Because Of You, a harry potter fanfic

A/N:HBP SPOiLERS! Don't read if you don't like violence/non-consentual sexual situations. Please don't flma,e you've been warned.

Set to Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You" and I (obviously) don't own it. Nor do I own anything you recognize as JKR's.

Rating:At Least T!

Author:Emeraldeyes/Me :)

Because of You

Minerva McGonagall sat at her desk in her office, looking out at the marble tomb that stood next to the lake. As the last rays from the setting sun fell upon the stone, she pondered her relationship with the famous wizard she had loved...

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard,
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far

They had met when Minerva had started teaching at the school. For about ten years, he had wooed her, gently taken her heart from her, and then, when they had embarked on their eleventh year as a couple, he had proposed. She, being you and in love, had married, not realizing that she knew next to nothing about him, and that she knew absolutely nothing about his past.

That was the biggest mistake she had ever made.

Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but every one around me
Because of you, I am afraid..

Immediately after their wedding, Albus had sat her down and told her the hard truth. The only reason he had married her was because he needed someone to be his Vessel. Minerva, mind still clouded by love and a Fogging Potion he'd slipped her many a time, had simply sat, accepting all with a polite smile. He had explained that he would only use her for a wastebin, of sorts, for any pain or anguish, mental, physical or emotional, that he might experience. And then he forced her to sleep with him.

Waking the next morning, sore, cold and more alone than she'd ever been, Minerva had realized the true error of her ways. Sadly, there was no going back.

I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart cant possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with...

Over the next few months, she started her job as a Vessel. Her husband would come home, usually during the late hours of the night, and simply touch her temples with his long fingers. And she would experience all of the suffering he had that day, leaving him untouched, peaceful. But her, she was sleepless, having nightmares when she found rest, losing touch with so many she'd befriended at school, seeming more and more distant every day.

Minerva knew she couldn't cry or beg. When she did, he'd hit her. Hard. When he thought that she was showing too much sadness or letting others know what he was doing, there was more punishment. He would pile more and more into her as a Vessel, force her more often, and beat her more frequently. Minerva took to wearing long-sleeves and a stern facade. No smiles, no laughing..no love.

In the next thirty years of marriage, Minerva forgot how to trust, forgot how to confide in people, forgot what love and friends were like. She was overly cautious about every little thing, knowing that the slightest slip up could result in disastrous circumstances for herself.

And the baby that she was secretly carrying, scared to tell her husband of the life. And as he continued to hurt her, she felt the little life flickering, hurting. She knew that the mental, physical and emotional stress she had been under was unhealthy for the child, that it could harm him or her.

That was what made her cry out to him, late one night after he had forced her. And that was what made the tiny life finally die-a complex form of Avada Kedavra. That was when she gave up. She knew she had nothing.

I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain
And now I cry, in the middle of the night, for the same damn thing.

In the final few years of their life together, Albus took to crying in his sleep. He would faithfully pour his thoughts and strains into her head at night, but memory of it kept his brain for deep sleep. He relied more and more on Minerva, not noticing the lines on her face, or the grey in her hair. He would hold her tightly while he sobbed. And when it was too hard for him, he'd force her while she was still sleeping.

Minerva knew she was looking older every day, that all of the strain placed upon her young, strong form had resulted in an old-looking, weakened shell. Her old friends, hoping and praying to know why she'd lost touch, asked what was wrong, fretted over her. She knew she had to ignore them, although it was hard, and was continuously reminded when Albus beat her at the end of the day.

And when he would grab her and cry, late at night, she would cry too. For the child she'd lost, for the love she'd lost, for the life she'd lost.

Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...
Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life, because its empty
Because of you, I am afraid..because of you...because of you.

When Albus left her, that night of Harry Potter's sixth year, with the first real, warm emotion he'd shown to her in nearly thirty years, she knew that he wouldn't be returning. She knew that the emotion in his blue eyes, the ones she'd fallen in love with again and again, were filled with relief, not love, as she tried to tell herself. She had seen those eyes filled with so much, when directed and not directed at her. She always received the hatred, the anger, the pure vile, all of his negative emotions. Others, mostly the Potter boy, saw love, compassion, tenderness. And just for one moment, Minerva wanted that, what they saw and had.

But it wasn't to be. That night, she tried to forget all that had happened over the fast thirty years of her life, the worse years of her life. She had been to hell and back again and again, alone and lost. She knew not of love, friendship, caring, living life to its fullest. She knew her life was empty.

And yet, when she heard that Albus Dumbledore had been murdered, she still wept.

Because for all the hell he had put his wife through...I still loved him.
Fin