanked out the hairs. "Kenji!"
They boy dropped from his Dad's arms and ran upstairs. Ayame came to Kenshin as he retrieved and new pair of pants and threw out the fried potatoes.
"Are you okay Uncle Ken?"
"Where's Suzume?" he asked hushing his tone.
"Playing with her Barbies," Ayame pointed to Suzume using her Barbie and Kenji's GI Joe to play house. Kenshin made sure he was potato free before he went back into the living room.
"Hi Uncie Ken!" Suzume called. Kenshin waved and turned on the game. He went to reach where he had laid the paper. It had vanished, but underneath there was a check book and the mailman was pulling up.
"Shit…"
"You said a bad word!" Kenji yelled.
"You gonna stay up there all day?!"
"Maybe!" Another raspberry.
Kenshin trekked out to the mailbox. Bills, oh the irony. He was just about to keel over in all the happiness. Rocking on his feet a moment he took a breath through his nose.
"Rationalize Kenshin. You can be Kaoru. You can handle this. You can watch three kids and do work and watch TV all at the same ti--oh c'mon! Gimme a break!" Kenshin looked to the sky. "Is there a God?!"
He got rain.
Before I fall in bed tonight
If the dog didn't eat the classifieds
I'm gonna look just one more time…
03:54 p.m.
Kenshin finished the checking, and for more daily exercise chased the dog ripping his paper to shreds. He salvaged half the Sports section and most of the classifieds. He sat watching Kenji trying to creep down the stairs feeling guilty while his father managed to regain his breath from chasing the dog. Circling a few items of interest, Kenshin heard his wife pull up.
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast: six, naps at nine
There's bubblegum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy only day long
Oh been crazy all day long
And it's only Monday…Mr. Mom!
The moment that Kaoru entered the room, things lightened up. Kenji ran up to her happily. She read him
"So what did you do?"
"Nothing."
"Uh-huh."
"We shopped," Kenshin answered. "We chased. We had…fun," he said tucking the classifieds behind him.
"Oh? No trouble?"
Kaoru looked around to see the place in her husband's OCD spic and san way. Nothing tore apart, so she was pleased.
"Nope."
"Good. Cause I had fun."
Balancing check books, juggling bills
Thought there was nothing to it
Baby now I know how you feel
What I don't know…is how you do it…
Kenshin smiled as Kaoru walked away to hug her son. He pulled ou the classifieds. In a moment, he heard Kaoru sending the boy to his room.
Another circle in the classifieds.
Honey, he thought, you're my hero.
A/N: I hope you liked it. KenSan out!