Julian Fellowes is on my bad list for doing what he did with this sweet couple. They are just so good for one another. And that's all I'll say so that I don't spoil the surprise totally for thoses who don't already know... But I do have a story started that fixes JF's blunder, lol. In the meantime, I do hope you enjoy this one;-)
Sir Anthony Strallan allowed himself to be distracted by his brother-in-law, Matthew Crawley. After all, spending the entire evening ogling one's wife was not considered polite. Still, as interesting as he might have found Matthew's conversation on another occasion, on this night Anthony could not seem to keep his eyes from flickering back in the direction of Edith.
No one would ever imagine that just two months ago she had given birth to their third child, another boy. Edith had insisted that this time it would be named for Anthony's father and she had been equally insistent that the baby should carry his own father's name as well. So on this, their first night out since the birth of young Charles Anthony Strallan, the baby was safely at home with his two older siblings, Robert Thomas and Cora Elizabeth. No doubt the twins were giving Nanny a fit. But that was not really what occupied Anthony's mind at the moment.
Instead, he was mesmerized by the mother of his progeny, Edith. She seemed to have a glow about her this evening that had been missing the last few months. Her second pregnancy so quickly on the heels of her first had taken a toll and she had been very tired, worn down even. But she spent most of the afternoon resting and tonight, she looked splendid. No one at the party would guess how under the weather she had been.
Anthony's eyes raked along the lines of her peach colored dress, appreciative of the contours along her body. In his mind's eye, Anthony was also appreciating what he knew lay beneath the soft folds of fabric. At Dr. Clarkson's urging, Anthony had been careful not to pursue Edith as she recovered. But on this night all thoughts of restraint were overcome by other, more succulent thoughts. God how he had missed lying next to that lovely, very bountiful body of hers…
She must have felt his gaze because she looked up and graced him with a shy smile. It astonished him still that she would be so surprised that he, or any man, would want her. But he knew that without that element of her personality, he would never have had a chance with her and so he was grateful.
As the evening progressed, Anthony spoke to a few long time friends but found extended conversation difficult, if not impossible. His mind could only seem to focus on Edith, his lovely Edith. Glancing again in her direction, he was both proud and chagrinned to see that she was nestled in a corner with two of the young bucks, sons of local gentry and nobility and known in the county for their outlandish behavior, especially where women were concerned. One said something and Edith giggled, obviously enjoying the attention of the younger men.
A mixture of emotion ran through Anthony then. He was a little perturbed that she should be huddled in the corner with them, knowing their reputation. And when he saw young Edgarton slip his hand innocuously to her side, it was all Anthony could do to contain his anger, especially when Edith did nothing to discourage him. Anthony watched as Dandridge leaned close to her and whisper into her ear and nearly came undone with fury. "Of all the impertinence" he thought, and then other emotions overtook him as Edith nodded and smiled.
His insides began to churn as he realized these men were of the age that Edith should have married, instead of an old fart like him. With these men, she would have been so much more in her element, having more nights out and socializing instead of stuck at home with an aging, crippled old man and three children. His mood darkened as briefly a picture flashed in his mind's eye of Edith with one of those two, locked in the throes of passion. The idea that one of those ruffians might know his dear, sweet Edith in such an intimate manner angered him. Why was she wasting her smiles and laughter on those louts anyway? There were other men at the party that would have been better matches for her.
Suddenly his chest tightened as if a fist had grabbed his heart and squeezed it. Any of them would have been better choices for her than he, Anthony realized. Breathing became difficult as he watched the trio in the corner. Was he losing her? Would she find excuses to be out on her own and run off to meet one of them? Who could blame her if she did? He certainly hadn't been meeting her needs of late. Only last night, she had tried to start something but he had put her off, remembering Clarkson's warnings. What was he to do?
Swallowing the bile that was rising in his throat, Anthony struggled to regain his composure. It was then that he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see the concerned eyes of his father-in-law. "Anthony?" he asked.
"I'm alright," Anthony replied a little too quickly. Father-in-law… more like old school chums, Anthony's mind chided.
"Are you certain?" Robert asked. "You look a little pale."
Anthony smiled, or at least tried to. "Yes, quite fine. Just had a little more to drink than I am accustomed to is all…"
Robert patted him and then shifted his gaze to Edith, who had been joined by Cora in the corner. The two young bucks had moved away under the glare of Cora's disapproving glower. Then Cora turned to her daughter and spoke quietly to her. Anthony watched as Edith's eyes widened and she looked across the room at Anthony, concern and fear covering her features. That's all I'm good for, Anthony mused inwardly. I make her frown…
Edith was shocked at what her mother was suggesting but deep down, she knew it was true. She'd been so caught up in the favorable attention of those two that she forgot what they might be up to. After all, they had hardly ever paid her any attention before. But now that she was married, and to an older man, they thought she might be open to an illicit assignation. What must Anthony be thinking of my behavior? She chided herself as she saw his crestfallen expression as he looked across the room at her.
