First of all, it was not my choice to write this. This was a dare from Rachel (this carnival ride called life) over on the NextGen Fanatics forum, with the prompts whipped cream, pink hand-cuffs, stripper pole, and chocolate syrup.

WARNING: EXTREME CRACK!FIC

Good Things Come In Threes

Ginny Weasley is a woman of many secrets.

For instance, she will never tell anyone about the pink handcuffs she kept in her underwear drawer. Especially the fact that she's used them. And the fact that they were surprisingly comfortable but left glitter everywhere? That's very much a secret.

And she will certainly never mention the fact that she often visualises a certain face when she practices her act with her stripper pole. In complete confidentiality, that face is very white and has red eyes and slits for nostrils. Yeah, it's Voldemort. Got a problem? They're in a committed relationship when he's not trying to kill her family.

"Have you ever heard the saying 'good things come in threes'?" he asks, his voice hissing on in an extremely seductive way.

"Are you suggesting we host a threesome?" she asks. He just nods, his eyes gleaming in evil anticipation.

Of course, it falls to her to ask a few people to join them.

"Why, of course, little sister. George and I will definitely be there. We'll bring Lee, Angelina, Alicia and Katie too. The more the merrier."

"Seamus and I are always up for a bit of an orgy. No hard feelings about an ex-boyfriend wanting to see you again. You still got those handcuffs?"

"Ginny, that's truly digusting. But Harry and I will bring along Cho and Lavender. Maybe. Wait, is this something to do with Voldemort? Ginny, if you don't tell me, I'm writing to Mum! Ginevra Molly Weas-" CLICK

Finally, there's only Hermione left to phone. And Luna, but Luna's probably hanging round at Hermione's.

"We're looking forward to it. Do you need us to bring anything?"

"Of course, it's BYOWC. Bring Your Own Whipped Cream."

"Okay...that's Luna saying she'll bring some chocolate sauce too."

The wicked grin on Ginny's face as she hung up on Hermione was rather terrifying.

"Our threesome has turned into rather an orgy," she informs him. He just smirks at her, his eyes gleaming wickedly.

"You better go and find those handcuffs then." She nods and begins to leave before remembering something and turning to him.

"The stripper pole's in the cupboard under the stairs." She winks and breaks into a run as the doorbell rings. It's going to be one hell of a night and day.