Keeping the faith
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- The Rambling Boy
Pairing:- Jean/James
Rating:- T
Achieve:- http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/
Summary:- Doubts may come and go but our love with last eternity now all I have to do is focus on what I'm going to do and remember to keep the faith, the faith in her, the faith in us and the faith in the fact that nothing be it distance or time is too far or too long for us to survive.
Author's Note:- For Beth's "How do you say goodbye" fic, based around James going on "holiday" in "The Rambling Boy" (Episode 02/07). Mnemonic based around the word "Goodbye" looking at James's thoughts on leaving Jean for a week so early in their relationship. Enjoy and as always reviews would be delightful!
Giving her the faintest of smiles through the window of her office I see the nervousness she's trying to hide in the smile she gives me in return. It's been a rollercoaster of a few months since we both realised it was ridiculous to keep ignoring how we felt about each other and gave in to those feelings. We've barely spent a second of that time apart, other than when we're working we crave each other's company to a level that makes it impossible not to be together. I had agreed to this trip before it started when the idea of losing myself in a week of hard work seemed preferable to taking a week's leave and spending it wishing I was in work and could still see her every day. I wanted to pull out. She wouldn't let me. Now neither of us is looking forward to the seven days to come.
Opening the office door I glance around the empty corridors of the station knowing there is no one there to observe us but needing to be sure all the same. She's out from behind the desk and into my arms in moments and I can't stop myself devouring her with the hottest of kisses that I hope with linger on her lips between now and when I return reminding her how much I love her. I love how she tastes I love how she melts into my arms, I love this side of her that only I get to see. I'm addicted to her, everything about her and I don't know how the withdrawal symptoms from that addiction will manifest themselves over the next week but I know it will be painful. My body will ache for the touch of hers, my mind will scream for the stimulation just spending time with her brings and my heart will aches with need to be by her side again.
Our love has always been beyond explanation. Even when I loved her from afar, not knowing that she pinned for me as I did for her, I could never put into words how deep my feelings for her ran. Now that I know she was feeling the same; that she fell for me as completely as I did for her it just makes it even harder to quantify. I don't want to try to measure it, I don't want to restrict it by doing so, it's amazing and never ceases to amaze me just like her.
"Do you really think it's going to be ok? I'm not sure I can cope without you for a whole week, I should have cancelled I could have pulled out and kept my week off, spent it at home making sure that you were pampered every night when you came home." Her smile this time is genuine and the way she tilts her head the chestnut depths of her eyes searching mine as she wraps her arms around my next makes my heart skip. I know I need to go, if I don't I'll miss the check in time for my flight but I can't pull myself away from her why am I doing this? "Why didn't you just insist that I cancel? Why are you so understanding of the fact I made a commitment I'm not sure I could do the same if it was you going away."
"Baby you need to do this, I know how hard it's going to be, I'm not looking forward to it any more than you are but if you pull out then you'll spend the week feeling guilty because you know you're needed." I don't know what I did to deserve someone who knows me so well and can see into my heart in a way I can't even do myself at times but I am glad that I did it. She seems to be able to know how I will feel or think or react to any situation even better than I do myself and that is something I will be forever grateful for. She is the other half of me, the jigsaw piece that slots in with mine to make a complete picture and I love her even more every time she reminds me of that fact.
"You will be here waiting for me when I come back won't you? This won't disappear because I leave for a week?" I know how ridiculous I sound and to her credit she hasn't laughed instead she's kissed me. She's kissed me with the sort of slow lazy promise laden kiss that explodes any concerns I have or worries that have been nagging at the back of my mind since she told me to go. The demon of doubt coiled around me trying to convince me that she wanted me to go because she needed time to find a way to tell me it was over, to work out how to say "it's been fun and everything but we're done" it snapped away nibbling at my confidence and convincing me that by leaving I would lose her. Now though she has dispelled those doubts and reminded me again how much she loves me and how much she'll miss me with a single kiss.
"Even if it took my last breath I would wait for you to come back to me to tell you I loved you before I died, I would battle an army of thousands and avoid the apocalypse itself to be there at the airport to meet you when you come home. I love you James, I love you with all my heart and the thought of a single day of my life without you in it is hell for me but it's a week and we will manage we'll just have to make sure that we make up for lost time when you do get back." With a final kiss I know the time has come as I remind her that I love her too and with a whispered goodbye I'm on my way. Glancing back from the car park I see her watching me from the window wanting to keep that contact till the very last second and I know this is forever. Doubts may come and go but our love with last eternity now all I have to do is focus on what I'm going to do and remember to keep the faith, the faith in her, the faith in us and the faith in the fact that nothing be it distance or time is too far or too long for us to survive.