Barely glancing back at her mother, Edith crossed the room, her eyes never leaving her husband. Her father moved away as she approached. She felt so ashamed as she looked at Anthony. But when she looked into his face, his bright blue eyes shined back at her so lovingly it made her chest hurt. "Do you think we might go home?" she asked softly.
He looked perplexed. "I thought you were enjoying yourself."
Taking a deep breath, Edith replied. "I am; it was nice to get out for the evening. But now I think I'd rather be at home, check on the children, and then perhaps we could talk."
She wanted to talk; it unnerved Anthony. What did she want to talk about? Was this it? Had she given him back his life, given him this lovely dream, and now she was taking it all away? "Of course, my dear," he managed to say.
The car ride home was quiet, each deep in their own thoughts. Edith was trying to figure out how to make it up to him, explain how foolish she had been. Anthony was trying to figure out how he would bear it when she said she wanted her freedom to engage in dalliances. He felt his world crumbling and there was little he could do to stop it.
They peeked into the nursery together. Nanny informed them that the twins had gone down for bed easily but the baby had been fussy. "He missed you, Mi'lady." Edith smiled as she looked across at Charles in his crib.
Anthony watched his wife, desperate to convince her to stay with him in this life they had created. "The boy is already demonstrating good sense," he said softly. Edith's answering sigh didn't calm his turmoil as he took in the expression that accompanied it.
They went their separate ways to change for bed. And then after what he believed to be an appropriate time, he knocked on her door. Stepping into the room, he heard Edith dismiss her maid. Anthony stood just inside the door and waited until the young woman departed. Without a word, he watched as Edith stood up from her vanity and moved to the bed. It wasn't until the light from the bedside lamp washed the side of her face that he saw tears running down her cheeks. Fear clutched him, squeezing his chest until again, he was breathless. Was this to be it then…the end?
"Edith?" he inquired gently as he stepped to the side of the bed.
"I've made an awful mess of things," she cried.
He sat on the edge of the bed wondering what he should say, what he could do to make things better. Looking sheepishly across at her, he felt terrible for her. He did love her so very much and seeing her hurting tore at him, even in his own agony. "I worried that you might think so," he offered, still unsure what he could say to help.
"I just don't know what I was thinking," she sniffled.
Sitting leadenly on the bed, he sighed. "You were being kind..," he muttered forlornly. "...so very kind."
"No, I wasn't. I wasn't being kind at all…just thinking of myself as always. Can you ever forgive me?" She pleaded.
Anthony frowned. She wanted his forgiveness? So soon? He was trying, desperately trying to fathom it all. Just a few short hours ago he had been happy, so very, very happy and now she was taking all of that away from him. Well, perhaps not all… there were the children. He had never expected that. Perhaps they could come to some sort of arrangement; one where they remained under the same roof so that he could still have the children.
"I… well, I …I suppose it would be foolish of me to blame you completely," he stammered. "I knew…I mean when we started out, I was worried about…"
"Oh Anthony, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have let all the attention go to my head so…"
"But I do understand, Edith." He felt a little stronger now, a little more in control of his own emotions. "You've always felt like just an after thought, although I really don't understand how that could be. You are such a lovely creature, you know," he said looking at her so lovingly that it warmed her.
Biting her lower lip, Edith sighed. "I don't feel very lovely right now," she confessed.
"You're young; everything seems so much weightier than it truly is," Anthony offered. "Once this is settled and you are free, you will feel better about it all, I'm sure." He searched her face for some sign that she might still have fond feelings for him. Instead, he was met with a shocked expression.
"What are you implying? Free? Settled? I don't understand…are you trying to be rid of me because of my deplorable behavior?" Tears rolled down her face rapidly.
Thoroughly confused, Anthony tried to muster a response. "Rid of you? No, of course not…I thought…"
Edith was frowning now. "Anthony?" Her soft brown eyes were imploring, demanding an explanation. It confounded Anthony. He thought she would be happy that he was willing to admit the inevitable. Instead, she seemed surprised.
"It is your freedom you want, isn't it? Freedom to …to…" The thought of her with those younger men from earlier sickened him. He felt the blood drain from his face as the vision swam in his mind.
Edith saw him go pale and it frightened her. Instantly she was beside him. "Oh my darling, whatever is the matter…you are so pale?"
It was too much…all too much for Anthony. Bolting from his position on the bed, he headed for the door to his dressing room. "I understand that…well, …that your needs are…that I'm not….," he stopped and took a breath. "I understand," he said deliberately. "But I don't want to know about…about …them."
Edith was flustered. "Them? Who?"
"Your…men," Anthony said in a broken voice.
Edith's eyes widened in horror. "Men? Anthony, I don't understand."
"Oh Edith; I'm not blind. I saw how much you enjoyed those two tonight."
Finally Edith understood. "Oh…those men." She watched him for a long moment, the longest of his life. "But you have it all wrong, my darling. They are not the men I find interesting. It was fun chatting with them; they ignored me so much when we were all younger and it was nice to have their attention for a few moments but they are quite shallow, actually."
Relief swept through Anthony until the full content of her words struck. "Well if they aren't the ones…" His knees were weak with despair.
