I don't know if I will consider myself lucky. I am always with one of the most desirable young male shinobi in Konoha. Not that I will like someone who is not a shinobi. He's good to me compared to other people. Or maybe it's because I have been his teammate for so long. Yeah, I know that he has treated other people better since his life has been touched by Naruto, who has a power of changing the people he encounters. Still, he remains anti-social. Not that I'm in the same boat as the girls who got a thing for guys who have an image as a "cool bastard", as what Shikamaru says, making Naruto and Lee see that as a reason why girls are not all over them. Hello, I wouldn't like somebody who'll treat me bad.
Aside from being an occasional jerk, which is really how he acted when he declined to go with me when Tsunade-sama is being made into a Hokage because he just wanted to sit quietly in our training spot, he's actually very good to me. He worries when I am in danger instead of thinking that I'm weak, like when we were trapped in Kisame's water bubble. Not that I want to appear weak just so that I'll always be rescued by him or Lee, for that matter. I would still like to be on par with the rest of my teammates even if I'm the "girl" of the team.
Sure, there are really some things that I would need help from them for, but it shall only be after I have tried my best. Besides, I still deserve an acknowledgement for helping him become stronger, for he has always trained with me aside from other Hyuugas, whom he needs to practice certain techniques with, for our fighting styles are designed to fight together and not each other. It'll be weird if he'll always practice the Gentle Fist with me, touching me in certain places. Not that he does not end up touching me most of the time. It usually happens when we are sparring. If only he'll touch me like "that", but he's too much of a gentleman and respectful of me.
I usually protect him and Lee from the back, for they are always in the front lines. Not that protecting their rear is of less effort. Of course the enemy would have a strategy of their own to counter that. There was even a time that he ended up being the one protecting me when I was about to get hit because there was a weapon that was so hard to manipulate. It was on a mission that the two of us had with Naruto. I was the captain of that mission since it is about getting supplies of weapon for Konoha. I was quite shocked when Lady Tsunade, announced that I will be the captain for that mission. Even Naruto said that Neji should have been the captain, and Neji probably know that that should be the case, but he treated me with all due respect and called me the captain.
When he found out what the mission is about, he thought that I was the perfect captain for the mission after all. Still, I know he would have done an excellent job if he was the captain of that mission, even if that mission is about weapons, which is my specialization. He never underestimated me even if I am a female. What I like about our relationship is that our respect for each other is not compromised by our closeness, which is the case for many people. We are close to Lee and Gai-sensei as well, but their antics just tick him off and we are not bothered, even for a little bit, that Lee is Gai-sense's favorite. We are far too mature to be affected by that. Even I can't always get along with Lee and Gai-sensei's antics, but he seems to have less tolerance for it than me, which can be another reason why we are drawn to each other.
I even like the part of him that gets irritated with Lee and Gai-sensei. I can just laugh about it and I will not be included in the people that irk him. However annoying the wearers of green spandex might get, I know that Neji loves the whole team, which is why he still ended up placing his hand above mine when Lee and Gai-sensei asked us to put our hands together as a sign of our teamwork, even if he was irritated by them at first and I had to convince him to do it.
If only he can have that "kind" of love for me. Or maybe it's better this way, for that can complicate things, especially with the lives that we have chosen. Being a shinobi is not always cools and all that. Indeed, we kick ass, but there's always the possibility that we might die any time. It is good to be concerned with your comrades, but to get too attached leaves an opening for weakness and makes one vulnerable because of the fate that a shinobi has. It'll be harder to accept death that way, when death is something that we always have a close encounter with, like when we the Allied Shinobi forces had a war with the Akatsuki, in which thousands of people died. I was deployed on a different area as him.
The closest to Neji that is on the same area with me during that time is his uncle Hiashi, who is Hinata's father. I prayed that none of my teammates will die during that time, especially him. It might be bad that I will have more concern for him than with my other comrades, but that is not something that I can control. I thought of him when I was taken to the medical camp. I have heard later on that the enemy was able to suck his chakra and pretend to be him, so the fake Neji went to the medical camp. The real Neji refused to be taken there. How could he be so stubborn as to risk his life up to that level? I wouldn't let him do that if he was with me.
My admiration of him is different from the way Sakura sees Sasuke. How can she still love him when he tried to kill her and when he abandoned his village and chose somebody else? There have been many attempts to bring him back. I wonder if it's really worth it. From what I see, it's his choice, so the enemy that made Sasuke leave Konoha is himself.
