THE SIMPSONS
8 AND A HALF LIFE
(ACT 1)
FADE IN FROM BLACK
BLACK AND WHITE EXT. HOMER ON HIS WAY TO WORK IN HIS CAR ON THE HIGHWAY IN HEAVY NON MOVING TRAFFIC
Homer looks around and sees various Springfieldians in their cars:
Milhouse gets hit in the back of the head by Nelson in a carpool on the way to school.
The mayor is ogling an attractive woman in a car next to him. The woman turns her head to Homer. He looks away.
He looks up at the school bus and sees only the asses of the entire schoolbus mooning him.
Angry now, he turns his head in yet another direction to see someone pointing in front of them. Homer looks the direction that they are pointing. It is a giant donut.
Homer desperately tries to get out of his car and to the donut. He bangs the windows and tries to open the doors, but cant. He pants and salivates so much that the windows fog up and the interior of the car becomes too opaque to see.
EXT OUTSIDE HOMER'S CAR JUST ABOVE TRAFFIC
Homer is floating over the cars towards the donut. He continues to salivate.
EXT HIGH UP ABOVE A SANDY BEACH LOOKING DOWN WITH HOMER'S LEG AND A ROPE CONNECTED TO IT VISIBLE
Homer is in the air, acting as a kite
HOMER
(to the flyer of the kite)
Hey let me down. Who are you? Hey, I said let me down so I can eat my donut!
EXT SANDY BEACH
Reveals that the one holding the kite is a donut with hands and legs
HOMER
Its you!
EXT SKY SIDEVIEW
Homer decides to fall down from the sky to get to the beach to eat the anthropomorphic donut.
EXT CLOSEUP ON HOMER FALLING
A look of joy on his face. Also slobber around his lips as he falls, oblivious to the fact that the fall will probably kill him.
HOMER'S FALLING POV
Homer falls nearer and nearer to the ground where the donut stands, until he smashes it
FADE OUT TO BLACK
FADE IN INT HOMER IN HIS NEW OFFICE STILL BLACK AND WHITE
CARL
Homer, Homer wake up
HOMER
What is it?
CARL
Everyone's waiting for you Homer
HOMER
Where am I?
CARL
You're sleeping on the set of you're new movie
LENNY
Yeah don't you remember Homer?
HOMER
(confused)
No?
CARL
You quit your job at the power plant to make a movie
HOMER
Why?
CARL
Hell if I know
HOMER
(enthusiastic)
That's good enough for me!
CARL
ok!
HOMER
(still enthusiastic)
Lenny…
LENNY
Yes sir?
HOMER
(enthusiastic)
Get me some donuts
LENNY
Yes sir
Lenny leaves the room
HOMER
(enthusiastic)
Carl…
CARL
Yeah?
HOMER
(enthusiastic)
Where do I go?
CARL
Lot 5
HOMER
(enthusiastic)
Point
Carl points
Homer walks in that direction
EXT OUTSIDE SET
Lots of characters in costumes wandering around. A band is playing classical music.
Homer walks through all the commotion and looks around.
LENNY
(off-screen, running onscreen to Homer with a box of donuts)
Homer! Homer, I've got your donuts right here
Homer stops, takes the box, takes out one donut, throws the box on the ground smashes it with his foot and puts the donut it his mouth
HOMER
(tasting the donut)
molto buon
Carl comes running up from behind and catches up to them
CARL
Here's the script Homer
Homer looks at its title: 8
HOMER
Boring
Homer thrusts the script into a nearby fire
CARL
That was the only script
HOMER
You need a title that's edgy
LENNY
9!
HOMER
Too edgy
CARL
7!
HOMER
Not nearly edgy enough!
LENNY
I don't know Homer, I'm all out of ideas
CARL
Me too
HOMER
If only there was a number between 8 and 9. That would give the film a perfect amount of edge. Hmmm… Lenny!
LENNY
Yeah?
HOMER
Get the team working on that
LENNY
There is no team
HOMER
Then make one
Lenny leaves
Homer walks over to the band playing the classical music, rubs his hand to his chin.
HOMER
No, no, no
BAND COMPOSER
Is something wrong herr director?
HOMER
Yes, how about some different music
BAND COMPOSER
What do you mean?
HOMER
I'll show you
Homer takes the composing stick from the composer and starts to compose the band. They play terribly.
HOMER
Nevermind, just play some different music
COMPOSER
Like what would you suggest?
HOMER
Do you know the theme to Halloween?
COMPOSER
I don't think I know what you're talking about, sorry
HOMER
It goes like this
(Homer imitates the theme to Halloween)
The composer is very confused.
HOMER
It's ok, we'll talk later
CARL
What about the script?
HOMER
What script?
CARL
The one you threw in the fire. That was the only one
HOMER
Better that way
CARL
Well what should we do for a new one
HOMER
I don't know, something about a spaceship. It's the last hope for humanity…
CARL
Uh huh…
HOMER
That's all, now put the team to work on building the spaceship and takeoff pad
CARL
Great
Carl leaves
PS - I have some trouble adapting (ok lets face it, copying) past the first act of this due to the content of the source material. If anyone has any creative ideas to further the script beyond this point that doesnt involve Homer cheating on Marge, I'd love to hear them. Thx