"Well, there are only three. One has the most amazing blue eyes and is quite a stinker and the second is quite the jolly fellow as well. But the one that can really stir me is quite charming and very handsome…and so very intelligent."
Anthony sighed, feeling disconsolate. "I only ask that you remain discreet…for the children's sake."
Edith crossed the room and stood in front of him. Running her hand down his chest, slipping her fingers between the buttons of his shirt and raking his skin, Edith leaned up to whisper, "oh I think the secret is out." Anthony looked stunned. "In fact," she continued, "I think that you are the only one who doesn't know about my lover."
She had said it…lover. Anthony stared down into her soft, shining eyes and wanted to cry. Her admission hurt, cutting him to his core. But at least he wasn't in the dark any longer. Before he could reply her hand slid up his neck and behind his head, forcing him down, closer to her face. Suddenly her lips were on his, hot and demanding. Disorientated and reeling, Anthony backed away.
Her eyes were fixed on him, demanding and desirous. "Edith, what game is it you are playing? I can't …it is too much." Her face flushed pink and she began to giggle. Astounded Anthony stood frozen, unable to think.
"Oh my silly darling, there is no game. I am simply trying to convince my husband to bed me."
"But what of your…." He couldn't say it…the word…lover.
"You mean my incredibly handsome and charming husband? He has been ignoring me of late; I suspect he is following doctor's orders but I'm really quite tired of waiting."
"But you said there were three…" he whimpered.
"Yes, I must confess I am quite enamored by our two boys as well. They already have their father's ability to charm me." Still rather dense, his emotions clouding his ability to process everything, Anthony stood with his mouth agape. "Oh my dear," Edith began to explain further as she stepped into him again, "I was so distraught because I was afraid I had embarrassed you tonight. Mama said everyone in the room knew what those two were about but of course, I had no clue."
"What?" he asked still muddled.
"I am a married woman and Mama said that those two are known for toying with married women who might be interested in … a tryst." Edith blushed the most delightful shade of pink, Anthony observed. "And of course, I was not the least interested. The only man for whom I have those feelings is you. And honestly Anthony, if you and Dr. Clarkson don't stop denying me then I think I will go mad."
Joy erupted somewhere in the vicinity of Anthony's heart. She wasn't tired of him, not yet. "But Clarkson said another pregnancy so soon would be detrimental," he lamented.
"And you are rather good at making me pregnant, aren't you," she teased. "But I am out of patience. You will come to bed with me and we will make love…tonight," she stated rather firmly.
Looking into her determined but loving eyes, Anthony surrendered. "As you wish, my dear," he said before kissing her thoroughly.
Two months later Anthony paced rather worriedly in his library as he waited for Clarkson to finish upstairs. They had just barely adjusted to the idea of another child when Edith awoke in a pool of blood in the night. Clarkson came immediately and was with her now.
Finally the door opened and Clarkson entered the room, rather tiredly. "She will be alright," he told the distraught Anthony. "But of course, the baby is lost."
"Yes, I knew… when I saw the blood…I knew," Anthony said sadly.
"I told you that it was too soon. I wish you had listened," Clarkson admonished.
"Yes, yes… and I tried. But she is young and so …."
"Yes, I understand. But in the future, perhaps be more careful about when the two of you… well, you know." Clarkson suggested delicately.
"Yes…of course," Anthony agreed. "May I see her now?"
"Of course. But she will need rest…nothing strenuous for a few weeks."
"Right….of course." Anthony bolted from the room taking the stairs quickly. Pushing into their bedroom, he stopped when he saw Edith curled on the bed, crying.
"Oh my darling," he said as he went to her.
"I'll be alright," she whimpered.
"Yes, Clarkson said for you to rest and then everything will be…as usual."
She let out a large sob. "Except he said…" she sniffled.
Fear gripped him as she left him dangling. "Said what, my darling?"
"He said we shouldn't…that you should find other outlets for your…urges," she wailed.
Anthony smiled. "And did you inform him that it is not my urges that seem to be the problem," he teased.
"I tried. But he said you are a brute for putting me through this. And he wouldn't listen when I said…when I tried to tell him that I …that you were trying to …." She began sobbing again. "He called you a brute…."
Gathering her to him, Anthony began to rub her back soothingly. "Well, let him think what he will. We know what is between us. But we will be more careful. I don't want you suffering anymore nights like this one."
"I'm sorry," she sniffled.
"Sorry? For what, my dear?"
"I lost…our baby is gone."
Planting a gentle kiss in her hair, he cuddled against her. "I am sorry our baby is gone too. But it isn't anything you did and so you mustn't apologize. I must confess though that I was hoping for another little girl; one with her mother's lovely brown eyes and deliciously colored hair."
"Oh Anthony…" she cried.
"Hush, my darling. It will be alright. You'll see. This one was not meant to be. We have quite a handful already as it is. And perhaps one day you'll give me that darling little girl to cherish. In the meantime, we shall simply treasure what we have."
Edith fell asleep curled next to him as Anthony held her, his mind deep in prayer, thankful that his dearest darling was still with him.