There was one mission to bring him back that Neji has been part of. When he came back from that mission, he almost died. I was really worried about him. Yes, it's because I am his teammate, but my emotions are conflicting because it's also for another reason. This is where it gets complicated. I don't know if what I am feeling is normal anymore. I think that all these emotions are making me weak. Yes, we are human and we are concerned about other people, but it shouldn't be to the point that it will have a negative effect on you. The person that you love wouldn't want you to be like that.
Did I just say that I love him? I should be accepting whatever the way that he sees me as, as to whether this love will end up as one sided. I believe it will eventually go away if it's not returned. See, life goes on. I believe that to love a person should not make the lover suffer. It is pretty much the same with Naruto who loves Sakura. He long accepted the fact that Sakura loves Sasuke. He does not seek attention from Sakura anymore, but protects her and helps in making her stronger. I believe that in time, Sakura's eyes will be opened and she will also learn to love Naruto and it won't be out of pity. Naruto knows that he has a lot of important things to think of than to get attention from the girl that he loves.
It's the same with us. We have a lot of things to put our mind into to even think about having a love life. So maybe it's better this way. As of now, I will only think about getting stronger, together with him, the rest of our team and the Konoha shinobis. Then maybe, when the time is right and if I really have a chance with him, then I can dream of a future with him.
I know that I could have flirted with him. Hell, the shinobi life is so stressful and we need an outlet. But we are not the type for that. We have far too much respect for each other. We wouldn't even think of doing it with other people. I don't want to fool myself in doing it with other people, out of frustration that I couldn't do it with him, even if I know that our friendship wouldn't be strained even if I am to do it with him. I think he'll understand that it'll be because of the stress that our lives are leading. He's good in reading other people, I wonder if he found out that I love him.
Everything that I do for him is as a teammate and friend. I can't say that it's as a lover, for he must also love me for it to be like that. I can be sweet to him, like put a glass of water in his mouth, and he wouldn't think that I'm flirting with him. I remember doing it when our team minus Gai-sensei was assigned on a mission with Naruto. We tasted a curry that is so spicy that we immediately drank a glass of water after having one spoonful. They call it the "Curry of Life". Indeed, life will be breathed to an unconscious person who will be fed with it. I did it for him once. He didn't even mind that I was sitting on him when I fed him and it wasn't really intentional. I just ended up being there. I refuse to feel awkward around him regardless of how I see him.
I believe that the battles that we fight are not of our own, but of our comrades as well. When he was battling Naruto during our first Chuunin exams, I feel that his performance is the result of our training, so it is my battle as well. He might have lost, but it appears that it was really Naruto's time to win. If Naruto didn't win, Neji's life wouldn't have been touched like that. After what happened, he's not ashamed of the curse mark that he's bearing anymore. He might have shown it during his fight with Naruto, but that's only part of exposing how he hates the fate that was bestowed upon him.
I visited him in the recovery room after his battle, in which he is freely showing his curse mark. I do not really think of it as a curse. Indeed, he might have been on a disadvantage with his clan because of that, but it doesn't affect him as a shinobi. He's a born genius and prodigy. Whenever we are sparring with each other, he always beats me, especially during our early days as a team. I remember during the time that he was easily able to hold and throw me easily, (if only he'll hold me like that to not just throw me) but he wouldn't do it the way that Lee does, because of the fighting style of the Hyuuga clan. The way that he fights is so graceful, but it doesn't make him less of a man, so does his beautiful long hair. His aura is really masculine, as well as his voice.
He's a person who rarely smiles, and it's not really big one whenever he does, but it is warm all the same, like when he accompanied me in getting a so-called ultimate weapon which is once a prototype. Only the two of us are with each other during that time, but it doesn't get uncomfortable, even if I am a woman and he is a man. It's not because I have become "one of the boys", which is common for female shinobis, for the majority of us are male. I wonder how many people are able to witness his smile.
After all that is said and done, our lives go on and I will still continue to be his teammate and friend. I will continue to love him without really expecting anything in return. Surely, to have him return what I have for him will be rewarding, but I don't want to love him only for what he might give back. I just want to love him for him. Besides, I believe that to really love him is to think more about the important things than him. I want to be on the same level as him, even if I am not born into a special clan. To be in a clan might be an advantage, but in the end, it is really your individual ability as a shinobi that will count and not the clan that you belong in. This is where Lee's mantra of "hard work" comes in, but we also have to work smart, which is what I have learned when we found out that my specialization is handling weapons. What might work for others might not work for us, like becoming a legendary kunoichi can be in a different way from the other legendary kunoichis like Lady Tsunade. When I am done with the important things in my life, then maybe I can think of having a chance with him.